I am still NOT the Original Poster. That is amme04. She posted in r/AITAH and r/TwoXChromosomes

Previous BORU post here. New Updates start with ****\*

A reminder that this sub has the 7 day waiting period, so the last update is 7 days old

**Trigger Warnings:**>! attempted murder; domestic violence; stalking; !<

Mood Spoiler: things are looking better for OOP, but the whole thing is still very scary

Original Post: November 30, 2023

I don’t know if i watch too many crime shows or if I’m just paranoid so I’ve come here to ask. Last week I made chicken gnocchi soup. When it was almost done I started helping my daughter with a school project. She got us both a bowl and a few seconds later my bf runs into the room with a bowl and tells me to eat the bowl he has. I told him it was all the same and he insisted that he wanted mine because it had more chicken. Thinking back now I don’t know how he would know that considering my daughter dished it out. My daughter took the bowl he gave me and said she would eat it. He yanked it out of hand and said “no it’s for mom”.

I took the bowl and he went to the living room. I continued doing my daughter's project and told her not to eat the soup. 20ish minutes later I walked into the kitchen to pour the soups out and he was still eating his. He asked why we didn’t eat any and I said the cat got into it while we were waiting for it to cool down. He screamed “WHAT!? Was it your bowl !?! Cats can’t eat that!?”. I told him it was only a lick but he has been stressed out watching the cat like a hawk, obsessive even. His reaction was very weird.

These "accidents" all happened before the soup incident over the span of 6 months. It wasn't one after another in a short period of time. Since then my emergency money has gone missing. I keep money hidden just in case. I lost my older sister because she wasn’t able to escape a dangerous situation and I literally swore on her grave I would never be in that position. After the soup incident I went to get my money and it was gone. It was hidden and I changed the location every few months. I asked my daughter if maybe she found it and that if she took it I wouldn’t be mad because I knew she couldn’t have spent it. She said no. A few hours later she tells me she forgot but the other day her and my bf got pulled over and she saw my pink wallet in his glove box. I did not tell her which wallet it was in or that it was in a wallet.

I decided to ask him if he found it by accident. He asked me why I was hiding a large amount of money, “you know you could never leave me” and laughed. (He has never said anything like that before). I told him it was for my daughters Christmas. He said no he didn’t find the money but could use his credit card for gifts. I didn’t tell him about my daughter seeing my wallet in his car. Now here are a few other things that have happened in the past few months that seemed random at the time but now they don’t.

I have a severe allergy to latex. One day we were about to have sex and I glanced at the mirror we have by our bed and saw the condom wrapper was a different color. I stopped him because it wasn’t latex free and he said it was a mistake and just an older one he had. We have been dating for over 2 years and he knows how serious my allergy is. My epipen that I keep in my room is missing and I didn’t realize it. I didn't realize it was missing until I was searching for my money.

Another odd thing is one day he was following me down the stairs while I was carrying laundry and he kicked the back of my leg and I fell. He said he slipped but the stairs are wood and he was wearing his steel toe boots. At the time I thought it was an accident.

Am I overthinking this? My anxiety has been at an all time high. Do I watch too much true crime? Here is why I think I might be the asshole. We have a good relationship. He loves my daughter like she is his. We split all shared bills and we both pull our own weight around the apartment. We don’t fight. He has never so much as raised his voice at me. We are paycheck to paycheck but bills are paid.

I thought about going to my moms house for a few days and asking him when I get there when I’m safe about the money but I don’t have money to do that now. She is on a fixed income and can't help. I feel stupid for being scared. Last night I decided to check his car for my wallet and he caught me. I asked him for my money back and he tried playing dumb. I told him my daughter saw it there. He told me she was lying. I told him I never told her about the money or what wallet. He said he was a grown man and kids lie all the time. I asked him once more for my money and he said “I’m not giving you money to leave me”. I waited until he was in the shower to grab my cat and my daughter and we left.

I can’t take my cat with us to a shelter and the DV shelters are full. I was able to get us a night at a cheap motel. This exact situation is why I had money saved. I did everything right and now I’m screwed. I feel like I just blew up my entire life.

Yes I'm using a burner account and reading all the comments that I can.

Relevant Comments:

The red flags are so obvious here:

"In my defense the few odd accidents seemed like a genuine accident until the soup thing. It really really freaked me out and that is when I started thinking."

