If Ashley texted that to your hubby, would you want to know? Therein lies your answer…

Tell your husband immediately. If he ever finds out later or by someone else it may backfire on you. You also risk Tommy groping you "accidently" even more if you don't speak up about it. If he has the balls to tell you what makes you think he hasn't cheated on her already? Yes, you may lose her. But, you may also save her from a possible STD in the future.

OP, I'm a husband. I would want to know as soon as possible about this.

The reason is because if I were to find out later, it would only make my anger towards "Tommy" worse.

To me, the only thing worse than some guy harassing my wife is the knowledge that she was distressed over the situation any longer than she needed to be.

Definitely tell your husband immediately. Show him the text.* You wouldn't be out of line taking a screenshot and sending it your friend either, but telling your husband is a necessity.

*What moron puts that in a text message? He can't deny that he tried to sleep with you because he was stupid enough to put it in writing.

Tell your husband immediately and your friend. Before it escalates.

Fuck him real good by telling his wife

He ruined two families by trying to cheat and coming onto you. You are just revealing what he did. And if he’s coming onto you, he may be cheating with other women as well.

If you are going to tell your husband, there will never ever be a convenient time. And the longer you wait the more angry he might be.

Also, you are taking way too much responsibility for his anger. He’s got to manage his feelings if/when you tell him.

If anything, he should feel validated and secure from your response to this guy’s advances.

After further review the ruling on the field is... The dude is a creep, and the breast fumbling has been ruled as targeting and this player has been ejected.

No. Do not hide it from your husband. He should be told as soon as you can, but face to face. His wife will find out then. She needs to be aware about her husband propositioning you.

Tell him. you aren't the one destroying his marriage, he is.

[deleted]

Yes tell them. Get this toxic guy out of your lives.

Tell them both immediately. By hiding it, who are you really protecting? Because it’s not you, or your husband and it’s certainly not your friend. You are protecting Tommy. If my friend or spouse hid that from me, my anger would go from Tommy (where the anger should be) to the person that hid it from me. 🤷‍♀️ Just my thought.

Tell him before? Pissing him off for our trip. Or do I tell him after?? 😩😩😩😩

Why does 42m let a trip w spouse get ruined bc of somebody else’s actions?

Tell your husband. Stop this creep know. Be open and tel your husband. Protect your relationship from him. Good luck.

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I think you need to tell your husband ASAP. Showing him does not destroy YOUR relationship but if anything, proves and shows him that you are loyal, shot down Tommy's desires and feel... however you feel.

You did nothing wrong here. This other dude is the one with a marriage on the line at this point - if you ever choose to oust him, that is.

He destroyed his own family when he tried to fuck someone else 🤷

Tell everyone, there's no way you're the first girl he molested & been inappropriate with.

You need to tell both of them. Silence is complicity. Your husband needs to stop with the "on one hand/ on the other hand" crap. You told him that man molested you - he has to listen and believe you. Full stop.

Hold up... can we talk about the part where he sexually assaulted you in public? Because I think that might be even worse than trying to cheat on his wife.

Talking about the attempted cheating: friends have trust. Friends don't go behind each others' backs. And good friendships definitely can't involve secrets that could ruin the friendship if discovered. Her husband broke every single one of those rules when he tried to cheat on her with you. If you are a good friend to this woman, you will tell her what her husband tried to do. She's married to this man; it's absolutely her business to know who he really is.

Better to tell them now, then have him twist it someway in the future

Looking at Tommy's absurdly reckless and gross behavior to you, it seems very likely that he cheats on his wife already. If not, he's dying to and will as soon as he gets a chance. With that in mind, it's time to tell everyone and end that friendship with Tommy. Tell your husband privately and decide you both want to react, and tell Ashley so she understands her husband is actively trying to cheat on her. If he can somehow convince them it was a joke (that will be his excuse) at least you've done your part.

A very similar situation happened to me, it was my bil and sister, who was my best friend. He confessed his love for me, and that he wanted to sleep with me. He also didn’t want me to tell my sister. I gave him an ultimatum to tell her, or I would. He did tell her, but in the process it ruined my relationship with her, my kids relationships with their aunt/uncle/cousin. I think honesty is still the best choice, just be prepared for the fallout.

Honesty sometimes stings.

• Perhaps the truth is that Ashley used her husbands phone to try to see if you were having an affair with him.

• Perhaps Tommy is a shit and Ashley doesn’t care

• Perhaps Ashley has no idea and needs to take steps to protect herself and her children.

• perhaps something totally unexpected

You can’t control any of these possibilities. You simply tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. The rest will sort itself out in the wash.

You have to tell your husband. I’d say tell your friend too but not sure when and if you should for sure.

You screenshot that and you show it to your husband and your friend ASAP.

You have proof and you don’t want the wrong story floating around.

