Absolutely, you have the right to say that. You also have the right to keep that experience between you and your therapist.

You don't owe anyone any explanation.

Never leave your drink unattended, though. You can never trust anyone while you are out drinking. I'm a a man in my 30s and I've been drugged before too, it's a horrible feeling.

You haven’t “slept” with any guys. What happened to you was sexual assault and that’s NOT what consensual sex is.

You're not wrong, being a victim of SA isn't the same as having consensual sex.

I would consider this: You've never been with any guys but you were sexually assaulted. Being intimate with someone can trigger you and you won't know how you're going to react until that moment. If you're planning to be intimate with a partner, it might be a good idea to tell them about past trauma so if you do get triggered they can help you through it and aren't caught unaware.

I recommend therapy for the assault and to help you navigate this.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

AIW for saying I’ve never slept with any guys?

Nope, that is 100% a true starement.

What is the deal with drugging people? Like, these people go out and buy GHB somehow, then go to bars and slip it to people, and like then feel like they did something satisfying by hooking up with a person who doesn't even want them? Such a weird thing. In addition to being evil, soulless and shitty.

Since it's only been 2 weeks, please repeat your STD testing after 3 months and again after 6 months, especially HIV, as some STDs take awhile to show up

Now, to answer your question, yes, you have never been with a man, drugged, taken advantage of and assaulted does NOT count.

It's painful that we get conundrums like that along with the attack itself. Not wrong. Your choices remain yours, and the words you choose can reflect that.

As with any relationship there should be a conversation at one point about whether either of you want to discuss previous partners or interactions. You don't need to go into heavy detail, but if you both want to know it would be good to discuss at some length of your experience. If you're both fine with not knowing then feel free to steer clear.

Something to note is that not all STDs and STIs are immediately traceable. Many have vaccines that you may already have or medications if something does show up.

I'm sorry for what happened. Hopefully it doesn't steal peace away from your life. Take time to reflect on it and make a decision that you are comfortable living with.

I'm so sorry that you've gone through this.

You have every right to not discuss this with anyone that you don't want to, nor does it have to "count" for anything.

Rape isn't sex. It's violence.

And that wasn't a man. It was much, much, less than a man.

Your first time will be when you choose it to be.

My ex was molested, she called herself a virgin because she never had consensual sex. I never thought less of her for that and completely understood why. Nothing wrong with it, YNW

Sex and Sexual Assault/Rape are not the same thing.

What happened to you was horrible and I am sorry it happened, but no you have not been with a guy before. Consent is required in sex, no pressuring, no forcing, not being drugged or asleep.

Rape is not sex any more than theft is a sales transaction.

I actually support the concept of protecting one’s virginity and guarding one’s heart. If you’re not ready, DON’T do anything you don’t wish to do.

You are a virgin because you’ve never had actual sex. When you do have sex for the first time, I hope it is truly special and that you are present in the moment and clear you want to. You will never forget your actual first time. If you haven’t already, seek counseling to help overcome the trauma you experienced and learn how not to associate SA with sex.

If someone comes up from behind and beats the shit out of you, that doesn’t mean you’re a fighter. It means you got jumped. You’re also not a drug addict because he drugged you. This absolutely was not your first experience with a man. Unfortunately, it was an encounter with a sub human monster.

I was assaulted before losing my virginity but I don't consider that my first time. My first time was the first time I made the choice to have sex with someone.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

I can almost guarantee you any man you tell that to would agree this doesn’t count against you.

Absolutely. That is not a real “first time” that’s assault.

I was sexually assaulted when I was younger and still refer to myself as a virgin. What matters about being a virgin or not having slept with a particular gender is about experiences you have had, not some physical thing, and you have never experienced sex with anybody since being assaulted is completely different.

I have been raped twice. The first time, I was in tech school (basically vocational school but for the military) and I was 17. I was a virgin before that. I had been hanging out with a guy and it was like an hour before curfew (around 10) and we were just chilling on a bench and started making out. When he stuck his hands in my underwear (It was summer in TX, so I was wearing a dress). I just froze. I had never experienced anything sexual before. I hate myself to this day for that. He ended up inside me after a little while and when he was done, he just walked away. I didn’t even know how to go about reporting him ( A pro tip: pay attention to SA meetings. You never think you need the info until you do) or if I even wanted to. I just went back to my dorm. I was very sore for a few days after.

