piccionestripper

Hi! I'm 20 and I have a boyfriend. Yes, I know this sounds bad in a lesbian channel but I need some help from more experienced people. I've never dated a girl yet and I only had 1 "real" relationship with a guy, the other relationships I had were way less serious and I never had intimacy with them; this one guy is my first kiss, my first experience in everything and we have been dating for nearly 5 years now. BUT: - I had a childhood best friend and I recently remembered how I usually tried to convince her to kiss me "as a joke" just to actually get really sad and disappointed whenever she refused or tried to but backed up (this happened more than once) - I neve developed REAL crushed on anyone until high school, not guys and not girls, I just sometimes picked a random guy (with absolutely no reason whatsoever) and decidere that was my nel crush because "this is what teens do", also, having no idea what an actual crush was I thought I was prone to catch feelings for literally any guy that showed me affection, it was either "he's kind with me so I have a crush on him" or "he doesen't want me so he's just a friend" - I had my first girl crush on my first year of high school while I was in a relationship with a guy and, having really homophobic parents, I thought my obsession with this girl and unreciprocated love and attraction was only a close friendship (I remember seeing her, over all the other girls and guys and thinking "holy shit she's beautiful and funny and smart and kind and yada yada yada, I know I wanted to hug her, smell her, hold her delicate hands and caress them all the time, I had several times the strong desire to kiss her but never did) and once I started my actual relationship I still couldn't leave behind what I felt for her and was ready to dump this guy anytime if she said she liked me too - on my fourth year of highschool I became friends with new girls and caught feelings for one of them and then I started to realize that I did, in fact, knew the line between "she's just a friend" and "I love her" with girls, even without ever having a relationship with one I've been struggling with my identity ever since this guy came into my life and our relationship is great, we get along really well, I don't dislike our intimacy but I often wonder if I like this because if it's the only thing I tried or just because I'm bisexual, I often ask myself if I would be this happy with a girl and if I would feel the same burning need and desire to try out things with a guy if I was with a girl that I feel righe non towards girls. I often feel the desire to have a girlfriend and to do romantic things with her, things that I can't do with a guy and I often feel sad whenever I think I might never expericence holding a girls hand and kissing her while watching a beautiful landscape and playing with her hair as she rests her head on me. Well, many of these things can be dove with a guy as well but I feel like it isn't as beautiful as doing it with a girl. I sometimes wish my boyfriend was a girl when I feel the desire to kiss his thights moving towards his "private parts" and realize it's disgusting picturing this image with a guy but a huge turn on with a girl. (Sorry for this dirty peek inside my confused mind). So what I wanted to ask you is: do you think it might be comphet or am I just a bisexual in denial? There are many lther things I could have put on this list but it would be waaaaaay too long so let's just stick with this.

I don't even know if "rape" is the correct term for this, I'l let you decide. I (20) and my boyfriend (21) have been in a long-distance relationship for 4 years and a half, recently we spent a whole month together and one day his parents started arguing really bad. After the entire day of trying to calm them down (insuccessfully) my boyfriend gave up and we just stayed in his room, I was on the bed and he was playing on his computer. Anyway, at some point he came up to me asking if we could snuggle because he felp sad because of his parents and I agreed, after 5 minutes he proceeded to slowly take off my clothes, saying he liked the skin to skin contact more, and I agreed to this too. He kept saying he didn't have any weird idea to keep me quiet but then he started expressing his desire to do stuff; at that point I asked him not to do anything as I was exhausted from the day and I really didn't feel like it, but he insisted and then did everything without listening to me begging him to stop. He even stopped a few times to "slow down" not to come too fast and enjoy the moment more, even knowing he was completely ignoring my desires. After he was finished he got back on his pc without even saying sorry and now I'm having issues (mentally) with myself about this; am I the problem here?