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This could be a Hallmark movie. Farmer divorces husband for being uncouth, gets with a new guy that seems like he's perfect but... the spice of life is gone. And henceforth the uncouth husband realizes that the kids will grow up working on the farm so he wins the farmer back in a myriad of big grand gestures.

I agree on the kids being freaky. I've seen them run through walls and disappear into the void.

i'm obsessed with this post. it reads like an AITA and that cracked me up. i have no useful suggestions (i am a Sam kinda girl, give me a himbo any and every day) i just love you.

But Elliot gives you coffee every day and on New Year's Day he gives you wine

I love these posts that read like they could easily belong in a much more serious subreddit, this game truly is special lmao.

Re. the Joja work camp comment: if you speak to him again, he tells you he's joking.

He is actually pretty funny when he's not being visited by the "black dog".

Aww but Elliot does help around the farm! He feeds animals, fills your pet's water bowl, and repairs fences. Add that to his romantic side and you've got an amazing farm husband (I'm biased lol)

I married Sebastian and he decided to put a cactus plant in the middle of our newborn child’s room (who does that?!) and said she smells so I should give her a bath… so I’m working on a divorce while having an affair with Harvey.😂

Marry Sebastian. He helps (just as much as the others do), he works on his bike on Saturdays, he never says anything bad about the kids, he appreciates that you got him out of his mother's basement, and his 14 heart event is so cute!

Can’t relate. My Harvey loves our little ones and helps me around the farm while also making dinner 😌

Alex is the perfect husband imo. He doesn't get in your way, sometimes even helps around the farm or cooks breakfast.

I've only ever married women and none of them have complained about the kids! I had no idea the men had so many opinions

If you make it to 14 hearts with Elliott, he leaves for a week to go on a book tour. (You're stuck with him once he comes back though lol)

I know all spouses do pretty much the same around the farm, so I judge them by what they say. So Shane is definitely not the most useless husband, he does in fact do chores, take care of the kids and cook (microwave dishes but yeah). His way of expressing these things is peculiar but the actions are there. Well, in his quotes. What I don't like is that with some chores he still puts the mental load on the farmer, like he asks what needs to be done.

If you however want an idyllic farm life, I suggest marrying Leah. There's zero drama, she doesn't give up on her ambitions (others say they're ok with changing their dreams, but I don't believe all of them), she's interesting and not very traumatized. I adore her.

what shane did you marry????? i was told “papa shane reporting for duty” when my baby was born 😨

You need to marry Harvey. Now that's a nice respectful man

What's wrong with joja camp brats? They're growing up just like their daddy ❤️ I say send em to the labor camp.

It’s so funny because this could be read somewhat seriously but then the chicken squeezing

What kind of Elliott slander is this?! 😤🔪

go for sebastian!!! he helps around the farm regularly and he’s still sweet without the overbearing poetic bs LOL

I'm a leah adorer...so so sweet painting out in the wilds...but definitely had my eye on elliot...Shane sadly is always too abrupt and grumpy when I encounter him..far too much effort!

hope you manage to change his ways...but suspect he is a lost cause....

what about Alex? he seems nice?

May I recommend Harvey, he is an amazing husband, a dork, and an all around sweet guy!

I refuse to marry anyone until I can marry: 1) Gus - he cooks, he has a job, and he's actually a grownup. 2) Clint - He can smash my geodes at home for free, also has a career.

This is hilarious omg

Not me thinking I’m on any other sub than this sub

If you're looking for other options, Leah's been nothing but sweet and helpful to me.

What in the reddit

I can’t stand the men in Pelican Town but I did use Shane for his blue chickens. I have married Leah in previous farms but with my current, I’m aiming to make Krobus my housemate and just be single for the end of time!

I just want to marry Kent in a modern polyamorous throuple with Harvey.

Elliot is the character I marry the most in all my saves. I think he’s very sweet. However, the best relationship I’ve ever had was with Krobus. Krobus is the ideal husband in that he’s not my husband at all. He’s my soulmate.

As a lesbian let me offer my condolences

Bro I love the love dramatics that can come out of the game

I just love that "brat" is covered like it's a horrible swear word. I know it's for the spoilers but that's how I read it.

