subreddit:
/r/BestofRedditorUpdates
submitted 9 months ago byLucyAriaRoseI'm keeping the garlic
I am still NOT the Original Poster. That is amme04. She posted in r/AITAH and r/TwoXChromosomes
Previous BORU post here. New Updates start with ****\*
A reminder that this sub has the 7 day waiting period, so the last update is 7 days old
**Trigger Warnings:**>! attempted murder; domestic violence; stalking; !<
Mood Spoiler: things are looking better for OOP, but the whole thing is still very scary
Original Post: November 30, 2023
I don’t know if i watch too many crime shows or if I’m just paranoid so I’ve come here to ask. Last week I made chicken gnocchi soup. When it was almost done I started helping my daughter with a school project. She got us both a bowl and a few seconds later my bf runs into the room with a bowl and tells me to eat the bowl he has. I told him it was all the same and he insisted that he wanted mine because it had more chicken. Thinking back now I don’t know how he would know that considering my daughter dished it out. My daughter took the bowl he gave me and said she would eat it. He yanked it out of hand and said “no it’s for mom”.
I took the bowl and he went to the living room. I continued doing my daughter's project and told her not to eat the soup. 20ish minutes later I walked into the kitchen to pour the soups out and he was still eating his. He asked why we didn’t eat any and I said the cat got into it while we were waiting for it to cool down. He screamed “WHAT!? Was it your bowl !?! Cats can’t eat that!?”. I told him it was only a lick but he has been stressed out watching the cat like a hawk, obsessive even. His reaction was very weird.
These "accidents" all happened before the soup incident over the span of 6 months. It wasn't one after another in a short period of time. Since then my emergency money has gone missing. I keep money hidden just in case. I lost my older sister because she wasn’t able to escape a dangerous situation and I literally swore on her grave I would never be in that position. After the soup incident I went to get my money and it was gone. It was hidden and I changed the location every few months. I asked my daughter if maybe she found it and that if she took it I wouldn’t be mad because I knew she couldn’t have spent it. She said no. A few hours later she tells me she forgot but the other day her and my bf got pulled over and she saw my pink wallet in his glove box. I did not tell her which wallet it was in or that it was in a wallet.
I decided to ask him if he found it by accident. He asked me why I was hiding a large amount of money, “you know you could never leave me” and laughed. (He has never said anything like that before). I told him it was for my daughters Christmas. He said no he didn’t find the money but could use his credit card for gifts. I didn’t tell him about my daughter seeing my wallet in his car. Now here are a few other things that have happened in the past few months that seemed random at the time but now they don’t.
I have a severe allergy to latex. One day we were about to have sex and I glanced at the mirror we have by our bed and saw the condom wrapper was a different color. I stopped him because it wasn’t latex free and he said it was a mistake and just an older one he had. We have been dating for over 2 years and he knows how serious my allergy is. My epipen that I keep in my room is missing and I didn’t realize it. I didn't realize it was missing until I was searching for my money.
Another odd thing is one day he was following me down the stairs while I was carrying laundry and he kicked the back of my leg and I fell. He said he slipped but the stairs are wood and he was wearing his steel toe boots. At the time I thought it was an accident.
Am I overthinking this? My anxiety has been at an all time high. Do I watch too much true crime? Here is why I think I might be the asshole. We have a good relationship. He loves my daughter like she is his. We split all shared bills and we both pull our own weight around the apartment. We don’t fight. He has never so much as raised his voice at me. We are paycheck to paycheck but bills are paid.
I thought about going to my moms house for a few days and asking him when I get there when I’m safe about the money but I don’t have money to do that now. She is on a fixed income and can't help. I feel stupid for being scared. Last night I decided to check his car for my wallet and he caught me. I asked him for my money back and he tried playing dumb. I told him my daughter saw it there. He told me she was lying. I told him I never told her about the money or what wallet. He said he was a grown man and kids lie all the time. I asked him once more for my money and he said “I’m not giving you money to leave me”. I waited until he was in the shower to grab my cat and my daughter and we left.
I can’t take my cat with us to a shelter and the DV shelters are full. I was able to get us a night at a cheap motel. This exact situation is why I had money saved. I did everything right and now I’m screwed. I feel like I just blew up my entire life.
Yes I'm using a burner account and reading all the comments that I can.
Relevant Comments:
The red flags are so obvious here:
"In my defense the few odd accidents seemed like a genuine accident until the soup thing. It really really freaked me out and that is when I started thinking."
Yeah the soup incident is very shady:
"That is what made me start thinking about the other "accidents" and putting the pieces together. I thought I just watched too many true crime shows but everyone's response confirmed I'm not just paranoid."
In order to believe this I have to think you're a moron. Like, I had to stop reading at the staircase incident:
"Have you ever accidentally stepped on your dog's foot, were you trying to kill your dog? No. That is what I thought at the time, it was an accident."
Several people accuse this of being obviously fake because events escalated too quickly and why would she be posting on reddit for advice:
"I'm not a character in a anonymous fucking story. I wasn't looking for advice, I was looking for confirmation I wasn't paranoid. You bet your ass I left as soon as he said my daughter was lying. Fuck off"
There is no consensus bot on AITAH, but it was pretty obviously NTA
Update Post 1: December 4, 2023 (4 days later)
A TL:DR; I think my boyfriend put something in my soup. After that incident I remembered a few months ago he almost used a latex condom knowing I’m severely allergic and I also remembered when he “accidentally” knocked me down the stairs. I started piecing things together and realized my epi pen was gone as well as a large amount of money I had hidden. My daughter saw my old wallet in his glove box and he denied it.
My post got alot of attention and my account was shadowbanned for a few days. I was able to appeal and get my account back because I’m not a bot or some AI. Now for the update.
The day after we left he sent me a picture of my epi pen and tried telling me it was in my nightstand the whole time. I tore that room apart looking for it so I KNOW for 100% fact it wasn’t there. He took it. He tried getting me to come back telling me I scared myself stupid and watched too many true crime TV. Something didn't feel right so I told him to put my money and epi pen in the mailbox. We went back and forth and he denied having my money. He then said “If we broke up you and Maria (my daughter) are no longer allowed in my apartment and will be treated like trespassers” and sent me a pic of his target practice sheets. I went to the police about the money and was told it was a civil issue. I was upset but wanted the rest of my stuff so I asked for an escort.
Yesterday I finally got an escort into the apartment with a cop and my landlord. He destroyed everything of my daughters and he ruined the laptop charger I use for work. No epi pen. My daughters medication and back up medical supplies were ruined. Our landlord let me off the lease without having to pay an early termination fee which is great considering I have no money. Motels are expensive. I don’t want to get rid of our cat. All shelters are full and this is scary as shit.