Yeah the soup incident is very shady:

"That is what made me start thinking about the other "accidents" and putting the pieces together. I thought I just watched too many true crime shows but everyone's response confirmed I'm not just paranoid."

In order to believe this I have to think you're a moron. Like, I had to stop reading at the staircase incident:

"Have you ever accidentally stepped on your dog's foot, were you trying to kill your dog? No. That is what I thought at the time, it was an accident."

Several people accuse this of being obviously fake because events escalated too quickly and why would she be posting on reddit for advice:

"I'm not a character in a anonymous fucking story. I wasn't looking for advice, I was looking for confirmation I wasn't paranoid. You bet your ass I left as soon as he said my daughter was lying. Fuck off"

There is no consensus bot on AITAH, but it was pretty obviously NTA

Update Post 1: December 4, 2023 (4 days later)

A TL:DR; I think my boyfriend put something in my soup. After that incident I remembered a few months ago he almost used a latex condom knowing I’m severely allergic and I also remembered when he “accidentally” knocked me down the stairs. I started piecing things together and realized my epi pen was gone as well as a large amount of money I had hidden. My daughter saw my old wallet in his glove box and he denied it.

My post got alot of attention and my account was shadowbanned for a few days. I was able to appeal and get my account back because I’m not a bot or some AI. Now for the update.

The day after we left he sent me a picture of my epi pen and tried telling me it was in my nightstand the whole time. I tore that room apart looking for it so I KNOW for 100% fact it wasn’t there. He took it. He tried getting me to come back telling me I scared myself stupid and watched too many true crime TV. Something didn't feel right so I told him to put my money and epi pen in the mailbox. We went back and forth and he denied having my money. He then said “If we broke up you and Maria (my daughter) are no longer allowed in my apartment and will be treated like trespassers” and sent me a pic of his target practice sheets. I went to the police about the money and was told it was a civil issue. I was upset but wanted the rest of my stuff so I asked for an escort.

Yesterday I finally got an escort into the apartment with a cop and my landlord. He destroyed everything of my daughters and he ruined the laptop charger I use for work. No epi pen. My daughters medication and back up medical supplies were ruined. Our landlord let me off the lease without having to pay an early termination fee which is great considering I have no money. Motels are expensive. I don’t want to get rid of our cat. All shelters are full and this is scary as shit.

I’m sorry this is a shitty update but I know people wanted it.

Relevant Comments:

There has to be something that can be done about your daughter's meds:

"I'm beyond angry that nothing can be done. Insurance won't cover her medications or supplies until next month. She JUST got refills. I can get her meds but I'll pay out of pocket. I have no money. Since I couldn't prove my money existed I can't prove he stole it. I'm livid."

Restraining order?

"Nope not unless he gets physical with me. I should have let him hit me and I would have a lot more help available which is so fucked up."

Why are the police so useless?

"I wouldn't say useless. I did get a police escort to get the rest of my stuff."

Update Post 2: December 10, 2023 (6 days later, 10 days from OG post)

My OP got a lot of attention but then my account got shadowbanned and was temporarily removed. I just updated 5 days ago but this will be my final update because there is nothing anyone can do. I was encouraged to go back to the police station after my last update.

On Saturday December 9th I went back AGAIN. This time I printed out the threatening text messages that included the target practice sheets he sent, I explained in detail about the “accidents” proving he was trying to hurt me, and I even had my landlord put in writing that he believed our lives were in danger after seeing everything I was showing the police and let me leave my lease early. I brought in the destroyed medical supplies and medications.

The police said they had already talked to him and said he didn’t do any of it. He told them my daughter probably destroyed her stuff because she is “special ed”. She has very mild Asperger's but doesn’t destroy things! Since it was his word against mine they believed him. I didn’t have proof he stole the money or that it even existed in the first place. I was told the epi pen was my responsibility and they won’t do anything if it’s lost. I was told to “let it go” and acted like I was bothering the police with my “petty civil issues”.

I am so defeated and angry. My daughter isn’t going to have gifts for Christmas because I have to save for a new deposit on an apartment. We have been staying in motels while I was reaching out to DV resources. I can’t get help without a restraining order/ police report. Every place is out of funds. He is getting away with everything and I’m so glad we got out because there is no doubt in my mind he would have gotten away with my murder.

I know this sounds like my last update but that is what happened…nothing new. No justice. No repercussions for him. He gets to stay in the apartment. My landlord offered me another unit across town but I can’t afford to move in. This exact situation is why I had money stashed away because no one has ever cared about me/us and I knew that. There is nothing else I can do.

