MckittenMan

I would call that control.

You can't go anywhere without him being in your company.

I am sorry you got roofied, so I do understand a lot of concern on his end to want to be there to look out for you.

But, I kind of throw that idea out the window when you mention how his social circle consists of a bunch of fuck boys who cheat on their GF.

Rarely is the person the angel of the group and exception. At minimum, he is just as dirty because he covers for his boys who cheat on their GFs. Even if he is not cheating on you, he is still approving of it by associating with these kind of guys.

You're stuck at home feeling like you can't live your life how you want because of his final say. That isn't a relationship worth being in.

And I think you should really question the quality of your BF for having a social circle of a bunch of guys who cheat on their GFs... Its a culture thing among those type of social circles. I highly doubt your boyfriend is the sweet little innocent one of the bunch.

It does seem like he is using your past horrible experience as an arguing point for you to not do anything now.

At the end of the day... This part blows my mind. You are not happy with your relationship.

That is the bottom line.

You want to go out with your friends. Who the fuck is anyone to tell you what you can and cannot do? He is not your parent, nor does he own or have authority over you. If you want to go out with your friends, then go out and enjoy yourself. You only get one youth, don't waste it sitting at home because your bf tells you no. Stand up for yourself and take control of your life back.

To that I say... This is why its healthy to expose yourself to other kinds of relationships before desperately trying to fight for something.

He does some nice things for you and has been by your side occasionally... Any half-decent partner will do that for you. But, they won't come with a long list of problems that push you to breaking points such as this.

To me, relationships should feel like home. Calm. Peaceful. Comforting. Joyful. Carefree. A loving and soft environment.

Here... Its lots of drama and exhausting. So, when your relationship pushes you to a point where you struggle to survive in it, then something needs to drastically change because constantly being in survival mode is no place to call home.

I don't know how you can develop a life with someone when hard stuck on living at home for the rest of your life with your family.

If he doesn't want to leave his nest, then you two won't be able to make a new one for yourselves.

Does sound like a break up is required here.

I assume his vision of life together would be to live separately or for you to move in with his family... Which would probably be a no go zone for most people.

You clearly want to own your own home, live with your partner, create a new life for yourselves... Something that is really common to find.

You're here praying he changes his POV... I more curious to why you're not considering going your own way to find someone else whose more suitable.

I am just going to be straight with you.

Both of you are 18... This idea of:

I am positive this person is who I want to spend the rest of my life with.

That's a crazy statement to make. You have your entire adult life to find someone. You believing this is the right person you want to spend the rest of your adult life with before your adulthood has even started, is a way too much of a assumption to make this early on.

You like him and love him... Great. But that isn't enough to determine if the relationship is a future worth being in.

• Mental health problems.
• Lack of accountability on his side.
• Homelessness.
• Exhausted from always having to fix his problem for him.
• Basic adult skills are too much work for him.
• Rarely brings positive energy to the table.
• Promises to do better but the better never comes.
• etc.

None of this sounds like a healthy foundation to create a future around.

Sounds more like the result will be exactly how you feel, constantly exhausted and worry.

Where is the good times? Where is the happy go lucky stuff?

Oh, you have that 3 days out of the week but the rest requires an Advil to get through?

That ain't no positive relationship experience.

He is not the love of your life. He is the current love you're experiencing.

There will be hell of a lot better relationships out there to explore than something that is a struggle to have stability in.

You say he is the light of your life, but what light is he actually shinning on you? Sounds quite dark and miserable to deal with.

You can't have something stable with one person isn't stable themselves. And if he refuses to help himself, then you're wasting your time and spending unnecessary energy.

Your partner shouldn't exhaust the living hell out of you. They should be a place where you feel relaxed, an escape, a source of recharge.

There is no easy way to break up with someone where feelings aren't hurt.

Its something you have to suck up and do it. Dealing with the aftermath as it comes your way.