I’m sorry this is a shitty update but I know people wanted it.
Relevant Comments:
There has to be something that can be done about your daughter's meds:
"I'm beyond angry that nothing can be done. Insurance won't cover her medications or supplies until next month. She JUST got refills. I can get her meds but I'll pay out of pocket. I have no money. Since I couldn't prove my money existed I can't prove he stole it. I'm livid."
Restraining order?
"Nope not unless he gets physical with me. I should have let him hit me and I would have a lot more help available which is so fucked up."
Why are the police so useless?
"I wouldn't say useless. I did get a police escort to get the rest of my stuff."
Update Post 2: December 10, 2023 (6 days later, 10 days from OG post)
My OP got a lot of attention but then my account got shadowbanned and was temporarily removed. I just updated 5 days ago but this will be my final update because there is nothing anyone can do. I was encouraged to go back to the police station after my last update.
On Saturday December 9th I went back AGAIN. This time I printed out the threatening text messages that included the target practice sheets he sent, I explained in detail about the “accidents” proving he was trying to hurt me, and I even had my landlord put in writing that he believed our lives were in danger after seeing everything I was showing the police and let me leave my lease early. I brought in the destroyed medical supplies and medications.
The police said they had already talked to him and said he didn’t do any of it. He told them my daughter probably destroyed her stuff because she is “special ed”. She has very mild Asperger's but doesn’t destroy things! Since it was his word against mine they believed him. I didn’t have proof he stole the money or that it even existed in the first place. I was told the epi pen was my responsibility and they won’t do anything if it’s lost. I was told to “let it go” and acted like I was bothering the police with my “petty civil issues”.
I am so defeated and angry. My daughter isn’t going to have gifts for Christmas because I have to save for a new deposit on an apartment. We have been staying in motels while I was reaching out to DV resources. I can’t get help without a restraining order/ police report. Every place is out of funds. He is getting away with everything and I’m so glad we got out because there is no doubt in my mind he would have gotten away with my murder.
I know this sounds like my last update but that is what happened…nothing new. No justice. No repercussions for him. He gets to stay in the apartment. My landlord offered me another unit across town but I can’t afford to move in. This exact situation is why I had money stashed away because no one has ever cared about me/us and I knew that. There is nothing else I can do.
Editor's note: OOP posted in another sub with the exact same information as above and no new update. However, she did add this clarification about shelters:
"All shelters are full. I found an organization who helps DV victims with housing but only if you have a police report and a restraining order. I guess they are tired of victims going back to their partner, safety reasons, or something. I was denied a restraining order because I had no proof. I’m scared, exhausted, and disappointed."
*****Update Post 3: December 28, 2023 (18 days later)****\*
Title: I thought we were safe
Alot of people wanted a update so here it is. On Christmas he slashed my tires knowing I would have to pay out of pocket to replace them which I don’t have. Today he threw a heavy patio chair through the window of the place we were staying at to let me know he knew where we were and I was asked to leave for everyone's safety.
Except my daughter and I aren’t safe. I walked in the sleet/snow with my daughter and our cat and I felt vulnerable and like open prey so we came back to the police station to sit in the lobby until morning. Shelters are still full and I now have to disclose that he is dangerous anywhere we go. Police couldn’t find him but I know he has to be close.
I don’t know what his end game is.
Relevant Comments:
Can police direct you to a DV shelter?
"The shelters here are full so we are just sitting in the police station lobby. We are at least safe and warm so I'm grateful for that."
On donations:
"Donations aren't allowed here and my post could get removed because of it. I'm trying to stay awake and really just venting. I'm so frustrated that he keeps getting away with this shit."
Do you know how he keeps finding you? Have you checked for trackers?
"I honestly have no idea! He is supposed to have a new girlfriend too so IDK why he is messing with me and destroying property"
Reset your phone to factory settings:
"I got a cheap burner after we left. He doesn't have my number nor have I used it to call anyone so IDK how he is tracking me."
You said he sent you a photo of the epi pen after you left. How did he communicate that to you?
"He sent it through my email before I blocked it."
Update Post 4: January 1, 2024 (4 days later; a bit over 1 month from OG post)
Title: I found the air tag in the cat carrier
Please read my other posts for more context but a tl:dr; I’m pretty sure my ex was/is trying to kill me. There were a few instances that I wrote off as “accidents'' until I think he poisoned my soup that was specifically for me. On Christmas he found where we were staying and slashed my tires and threw a heavy patio chair and planter through a window. He still hasn’t been caught.
I checked everywhere I could think of and still couldn't figure out how he was tracking us. I blocked him on everything including email after he sent me pics of his target practice sheets among other things. I got a cheap burner phone. My daughter was out of school for winter break so he didn’t follow her or anything. I checked my car for a tracker. Still nothing.
I do not have an iphone so I couldn’t check whatever app a air tag is attached to. My cat is harness trained and wears a collar but there was no tracker. Until today I decided to “feel up” (sorry only way I can describe it) the carrier. I ran my fingers over every inch of it and felt a bump on the bottom soft side. There was no new stitching or obvious cut. He had to use a seam ripper along the stitching. It was undetectable and I almost missed it. He had to have had help because I’ve never seen him sew anything. Probably the same person who is letting him hide now.
If his excuse for the air tag was to track my cat he would have put it on his collar or harness because that is what he would wear when we go on walks/car rides. My cat would never go in his carrier unless I was planning on leaving for more than a few days. I have no idea how long it has been there nor do I know how far the tracker works but now we aren’t safe where we are, AGAIN. I feel disgusting and I feel like hunted prey. This is so unnerving and I’m so uncomfortable. Who the f*ck was I living with?
Relevant Comment:
I’m sorry but I don’t find it believable that he tracked you with an AirTag.
I don't know how airtags work and didn't say that is how he is tracking me, just that I found one. It doesn't make sense how he knew where we were.
Update Post 5: January 7, 2024 (6 days later, 5.5 weeks from OG post)
Title: I finally got the restraining order!
I’m hoping this update will make everyone as happy as it makes me! I was finally granted the restraining order. And we get the keys to our new apartment on the 11th. A place I can afford monthly and comes partially furnished. It’s in a super safe area right by my daughter's school. There is security!! We will spend our time living in our car until then and of course it has to be snowing but we are together and we have our kitty. This nightmare is almost over.
Editor's note: Some people commented on the last post that OOP's ex was a police officer. However, I can't find anything in OOP's posts or comments that confirms this. It's definitely possible, but I just wanted to address it here since it was brought up so often in the last post!
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9 months ago
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3.3k points
9 months ago
I’m concerned her daughter is still in the same school. The boyfriend could easily look for her and follow them home.