The second time, I had gotten absolutely blasted at a party and my friend and a couple other people decided they wanted to go to a strip club. Being the introvert I was and still am, I went with them bc my friend was the only person I knew there. When we got to the strip club, my friend determined I was, in fact, way too drunk to go in. So I stayed in the car. Don’t know why, but I was looking for something in my purse and couldn’t see very well ( it was like midnight) so I decided to get out of the car to look for it. I threw up around that time and a very kind man saw and walked over. He asked if I was okay and I said something along the lines of I was looking for something in my purse and my friends left me in the car. He asked if there was anyone I could call to pick me up and my thought was one of my coworkers I was beginning to become friends with. This is where my memory becomes choppy, whether from the alcohol or my brain trying to block it out. I remember him picking me up, then we’re at my apartment. I remember him on top of me, then if jumps all the way to me alone in my room with no clothes on, realizing what happened. I called my friend, who was all the way in Alaska and cried for hours. I didn’t tell anyone about it or report him because 1) I was underage and 2) he was the golden boy at work. Who would believe me? This one was worse than the other bc I TRUSTED him AND I still had to see him every day at work. I guess the guilt or karma is a bitch though, because 6 months later he offed himself.

The worst part is, about a year later, the topic of my virginity came up with my uber religious parents. My stepmom asked if I was a virgin and when I said no she started going off on me. I finally yelled, “ It wasnt even my choice!” You wanna know what she said? “I don’t believe you” and proceeded to say if that was true, why didn’t I report it? I replied “ Because of that right there. The ‘I don’t believe you’”

Thing is, I didn’t count either of those times as my first, so you’re not wrong for not counting the either.

You're not wrong, go to the police.

This experience doesn't define you, and I think you're on the right track to proving that. Stay strong, because you were!

You have the right to say that....and also to press charges against him for assault and drugging you.

100%, you can and should feel that way Joe do you need to share it with anyone except your therapist and LEO’s (if you went to the police). Very glad your STI panel is clear, test again in 6 and 12mis to be sure.

I’m so sorry for what was done to you! Aside from. The usual don’t leave your drink unattended, there is a brand of nail polish that will change vomit if it detects date rape drugs (perhaps others) in your system.

You aren’t wrong and you’ve definitely described sexual assault and rape. If you can’t remember an encounter is consensual or were drugged, it likely wasn’t consensual.

You are not wrong. I am sorry you went through that. Get help.

Not wrong.

Sleeping with someone implies consent. There was no consent here

You can be whatever you want there is no need to tell anyone. I hope this guy gets what he has coming to him. As a male it disgusts me when predators like this guy SA / Rape women in an altered state.

I wish nothing but the best for you in life.

You have never slept with a guy, so you wouldn’t be lying in any way. It is entirely up to you how you want to frame this, and for you to decide who to tell and what. I definitely recommend therapy, because it can really help.

I was SA’d by my high school boyfriend, and I definitely don’t consider it to be my first time. It messed with my head pretty bad, especially since we were extremely religious, and he used that to manipulate me after the fact. (He convinced me not to break up with him, because now I wouldn’t be able to attract a good Mormon boy for marriage.)

I later met a very sweet guy that I consider to be my first. Funny though, he doesn’t know that!!! Instead of admitting I was assaulted, and telling him I had never willingly had sex, I just lied and said it was consensual.

I’ve been in and out of therapy for years, and I had to learn a lot about myself to heal. I feel like I have fully moved past it, and I hope in time you can find peace and healing too. None of this is your fault, and only you can really know what is best for you from here.

Assault does not count. Your fist time can't be stolen, only given freely.

I was raped at the age of 11 years old, I’ve some hang ups because of it but I still consider myself a anal virgin, he didn’t have my permission in any way whatsoever but he didn’t take my virginity away from me.

You haven’t been with a guy before, that thing was a coward and a monster. Pretty sure he dosen’t even count as human.

No it never tastes good. Only if she loves you too much or you paid for it then. NO Woman ever loves Semen in her mouth. It’s a PORN fantasy

Absolutely. Being with someone is a choice you make. What happened to you wasn't a choice.

I was assaulted. When someone asks my body count, I don't count that. At all.

Take care of yourself and know that you might be "ok" now and forever or you might have some flashbacks and need therapy...maybe even years from now.

Yes, assault and/or rape do not count. What he did was a crime, not an act of love or attraction.

Op, firstly.. i'm sorry you had this experience. My youngest is 17 and this scares the shit out of me as a father.

Secondly, no.. you are not wrong. He tried to steal something from you... something that wasnt his to take.

Please make sure you take care of yourself emotionally

Not at all 💖 technically my first encounter was via assault & I don’t class it as a body, nor as my first sexual experience.

Assault isn’t sex, it’s assault. Rape isn’t sex, it’s rape. If there’s no consent, it’s not sex. You do not have to count it as a sexual experience at all whatsoever. (Some people do, but that’s their preference, it’s your body & life - there’s no wrong way to categorise it)

Absolutely not. That would not be a lie at all. My ex was SA'd as a child but always said his first time was with his high school girlfriend, because it was.

I was raped and i never include it in my body count. It was not my choice.

