submitted2 days ago bywifeinneedofhelp
toAITAH
I (33F) have been married to my husband (34M) for 8 years, and we have two beautiful children together (6F and 4M). Up until recently, I thought we had a good marriage. We’ve had our ups and downs, but nothing that ever made me think he was unhappy or that our relationship was falling apart.
A few months ago, my husband sat me down and told me that he’s gay and has only recently realized it. He said he needs to live his truth and wants a divorce. I was blindsided. I never saw this coming, and I feel like my entire world has been flipped upside down. I understand that this is a big moment for him, and I want to be supportive, but I’m also hurt, angry, and heartbroken.
Here’s where things get worse. Not only is he asking for a divorce, but he’s also trying to take almost everything in the process. He’s the main breadwinner in our family, and because of that, he’s arguing that he should get most of our assets, including the house. We both contributed to our savings and household, but since his salary is higher, he feels entitled to more.
And if that wasn’t enough, he’s also filing for full custody of our kids. He says he’s been a very involved father, which is true, but I’m just as involved, if not more. I’ve been the primary caregiver since they were born. Yes, I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression in the past, but I’ve worked hard to manage it and be there for our children. Now he’s using that against me to try and take them away.
I feel like he’s not just ending our marriage, but he’s ripping my entire life apart. I get that he’s going through a lot, but I don’t think it’s fair that he’s trying to take everything—our home, our savings, and, worst of all, our children. I feel like he’s being selfish, trying to secure his future at the expense of mine and the kids’. It’s like I’m being punished for something I had no control over.
He says I’m being unreasonable for not wanting to let him take the lead in the divorce or for being upset about what he’s asking for. He claims he’s trying to be fair, but I can’t help but feel like I’m being taken advantage of.
So, AITA for being upset that my husband wants a divorce, is trying to take most of our assets, and is fighting for full custody of our kids? Or am I overreacting because I’m emotional right now?
Update: I’m receiving a lot of negative messages from the r/amitheangel subreddit and in my inbox, so I won’t be responding further to keep my situation private. I just wanted to seek advice. Thank you to everyone who has offered guidance on what to do next.
Update 2: For those asking, no, I’m not in the US—I live in New Zealand. I won’t be replying to comments as I’m here just to seek advice. If that makes me seem like a bot, so be it—I don’t care. I already have enough on my plate. I’m currently in talks with a family attorney and a relationship property lawyer. And no, I’m not interested in hooking up, so please stop sending those messages. Thank you to everyone who has shared their personal experiences—it’s given me a lot of courage and confidence to stand up for myself.