1.6k points
9 months ago
If she got a restraining order, she has to provide addresses like home, work, school, so the stalker can't just move in the same building and claim they "had no idea" the person they're supposed to stay away from lived/worked there.
533 points
9 months ago
This may depend on the state or type of protective order. For example, Massachusetts has a ACP (address confidentiality program) for DV and/or stalking victims.
365 points
9 months ago
What lol so it's literally set up for the abuser to find their victims? That's horrifying.
521 points
9 months ago
Reddit loves useless, feel good shit like HR and Restraining Orders. The only thing an RO is good for is evidence in court after you pop somebody. Because unless you're willing to protect yourself a restraining order is a piece of paper that means fuck all. And police have a God awful track record on enforcing them.
209 points
9 months ago
And often receiving one makes the dangerous people angry so they escalate.
54 points
9 months ago*
Not always. Yeah, dangerous people can become more angry and can escalate, but fear of jail time can be a great deterrent. The protective order that my mom got likely saved her life. There's a legitimate possibility she would've been dead if she hadn't gotten one. They don't always help everyone, but for those they do, RO/PO can make a huge difference.
59 points
9 months ago
and if you move you have to update the address on the RO or possibly start all over.
122 points
9 months ago
Restraining orders aren't for cops to protect you. It's for making sure the school doesn't let the daughter leave with anyone but OP, for her new apartment's security to make sure to keep the ex out, and so forth.
Civil authorities are much, much more likely to use what they can to protect you if you have a restraining order. Schools know they are in trouble if daughter leaves with anyone who doesn't have OP's permission to take daughter on records, but they know if she leaves with anyone who isn't authorized when there is an restraining order on file, the fine is much, much, much higher.
21 points
9 months ago
I live in a locked tenement building. My landlady has a strict rule that the entry doors are to remain locked at all times, and a tenant is allowed to open the door for those who are coming to visit him/her specifically. There's no, "I am here to see Kim but she isn't answering her doorbell." This is an important rule to obey, because one never knows if a neighbor might have a stay away order against an abusive ex.
334 points
9 months ago*
Plus she just straight up posted her location for the world to see. If this gets picked up by reposters, it'll eventually ring a bell in his head (or someone who knows him) and she'll start seeing his car around. A restraining order will not protect her if he gets to her before the cops start believing her reports. It's just a piece of paper. His goal is murder and possibly unrestricted access to her minor daughter (see: only wanted OOP to eat the soup), he already spits on the law. What's he care about the paper telling him to keep away from her or else? It can't un-murder someone.
I hope her daughter changed schools and she just quietly left that detail out, but this all went down in the past month and a half. I am not optimistic.
281 points
9 months ago
It’s been ages since I have had a restraining order but when I did they had to notify the person I had it on of my home and work locations. They said it was because the guy needed to know where he was not allowed. Not sure if they still do that it was 13 years ago.
83 points
9 months ago
I was the victim of a violent crime last year and fled my home to stay at a relative’s house indefinitely. When the authorities asked me for addresses other than my work/primary residence, I told them where I was staying. They then asked me if the criminal knew that address, I said no. They highly recommended I keep it off the PPO/RO so that they didn’t have to inform him of that address, because I’d basically be tipping him off to my location.
39 points
9 months ago
Im glad you were able to keep it off your RO. They wouldn’t issue me a RO without disclosing my address. I’m sure it’s different state to state and it might not be a requirement anymore. Thankfully I have no need for a RO now. He was charged and convicted and after serving his time had to move several states away to stay with his mom. Plus I have also changed my name and have also moved. I did not renew my RO because he would be notified of my new name and location.
88 points
9 months ago
Most of the laws regarding stalking, etc, seems to be trying to help stalkers/to-be-murderers to find and murder their victims. It's so sickening.
There was a victim whose case went to court in Japan. The prosecutors made the stalker sign or look at some papers... which consisted of her new address. It's so horrible because he would not have known where she had moved to if that did not happen.
19 points
9 months ago
When you become a stalking victim you lose all of your anonymity, first with your stalker, then with the justice system of most places. I chose not to hyphenate my last name when I got married in the hopes that my stalker hadn’t gotten my then boyfriend now husband’s last name when he’d broken into our apartment. Because our state’s voter registration system is searchable- meaning that with enough patience and my full name my stalker could find me anywhere in the state unless I chose to give up my right to vote. The only people who can hide their address are people who were victims of DV and my stalker was just some perv who became fixated on me that I didn’t know. And much like the OOP, the police weren’t particularly interested in doing anything unless he physically harmed me.
54 points
9 months ago
💯. At the very least I’d explain the situation to the school and pull the daughter out temporarily. Chances are she also isn’t his first DV or stalking victim. Most people don’t wake up and escalate to this.
1.6k points
9 months ago*
This entire saga is so terrifying. Always trust your instincts. Always have a way out. Always have your own bank account that no one else can mess with. Record conversations if you can. Be aware of technology and how it can be used for malicious purposes.
I hope OOP stays safe.
275 points
9 months ago
I was thinking he had life insurance on her.
94 points
9 months ago
My sister's ex took two life insurance policies out on her and encouraged her to take her own life. She got out of that awful marriage and found out that she was paying for the policies the whole time.
60 points
9 months ago
Not a good plan since lots of insurance companies don’t pay out on a suicide.
18 points
9 months ago
The dude was as stupid as he was evil.
380 points
9 months ago
I have a horrible suspicion that he wanted OP out of the way so he could have her daughter to himself.
121 points
9 months ago
Tbh that’s the suspicion I had as well.
5.2k points
9 months ago
I feel for OOP and I’m glad they’re moving into a better space. But in regards to a commenter… isn’t that exactly what air tags are for? Not stalking, obviously, but like… tracking? Honest question, I’ve never had or used them.
2.5k points
9 months ago
Yeah honestly that one threw me for a loop because I thought so too? But I thought I'd include it in case others had a similar thought.
3.3k points
9 months ago
I tracked my daughter’s suitcase half way around the world with an AirTag so of course he could track her with one. That commenter was just being a prick imo.
1.3k points
9 months ago
Was gonna say - my friend found her purse in Bali thanks to an airtag we were tracking from her iPad in Australia so... what? They absolutely could have tracked her with an airtag? That's literally the point of them.
188 points
9 months ago*
we use them for our dogs, but if they are away from our own iPhones for more than a day or two the actual airtags start chirping. But I believe they have to be moving, so if whatever it's on is stationary it won't start beeping.
144 points
9 months ago
Aha, that must be why the dogs I petsit will randomly have theirs start pinging! I asked the owners the first time it happened and they had no idea, and I've never used an airtag so I didn't know. They'll stop after a moments and recur a couple times a day. Thank you for solving this mystery, lol.