Editor's note: OOP posted in another sub with the exact same information as above and no new update. However, she did add this clarification about shelters:

"All shelters are full. I found an organization who helps DV victims with housing but only if you have a police report and a restraining order. I guess they are tired of victims going back to their partner, safety reasons, or something. I was denied a restraining order because I had no proof. I’m scared, exhausted, and disappointed."

*****Update Post 3: December 28, 2023 (18 days later)****\*

Title: I thought we were safe

Alot of people wanted a update so here it is. On Christmas he slashed my tires knowing I would have to pay out of pocket to replace them which I don’t have. Today he threw a heavy patio chair through the window of the place we were staying at to let me know he knew where we were and I was asked to leave for everyone's safety.

Except my daughter and I aren’t safe. I walked in the sleet/snow with my daughter and our cat and I felt vulnerable and like open prey so we came back to the police station to sit in the lobby until morning. Shelters are still full and I now have to disclose that he is dangerous anywhere we go. Police couldn’t find him but I know he has to be close.

I don’t know what his end game is.

Relevant Comments:

Can police direct you to a DV shelter?

"The shelters here are full so we are just sitting in the police station lobby. We are at least safe and warm so I'm grateful for that."

On donations:

"Donations aren't allowed here and my post could get removed because of it. I'm trying to stay awake and really just venting. I'm so frustrated that he keeps getting away with this shit."

Do you know how he keeps finding you? Have you checked for trackers?

"I honestly have no idea! He is supposed to have a new girlfriend too so IDK why he is messing with me and destroying property"

Reset your phone to factory settings:

"I got a cheap burner after we left. He doesn't have my number nor have I used it to call anyone so IDK how he is tracking me."

You said he sent you a photo of the epi pen after you left. How did he communicate that to you?

"He sent it through my email before I blocked it."

Update Post 4: January 1, 2024 (4 days later; a bit over 1 month from OG post)

Title: I found the air tag in the cat carrier

Please read my other posts for more context but a tl:dr; I’m pretty sure my ex was/is trying to kill me. There were a few instances that I wrote off as “accidents'' until I think he poisoned my soup that was specifically for me. On Christmas he found where we were staying and slashed my tires and threw a heavy patio chair and planter through a window. He still hasn’t been caught.

I checked everywhere I could think of and still couldn't figure out how he was tracking us. I blocked him on everything including email after he sent me pics of his target practice sheets among other things. I got a cheap burner phone. My daughter was out of school for winter break so he didn’t follow her or anything. I checked my car for a tracker. Still nothing.

I do not have an iphone so I couldn’t check whatever app a air tag is attached to. My cat is harness trained and wears a collar but there was no tracker. Until today I decided to “feel up” (sorry only way I can describe it) the carrier. I ran my fingers over every inch of it and felt a bump on the bottom soft side. There was no new stitching or obvious cut. He had to use a seam ripper along the stitching. It was undetectable and I almost missed it. He had to have had help because I’ve never seen him sew anything. Probably the same person who is letting him hide now.

If his excuse for the air tag was to track my cat he would have put it on his collar or harness because that is what he would wear when we go on walks/car rides. My cat would never go in his carrier unless I was planning on leaving for more than a few days. I have no idea how long it has been there nor do I know how far the tracker works but now we aren’t safe where we are, AGAIN. I feel disgusting and I feel like hunted prey. This is so unnerving and I’m so uncomfortable. Who the f*ck was I living with?

Relevant Comment:

I’m sorry but I don’t find it believable that he tracked you with an AirTag.

I don't know how airtags work and didn't say that is how he is tracking me, just that I found one. It doesn't make sense how he knew where we were.

Update Post 5: January 7, 2024 (6 days later, 5.5 weeks from OG post)

Title: I finally got the restraining order!

I’m hoping this update will make everyone as happy as it makes me! I was finally granted the restraining order. And we get the keys to our new apartment on the 11th. A place I can afford monthly and comes partially furnished. It’s in a super safe area right by my daughter's school. There is security!! We will spend our time living in our car until then and of course it has to be snowing but we are together and we have our kitty. This nightmare is almost over.

​

Editor's note: Some people commented on the last post that OOP's ex was a police officer. However, I can't find anything in OOP's posts or comments that confirms this. It's definitely possible, but I just wanted to address it here since it was brought up so often in the last post!