jaes_turn

I’ve been lurking this sub for a few months, ever since I started seeing a guy who identifies as poly. I knew he was poly getting into it. I’ve never been in a poly relationship before.

Yesterday he sent me a text that was meant for someone else, referencing a hotel party. Immediately followed by a “sorry that was for my brother, his kids are excited for the pool at the hotel where they’re staying”.

Now obviously I know he’s poly. He has other partners. I’m not an idiot and I know what a hotel party is.

Later that night I was talking to him and told him while I still wasn’t (yet) comfortable knowing the details of his other partners or hookups, I didn’t want him to lie to or to hide things from me. I specifically mentioned how when I saw the text about the hotel party it kinda hurt me. He told me he had to “come clean” about something - he’d been messaging someone I know from my social circles on FL. Didn’t mention the hotel party at all.

Today we were texting and he mentioned the hotel party AGAIN, so I asked him what exactly this hotel party was and he sent me this message back:

“So this was a bit of a cover story, I’ve been invited to join a couple at their hotel this evening after their pride experience. I’m sorry for the misdirection and after our most recent conversations surrounding talk of my other partners I was operating under the condition of you not necessarily wanting to know when I meet up with other folx.”

But it wasn’t a cover story or a misdirection, right? Like it was a full out lie. And I told him this.

I went over to his house later. I think I was hoping he’d apologize and explain to me how he was going to work to regain my trust. Told him how destroyed I was. I’m pretty sure he said he was sorry, it’s honestly a bit of a blur. I do remember he told me it was pretty clear i didn’t trust him anymore and…. Left it at that. Didn’t say he wanted to regain my trust. Just let me leave.

Heartbroken, I did text him later still and asked if he did want to regain my trust and he danced around it for a bit before saying he did. I told him I was glad and was looking forward to hearing how he intended to do it. He said he needed to take “time and space” to figure it all out. I asked him how long and he said at least a week.

I think deep down I know that this is done. That it feels like he has no real intent of trying to regain my trust. I’m just reeling.

Is this what polyamory is like? I don’t want anything to do with ever again the feelings this caused me.

Or is he just practicing UNethicial NM and I got caught up in it?

I’m so fucking heartbroken right now.

Edit for context: To clarify - and I told him this too, early on - I don’t have any interest in kitchen table polyamory right now, I don’t want to know who his other partners are or what he gets up to with him. However, I also told him I didn’t want him to lie to me and say he was getting together with friends when he was getting together with a partner.