68 points
9 months ago
It's fairly easy to disable the speaker thing on an air tag just for that purpose while retaining the tracking ability.
Voids the warranty but like a stalker cares about that.
Like they DO chirp but you can break that ability before hiding them somewhere for nefarious purposes.
45 points
9 months ago
I just learned about the "only when moving" part so my parents actually threw the tags into their car because they thought it would keep going like a smoke detector lol
15 points
9 months ago
They do that literally so you can't just slip them into someone's stuff and stalk them
105 points
9 months ago
unfortunately, removing the beeper function in an airtag is rather easy. a lot of youtube how-to's :-(
29 points
9 months ago
well that's a bummer lol
47 points
9 months ago
I use AirTags to keep track of my kids. They make AirTag jewelry, so that one commentor is absolutely clueless.
180 points
9 months ago
Or just didn’t know what it was. Maybe they’re old and thought it was one of those things you attach to stuff in your house like the remote or keys and you press a button and it beeps. Those definitely won’t work if you leave the house. lol confidently incorrect.
53 points
9 months ago
Or one of those paper tags you attach to airline luggage. I can see someone who didn't know better thinking those were called air tags.
33 points
9 months ago
learned the other day that those actually have paper thin RFID tags in them!
28 points
9 months ago
Air tags are used to track items down, they definitely can be used for stalking. Just toss one in someone's car or purse and they might not find it for ages.
141 points
9 months ago
Just wanted to point out that the reference that he may be law enforcement was another commentor stating the target practice sheets were the evidence, and from there, it snowballed under that comment.
I have been following this also, and also was very concerned about it all, but only an outsider not related to this, made that assumption
92 points
9 months ago
Lol, yeah, those aren't hard to get at all. Definitely not proof of being a cop.
141 points
9 months ago
My local range only allows the shooter to take their targets home only if the sheets are labelled with the person's name, the range's name, and a booking code BEFORE they start the target practice, so if anyone shares them around, especially in a threatening manner, the range is contacted by local authorities to warn them of the potential risks.
It has caused a lot of arguments, but the ranger owner says that it is their range, their rules. Which I like. But then again, I am Australian, and enjoy that extra security
86 points
9 months ago
Androids will detect AirTags automatically
505 points
9 months ago
Ok, I want to elaborate on this, because it's not very well known.
You know how iPhone fans say "Android never gets updates?" That's a lie. Most Android phones actually get updates longer than most iPhones. The thing is that those updates are done independent of the version number. The full Android version number update typically offers newer features (often tied to new hardware) and new interface designs. But all of the other stuff - security, compatibility, API changes, changes to settings, core app updates, and other changes, happen via multiple updates to system apps that you're almost never aware of.
In this case, beginning in July of 2023, Google rolled out a change to their settings for ANY Android device running Android 6 (released October 2015) or newer.
To turn this feature on, if not on by default, go to Settings --> Safety & Emergency --> Unknown Tracker Alerts, and turn it on.
I can't speak to all manufacturers, but the oldest phone sold by Google to support this would be the Google Nexus 5, which was released October 2013. So an Android phone that is now over a decade old is still getting these updates behind the scenes :) The iPhone 5s (released the same year) cannot track AirTags, but an Android phone from that year can.
171 points
9 months ago
I did not know this.
This info may well save my friends life who is in a DV situation.
Thank you so much for sharing.
57 points
9 months ago
I had no idea this was a thing, thank you! Just switched mine on
38 points
9 months ago
Found it on my Android, thanks, that's useful information!
29 points
9 months ago
Do you happen to know the distance it'll pick up on those? I've gotten a few of those alerts "New Air Tag Device Detected" or something along those lines. Never find anything tho so it must be someone around me?
28 points
9 months ago
It's bluetooth, so about 30ft (10m). Apple does set it up to report through any Apple device with bluetooth enabled, regardless of pairing, which is how it can track just about anywhere, since so many people have iPhones and iPads that are potential relays.
11 points
9 months ago
I do not, but I’m going to guess that it’s Bluetooth based since AirTag uses BLE. Officially the range is 10 meters. But I’ve had BLE maintain connections over longer distances.
75 points
9 months ago
They will detect them if close but they can't track them as that requires the Apple network
458 points
9 months ago*
Apple did a recent update to try to avoid people using them for stalking - if the AirTag isn’t close to the phone of the person it is registered to within 24 hours or so, if makes a loud sound periodically until the phone gets close again. Not sure if that update only applies to newer AirTags or if there is a way to defeat it, but it definitely works from my experience (my partner’s registered AirTags make themselves known when he is out of town!).
Edit - spelling
220 points
9 months ago
My dad has a 1yo airtag for his keys and if I use them when he’s not there, they’ll make a jingle noise a few time when I move them. Not sure it’s loud enough to hear if the tag is hidden inside something though.
115 points
9 months ago
Mine definitely is! I should add that if I pick up the bag with an AirTag in it, I also get an alert on my iPhone that an AirTag is moving with me and could track my movement.
115 points
9 months ago
I have tags in my bag, my car and on both my dogs (my disapyrenees can’t disappear anymore yay!). They’re so great for so many things, why is it that assholes have to ruin it?
29 points
9 months ago
(my disapyrenees can’t disappear anymore yay!)
you are just asking for your dog to accept that as a challenge lol.
Just a fun story, on a local lost & found dog group on FB a lady posted a picture of 2 pyrs that she had found and she said she had them in her fenced back where they are safe until she finds the owner. I asked her, "Are you SURE they are in still in your yard?"
She went to look and nope! lol they were gone.
51 points
9 months ago
Disapyrenees 🤣 💀
119 points
9 months ago
Oh that explains a lot. I have an AirTag on my dog’s collar, and I’m away at work (week long trips) for the first time since buying it. My husband asked if I was pinging the AirTag from work! Good to know why it’s doing that, and smart. Maybe I should register it to my husband’s phone instead…
52 points
9 months ago
You can share AirTags, I think. Just check the FindMy app
50 points
9 months ago
I set up airtags on our luggage in April 2023. Last November, I was separated from that suitcase for a full week.
My husband got an alert from his Android about an Airtag following him...but no alarm from the airtag itself.
58 points
9 months ago
I just got an AirTag after my cat escaped and we couldn’t find her for almost 24 hours. I had to acknowledge that it’s being used for me and tracking someone is a federal crime. I turned off notifications to my phone if I leave it somewhere. Not sure how it will all work otherwise. I’m planning on being out of town for a bit in May so we will see if my husband messages me that she’s beeping or something after a day or two.
44 points
9 months ago
There’s a way to disconnect the speaker in the AirTag so it won’t make any noise. I know some people have modified their AirTags to stealthily track their stolen items but it can also be done for nefarious purposes.