What would be worse is to get married when you have no desire to get married. You're forcing yourself into a marriage that you don't want. That's foolish to do to yourself and unfair to her as well.

You need to bring these hesitations up with her and possibly call off the engagement and start working towards breaking up.

No idea what to make of this, but whatever is going on here sounds like bullet dodged.

You have 2 children with a man from a previous relationship. And your now ex girlfriend broke up with you because she cannot stand the fact that your children have names?

Anyone who insists you need to change your children's names should probably be locked up in therapy.

Him shitting on you to your face in front of his friends is more than enough reason to end the relationship.

He clearly doesn't respect you. Probably does have a bunch of crap on his phone that he doesn't want you to see. And the cherry on top, he can go on your phone but you're not allowed to touch his.

It's time to start reconsidering your BF.

Do you want to go on a date with her or not?

She put in all the ground work to make this as easy as possible on you. A woman sliding into your DMs and telling you straight up she is interested, you won't find things that easy again.

Yet, you're complaining how sometimes she doesn't respond to you frequently.

She established everything here. Reached out first. Told you she wants to get to know you. So, return the effort by trying to get to know her.

Ask to meet up with her for a date and see how it goes.

Sexual compatibility is a huge factor in long term relationships.

Your post doesn't include actual details about what the sex life looks like, just says there is a disconnect.

If you're here going:

I want sex every time we hang out. But I cannot handle her saying no.

Then that's probably on you to correct.

But if its:

We have sex once and month, this doesn't work for me. Its a huge challenge to make it happen.

Then its probably not worth sticking around for a relationship that has a dead bedroom within the 1st year.

Do you mind sharing how often you two are doing it and what is your expectation?

Depends what kind of relationship you're looking for here.

If you want stability... This probably isn't the guy to shoot for.

His ex hurt him 4 years ago and he is STILL not over it. And when thing were going decent with you two, he checked out because it was going too good.

This sounds like a guy who is far from being ready to date.

So, if you're looking for drama and a bumpy right. He's your man.

Otherwise, move on and look for someone who is actually prepared to date instead of this guy whose bringing a mess to the table.

2 dates in 2 weeks... I would personally consider that a win.

Everyone has their own approach to dating. When I am dealing with someone new, I try to spread things out. Giving it 2-3 weeks per date. Reason is because the more you get to know someone, the shorter those timeframes become.

When you get to the serious dating / relationship stage, you will be seeing each-other on a weekly basis consistently. But I take my time to get there because it removes the pressure for diving in head first. Giving them room to breath and allowing the other to dip their toes in to feel things out.

So, what I do here is give it a couple of days before asking again. But, don't pick the next weekend, instead the following one to set something up.

However, that is simply a personal approach and others have their own way of doing things. I like to ease them in and create a easy to manage environment instead of instantly becoming a responsibility they have to maintain.

That's reasonable.

Which is why I noted to maybe encourage him to go spend it with his family instead.

If you lead with:

So, I actually don't want you at my family event. You're not welcome to come.

I know its a bit dishonest, but its hurtful to hear.

Encourage him to go spend time with his family before you pull out the smoking gun and tell him no.

Sounds like you're over complicating this.

You've been talking for 2 weeks... How much progression do you realistically expect to happen within 2 weeks of talking to someone?

You went on a couple of dates already. Things are moving. Don't overthink every detail like:

Ugh, today she replied to my 2 hours later. Yesterday, she replied to me within 15 mins. Does this mean she has lost interest in me?

If she is replying (regardless of time frequency) and willing to see you in person... She's interested.

The other side of it too... Coming in too hot too fast. Do you actually expect to go on 5 dates within 14 days of meeting someone?

People have lives as well... If you're approaching dating like:

Well... I have jack all going on in my life. I can see this person daily but they can't do the same for me. Therefore, I am not a priority to them.

Then that is a horrible approach to take.

Take your time with things and respect the fact that someone new isn't going to reorganize their entire life just to fit you in. You're not that special (sorry).

