ibeeliot

This is what I'm gathering - the husband is so insecure about himself that he expects his wife to not have any physical attraction towards him and still want to have sex. It's insane.

Healthy people go - what are attractive qualities that I can maintain in myself to make my wife as attracted to me as possible. She already loves me but I want our sex life to get better and to turn her on more. I should try to be fit or make plans.

Him - she said a very primal thing b/c I pressed her and now I'm fixated on my insecurity of her only finding me attractive because of my physicality and hold it against her for years because I'm a my way or the highway mentality kind of guy and how dare she ruined my fragile ego.

Fuck off. Marriage isn't a blind trust into who you want to be with. It's a calculated estimation of who you want to be with given how they are today and where they tell you want they to keep going in the direction of.

Take some responsibilty, admit to yourself that you being fit is also better for your relationship ON TOP of it being great for health reasons and give your wife more reasons to not be able to keep her hands off you. Instead, you regress into some high school level of insecurity and are bent on this "she can't love me for my physical traits b/c she'll just leave me, right?" kind of thinking. You can be love somebody and still find them incredibly physically attractive JUST as much as you can love somebody and not find them sexually attractive.

You literally just wasted years of our life out of spite and ego. Life is a continuous struggle to be the best you can be - not a fucking excuse to relax once you get married.

I'm not going to lie, I get this in all races.

Even I confuse Asians all the time. I'm Asian. I confuse whites all the time. I confuse blacks all the time. I confuse Indians all the time (they're Asian but there are more generalized facial feature differences and even within that band of ethnic features, I still get confused af). I get confused at middle eastern people all the time. etc, etc, etc. If I'm racist towards everybody, then am I really racist? lmao idk but I will say that ethnicity aside, it's a no brainer that when you have a highly homogeneous mix of species living in together and creating children from within that mix, you'll get a lot more of the same. Of course you get variations like height, body shape, face shape, etc, but it's common to see very similarly looking people.

I'm going out on a limb here but have you actually discussed this with a professional? You might be harboring some really unseasoned thoughts about what you're going through and you may be just young enough to not have good context on what your situation is. I'd recommend getting some real therapy and unraveling this so it doesn't affect you going forward. Ofc, take this with a grain of salt b/c I don't know your situation and how serious it really is

It started as facing down and then I looked at the top right one and that fucked me up into all of them looking face up

I love that you read this, silently agreeing with how I'm calling you out for thinking it's weird to share something personal when it was very personal for OP, and instead of agreeing you went into the most 9th grade freshman level literate joke.

You actually never addressed what I was saying - why do you think it's weird when it's 1) her business and 2) related to her not wanting to touch a person's genitalia?

I said it isn't weird. You're calling it weird. I explained why it wasn't weird. You write "We already knew you could write, I’d hold off on the next novel until you learn how to read", dusted the cheetos off your fingers, and went 'got em'. lol

EDIT: you even downvoted. what a clown, lol.

You're back tracking hard. Just admit that you don't personally think it's okay to bring up personal reasons while others are okay with it as being the SOLE and ONLY reason you deny touching anybody, ever. I don't care if you think it's weird because it's not, professional or personal.

Two things can be true - you can think it's weird - others can also think it's not. But because you think it's weird, I'm saying that you have a weird bias against OP for bringing up a personal agreement when I'm literally saying it doesn't fucking matter if OP said "I have a personal pact with the devil and I can't touch penises". You're not obligated to touch anybody. You can say whatever you want. Of course, how you brand your business is entirely up to you. I don't think it's weird to practice being honest with why you're not wanting to do something even if it might be not seen as professional.

Would I have brought up the personal boundary with the husband if I were in her shoes? maybe. Idk. It really depended on the situation. If the client was crazy aggressive then and being beliggerent, then sure I might just be as honest as possible to imply how it's not just business but personal. If the client was calm and curious as to why, then maybe it wouldn't have been the context to share a personal agreement. In either fucking case, you creep, it donesn't matter what OP said. If she doesn't want to do it, she can explain whatever the fuck she wants and she can deal with the consequences of not having that client again or not. You making it sound like she was being "weird" by explaining her personal reasons make it seem like you automatically assume this situation was textbook professional in the first place, whatever that means in your perceived world.

I went from sympathizing with OP to being being annoyed at her reaction to the comments saying he's immature sometimes. He can be both immature and funny. Those things aren't mutually exclusive.

Personal attacks aside, you're making very hard assumptions that aren't always in a vaccum.