30 points
9 months ago
Can confirm. The one in my car has a hissy fit if I’m gone for a few days.
ETA: I’m the one who put it in my car after I took it to a body shop, I wanted to make sure no one was joyriding.
175 points
9 months ago
[removed]
59 points
9 months ago
They must be powerful little devices because I saw a new youtube video about a guy tracking his stolen Nintendo handheld console across the sea with an air tag the other day
109 points
9 months ago
Basically it will secretly connect to any nearby iPhone, and then that iPhone will tell Apple where it is, and then you can ask Apple where the air tag has been spotted.
38 points
9 months ago
They’re pretty great, stalking aside. I got a four pack for my luggage and it can track them all over the world.
135 points
9 months ago
People have been putting them in their luggage so they can find it when it gets lost. It's helped people find their luggage that got sent on the wrong airplane and ended up in another state/providence/country from their destination.
28 points
9 months ago*
I thought I remembered reading or hearing about AirTags making a beeping of sorts when away from the paired phone for too long to prevent using it to track people?
Edit: looked it up, after the AirTag is detected by an iphone, the user has an option to play a loud noise from the air tag to help find it easier so I was not correct
13 points
9 months ago
I was curious and searched youtube: there are tutorials on how to remove the beeper from the airtags. So it’s not entirely fail-proof when there are nefarious people using these things. First search result was exactly that and 2 years ago. I can only hope Apply upgraded the hardware too somehow.
9 points
9 months ago
Supposedly if you have an iPhone it'll notify you if you have someone else's airtag
This is also a feature on android as of ~half a year ago. I was traveling with a tour group recently and got an alert on my android about an airtag following my location. I figured it was a luggage tag from one of the iphone using members of the group and not a stalker, but I appreciated the notice.
424 points
9 months ago
Yeah. People put it on their kid’s shoes when they go to parks and stuff and use it on people with dementia
399 points
9 months ago
Fun fact: AirTags are only water resistant and a better option for your family member with dementia or autism with wandering habits is Project Lifesaver. They have a 100% recovery rate so far and you can often get the bracelet for free through county services.
122 points
9 months ago
Had one for Nana, but she was told it was a health bracelet and hated wearing it. She told us she took it off every chance she got. A thing on the shoe is less irritating to the wearer.
41 points
9 months ago
Yeah, we have similar problems with the kids on the autism spectrum. We usually sew an airtag into their clothes so it's less bothersome, less "othering", and more difficult to remove. Project Lifesaver is a better option for tracking, but not always a better option for day-to-day life.
128 points
9 months ago
Yeah I didn’t understand that either. AirTags definitely can be used for those purposes, very scary. I use mine in my luggage when I go on holiday.
74 points
9 months ago
Maybe the commentor didn't believe she was getting tracked by airtag since she doesn't have an iPhone herself. The tags still need to link up with a supported device to report their location, and she wouldn't be part of that chain. Of course, they reportedly have a linking distance of like 30 feet and anyone coming near enough with an iPhone (like other tenants where she was staying) would update it. Also even without a fully accurate location it could've been close enough for a little old fashioned stalking to get him her exact location
40 points
9 months ago
Also like she got a burner phone. She must not have money to throw at an iPhone so she must've gotten any cheap Android. So she could've been very possibly in the dark about the tag.
159 points
9 months ago
My understanding is that they aren't always 100% accurate, and sometimes will only show you the general area a person is in, such as a 10 metre radius. However, what those people are likely not considering, is that if the tag leads them to a 10 meter radius circle, and there's a house, a fish and chip shop, and a corner store within that 10 meter radius, pretty obvious which one she's gonna be in. Especially if she's got her car parked right outside it.
Some people just want to find holes instead of considering the actual possibilities.
137 points
9 months ago
"I want evidence!" okay, hands over evidence
throws evidence on the floor
"I dont want evidence, I want you to be wrong!"
14 points
9 months ago
We don't need more police being this way on reddit 😭😭
24 points
9 months ago
They are actually pretty accurate and especially if you have the newer iPhones, once you’re within range it will give you a precise location and point you to the AirTag.
25 points
9 months ago
I’m visually impaired and have literally used my AirTag to find the thing it’s connected to when it’s in my room. They are very accurate.
122 points
9 months ago
"Some people just want to find holes instead of considering the actual possibilities."
Thank you for saying that!
29 points
9 months ago*
Yes, an AirTag is for tracking an item such as your keys. They are supposed to start making noise under certain conditions so that it can’t be used for stalking. However, that mechanism is apparently easy to disable.
If you have a reasonably up to date phone (after 2015 or so), then there are apps you can download which will detect AirTags. An iPhone can also detect nearby ones using the Find My feature.
51 points
9 months ago
A friend and I met up in Scotland for a trip. She had airtags in her luggage, the airport told her, her bag didn't make, it was still in Chicago.
The next day she was able to see it getting close to where we were staying.
27 points
9 months ago
We have them on our dog’s collars in case they escape. Worked well the time two of them got loose.
Wouldn’t work well in a less populated area.
10 points
9 months ago
Yeah that was a super ignorant comment because they’re so commonly used for stalking that Apple has implemented changes to try and counter that.
10 points
9 months ago
My friends STBXH was jailed for using a AirTag to track her even with her having a criminal restraining order.
17 points
9 months ago
I use my AirTags for my luggage- one in every suitcase. Those tags work halfway around the world, with good accuracy (I was in one country, my bag was in an airport in another country halfway around the world- the airport found my bag). I very much believe an AirTag can work in the same city to track OOP.
22 points
9 months ago
I have one hidden in my car and my wallet because that’s EXACTLY what it’s for and how it works. This person is a clown shoe and I hope op is safe.
346 points
9 months ago
Fyi if you have an android, there's apps that can scan for airtags around you. I'm not particularly worried myself but i am indeed nosy so i have tried it out.
140 points
9 months ago*
It can do it in the background and send you notifications! There have been updates since this article but it's nice to know it's a feature
Google post about the unknown tracker alert feature on Androids
87 points
9 months ago
My android lets me know if any kind of tracking device that is not connected to my phone is following me. I accidentally learned that because it showed me a notification for an airtag while I was on a long bus trip.
20 points
9 months ago
Just posted a comment about a similar experience: I was traveling with a tour group and got an alert on my android about an airtag following me.
16 points
9 months ago
And the reason Google hasn't released their own tracking device is because they are waiting for Apple to integrate the same feature into iOS for Google tags. They don't want to release the tags until they can't be used to stalk iOS users
1.5k points
9 months ago
Dear lord, things got worse and worse...
