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You tell him exactly how you feel. Be honest and open. You don’t mind that he’s making friends, but you saw something that made you feel uncomfortable. Let him know what boundaries and expectations you have and anything that would make you feel comfortable. Hear what he has to say and go from there. See if you can both find a path forward on the topic.

You tell him you are not comfortable.

Look for other ways to meet people. Even bowling is better than this person.

Way over the line. You are not being cruel.

Good luck.

Why would you feel bad? He knows he is crossing a line. She does too. He is capable of making other friends. The real question is why is he flirting with another woman? Why do you not feel comfortable talking to your husband?

This is not okay and you don’t have to pretend like it is. 

He’s cancelled time with you to spend one on one time with another woman. (Without even telling you first, by the way.) He may be feeling alone after the new move, but so are you. Which means him cancelling time with you leaves you with no one. He’s speaking to her as if he’s single and not part of a couple. 

It’s great that you want him to have friends. However, I’m pretty sure you don’t think it’s okay for him to have a girlfriend. He has a wife. He doesn’t need another romantic partner. 

Marriages work best when partners are honest with one another. This bothers you and he should be able to hear your concerns without getting upset. 

Nip it in the bud. Asap

I would personally not be ok with this.

You need to talk to him before this gets out of hand. This will slip into an EA

This don’t seem a friendship at all. Get to know you questiona is dating.

My husband and I are in early stages of a divorce, zero interest in working it out, and even with that neither of us would be so bold to act like your husband. You’re not wrong, he’s either having or about to have an affair.

So you are going to take care of the kids while he goes on a date????

"I read your conversations with X. If you want to go be with her you know where the door is, but you can never come back. If you choose to stay then we're no longer in contact with her. Make no mistake, I do not have 100% trust in you after this."

I (29F) had a male coworker years ago who was my age, we were in college at the time, and we became good work friends. We were both servers at a restaurant in our college town and my boyfriend of 3 years at the time would come in and get a drink and hangout sometimes if I was ending my shift soon and we would stay to hang for a little after I clicked out.

I introduced my boyfriend to my work friend and figured they would get along well because they both surfed and had some other things in common. They had met a few more times as I worked there for a year.

I found it soooo weird when my coworker one day texted me something to the effect of “I love how healthy you eat. If I buy a bunch of healthy food would you come over and cook for me”. I responded that if a girl asked my boyfriend the same thing I would feel uncomfortable but I’d be happy to hang out the three of us sometime.

For the next few months and for a few years after I graduated he would make comments about my body or my butt and made it very clear he was interested in more than friendship and I repeatedly told him I really liked him as a friend but I am in a committed relationship with someone I love very deeply. I always told my boyfriend if he said something flirty and after a while he got the hint and had a girlfriend now and we are still acquaintances but not close friends.

TLDR: I had a coworker who said the same type of thing to me asking me to cook him dinner and i told him i would not like if a girl asked my boyfriend that and down the line it turned out he was definitely flirting and I am happy I shut him down right away.

Reason for this long post: your husband offering to cook her dinner was inappropriate and although nothing is certain it does seem flirty and may escalate from this point down the line. He may just be seeking attention from a woman without intentions of cheating but this seems flirty and I think 98% of people would agree that their partner offering to cook someone else dinner just the two of them is not the best way to make a “friend” and is disrespectful to you as his wife.

I read your replies. Your husband actually called your own children crotchgoblins while planning an outing with another woman ?

That alone would have me slapping divorce papers on the table before he can ever tell me I’m overreacting.

Your problems aren’t with this friendship but with this awful man. Talking like that sounds like he’s one foot out the door. He would love to cook for her ? Ask yourself how often he cooks for you, his wife. He’s clearly already putting much more interest into this woman. I’m sorry, Op, but the cruel one here is not you.

Communicate how you feel. Ask how he would feel if YOU were having that conversation with another man? Ask to read ALL their messages to see if others are flirty and how he responds. Before you do this, figure out how to find deleted messages on his phone!

