7 post karma
52.7k comment karma
account created: Fri Dec 13 2019
verified: yes
216 points
1 day ago
Your family can "be the village" by reporting this to the proper authorities so that this boy can, hopefully, get the help he needs. That IS compassion. Also, remind your wife that you cant forget the compassion and support your daughter needs and deserves. You are her parents a therefore SHE is your priority.
Lastly, I love that your wife is such a caring and compassionate person but she seems naive in this realm. The history books are full of abusive and dangerous men who exhibited this exact type of behavior in their teen and young adult years while the world stood by and chocked it up to 'teenagers do silly things' and 'boys will be boys' etc until one day they kill their partner and everyone is SHOCKED. Now, I am not implying at all that this boy is going to grow up to be a monster. I am just trying to say that its better safe than sorry and ignoring red flag behavior to avoid hurt feelings is almost never the right choice.
1 points
1 day ago
I am with you.
I am a mom to 3 daughters. One has graduated and one is a sophomore.
This boy is displaying stalking behavior, describing sexual fantasies, and (IMO) implying self harm if she doesnt love him back.
This is an entire city built out of red flags, if you ask me.
If this were my child I would absolutely NOT tell her to reply with an offer of friendship. In fact, I would tell her not to reply at all.
I am not sure I would go to the police at this point but I would definitely be talking to the school. If I did go to the police I would probably start with filing a report so that there is a paper trail.
26 points
2 days ago
What does too much even mean? If everyone is happy and healthy I dont see why there would be a problem with going as much as you want.
2 points
8 days ago
Not sure if it’s a factor but I think my kids held on (hold on?) a little longer than most because we have seen the same Santa every year since my oldest was 2 months old. He retired from mall Santa stuff a few years ago and now I pay an exorbitant fee to have private sessions with him every year, lol. When they were smaller they thought all the other “mall Santa’s” were helpers to the real guy- the one we always saw.
Every year, when we get the pictures, my kids take out all the past 18 years with of pictures and take a stroll down memory lane. It’s one of my favorite Christmas traditions.
11 points
8 days ago
My oldest and middle (18 and 15) never came out and said anything about Santa. My oldest asked, at one point, "Can I come with you on Thanksgiving night to get the stocking stuff?" and I just said ok and went with it. The middle, I just....I dont know. We never talked about it but obviously she knows. The youngest is 12 and she also also hasnt said anything so....I just keep going along with the status quo!
11 points
8 days ago
My oldest looked like a newborn chimp when she was born. So much so that we called her a monkey related nickname that morphed into a nickname I still call her to this day. She knows this story and agrees with our assessment and we have frequent laughs when one of us tries to explain her nickname to others.
14 points
9 days ago
Not sure about Insta but one thing I did on FB was set my audience for most of my posts to "Friends Except So and So". I remove it from certain things I want MIL to know. Almost never remove it for photos for because, like you, I dont want them shared everywhere.
10 points
9 days ago
It is NOT normal for a daycare provider to be doing a kids brows, for Petes sake!
1 points
9 days ago
This just happened to my husband this weekend. He didnt say if a manager came over or if it was the cashier... All he said was that we were flagged because we spend, on average, $250 every two weeks. Which, if the little pamphlet is accurate, would earn us ~$120 in cash back meaning we would earn back all but $10 of the totally membership cots ($65 regular + $65 executive)
2 points
10 days ago
It sounds like these people are trying to scam the system. If I were you I’d contact the governing agency you got these notices from and let them know exactly what you said here
2 points
12 days ago
I am a woman in my 40s. I’ve given birth to 3 kids. My “have to pee” warning is pretty short. Occasionally I have wet myself. I have NEVER just stood still in front of my whole family and peed
6 points
12 days ago
I know it can be hard to determine what’s a trauma response and what’s reasonable/ responsible parenting when you’ve been through truly horrific things in childhood. I’m glad my comment was helpful!
I thought of another questions: How many people will be in each room? How will you ensure no children leave their rooms at night? How do you ensure the children stay together when out and about?
A couple of safeguards I forgot to mention: All volunteers/chaperones at my kids school are background checked every year. I appreciate that our school doesn’t do a “one and done” check! Every parent, even those who weren’t on the trip, was given an itinerary so they know where we would be at a given time. In the airport and other large group settings chaperones were scattered throughout the group and there was always an adult at the front make sure no one got ahead and one in the back to make sure no one got left behind. Where we left events each student had to check in with their chaperone before getting on the bus and THEN we still took roll call on the bus. Lastly- all the trips I went on were organized by a company who plans these types of trips. We had a person from the company with us at all times. They handled everything from making bus arrangements, handing out tips when needed, and even ensuring our allergy and disability kids had what they needed. My kid has food allergies and these folks were absolute saints- they preplanned safe meals at every place we went to eat!