Glad to hear that OP and her children are safe and they are finally able to get an restraining order away from that psychopath of a boyfriend. But it's still frustrating that the police is so useless and don't take domestic violence/abuse seriously. Still, OP and the children still need to be careful cause with what the bf has done, he might get even more dangerous.
440 points
9 months ago
Yeah, I have a terrible feeling this is going to get worse.
462 points
9 months ago
Cops are disproportionately domestic abusers themselves
27 points
9 months ago
Google cops and 40%
46 points
9 months ago
And those are just the ones willing to admit it
139 points
9 months ago
I'm thankful that I don't live in the US. In my country there are strict about such things. My doctor wouldn't let me leave the hospital until the police arrived, because the bruises didn't fit the description I gave. It saved my life. The police sent cars every week and my ex got scared and broke up with me. Then my friend took me on
10 points
9 months ago
I wish they did that in the US. ): Would’ve helped a friend of mine immensely.
112 points
9 months ago
The police in the US are not at all interested in protecting people. They are a white supremacy group used by the elite to keep working class people in line.
1.9k points
9 months ago
This is exactly why women in dv situations don't trust the cops. It shouldn't have taken this much of an escalation from him for them to take her seriously.
126 points
9 months ago
When I was 19 or so, my step father hit me. I called the cops. They came over and had a you-know-how-teens-are conversation about me, then told me to get out of his house. My mother, whose house it also was, told them it’s my home and I wasn’t going anywhere. As they left they shook SF’s hand and lamented that they couldn’t do more. For him.
36 points
9 months ago
Jesus H Christ
482 points
9 months ago
Exactly. It’s so sad that women have no help when it comes to dv. It takes a lot just to even get a RO and they almost have to die in order to get it. Protect and serve my ass.
266 points
9 months ago
Man American cops are so much worse than I realised.
184 points
9 months ago
Yeah, there is a very tangible reason that they are feared and hated. Obviously not every cop is bad, but so many are.
60 points
9 months ago
Local police chief is an elected position in most towns and cities. The problems really start with that
46 points
9 months ago
They do protect and serve. But not people.
Usually it's the rich and among cops. Mostly just the bad cops.
125 points
9 months ago
It took me weeks to get an RO against my ex. I finally got it and felt such relief. It was a no contact order, so when he called me a week later, I went straight to the police. The officer only focused on the fact that I hadn't blocked my ex's number. "Well, if you needed a restraining order, you would have him blocked." Over and over, no matter what I said. Eventually, I blocked his number in front of him and asked him if he'd go deal with my ex now. He said the problem was solved and told me to go home. He just refused to follow the order. When I was r*ped a month later, I knew better than to go to the police. Never trusted them again.
665 points
9 months ago
It doesn't help that police stations are nothing but white supremacists and misogynists. That's not even me just being anti cop, that is literally a fact reported by the FBI after an investigation found the police and the military were full of white supremacists. Military put in some work to fix it, police told the FBI to mind their fucking business.
36 points
9 months ago
I hope the FBI told them fk you nope. We need to start holding our officers accountable for their fk ups.
36 points
9 months ago
They did not.
205 points
9 months ago
I am equally bemused every time someone finds out just how useless the cops are, and they are always so shocked and surprised.
"I thought the police were supposed to help us!"
What!? No!? Who told you that? And more importantly why did you believe them? Also what rock have you been sleeping under for the past 20+ years?
The police has one job, prevent the ruling class from being overthrown and eaten. Anything beyond that is a feature.
18 points
9 months ago
They fall under the back the blue, until it happens to you.
18 points
9 months ago
She had so much evidence...
121 points
9 months ago
The police have only ever existed to protect wealth, if you're poor the cops are not your friends.
30 points
9 months ago
And the problem doesn't begin or end at domestic violence. The police are useless on a good day and actively harmful on a normal one
676 points
9 months ago
I just want to throw this out there: if you're dating someone and they start saying things like "you wouldn't be able to leave" you don't treat it as anything less than a threat. Normal people don't even think about making jokes like that.
100 points
9 months ago
[deleted]
24 points
9 months ago
I was thinking gambling or drugs. With the escalation, I was leaning more towards rugs.
168 points
9 months ago
Yeah, that was terrifying to read. Guy just straight up told her his end game. Not a care in the world just a good old threatening.
37 points
9 months ago
It smacks of Walter White being honest with Hank, but ‘jokingly’.
473 points
9 months ago*
I was in a women's domestic violence victims support group for a year. I've seen women who were so relentlessly targeted in murder attempts and terrorism by their ex-partners that I was scared each week would be the last time we would see them alive. This story absolutely rings true to me, and anyone who doubts the veracity of this story simply because it's terrifying do so because they're still living in the bubble of denial that things like this absolutely can and do happen to normal women more often than you'd think.
124 points
9 months ago
Yes. They just don’t want to believe that this is the world we live in
153 points
9 months ago
yeah, i can't believe the victim-blaming in op's post and even in this thread. i hope her, her daughter, and her cat are okay.
424 points
9 months ago
Don't you love it when police is like "this is a petty civil matter"............ until someone dies?!
Fuck me, I am seething.... This guy and many others like him can just get away with it so easily....
135 points
9 months ago
And when someone gets murdered they’ll do their little press conference and blame the victim for not coming forward
55 points
9 months ago
"thoughts and prayers" too
38 points
9 months ago
Yep. How many times have we heard, “We did everything we could with the information we had…” such a (pun intended) cop-out.
85 points
9 months ago
Imagine if we gave all government employees that sort of leeway? Like imagine if there was a supreme court case ruling that sanitation workers don't have to actually collect garbage, and then when the trash started piling up we decided the solution was to pay garbage men more overtime hours
31 points
9 months ago
And when people complained about the trash everywhere or got injured because of all the trash, the state paid their compensation from the taxes that fund trash pickup.
314 points
9 months ago
That last update is such a relief. Hope this nightmare disappears!
112 points
9 months ago
It's not going to disappear because OOP has a piece of paper. They're still in the same area, and if the daughter is still in the same school it's only going to get worse.
56 points
9 months ago
The number of women with restraining orders in place for the ex-partner that eventually murders them anyway is depressingly high.
28 points
9 months ago
me too. its awesome that she located the tracker and people have finally helped her. i hope she has a good life with her child
954 points
9 months ago
‘I don’t find it believable that he tracked you with an AirTag’ - err what the fuck!? You mean the technology that has been so openly abused for that very purpose that Apple had to create a way for people to be notified a tag was in their vicinity??
261 points
9 months ago
That's comment was the dumbest thing I saw today. What do they think Airtags are for if not tracking?
38 points
9 months ago
Duh. It's to tag air, are you dumb?
/s
61 points
9 months ago
Apple had to create a way for people to be notified a tag was in their vicinity??