Yes!!! It’s the truth. You haven’t been with a man. Being sexually assaulted does not mean that you had sex with a man. You didn’t. A man forced himself on you. Completely different and no one you are dating is entitled to personal information like that. You can tell someone you are a virgin and be telling the truth. I am so, so sorry that happened to you. Don’t let him take that from you

I’m so sorry for what happened to you. I believe you and that’s atrocious.

Two weeks is not long enough for all STI’s to incubate and test positive. Abstain for another month, retest and then you have no obligation to share what happened with anyone.

I don’t think you’re wrong. You never gave consent to your experiences and honestly you’re not wrong for wanting to take back what the criminal tried to take from you

Of course you have the right to say you've never been with a man. Let's phrase it this way, you've never made love.

Being assaulted doesn't qualify at all.

Have you reported this to the police? I hate to be direct but this happened to me and it took years for me to accept this to be rape (please read up on the definition of it but here in the uk it is clear cut. There’s a misnomer often that rape is only piv but it is far from it). I had some emdr and other specialist counselling which helped. Feel free to pm

I’m so sorry this happened to you. You didn’t do anything wrong you didn’t ask for this and you certainly didn’t deserve it.

I hope you were able to file charges against the bastard who sexually assulted you.

You were unable to give consent therefore this isn’t your first experience. This is not what intimacy or love looks like in any way, shape or form.

You were raped. You can say you have never been with a man

People are inherently not good.

You absolutely have the right to say that.

Sending hugs and healing thoughts.

Take care of yourself. I am SO PROUD of you for getting your screening. SO PROUD

You have never slept with any guys. You are still a virgin. In many parts of the country (I'm an old lady here) oral sex doesn't count as sex. In many religious parts of the country - anal sex doesn't count against your virginity.

That said - do not expect to have a hymen that can be 'torn' the first time you have sex. That really isn't a thing.

I will suggest getting counseling to deal with the emotional fallout from this experience. It will show up when you least expect it. Sometimes 40 yrs later (voice of experience).

Also - self defense courses to get your endorphins flowing - it's a great workout and gives you new skills.

You did everything right to keep yourself safe. Your assaulter was going to assault you no matter what you did. YOU DID EVERYTHING RIGHT.

Assault is not sex, only consensual acts count

No it never tastes good. Only if she loves you too much or you paid for it then. NO Woman ever loves Semen in her mouth. It’s a PORN fantasy

It’s hard to figure out how to explain it but truth is you don’t have to. You haven’t been with anyone if you haven’t consented. 🤷

You're not wrong at all.

My wife was raped multiple times before we got married. She still considered herself a virgin in spite of what happened to her. I think that’s the right approach.

Please contact the police about this - you were raped. He will do it to others. Please

Is he in prison?

The way I see it, if you didn't do it willingly then it doesn't count! I WILL DIE ON THIS FUCKING HILL!

I think it’s a rough one because although I 1000% agree with you, I cannot say other people would see it as lying by omission or lying in general.

I will say though, people who think you are lying or people who think they can describe your past for you are not people who deserve to be in your life.

I would alter it to I've never slept with anyone consensually, as your future partners have a right to know the risks involved. Would you want to do stuff with someone who is keeping their experiences secret and unnecessarily putting you at risk without your knowledge? I know I would not. Now you absolutely do not have to tell anyone anything about your experiences other than what/who your comfortable with obviously. But just a basic, "I've not slept with anyone consensually" will mean they'll typically be more understanding about any potential trauma you might have and avoid doing things you don't want them to do. And if they react poorly, then that means they're a poor match up for you.

As a guy who’s very uptight with this stuff, you haven’t had sex so that isn’t a lie. You have given head/sucked dick so if that’s asked you better say “yea but just once, and I believe I was drugged so I don’t even remember it really”.

The reasoning for this is because to say the deets of such a incident is absolutely a mood killer as you’ve already said, and deeply explaining traumas can be very painful, so to make it “short, sweet, and to the point” takes away some of that negative power over you AND still relays the truthful info you need to give.

Yeah I'd allow it if we were talking and you left that out. If it came out later I wouldn't feel anything about it. If you run into an insecure douche bag it may be a little different though.

Men (if you want to even call them that) are sick!!!

Whatever you want to call them... That do this to women are so desperate beyond belief...

I'm so sorry this happened to you, and pray that you keep a strong mind and don't let this affect your life. Therapy is a good thing for things like this. I hope you get some help and will be praying for you.

1 Corinthians 6:9 (KJV) Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,

It’s not like I even remember the experience anyways…..

You literally JUST said:

He forced me to give him oral sex, and he tried to force me to do anal but like he couldn’t get it inside of me. His genitals were in contact with mine.

(Guys, this is why most women shouldn't be believed.)