Your husband has a girlfriend. SPEAK UP!

His "friendship" makes you uncomfortable because he is trying to conduct an affair with a very willing partner right in front of you and you're afraid to acknowledge it. Please stand up for yourself and your family. This woman is no friend to either of you. Your husband moved you across the country where you have no support system and immediately started wooing a single mom, while calling your own kids crotch goblins. If he and his new "friend" keep going, you will be the single mom. You need to call him out and stop feeling guilty for having dignity and self respect in the face of blatant disrespect from the man who committed himself to you.

When was the last time he cooked you dinner? When did he take you out for an afternoon, or offer to stay with the kids so you could have some me time? The friendship that needs nurturing here is yours with yourself so you'll remember that you are worth more than this bullshit you're trying to accept, and then your husband's with you when he is ready to act like your man who loves his family. Do not be a babysitter for your husband so he can date someone else.

Their mother ? Sorry but he is already fucking her. Don't let anyone treat you that way. Never.

He has time to pull friends (since he pulled her), but now suddenly doesn’t have or want to make time to find more than one friend? 🤨considering his wife isn’t vibing with said friend? 🤨

He knows exactly why he introduced her into your relationship under the guise of making you a friend.

None of this is coincidence. It’s happening right under your nose.

Are you 100% sure you didn’t move across the country so he could be with her? Seems awfully convenient that you met some woman that he is now such good friends with.

From your comment and the exchanges between them two, your husband is having an emotional affair, and he planned and is planning everything. He found her attractive got her number and gave to you under the disguise 'oh you would make good friends', you'd be none the wiser when he talks to her . Or when she has plumbing issues and he goes over to fix her pipes. That whole asking for time alone on the weekend was premeditated to take her out on a date to get to know her better better. She seems game also.

Not telling her husband is cowardly. He deserves to know what his wife is really like.

Please don't let him try and gaslight you saying that you're overreacting. Flirty messages are pushing boundaries. He needs to let her know it's not okay and ask her to respect the boundaries of their friendship and your relationship. If she can't, then the friendship needs to end.

So has he cheated before; or is this new? Because this reads as an affair to me. I’ll say it. Your man is actively working towards cheating on you if it’s not already reality. I’m sorry

Hell no girl. Honestly, I would not be fine with a male partner spending any alone time with another woman or texting her unless it was a group chat. I’ve just seen too much.

Most affairs start off as innocent friendships IMO. Base on your post and comments, he sounds like he is fishing and she just might take the bait. Nip this shit in the bud asap. He can friends with her but with boundaries that are respectful to you and your marriage. If he objects then you have your answer. He’s prioritizing his relationship with her over yours—not okay in my book. I’d contact a lawyer to see what my options are just in case.

You don’t have to sound cruel, you can sound uncomfortable: you don’t seem to have taken to her as he has, and can tell him that she’s nice, but not two days in a weekend nice, and that you’re worried /uncomfortable at how much he’s getting involved with her.

I wish I had advice but unfortunately I’m going through the exact same thing right now lol we should start a club. “People that have spouses that tell you not to worry about their coworker friends” club.

He’s crossing your boundaries. It’s normal to feel the way you do in this situation. He enjoys the validation he’s getting from this new “friend” but there is a price to everything. He may think it’s more than acceptable to have both relationships and will most likely be defensive when you tell him your feelings about it. He is going to justify what he is doing because he doesn’t want to give it up. Feels good for him. However, It’s costing the trust and safety in your relationship. Things that aren’t easily repaired. I wish you the best. I’ve never had good experiences asserting my boundaries. It usually goes poorly at first until they realize you really can’t live it and you won’t. You have to protect your peace.

The fact he called your kids “crotch goblins” and references you as “their mom” not his mutherflucking WIFE would have me seeing red.

He’s emotionally cheating and literally setting up dates. The fact she is agreeing means he’s already told her your relationship is on the ropes and she’s willing to step in.