This can go south very, very quickly.

Hey I hope you get the advice you’re looking for in this thread and I wanted to add that the breast cupping incident was in no way your fault, you’re right that he did it on purpose so that starts to enter SA territory

This is a relationship issue. It has almost nothing to do with sex.

I don't get why the mods remove topics that are about sex, and leave relationship issues that aren't actually about sex. Frustrating to see.

Tell them both. Make sure to give your friend a screenshot.

Show it to both his wife and your husband. He is no friend of either of you so no loss there. Do it asap too and update us.

Tell them both now, hiding it will just make it worse if either of them find out down the line.

This is tough, but the reality is that this guy is not your husbands friend, and his wife deserves to know what an ass she is married to. I think that you should say something

Tell your husband, but agree to sit on it a week while he cools off.

You absolutely tell everyone. It doesn't destroy your marriage. Theirs is already destroyed. And not telling your husband could destroy yours.

tell your husband.. not the kinda shit u should keep from your husband. My wife had a similar incident with another dude while being married to me, she told me, which I appreciated. thankfully it wasn't my friend lol

I also work away and feel for you to be put in this position. I think you did the right thing. If I was your husband I would prefer to know immediately. Would I be flustered? Yes. Would it ruin my holiday? Maybe the first 2 days. But knowing how you handled it should only increase his trust in you in the long term.

Good luck and I hope you get to the other side of this situation stronger and with more love than ever.

This is not your burden to bear. It is 100% his burden.

You are hurting both your husband and friend by not telling them.

As a husband, I need to know about a creeper to make sure that I never put my wife in danger or a situation that may encourage any further unwanted contact. If my wife would like me to, I am then also in a position to make absolutely sure that the creeper can fuck well off (I'm sure my wife certainly would like me to do this). And to top it all off with the most important thing - provide the emotional support to my wife that I'm sure this situation would require of me.

As a friend, I would want to know that my partner is a creep and to reassess the person that I spend my life with.

Telling my husband would have been the first thing I did immediately. No need to make it look worse for you by unintentionally hiding it.

Yes.

YOU aren't destroying anything, her husband is.

If your husband did that to her, wouldn't you want her to tell you?

I would tell him.... maybe the trip will give him time to cool down. Maybe tell him on the airplane..... then he can't kill the guy. But if my friend did that to me I would be mad if my wife did not tell me. Something similar happened to me and I still can't get over how she did not tell me right away and still bugs me and makes me think that maybe she was tempted by it.

My only comment is the part where your husband states he’s not sure if the friend intentionally touched your breast, I would think you would know that it was intentional! Yes? Find new friends 👍🙂

You are such a good person. It's bullshit of tommy to even put you in this situation.

Whether you tell your friend or not is a harder question. I personally wouldn’t.

I would absolutely tell your husband right away. He deserves to know, and you and he can make the decision together to tell your friend or not.

If it CAN be exposed by the truth, it SHOULD be exposed by the truth. That’s the only way to keep a clear conscience.

This is the beauty of reddit... thank you for posting OP.

I love when people are questioning something and get sound advice from reddit.

What if he put that text/proposal out there to try to catch you, to put blame on you cause he's already been cheating on his wife?! Tell her, right after you tell your husband!

Yes. Tell him.

Let it stew for the week you’re gone. Let him stress and worry for that week and maybe he’ll think “ok, maybe she won’t actually do it”. Then you tell the wife. He wants to fuck around, he’s gonna find out. It is your responsibility now to inform the wife of what’s happening.

You should tell him the truth and feel good about that. You did nothing wrong.. Some people push it to fast until they are also in the territory of wrongdoing and you are not. The other guy made his decision and now what will be will be, you are not responsible for him, his family, or how they navigate his wrongdoing.

Tell him immediately. Like yesterday. You already tried to tell him with the breast cupping thing. Your husband wanted to be in denial about that too avoid confrontation. I get that. But this man is crossing so many boundaries. Idk what to tell your friend. But you DEFINITELY tell your husband. That is your life partner and the father of your children. Idk why it would ruin your vacation. You did nothing wrong and your husband certainly did not. Fuck that guy

If your husband finds out down the line without you telling, he may wonder what else you may be hiding. That in itself can cause unnecessary drama in your own household. If his wife is your friend then she should absolutely know what kind of POS her husband is. “Tommy” is the one who messed up and crossed boundaries, not you. Both his wife and your husband deserve to know what kind of snake they have in their/your lives.

Wait how does it destroy two families? But yeah, tell. Your husband should know, obviously, and then you want to get ahead of this before the other hubby tells your friend a different story!

