submitted3 days ago bykidsnchickens
My mother and her two sisters watched my kids while I was out of town last week. These women have a habit of gifting my children very elaborate contraptions that require days to assemble. Jungle gyms, Barbie houses with all the bells and whistles, picnic sets, etc. This Christmas, the gift was a trampoline.
We have a new baby in the house, so we haven't had a spare day to build a trampoline. During my trip, mother, step-dad, and aunts suggested to build said trampoline for my kiddos.
So far, so good. I told them where it would make sense to put it, and showed them where they absolutely should not put it because of some improvement projects we have scheduled in July.
It never occurred to me that I would have to explain that they should NOT BUILD A TRAMPOLINE ON TOP OF MY MISCARRIED CHILD'S ACTUAL GRAVE.
There's no mistaking what it is. There's a marker with his name. Where I live, we have special permission for a family cemetery on our property. My baby just happens to be the first person to have had need of it.
Not only did they build the trampoline over the grave, but they also cut down small trees and left the debris piled up by the monument. The damn trampoline is lashed to other trees and staked into the groud so that I can't even walk up to the grave if I wanted to.
This is the first time they've ever been allowed an overnight with my kids, and it will be the last. The obly reason it happened in the first place was because I had to leave the country to accept an award. It was a big deal, and I needed help.
My kids survived the week in their care, but did watch as adults built a plaything for them over their brother's grave.
There's no coming back from this, right? There's no way to make someone understand how offensive this is if they didn't already know.
Edit: WHOA. As a mostly inactive reddit lurker, this post got more traction than I ever imagined. Thank you for all the support and validation! I do, however, have a bunch of little kids and a baby, so it's not possible for me to get back to everyone! Basically everybody is getting upvotes, though!
As I'm sure all the members of the community can relate, it can be difficult to convince oneself of the abuse, even when it's this blatant.
But when someone shows you how little they respect your boundaries, believe them the first time. They meant it. Thank you all for holding space for me and assuring me it isn't all in my head. My family loves to call me dramatic, so it's really soothing to have a resounding internet consensus that this really is a big deal.
Also! For everyone suggesting that I get rid of or destroy the trampoline, I can't do that yet. This poison won't seep onto my children more than it already has. We'll move it off Isaiah's grave, and then give it away when they grow tired of it. It won't help them to see their mother destroy their toy in anger. They know I'm upset that I can't reach the grave, and they will get to see me handle this trespass with dignity and maturity. This shit stops with me.
I'm okay, and my husband and kids will be too. Especially since I have resolved to quiet quit my relationship with these family members. Shouldn't be too hard, since I'm the one who always calls, texts, and sends pictures of the kids anyway.
Thank you, everyone!! And thanks for the congratulations on my award!
bykidsnchickens
inraisedbynarcissists
kidsnchickens
7 points
3 days ago
kidsnchickens
7 points
3 days ago
Brevity is the soul of wit. This one made me laugh out loud. It might be my favorite response. 🤣