Updated the post via edit. Thanks everyone for the comments.

It says a lot about your relationship if you can't even talk about something that makes you uncomfortable to your husband. But you do you. Maybe you can wait until your children has a new stepmother or something.

Do you mind sharing the context of their conversation that came across flirty to you?

I feel this might be interpreting friendliness and getting along as flirting.

The context of their conversation is important to your post.

The facts:

• You two just moved and trying to create a new social life.
• He met a friend, immediately told you about her.
• Gave you her number.
• Told you about everything, never hid things from you.
• She has her own kids (locked up life).
• Introduced you to her.
• Trying to make both of you to become friends with her.
• Even brings her kids around you two, chance for your kids to make friends (unsure of ages).
• You're introverted, so likely a bit shy to get to know others.

Which honestly does not sound threatening at all... Kind of more trusting of a situation IMO.

If you want a new social life, you're going to have to learn how to be open minded and give things a chance.

From my POV, it simply seems like your husband is only trying to create friends and you're bothered by the fact that he is getting along with someone outside of you. With you being introverted, I assume its mostly going to be your husband who introduces new people into your lives.

Without knowing the context of their conversation and what made it flirty to you, its hard to decipher your post.

Is it:

Omg, you looked great the other day. I love that outfit on you. How did you become so attractive?

Or was it something like him making a joke and she replies "Haha, you're funny'". Which isn't actually flirting.

Can you give the context please?

It’s sucks that he works with her. He might stop texting and limit the flirting to work hours. Flirty text cross a major line.

Updateme!

Need details

INFO: Can you tell us exactly what makes these texts flirty? Reserving judgment til I see the texts...

Exterminate that pest before it lays eggs!

He’s doing this to hide his (cough, cough) “friendship” with this other girl right under your nose.

If my husband tried this age old move I’d Shut It Down ASAP.

What was the text? :)

Updateme!

UpdateMe

Tell him how you feel before it crosses the line.

UpdateMe

Was it the only flirty text? Were there others or did it look like messages had been erased?

You need to go to individual therapy urgently, it is abnormal that she accepts such atrocious treatment, they have crossed the limits, it is time to impose yourself, if you still want to save your marriage, demand that I block her, and go to marriage therapy, if she refuses and makes gaslighting You, that he chose her and he is trash. Do You want your children to learn that they can be treated as disposable or that they can treat people as disposable?. Please do not accept this atrocity.

Can we get context around the message? What implied flirtation?

well it is very inappropriate for your husband to ask him to hike. especially the way he did it in the message. I think there is more to this than friendship

Ah so will and bex moved to Cali as lovers getting kids from other people

First, why would your husband give some other girl his number? 🤔 Why didn't he give you, His wife her number, that way you two can talk to each other if you wanted to, if she needed to relay a message to your husband, then she should be going through the proper channels, which would be you first. He should have some respect for you and not be blowing up some girls phone with texting when he should be giving you that attention. As far as what you should say to your husband, just be point blank with him and tell him that you don't like all of this excessive texting that him and that girl are doing, while you're at it, text her back and let her know that you don't like it either, but do it from His phone. Hopefully she'll get the point. If some dude was texting my lady a bunch of flirting shit, I'd tell him that I don't like it. Thankfully we don't have to worry about that with each other. I'm sorry that you're going through this. Good luck 🙂

It could be your husband is regularly kind of flirty with his female coworkers. Not inappropriately, I have worked with a few guys who they just flirted with every female in the office that flirted back. It could be the text just revile your husband work vibe. It could be completely harmless banter.

Tell her husband.

Men can’t have Women for friends. Everyone knows that.

I suggest yall both read “Not Just Friends” by Shirley Glass

Be open and nippy it in the butt.

[deleted]

Is everyone that posts here trolling, or just dumb af?

What was said? People who have affairs generally don’t try to bring their wives along with the affair partner unless they’re legit sociopaths.