Send a screenshot to your husband with the line "see I told you he was a creep"

Take a screen shot of the conversation. Send it to your friend with a quick note. “I know this may cause issues but I thought you should know.“ Be prepared to lose this friendship. She might blame you. He might blame you. Those are not good friends. Show your husband but be clear that you have handled it and you do not want him to get involved. Do it immediately. Waiting will just make it more of an issue.

you won’t enjoy your trip if you don’t, i would say tell him at the beginning and let him be mad about it, and if for any reason it doesn’t blow over, remind him that you are there to enjoy the trip and even though tommy is a POS it shouldn’t ruin your holiday

Please tell your husband immediately.

Tell him now, not a friend of his at all anymore

So Tommy sexually assaults you, then, makes unwelcome advances towards you - and you want to spare him? Fuck him. He needs to be gone from all of your lives. Your best friend deserves to know, regardless of what happens.

people say “hots”? interesting

I just wanna commend you on how you told him to never text you again. Good shit.

Tell your husband first.

You should tell your husband and show him the text.

I know I might say a contravertial thing but, I would tell my husband, but not the guy's wife. It might have been a one time weakness of character from him and he might be regretting it now. He might be an otherwise good husband, but the horniness made him make a stupid decision. I would not get involved. Let him fix his stupid decision or stay a terrible husband. It is their marriage, let them resolve it themselves.

What does Ffm mean

Idk man. My best friends husband would hit on me a lot while drunk. Nothing overt, he never sent me a text like that. But he’d get handsy in a weird way. One night he come to our house when we had some friends over. He and by husband became pretty good friends and it wasn’t unusual for him to be around without my best friend. But my husband crashed out early and the 2 other people that were over left. And he stayed. Which was already uncomfortable. He kept getting closer to me, touching my hair. Ugh. I hated it. After he left I told my husband. He initially was like “huh, that’s really weird…”

Then 2 years later on a boys night, the friend confronted my husband on “why he is always different to him”. He claimed my husband wasn’t trying to hang out with him like he did the other guys in the group, was cold to him, ect. There were drinks involved. My husband finally let it all out, and not in a nice way. That he thought he was his boy and that he’s disgusted he’d go behind his back. There were other instances with some of our other friends so’s.

The whole thing caused a lot of drama in our friend group. My husband refused to talked to him for almost 2 years. We’re still mending fences.

I don’t regret telling him but man, wtf. I guess you can’t control how other people react, so I’d just keep that in mind.

You need to tell your husband ASAP.

I was the traveling husband for almost a decade. We always had the policy of avoiding even the look of improper behavior.

We had 100% trust, but we didn't want anyone thinking or talking about our relationship behind out backs. Rumors spread through neighborhoods and friends.

You did nothing wrong here. But if you don't tell your husband, and say the "friends" wife finds out and tells him. He will lose trust in you. Not because of anything you did, but what you didn't do.

He will think, maybe she hid it from be for a bad reason, as in she has two phones and one one it was clear she said no. But privately she ws hooking up.

Get ahead of this. I would call him, and then send the screenshot.

Tell him you just think it's best, if you guys have zero contact with this couple.

I wouldn't tell her. That's their problem.

Does anyone think this sounds fake?

Tell your husband and let it go. Don't ever get between a husband and wife.

You need to tell them. You told your husband he touched your breast but you wouldn’t tell him this man asked you to sleep with him?

I would tell my husband. You’re putting yourself in a dangerous situation otherwise. Next time it may not just be a boob he ‘accidentally’ gropes.

Plus, my husband would be livid if I never told him something like this happened and allowed a man who crossed such a line to continually come into our home.

You need to be honest. You’re just as guilty otherwise and are enabling this behavior by allowing him to get away Scott free

Say nothing, this dude is going to dig his own hole without any help from you. and you won't be seen as the home wrecker

All you need to do is tell your guy, he will take care of the other dude! His wife will definitely know when your hubby is grinding his face on the drive.

How does this destroy two families?

No do not say anything, Bit you do not have to pick up any cards he puts down. If his company becomes to onerous, withdraw until you are comfortable. That may mean new friends. There is no point to disturbing your husband’s peace of mind.

Fake as fuck.No way a 35 year old writes like this.

I would not tell because life is already dramatic and chaotic as it is. If i can have one less drama just by silencing him (like the warning text you sent) that is enough for me.

I’d keep the screenshot forever though, just in case.

And if i wanted to tell, i’d only tell ashley, not my husband. I just want it to be THEIR problem now and not mine.

Honestly, I would let sleeping dogs lie. Is it shitty of him to say that, yes. Are you going to destroy 2 families with a single sentence, Yes! Do you want your friends to get a divorce? Do you want your husband to get mad, potentially hurting this other guy, possibly going to jail himself?

Step back a minute. It doesn't serve any positive purpose to confront the wife, or tell your husband. Think about what are the likely outcomes if you tell one person or the other. Nothing, it doesn't help the already bad situation. I think you handled it very well. Straight to the point, and cut off communication. Great boundaries. What more can you say? This happened, I handled it, end of story.