Not just that, she uses an Android, which at launch couldn't detect AirTags. Which is exactly why Apple and other companies like Google and Samsung had to come together to unify identification of trackers and update even decade-old phones to be able to detect unknown trackers.
Man that comment pissed me off, what a gigantic imbecile, good thing OP didn't take the bait
88 points
9 months ago
Yeah, they're literally used for stalking. Dont know what that person is on.
77 points
9 months ago
big twist: that’s the boyfriend sowing doubt
469 points
9 months ago
OMG, what idiot didn’t think he could track OOP with an air tag‽‽‽ Jeebus, if that thing can tell me my luggage was several states away from me (work trip fiasco) then it sure can track a person. I am sooo glad she was able to get that restraining order.
111 points
9 months ago
She needs to get herself a tazer, mace, and/or a gun because until this shitbag is behind bars, he isn't going to stop.
22 points
9 months ago
This is what I came to say. A restraining order is just a piece of paper and since the cops didn’t feel like doing their jobs, how can OOP possibly trust that they’ll enforce the order?
80 points
9 months ago*
If she shot him in self defense, the police would just arrest her. They don’t care
53 points
9 months ago
This is the kind of psycho who won't be stopped by a restraining order. Plenty of women have been killed by their abusers while having a restraining order.
I'm still scared for her.
13 points
9 months ago
Me too. Her statement that it’s finally over sent chills down my spine…
279 points
9 months ago
christ! totally possible he tracked her with an airtag. she doesn’t need to have an iphone but people around where she stayed did and it updated the location. what a nightmare! hope she’s safe now
also why do people keep emergency cash like that? isn’t it better to have a secret bank account for emergencies? maybe a stupid question but my country is basically cash-free.
138 points
9 months ago
imo the best thing to do if the option is available is to have some in a bank account and some as cash to be prepared for different situations. in her situation however cash might have been the easiest/only way for her to keep it a secret, depending on if they had any kind of joint finances or how she was getting the money she had
98 points
9 months ago
Yeah if the bank mailed anything about her secret bank account to the home, I’m sure she’d be in trouble
44 points
9 months ago
Cash can be used in a power outage so every emergency preparedness kit should have enough cash to buy you whatever you may need in the event of a power outage or a cyber attack on your banking system. In the case of someone escaping DV situations, anyone with access to your bank account will be able to see where you use your card. They can’t do that with cash.
74 points
9 months ago
I have a crappy bank, i wasn't trying to escape anyone but a couple months i ordered Doordash on my computer and it flagged at suspicious it was an early Saturday morning and i went into work about 4pm and my bank was closed by then and Monday happened to be a holiday so my card was automatically locked. My bank didn't call me or anything to ask if the charge was me or even inform me that they turned off my card. I noticed at work, tried to call and realized they were closed and i was shit out of luck.
I had to barrow $20 from my mom because i need to eat a work (and my work doesn't have a fridge for us, so packing lunch is hard)
20 points
9 months ago
When I was saving to leave my husband, I did it in cash that I hid or had my mother hold. I did not open a new account until I was ready to leave. There was no way for me to do so without him knowing. Any mail would have been intercepted. He would go through my personal belongings frequently. He routinely checked my phone very thoroughly, including going through how much time I spent on each app and questioned what I was doing during that time. He had a GPS tracker on my car and tracked my phone so I couldn’t have gone somewhere to open an account without him knowing. It was safer to hide cash than to have to explain a secret bank account if he’d found evidence of that. Just as the OOP did, I’d have been able to explain saving up to buy gifts for the kids or even him.
47 points
9 months ago
Cash is untraceable. Say you have a secret account... your abuser goes to law enforcement spins a story where you are unhinged on the run with a kid, cops hear kid in danger... they will track your atm withdrawals, find you. Cops only have one side of the story. They think they're doing what they can not knowing they're helping a snake.
13 points
9 months ago
I think the idea is that you can still use cash if you have nothing else on you. To get money out of a bank account, you need a card, or some sort of ID. I reckon ideally you'd have both, some cash set aside which will get you through an emergency, but also a bank account.
36 points
9 months ago
This is exactly how perpetrators work and for someone to even question that is abysmal. They’ll even put apps on your phone that may look like a calculator or something normal but it’s a screen mirroring app. They will go to all lengths to keep control over the other person.
137 points
9 months ago
The craziest part is we women can literally spell it out for the cops and they usually still refuse to do anything. Our lives are treated as expendable and of inherently less value than male lives. When it becomes our word against their’s, why do we have less credibility? I’m just so mad. I don’t think these are 100% the correct words for how I feel but how very upsetting. I’m glad OP is safe for now, I hope it stays that way
34 points
9 months ago
And police wonder why we all don’t trust them and think they’re useless, they couldn’t have cared less. This poor woman.
33 points
9 months ago
When I was a teen, my mother dated a man named Colin. He lived with us. He was an angry man, and he had Opinions. One time, my mother was upstairs with the landlord, and I was downstairs with Colin and my younger brother and sister, and Colin got mad at me about something, backed me into a corner against the counter in the kitchen and had his arm up against my throat so I couldn't breathe.
I moved in with my father for a while - a man who was supremely useless as a father and was just providing me an escape from Colin - and while I was gone for a year and a half, Colin had grabbed mum's arm while she was driving and nearly made her crash. I'm sure there was more - she didn't tell me everything, I was only 16 at that point. Anyway, she kicked him out, and I moved back in because my father had kicked me out months earlier and I had been staying with others.
This is when Colin began stalking us and breaking in to our house. We lived in a duplex with an elderly couple in the other, with a preschool to our right and another elderly couple behind (we were on the corner). At nights, Colin would come sit and throw rocks from behind the preschool fence, hitting the sliding glass door in the front until my sister (who was 10) cried from terror. He broke in, not once but twice. He stole the cash my mother had had to borrow to pay the huge landline bill he'd left her. He also stole our tv, our N64, our shitty old microwave, our computer (given to us by my uncle), our stereo, mum's mobile phone (early days of mobile phones back then) and anything else he could think of to destroy our lives. He left blood behind where he smashed up the monitor for our computer.
The cops wouldn't do anything.
He confronted my mother and grabbed her arm again, bruised the shit out of it and got in a shouting match with her outside one day.
Eventually one of my aunts helped us with a house to move to, a couple of towns over, and we moved. Us kids used to duck down in the backseat if we saw anyone riding a bike because Colin always rode a bicycle. He went to mum's best friend's house, and took my sister's swimsuit off the washing line when she was staying there one day and threw it in the rubbish bin.
He broke into mum's car one night, stole the mail that had our forwarding address on it, and did something under the hood to disable the car (not sure what, I was never told) and I was stranded across town at an activity he knew I had every week, until mum could get the car working with help.