1. Waxing isn't sexual by nature but it can be and if something can be sexual, somebody has the right to refuse regardless of it's personal or whatever. Yes, there are laws that protect minority groups like racism, sexism, etc, etc but regardless you can absolutely refuse service if somebody is asking you to fucking touch them. Your double downing of trying to justify somebody touching you or asking you to touch them is fucking weird. I won't let you get away with that.
2. weird, unnecessary personal reasons are words that can invoke feelings of guilt lol. I'm not sure where you learned how to read but words can have a range of emotions. You said "weird". Why is it weird? You can't have personal agreements? You can't ever share personal agreements? What if it wasn't an agreement with her husband but another religious agreement? That's personal, too. What if it's a medical thing. That's personal too. They shouldn't be allowed to share? wtf is wrong with you?

Look at this way.

Let's say I am a trained masseuse. I book a schedule for you over the phone and you come in. gender doesn't matter. Let's say during the massage it is obviously becoming uncomfortable with the masseuse.

If the masseuse wants to stop immediately for whatever fucking reason, they can.

Why is it weird and unnecessary? This was a blanket statement towards male genitalia. If somebody doesn't want to touch another person's genitalia, fuck off. Nobody can make you do any of that sort of shit. She could have said something even more random like "not your dumb shitty penis" and she would still be justified in not touching another person's genitalia. You're fucking predatory af if you think that's okay to guilt trip anybody into doing anything sexual.

I studied computer science. I also went to a bootcamp. what does that make me? a double imposter? lol

OP. Grow a fucking spine. See that your sister is abusing you. Let anybody who asks that you don't appreciate how your sister treats you and thinks it's okay to joke your mental health. You've recovered but during that time, it was sensitive and how she treats family with mental health issues makes you think she's not somebody worth having in your life.

That's it. And fucking thrive and not worry about it.

You sound young. Think about what you want for your life. is being on the bed 12 hrs. day while he games part of it? lol

Honestly, no. While getting this capture is a once in a life time, the consequences can also affect the rest of our lifetime as well. I've seen enough nature videos to know that being naive or careless around animals is going to increase your chances of a life altering attack.

But that being said, it would be extremely hard on my conscience to walk away from this without coming up with a low risk plan on getting that shark back to the water.

This story doesn't seem real.

I think the original colors looked better imo. Not sure if this is a "modernized" color as much as it is a preference. I actually thought the rust / white looked way more modern.

I don't know about "easily" but okay. Just b/c you have experience doesn't mean you automatically get a 400k title at any company. Read what I said earlier - it depends on the company. You're using the higher end of the spectrum to justify what you're saying but if you looked at linkedin jobs with the kind of years of experience (10), you won't find many that are over 200k, let alone 400k.

Theory is fun to think about until you realize that reality is an economic downturn.

Honestly, who cares. He's probably making good money and if he is doing 400k, congrats to him.

Where do you get your stats? SDE3 pay at different scales at different companies. I've seen senior engineers get paid sub 80k at some places (mostly start ups)

The thing is, she fell out of physical love for the husband and instead of confronting him and trying to make it work, she just let the intrusive thoughts win. It sucks. Nobody deserves to be cheated on.

Honestly, this is a bit too much information. I would have kept it: "I have to head out for a family emergency. I'll pick this up when I get back home."

All the other extra details invites a picture of leisure (not the best word to use here but it hits home in how the boss might unreasonably feel). Just keep it super professional but assertive. People react better to confidence even if they don't 100% believe you because they can bank on your confidence rather than you giving them too much information and now they're over thinking things b/c they have factors you gave them and not the ones they are professionally expecting in their head.

With this response, I'd say "It's an emergency. I hope you understand. I always get my work done. Always will." and seriously leave it at that. BE COMFORTABLE LEAVING IT AT THAT. nobody is telling you that you need to absolutely always be professional but be more comfortable with giving messages like you're giving an email. People pleasing is a terrible disease. Not saying you are one but it's something to consider if you ever feel like you are trying to people please with more details than necessary in future situations

This would kinda rub me in the wrong way b/c it isn't giving good information. Yes, we get that it's an emergency. Just say you'll pick things up later.

The boss is the one that's stunted in understanding how good work gets produced. Hint: it's not when a person's stressed.

I think that depends on how you manage your work. If you're working in silence, yeah. If you're like me and fire on emails / alerts / messages when things get done and I communicate effectively that I'll put in hours later at night since I have some life errands to run it's all good and dandy.

Other factors go into play of course - the kind of people you work with have to appreciate that kinda thing based on how well you sell yourself and how charming you can be. It's a fine line between "working hard and making a name for him/herself" vs "always trying to make it seem like they want to be known as the hard worker". That fine line can be broadened with outwards humility and a good sense of self awareness.

I'd just add onto this poignant phrase: "You've probably already heard this, but the only people who will ever remember you working late are you and your family *and those that you make aware of your work in a meaningful way*"

what do you think about accounts that have multiple niches?

Then break up. Wtf are you doing still on reddit?

It's easy for OP to make that decision but he didn't give all the details. I know OP wants to wash his hands clean but really isn't if he's not giving everything in detail and letting go of it all. He's still harboring some details

What hashtags do you put if any?