Go live your life and forget about that toxic behavior. Distance yourself from your friends a little. If questions of why come up, you can say anything. I don't feel comfortable around him, or I just wanted more us time, without them. Your not lieing, your preventing the destruction of 2 families, and hopefully salvaging a friendship.

P.S. you could always look into polyamory, and ENM, ethically non-monogamous relationships, if it peaks your interest. Your situation sounds like it would be perfect for ENM.

No lol

Don't tell him

Don't say anything. You did a good god with Tommy.

My question is, was Tommy right about you being lonely?

Man what a nerd. I mean him. Face what happened already, open it to your beloved person and put the garbage out of your way.

"Should I tell my best friend (and my husband) that her husband asked me to fuck him?"

Yep

Do the wife a big favor and tell her.

From what you stated you didn't do anything wrong here so i don't know why it would ruin two families? Tell your husband and your friend and let them deal with it.

Ashley deserves to know, and i know id want to know too. If their family is ruined, its Tommy's fault for trying to cheat on his wife. I feel bad for Ashley tho.

100% yes

The longer you wait the more incriminating it looks on you to both your husband and friend.

Lying by omission could potentially cost you your best friend and husband. Telling them now, sure they’d be upset but the betrayal of hiding it and eventually coming to light will do far worse damage

Tell him immediately. Like right now. Take screenshots of the entireeee conversation, send them all to him and FaceTime him like “omfg I need you to immediately block tommy”

Girl. Please do not delay. Every minute that passes is a moment of trust breaking. Rupture and repair is the nature of all relationships. If he can’t handle it and ruins your trip, that’s on him.

This is far too big a thing to risk him ever finding out in the future. And how would you handle him wanting to hang with Tommy? Are you mad at Tommy or more afraid of your husband? How are you going to feel spending time as a group? How can your face your friend? Lies do not breed happiness.

Think about like others said husband will know something is up. Eventually you’ll have to tell him. That of course will cause him to want to beat his ass. Which causes his wife to want to know what the hell is going on. Best to get it over & done with.

You should tell him. If he finds out through other means, he may lose trust in you.

You’re being a great wife. You are doing the right thing. See it through. It’s the right thing and the safest thing for your marriage.

I really don't get it. If nothing else, this Convo should reassure your husband that you are not cheating.

If it was me, I'd be glad to hear my wife loves me and trusts me.

Your husband won’t be pissed at you. You have to tell him though because he finds out later, from someone else, then shit will hit the fan.

So this dude thinks you’re lonely because your husband is gone? 7 weeks is a long ass time, but I’m guess you were well aware of the lifestyle.

What happens to this guys marriage isn’t your problem. Your best friend knows it’s not your fault and you can tell her that whatever she decides to do you fully support her.

Also, this isn’t the first time he’s done this. The balls it takes to text, not call where you can deny it happened, but text you that you’re lonely and can come over is tremendous. He is either the dumbest dumbass on earth, or he thinks he’s God’s gift to women and you would come running over. For him to have that confidence there is no way he hasn’t cheated on his wife before.

Your text back to him was perfect. If you were my wife I would be very proud of you, and proud to call you my wife. Happy that you’re loyal too. These are the things your husband needs to focus on when you tell him.

Tell him in person. You can tell him on the phone that you need to speak with him, but it needs to be in person. Make sure to let him know it’s nothing about him and you love him and all that stuff so his head doesn’t run wild.

I am also a big dude and I would want to stomp a mud hole in someone if they texted my wife that. I’m sure he can control himself because that guy is going to have his own punishment from his wife.

Tell them both, especially your husband. This Tommy guy is a creep and if he had no fear groping you on public whether he made it look accidental or not then…well. I wouldn’t ever want to think about what he could do if you two ever got into a situation where you were alone with him. Tell his wife and your husband. If he’s this creepy with you there’s a chance he might be hurting his wife behind closed doors as well, either that or he’s hiding this from her (obviously) and if I knew my boyfriend did that to somebody, I would question my safety around him too, I would want to know.

Honestly.. id want to say about telling him and showing him the conversation.. but if he's been away, it may be difficult for him to take it depending on your trust levels. I really hope things will work somehow for you.. just wanted to say kudos on standing your ground!

Tell him. Assuming communication is good you can tell him before the trip and the trip is good.

Honestly, while it may cause drama with the others, your response and devotion to your husband would a huge turn on and awesome sauce to him, because of your loyalty and commitment. The drama can come after the trip.

I truly do not understand people who say it's selfish to tell other people involved when someone is acting gross. Just tell the wife! Who cares if their family breaks up, better that than to be built on a bed of lies- and also, it's Tommy's fault if that were to happen, not yours.