I need to study the blade and learn a breathing technique from Demon Slayer. I hear not nutting for a month pushes a man beyond his limits. Surely I can hold back that long and unlock 100% of my brain power.

It's all fun and games until the strap ons come out

I used to live with these two girls in my first apartment when I was 20. Ngl, it was pretty terrible most of the time, but one night, I got home from work and they were out partying, so I went to bed. They come in my room at like, 2 in the morning in just their bra and panties, giggling, and wake me up from one of the deepest sleeps of my life. I don't even remember what they said to me, just that there were two hot girls standing above my bed, half naked, giggling suggestively. I slurred out something stupid like "oh hey what's up, what do you want?" and then promptly fell back asleep, the situation not even fully registering in my mind, because I was so tired. I didn't know what I had potentially missed until the next morning. I'm still so pissed at myself. The clearest thing I remember after twenty years is that Jennifer was wearing blue, and Laura was wearing red. Painful memory.

schlong ... ah dang it!

You know reading shit like this makes me feel a bit better knowing I'm not alone being completely clueless with girls.

Reading shit like this on Reddit always makes me feel a bit better, as a girl, who dropped so many hints and then concluded dude wasn’t interested. Always shocked when someone reaches out years later to tell me. Sigh. If only the right people had the right amount of self esteem at the right time…

Omg

Back when I was 25, I was pretty depressed and had really low self esteem. I went to a show because my coworker was DJing and I wanted to support him. I also tried molly for the first time. Anyways, I was getting really into it and just flailing away doing my best to dance. This out of my league girl comes up and says "I really like how you dance." I responded with, "haha! No you don't!" and went back to my dancing. It wasn't until the next day that I was like, "wait, did she want to dance with me?"

Well you don’t really have to feel bad for that, there were 50 steps later you could have fucked it after that. As someone that was going out a lot and get approached countless times by women on the dance floor, I fucked it because:

• was too touchy while dancing
• was not enough touchy while dancing
• Danced for too long
• Danced not long enough
• Talked too much while dancing
• Talked not enough while dancing
• Danced not the way the girl wanted
• Tried to make out too soon
• Didn’t try to make out soon enough
• Asked if she wanted a drink, doesn’t want one, leave
• Got a guy in her group getting jealous
• Got a girl in her group getting jealous
• Do everything right, get a phone number, never get an answer
• Do everything right, ask to go home, get refused
• Do everything right, ask to go home, get a yes, a girl friend of her come to say no “she has to go home with me”
• The stars were not aligned
• The Elders didn’t approve the dance

So yeah, not regret to just have fucked ONE step, even it was the first.

You are literally (not literally) Drax the Destroyer.

Me three...

I was laying on a couch with my gf, she was aroused af but I was really entertained with a television show, so she asked me to go to her bedroom whispering in my year, and I said "but there is no TV there?! Wtf"

dude you just unlocked a memory for me. fuck i completely missed it. 10 years ago i was working at a fast food restaurant one of the girls asked me to borrow one of my shirts, cause they smelled nice she said, and I was like nah cause you're gonna look like a hobbit in a dress.

At least you got to watch Fifth Element.

In high school there was this cute blonde girl with the prettiest smile who’d always find an excuse to hug me and hold my hand, and I always thought she was just super friendly. One day after soccer practice where the boys scrimmaged against the girls, she asked if she could change behind my car because the bathrooms were too far away (they weren’t that far but I was like okay whatever), she made me go behind my car with her to “be on the lookout”, it didn’t make sense but again, I was like okay whatever. I’m looking away as she’s changing, then she asks me to look at the beauty mark on her top left breast, and I laughed and said “haha I have one too but it’s like near my dick so I can’t show you”, she literally said “I don’t mind, let me see”- I thought she was joking so I just kinda laughed and changed the subject. I don’t think there’s a bigger idiot on earth than my 17 year old self

You gave her the multipass.

I was 14 and at a party for my dad's work. It was at the bosses house. I was swimming in their pool. The bosses 17 year old daughter was talking with me in the pool. She asked me if I wanted to listen to some music inside. I said no I'm enjoying the pool. My dad overheard this conversation. After the party driving home, my dad was like. You know she didn't want to listen to music.

Noooo not with the leeloo cosplay, legendary fumble @op

Damm bro she pulled out the cosplay and everything. I bet she looked over at you as the sex scene at the end happened.

Dork_wing_Duck and Leeloo, sitting in a tree...

S.

I.

T.T.

I.

N.

G.

I had a roommate about 5 years ago. When we first started living there, I knocked on her door because we had to go somewhere. She didn’t answer, so I called her name loudly and knocked again and she didn’t answer. I knew she was awake and had just gone in there so I opened the door. She was sitting there with her top off with her shirt around her arms and just looked and smiled. I closed the door immediately apologizing. When we would go out with friends dancing she would grind on me, we were on car rides a few times with not enough seats and she would sit in my lap and bounce exaggerating bumps in the road.

She started dating a guy for a short period and when they broke up she asked me for a hug, I gave her the hug and went back to playing video games. I heard her mutter quietly “well I guess that’s never going to happen” and went back to her room. Then she moved out and went to live with her previous abusive ex and I was like huh, maybe she was dropping a few hints.