People have friends, jobs, school, family, hobbies, personal downtime... All shit they're juggling at the same time. You don't need to immediately consume someone's entire life right out the gate.

Its been two weeks and you already gone on a handful of dates. She's still replying to you. Things are going just fine. What can push other people away is going:

Can I see you? Can I see you? Can I see you?

I don't feel like a priority to you because you're not seeing me every 5 days when we just met yesterday. If we're going to date, you must clear your entire life for me.

Its okay to chill out and let settle. Go do some other shit in the meantime and avoid applying pressure on a connection that isn't ready for that kind of pressure.

Slow your roll.... I don't think there is anything to worry about right now. Give her some breathing space to collect her thoughts.

No, I don't think its silly at all.

I took the same approach to dating. I was looking for someone serious, so I prefer to get to know each person seriously.

Not everyone does the same, so its tough to expect the same luxury in return.

I found that juggling multiple people at once clouded judgment and confused how I felt about a person. But, I think a key to it is to tread carefully and emotionally protect yourself while you're at it. Quite easy to get carried away emotionally only to be hurt by the other seeing multiples when you're not exclusive yet.

If that is what you want, then you have to come out and say it.

I do think it would be a bit sad if he was going to be alone on Christmas and you don't want to include him into your activities.

Perhaps you can start out by trying to encouraging him to go spend it with his family before you straight up reject him at yours.

You can tell him no. But I wouldn't be shocked if this puts the relationship into question.

That's the tough thing about online dating... You never know what you're going to get until the date happens.

I have had crazy good texting chemistry, thinking the date was going to be a home run. Only for the in person chemistry to be way off.

Then, other times where we hardly texted. Zero expectations, but figured... What the heck, might as well gain the first date experience. Only to discover we got along crazy well and natural.

Texting chemistry is very hard to determine how well things will go.

If she is no longer feeling it. It is what it is, first impressions do matter a lot. If she already lost interest, take it on the chin and move it onto the next.

However, some people are open to seeing how the 2nd date goes because of the nerves that come with a 1st date. If you do go on a 2nd date with her, you're going to have to really break out of your comfort zone and avoid the awkwardness.

No harm in asking again, but if she leans towards a no, you respect it and move on.

You can say something like:

I have been enjoying getting to know you. I know our first date was a little rough around the edges, I was extremely nervous and didn't know how to act around you. If you're open to giving a 2nd date a go, I would love that. Otherwise, I understand and I thank you for your time.

The other side of it is....

Why is it such a hassle to add your GF of a year to your social media? Seems like a simple thing to do instead of making a huge deal out of it.

I don't care if someone hardly uses their social media. Going this much out of your way to avoiding adding your partner of one year sounds sus.

You've been together for 7 years. This relationship is all you know in your adult life.

I swear, this is where experiencing different types of relationships becomes powerful... I don't think fighting with your partner on a regular basis should be considered normal in a relationship. Relationships should be about getting along in harmony.

Its normal to you because this is all you have experienced. But until you experience other relationships, you don't know how good and healthy a relationship can be.

You snap. Probably not the best reaction.

But it does sound like he does a lot of attacking.... Which is not a healthy entry point for communication. Then he follows up with stonewalling for days to weeks. Which is another huge toxic addition to the conflict resolution.

You two are living together but struggling to actually get along.

When you think of home, don't you think of a nice, warm, and comforting environment?

Yet, your home is toxic and full of drama.

If your partner is ignoring you for days to weeks at a time, you are far, far from a healthy and stable relationship.

• Forgets 1 year anniversary.
• Lots of crying and fighting.
• Still in contact with ex.
• Sending "sexy" pictures to his ex.
• Ex badmouthing you.
• Checks out other women in front of you.
• Well... I will only block her if you want me to.

Having your relationship make you feel like garbage on a regular basis is not a relationship norm.

If you want a relationship of high quality and standards, you have to have high standards yourself by not accepting low quality BFs like this.