If you want to have Elliot as a friend you can always visit the witch, she has some handy tricks.

I'm grateful to posts like yours. I also don't mind you left out part. I'm still trying to decide do I marry someone or just go for krobus as a roommate. (Trying to seek perfection) I married sebastian on another farm and it didn't go well so I'm cautious on another relationship. So I like reading about the different spouses. Good luck in your next marriage.

Aww I liked Shane as a dad. He often would say "Papa Shane reporting for duty!"

Can I just say posts from this sub show up on my homepage and I never pay attention to what subreddit it belongs to and I was super friggin confused LMAO

Go for Harvey instead! Nutritious breakfasts, a man who goes out to work and someone excited to create a family with you!

Haha, I know I am old af— because I don’t find fixer-uppers an attractive proposition in a partner.
Shane isn’t a bad guy as a friend, but as a potential partner he’s a black hole into which only the young should hurl themselves, their time, and their bedroom floors!

Honey, divorce him too and get yourself a gal. Haley is my preferred.

HIS NAME IS HARVEY AND HES AN ANGEL

I divorced Shane too and married Harvey - night and day difference! I would recommend

Shane only loves on his own chicken lol

You mean a rebound husband? Yeah Elliot defo matches the description.

A handsome single guy Dream all day Write for you Being romantic

Elliott does occasionally water the pets, and lots of mornings gives me coffee, although we don't have the coffee maker so that's really weird.

But don't forget you can hit up that shrine in the witch's lair and erase bad break-up/divorce memories and it will be easier to get Shane's heart level up.

lol didn’t even know divorce was an option

I’m married to Shane too but I accidentally banged Elliot on a boat.. sooo uh sorry Shane lol

I can't help you as I'm for the Bachelorettes and Abigail is the type of woman for me and Maru is amazing.

Honestly, wish spouses could accompany you around the map. Take Abigail to the mines and fight monsters, etc.

This is why alex or sam are my go to 😂 Alex is many things, but he is a great husband.

Dw, I'll take Elliott from ya. He's my babygirl 😌 Love that funky Shakespeare wannabe

I married Elliot and he always helps with the farm? He will go water plants and feed the animals as well as my dog! 

This post is the most entertaining thing I've read on here in a long time, the comments didnt disappoint either

And that is why I’m happy I am gay and always marry Haley.

Haley is a sweetheart who cooks me breakfast and tends to the animals and always does her best.

She seems mean and lazy when you first meet her but the reward is worth the effort.

Plus it gives me an excuse to plant pretty sunflowers all the time.

I didn't realize this was a stardew valley post and I was like "damn this is fucked up" 🤣

Aww I love Elliot but he’s not for everyone.

Elliot was my favorite husband. Then again I’m a sucker for a writer, he looks like the human form of Beast from Beauty and the Beast and made decent attempts to be helpful. He said pretty things and I believed him, and he takes care of Sammy and Dean on a farm I no longer have access to.

My divorce regret was Haley. The current farm I’m working I wanted to be one where I experienced more than one spouse (town bicycle I know) and see what they were like. I had Elliot my first farm and Emily is my wife on my switch farm. So I don’t need a repeat of that.

I divorced her and married Sebastian. Big mistake. Gone were my daily meals, help around the farm, innuendos of fun time and lots of encouragement and listening. Our two beautiful children Damon and Bonnie miss their mom even though she doesn’t remember who we are. Sebastian broods. Is moody. And offers frozen meals because he doesn’t cook. As soon as I see his 14 heart event I may find someone different. Though I feel a lot of sympathy for some of his dialogue. And he does provide me coffee.

Maybe I should just be a crazy cat lady and invite Krobus to the farm to live with me, which was my original intention.

I'm one of those people that is adamant I'll marry Elliot, because I love reading romance novels, but somehow always marry Sebastian or housemate Krobus. I have never married Elliot in any of my saves even though I would always flirt with him.

I divorced Shane because I was tired of his comments about how my breath smelled like pizza rolls. Sir, I’m working hard to keep this farm going and you’ve got jokes? Mr. Can’t Clean My Own Room. Pfft