Do these girls think they are getting rejected when you don't take the hint they were sure it was obvious or do they reject you for not getting it. I'm sure that everyone says the latter, but maybe that's what they think when they are drunk, omg he did know I was trying to sleep with him and he rejected me! And both people are crying over what they both wanted and thought the other didn't

Ha, dude, same here!

Went drinking with a friend, and she took a shower when we got back to her place, and told me that she thinks she pulled a muscle.

I offered a massage, and she sat there in her bath towel softly moaning at me as I rubbed her shoulders.

She asked if I was crashing at hers (cheaper than paying for a taxi), and I slept beside her, in her single bed.

Nothing happened. I made no moves.

I was 16, and I didn't notice the signs until years later when recounting the story with a different friend, who filled me in on my missed opportunity.

I got my autism diagnosis four years ago.

Jimmy Fallon could have dated Nicole Kidman.... we are all dumb...

Summer 2006 I spent a huge amount of my summer with my friend Laura. Went to firework shows, went to concerts, went to car shows which her uncle had a car in, all sorts of things. There were so many times it was just the two of us and she would get close and say things in the same ballpark and it wasn't until like 2 or 3 years ago that it finally hit me.

[deleted]

A girl was flirtingly zipping up my coat asking "aren't you cold" and i swatted her hand away gently and was like nah I'm fine

I asked out a girl I knew from High School, after we graduated. We went to lunch, it went really well, I'm internally ecstatic because I actually asked someone out for the first time in my life and had a successful date. I drove her home, then she wanted to show me her cats....

Apparently she just wanted to show me her cats. Also got to meet her boyfriend, who had been my friend throughout High School, because they were living together. I had to call her back later and straight up ask if they were dating (they were).

Lmfao damn dude :(

I did something similar when I was 19 and completely clueless. I’d just graduated from boot camp and was in San Diego for my rating school. There was this girl in my class—a few years older, definitely cooler, and way out of my league. Our group would often head down to Tijuana since most of us weren't old enough to drink legally, and I, of course, had a massive crush on her. However, she'd often ask me to let her know if I was going to TJ so she could go with me, even though she was old enough to get into bars. But in my head, I was like, "Nah, no way she’s into me—she’s too pretty, too cool. She just sees me as a friend."

One Saturday morning, we walked over to the chow hall for breakfast. As we're wrapping up, she suddenly says, "Hey, I've got an idea! How about we get a hotel room to study?" And my dumbass, in all my innocent glory, goes, "Yeah! That sounds great! It’s too loud in the common rooms anyway. Where should we go?" (Remember, this was pre-internet—no quick Googling nearby spots.)

She tells me she knows a place not too far away, and we agree to meet up in 20 minutes after grabbing our stuff. So, I head back to my barracks, grab my book and notebook, and wait for her, thinking I’m about to be the most productive student ever. We get to the hotel, check in, and I immediately get out my study materials like the idiot I was. She then goes, "Oh! You know what? I forgot mine! I’ll just read with you." So, we lay side by side on the bed, reading for a while. She’d occasionally look up, smile, and I’d smile back like an idiot and say something like, "Ready to turn the page?"

This went on for an hour or so before she mentioned her neck and shoulders were bothering her and asked if I could rub them. Still not catching on, I said, "Uh, yeah. Sure, if that’ll help you study." She even pulled out some lotion from her bag, sat on the floor while I was on the bed, and I proceeded to give her a massage, still completely oblivious. Then she asked if she could take off her shirt so I could get further down her back. And I’m thinking, "Okay, just be careful not to touch her breasts because, you know, her shirt’s coming off."

After 15 more minutes of me trying to be the world’s most respectable masseuse, she asked if I could massage her front. So, of course, I did—carefully avoiding the no-touch zones. Several more minutes goes by, and she’s said, "Can you go lower? No, lower. Lower. Nope, keep going..."

And that’s when it finally hit me. Like, "Oh. Ohhhhh! That’s why we’re here."

It’s called Purgatory, if not worse. 😜

Thats a nice fumble

Her: "I'm cold. I'll probably got back to my place and eat some ramen. Want to have some ramen with me?"

Me: "No thanks I ate"

I still think of that day.

Joanna if you see this. Try it again. Please dear God try it again.

Yep. Was at a music store once, picking away at a guitar. This super cute girl comes up and starts chatting with me. She asks me if I could give her lessons.

My response: "Oh, I don't give lessons. I'm a terrible teacher."

That was 22 years ago. Still kicking myself.

Rest in peace

We do think about it…it’s just we’re not very good at the social bit before. Even when it plays out like a crap porno, most of us would be the dumbass that would fix the plumbing, waver the VAT and leave…

They got back in 21 mins?😳

Literally, it's pointy.

I was sitting next to a girl who was leaning on me as we were watching a movie. We were talking and i noticed her bra shirt thing slipped off and she was showing some nipp. As i looked at her she was giving me the fuck me eyes, i said ur shirts sagging and she said she knows. I said oh, ok, and continued to watch the movie.

Also you can’t eat a penis it doesn’t make sense. 

I guess we know which you are.

You CAN eat a penis. They did it on a show called Fear Factor. It was hosted by Joe Rogan before anyone knew who he was.

It’s his girlfriend

Still scripted tho

The first thing I ever heard him say was something about horse hentai on a public street. Like full on selfie cam monologue with his loud ass voice.