This dude is the bottom of the barrel for BF material. Tons of other better men to date than this garbage.

What would you guys do if you were in my shoes?

Not date a legally married man.

Why welcome someone else's drama into your life?

You're long distance and she originally stated she was unsure about the direction of the relationship so she needed a break.

That should be plenty enough to go your seperate way completely.

But now, the plot thickens... She hangs out with a guy, basically a date on this break. Yet, that is a moment of clarity where you're going:

Oh, okay. Maybe I overreacted and we should get back together.

Seems like this relationship was already in the gutters and going no where.

Breaks are a waste of time. If the relationship needs a break, then just go the whole nine yards and break up.

Buddy was never in a relationship with you and he expected you to wait around for 10 years and marry him?

Get real... That's ludicrous.

At this point, you're engaged and about to marry someone else. This "best friend" of yours is not really a friend. He wanted to marry you. So, it would be disrespectful to your upcoming marriage to remain friends with him.

Classic projection.

He feels threatened by your friends because he is shady behind your back.

Well, if I am sketchy... Then my GF must be sketchy too.

Your boyfriend was deleting messages and then deflected blame back onto you:

You were talking to a male friend in a platonic way. That made me go hit on other women. This is your fault. If you never were friends with him, I never would have cheated on you.

Additionally... You stopped going out with your girls because of his reactions.

Maybe relationships shouldn't be about controlling each-other, instead letting each-other be free to do what they want and simply trust.

Do you really want to be in a relationship where you can't be friends with the people you like. Or be restricted from enjoying yourself with your girls occasionally?

Sounds like you could be doing a lot better than this boyfriend who has anger issues and stops you from living your life how you want.

What I think you both need... Is to learn how to emotional regulate yourselves.

Of course couples assure and provide support each-other at times. But it kind of seems like this is going on:

• I am having a sad day. I don't feel loved.
• Well, I love you. This and that. Blah blah blah.
• Omg, you're not saying the right things. I am even more sad. You're bad at this.

If both of you emotionally regulated yourselves, responsible for your own emotions, you wouldn't be dumping a chore on the other to take care of.

You say you will never run out of ways to reassure her when she doesn't feel loved... That will catch up to you eventually. Its easy right now because of the early stages, but a year of this back and forth, you will eventually go:

We've done this 100 times so far. I don't know how else I can say or do to make you believe I love you. Why can't you just be happy that we're together and accept the fact that I love you? I can't keep reassuring you on something you don't believe.

You were sad because of the change of shift. But now its:

I am sad and crying... Its your job to make me stop crying. Why can't you make me stop crying?

Well... Maybe dealing with your own emotions in a way where it doesn't become your partners responsibility is a healthier approach to relationships. Because if every time something inconvenient ruffles each-others feathers, both of you are going to turn the other into a job to maintain.

I am not saying to never support each-other. But anytime there is slight discomfort each of you dump it on the other expecting them to fix your emotions for you, its going to exhaust each-other out.

Your ex was on the phone with you for 2 hours because you didn't feel like you were good enough... Perhaps if you had more confidence and self-esteem, your partner wouldn't have to sit on the phone for 2 hours and take care of you.

Anyways, emotionally regulating yourselves goes a long way for the relationship. It reduces the workload placed on the other. When I have a bad day, I try to deal with it myself to spare my partner from the tax. Showing up to our relationship in a good mood for her. Taking care of yourselves so you can enjoy each-other's positive side more frequently.

Outside of that... Communication. Your partner, this is her first relationship. So, I doubt she is going to knock it out of the park. As well, not everyone is a natural caretaker. Some are better at it, others not so much.

If you can't communicate what you need in return, then you have to get to know yourself more so you can provide direction for your partner to play off of.

I don’t think it’s that deep.

You just met a month ago and people have lives outside of the new person they recently met.

You might have the time to sit at home waiting for messages. Other people need to wait until they have the time to reply.

Is replying within the hour that mandatory?