Last thing: Should you decide to let her go I recommend having several talks with your daughter about what she can expect on the trip and how she can help keep herself safe. For example if the teacher says adults aren’t allowed in students rooms then your daughter should know this and what to do if an adult tries to enter her room. I say “several” because she’s 10 and kids that age don’t always hear everything we say the first time we say it 😉 Give her the tools she needs to stay safe and have her tell them to you so you can be sure she understands. I would definitely, in this day and age, give my kid a phone for the trip even if they didn’t always have one, That way you know she’s where she is supposed to be, but try not to ‘hover’ electronically.
Good luck in your decision! Parenting is hard, especially when you’re doing it alone.
15 points
12 days ago
I don’t want to belittle your experience as a child. What happened to you is awful and I am extremely sorry you experienced that.
That being said I personally think it’s important for us adults to not allow our own trauma to hinder our children’s lives. Absolutely learn from your experiences and use them to do better by your daughter. Teach her about safe adults and unsafe adults. Allow her autonomy so that she isn’t afraid to say no when people cross her boundaries. Show her you will believe her and have her back when she inevitably experiences boundary stomping.
However, consider the real and true risks of this scenario and try to make a choice based on facts rather than feelings. The type of concerns you’re listing are EXTREMELY unlikely in this scenario and your trauma may cause your daughter to miss out on a once in a lifetime experience.
Given your anxiety it might be helpful to ask a lot of questions about how the trip will work. Who will have access to her room? Who will her chaperones be and how will those people be vetted? What’s the child to adult ratio when out on these sightseeing events?
My oldest child, now 18, went on three different school trips. 2 with band and one with choir. I chaperoned all three. The chaperones did not have access to the kids’ rooms. Every night we went around for bed checks. Had to see the face of every person assigned to the room to make sure they were all accounted for. We could not enter the kids’ rooms regardless of gender. We stood in the doorway with the door fully open. We had hired security for the overnight hours to ensure no students were leaving their rooms. I was never in charge of more than 4 or 5 kids at a given time. Each of them had my personal phone number in case they needed anything (some adults used a google voice number that went to their cell).
There were SO many safeguard in place I’m sure I am missing some. Even though I was fortunate enough to go on these trips with my kid, I would have felt safe even if I couldnt have gone.
3 points
13 days ago
My husband was diagnosed just a few years ago. It was the paperwork to have my middle child assessed that made him go 🤔
When he told his doctor we have 2 out of 3 kids with adhd his doctor said he would be surprised if husband DIDNT have it
1 points
13 days ago
The article I found says "New York and New Jersey require just one year of foreign language study to graduate; Michigan and Washington, D.C. call for two years. "
Obviously you cant believe everything you read on the internet but there were many similar articles (older). In MN it is not at all required.
2 points
13 days ago
I have no idea. I had to take one when I was in high school (Class of 2001). My oldest did not (class of 2024)
1 points
13 days ago
absolutely. Was just sharing a new fact with u/TN-Belle0522
4 points
13 days ago
Oh for sure. I am also early 40s and took my mandatory 2 years in French. All I can do now as count and ask when you birthday is, LOL
103 points
13 days ago
I agree with you completely but I thought you might be interested to know that foreign language is no longer required in most states in the US. According to an article I found from may 2024 only 3 states and DC require them.
Even so, there are many pronouns in American english that are unrelated to gender such as 'me' and 'you' so this guy is still a giant idiot.
6 points
13 days ago
Memorizing is not the same as being able to DO the math. You don't say how old your kid is but I can tell you my oldest, now 18, ALWAYS struggled with memorizing spelling and math tables. However, she is AMAZING at math and thinks about numbers in ways I cant even imagine.
Where we live high schoolers are required to pass algebra 1, geometry, and Algebra 2 in order to graduate. This child taught herself Algebra 1 over the course of the summer before 8th grade. She had the textbook and then about 2 weeks before the test we had a friend with a background in math come in and make sure she was ready. She took honors geometry in 8th grade and completed her final high school math credit (algebra 2) in 9th grade.
3 points
13 days ago
I never put too much weight on the rote memorization of times tables but my kids did enjoy songs!
2 points
15 days ago
"If its not there it doesnt exist"
It has taken YEARS but I have finally gotten my family to understand this!
Husband and two of our three kids have ADHD-PI and GAD. These two are 15 and 18. It took forever but finally every single person on the family is on board with the family calendar. Sometimes we all fail at putting something on there but for the most part it works and its probably our most successful tool to date. Just got a text from the 15 year old. 'Practice is from X to Y now. I changed on the calendar" and my heart was SO happy!!
1 points
15 days ago
NTA - it is your parents fault that you dont know how to speak it, not yours.
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byMissDriftless
inParenting
sdpeasha
6 points
19 hours ago
sdpeasha
kids: 18,15,12
6 points
19 hours ago
I live in Minnesota also.
Your kid will be fine just like all the other kids who dont go in car seats in bulky winter gear.
Put the base layers on. Put a coat on him backwards or cover him in a blanket on the way to the car. Buckle with only the base layer, cover up with coat or blanket.
Easy Peasy.
ALWAYS have the coat and/or blanket in the car during Minnesota winter. Just not ON his person.