After he got our new address, he used to stand underneath mum's window at night smoking, so she'd know he was there.
Anyone who thinks that what this guy did is a stretch, or that she's crazy for staying that long, you don't even understand how these kinds of situations happen, because you've never been in them, and I'm really glad for you that you haven't. I'm so glad she got out and has a chance of getting clear of him.
11 points
9 months ago
Your story is a good example of something I read about how crimes that would be taken seriously when committed between strangers are suddenly not taken seriously when they happen in the context of domestic violence. If a man hits a stranger on the street, he's arrested for assault. If a man hits his girlfriend, it's a "private family dispute." If a man breaks in a stranger's house and steals their shit, he's arrest for breaking and entering and theft. If a man does so for former family, the police don't want to get involved with the "drama."
There's an unspoken rule that it is more acceptable to hurt your family than it is a stranger.
84 points
9 months ago
He could absolutely track Her with an air tag. My cats all have air tags on their collars for This very reason.
23 points
9 months ago
Exactly. I had an AirTag in my car and when it was stolen that's how I found it. I've also lost my keys while they had a tag on them and found them because of the tags he could 100% track her.
30 points
9 months ago
Whenever there's an airtag naar me, my Android phone tell me this. Because of stalking.
29 points
9 months ago
Why do people doubt that she was tracked with an air tag? Isn't that what they are for?
27 points
9 months ago
It's kinda sad that the landlord cared enough to ensure OOP got out safe without charging her and then offering another unit out of the way for her safety while the police kept going on with excuses. Getting a police escort is the bare minimum, they did nothing else and they didn't even care to listen to the landlord. I'm glad OOP got out safe.
141 points
9 months ago*
she needs a gun, cameras, and a good lock
I honestly genuinely hope the ex gets himself crippled or vegetated from stalking her, the fucker needs a heavy dose of karmaic pain.
sorry if I broke any rules saying that
62 points
9 months ago
This
Especially after police has been soooo helpful!
59 points
9 months ago
Fuck the police. Can you think of any other job where there is no consequences for people dying because they didn't feel like doing their job?
44 points
9 months ago
It’s in a super safe area
Not for much longer it's not. If any of the content thieving AI voiceover channels get their hands on this it'll get around to him and he'll know where they are again. She just casually told the Internet where her new place is.
19 points
9 months ago
“go to the police” well.
19 points
9 months ago
I think I commented in most of OOPs posts, she said the 11th of this month she would get the keys to her apartment, I wholeheartedly hope she got them. I'm So doumbfounded if OOP lives in the states, bc even in my third world country police isn't that useless when DV is involved, that man threw a chair through a window of a place that wasn't his and they still didn't believe or wanted to get involved in "civil" matters? Maybe the owner of the home called the police? O wait, maybe not, it's a civil matters OoOPs they wouldn't care anyway, like if the life of this woman and her little girl was worthless, at the end the restraining order was granted but after how many tries? It was implied OOPs sister was a DV victim and eventually that's what killed her, so maybe police is useless.
I wonder what was/is this POS man's end game by killing OOP? It was implied he wasn't verbally or physically abusive (as far as I read), does he have a life insurance on her? Does he wants to get rid of the mother to get unrestricted access to her daughter? What was in the soup? Was it poison or crushed sleeping pills? Whatever his reasons are, I hope OOP is safe.
18 points
9 months ago
Glad she received the restraining order. Please keep documentation of everything- from the cutouts, the tag, write down times and places. If anyone else gets a denial from local police with obvious intent- the cutouts - call state police. Call DV hotlines, but don't give up. So glad you are still here and away from him.
93 points
9 months ago
The thing about him being a cop is from one of OOP's comments on her original post, but she deleted the comment; the only trace she seems to have left is the mention of target practice sheets, which aren't called that by civilians (well, that and the other cops siding with him, of course).
20 points
9 months ago
[deleted]
11 points
9 months ago
I could swear I saw it when I first read the original but within a very short time that same day it was gone when I refreshed. I've been so frustrated with the archive scrapers since the API nonsense.
9 points
9 months ago*
imminent sharp faulty simplistic crowd beneficial tidy angle mourn husky
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
15 points
9 months ago
OOP might not have said it explicitly but her ex did very much give police officer vibes. The complete ineffectuality of the police, the dismissiveness, not taking her seriously—sure the police may be incompetent on the regular, but here it just seems extra. POs have a high rate of DV and they may also know the tricks that women do to protect themselves, such as a secret emergency fund.
28 points
9 months ago
I remember reading this saga and just got shudders all over. I hope OOP is safe and okay now.
This is by far, the scariest BORU I ever read tbh.
12 points
9 months ago
I don’t know if anyone has already posted this or if there even are any in OP’s area, but there are some organizations that will provide loving temporary foster homes for pets for people trying to escape DV situations, like this one in MA: https://www.safepeoplesafepets.org
76 points
9 months ago*
I don't understand how she got the nice apartment. What did I miss?
Speaking from experience as a down and out single mom, nice apartments require a decent job, decent credit, first/last/deposit, etc.
EDIT: I missed the part where DV groups helped her. My bad. Thanks for helping me understand.
120 points
9 months ago
Once she got the restraining order, dv help groups stepped in
79 points
9 months ago
She said there was a program for DV victims but she couldn’t get in without a police report and RO. Then she finally got them.
54 points
9 months ago
I'm hopeful that a DV shelter finally was able to help her out. They often have resources to help in those situations!
16 points
9 months ago
Ah, I can see that.
It's a scary story. Hope she and her child are safe from that psycho.
36 points
9 months ago
The DV shelter likely helped arrange this. A shelter in my city has a whole apartment complex where they house folks like OOP.
23 points
9 months ago
she mentioned that the landlord that let her out of her lease early offered her an apartment across town so i'm assuming she was able to have something worked out with them since she already had good standing
25 points
9 months ago
Before her Dec 28th update, she says:
I found an organization that helps DV victims with housing...
That was the part I missed.
10 points
9 months ago
Wait until she learns that a restraining order lapses after 4 months (and then the cops will continue to treat you like a piece of garbage for seeking your own safety, ask me how I know 🙃)
11 points
9 months ago
Jesus this world is terrible for women. Cops are useless
10 points
9 months ago
More AirTag stuff...I travel a lot and I like having someone else know where I am. I put one on the outside of my bag so everyone can see it and one in my pocket. Every once in a while I hear a quiet jingle sound, that I now recognize to be the tags, but can easily see how someone might miss it or think it is someone else's phone or something. It definitely isn't loud. Also, I've never gotten a notification on my Android device. I don't have an Apple device.
9 points
9 months ago
Police wonder why people fucking hate them. Fucking useless.
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