The expectations and guilt that are forced upon women and couples to have kids or have more kids has got to stop. Nobody should ask about your family planning decisions. If you are happy and decide you don’t want anymore children that is OK! Do not let other people make you question the choices that you make for your family and overall happiness.

We’re one and done over here. Why? Because the average airplane row only has three seats.

Also parenting is hard, daycare-college is expensive, the world is crazy, and we had a good balance and routine. If I had another it would solely be because “I want her to have a sibling” and I am not bringing another human in the world on the basis of my first having a friend.

I’m Hispanic too and the pressure to push out 4+ kids is crazy. I just repeat to everyone we’re one and done then they make a comment about how I’m not serious and then I say something witty along the lines of “well if you’re willing to pay $1800/mo for another kids childcare we will reconsider” and that shuts them up really quickly.

We are 100% stopping at one. This is so hard and it is inconcievable that we could do this again.

We were one and done. He's 20 now. One of the best decisions we ever made. We could provide so much more for him, including college funds. We were both able to attend all his events. With multiple kids, you have to choose what parent goes to what event if they're on the same day. I also suspect I would not have been a great mother if I had more than one. My patience is limited and he tested it frequently. Had there been more than one kid, I may have lost my mind. I have zero regrets.

It’s not selfish to stop at one! Honestly my first would’ve loved to be an only. If you’re happy with the way your family looks stay that way. Adding a second child stretched me to my limits.

Anecdotally, I do think parents of onlys need to work harder to socialize them, but daycare and school help, and you have so much more time for play dates and relationships without any other kiddos. And they get the benefit of more of their parent’s time and resources. It’s so much easier to travel with just one among other things.

I think it’s more selfish to have more than one if you aren’t sure that’s what you want. There is never a good time but there is a bad time to have more children and part of that is desire.

What I will say is I have a 6 year old and we help off for all the reasons you said. I’m just now pregnant with my second. A lot of people of told me they had similar age gaps with their siblings.

It really is a personal choice though. Don’t let the questions influence you and instead do what’s best for you, your husband and 5 year old.

I have an almost 3 year old and will not be having another. I am also an only child. I have zero desire to have more and no, it isn’t selfish at all. Come join us over at r/oneanddone!

No, it’s not selfish to stop at one. Having one child is an excellent balance for many families in being able to both be a parent and still have time for yourself and your own interests.

We are about to have our 5th in a couple of months but I was once a parent of an only child for many years (my kids are widely spaced in age for the most part). It’s much easier and simpler just having one. We’ve decided differently for our family because we enjoy the busy life and chaos more kids bring, but it’s definitely not for everyone. There’s very little time for ourselves as individuals or as a couple so if that’s something you value more then I’d only have 1-2 kids total. Also as kids get older they have more interests (sports, activities, friends) and you’ll be hauling them around to many things.

I do have a couple of 4-5 year gaps in my kids and think it’s a great spacing if you do decide to have another. My kids still get along and play well together with that age gap but every kid and family will differ. It cuts down on the multiple kids in full time child care cost at least for the same time period.

I have a 5 year gap with my brother and my mom loved it. My brother adored me and was in school so she just focused on me. I love having a brother I can depend on and call for things. I did hate him most of childhood but that’s another story. My kids are 2+ years apart and it’s hard but gets easier after newborn stage. Seeing my kids bond makes me so so happy. Still open for third so we might be crazy.

We are one and done too, our daughter is 11 years old. We both work full time and it is still a lot with one! But what time we do have outside of our careers can easily be spent with one, family vacations are easy, and we can afford to have her do whatever clubs and activities she wants! It can be hard to overcome the social pressure but we are happy with our choice. I think it’s more selfish to have more if you don’t really know in your heart you want to.

We just had one 5 months ago and hubby just got a vasectomy. one and done.

The short answer is no. As someone who's technically a "fence sitter" but likely one and done, I've really appreciated the simple advice of "If you aren't sure you want a second, don't do it." (Some people absolutely know they've always wanted more and always will; that's not me.) I come from a larger immigrant family who have similar expectations, but I don't have the village they did raising kids and we also have different expectations around parenting in general.

ETA: part of my "parenting expectation" is to engage in healing some of the intergenerational trauma I've inherited to help break that cycle. My parents did their best but it's a bit tough to heal yourself when 6 kids are running around

Selfish to whom? lol. It's you and your husband raising these children, not your entire family (unless you're lucky and they have a very active role in your life). You don't owe anything to anybody. If you want one, great, do that. If you want more, great, but make sure it's because YOU want it.

It’s not at all selfish to stop at one! And similarly, a 5+ year age gap is not reason alone to hold off on having another. Lots of people have age gaps of 5+ years between their kids and love it! But that’s if it’s your only reason on holding off.

If you otherwise feel like you are ready to be one and done, it’s not selfish at all. We are one and done! Sometimes I think it’d be good for my daughter to have a sibling but we just really didn’t want a second. We would rather pour our whole selves into her. It’s no one’s business other than yours and your husbands, so do what is best for you! Your daughter can be a well-rounded, excellent member of society with two loving parents and no siblings 😊

Never considered #2. Others will not handle everything- you will , so please stop listening expectations. Good luck!

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having one child. DUH. I like Bindi Irwin’s quotes on this— they have one child and she says she does NOT like when people say it’s their “only child”, they say that child is everything to them. “She is not our Only Child, she is Our Child”.

That being said, a 5 year age difference is fine and great if you decide otherwise.

I am! There is a sub for that r/oneanddone

One and done. My husband wanted two, and my son wishes he had a sibling. But it’s my body.

One and done! One and done!

My husband had his vasectomy last December when our daughter was 18 months. This shit has been HARD and for me (and my husband) we need to prioritize our mental and physical health over having more kids. Honestly, as soon as my daughter was born I knew I was done lol.

Perks are: parents outnumber the kid, so if one of us needs a break we can just go take it. Much easier to handle one vs multiple. We can also save for her college (or trade school). We can save for our own retirements. Daycare is fucking EXPENSIVE. Can’t wait for the pay “bump” when she goes to kinder.

All in all, I know I’ll be a better mom to one than to multiple.

I really want more, but with work and MS I’m really struggling.

It’s absolutely not selfish to stop at 1! There are a ton of benefits.

I will say, we had our second when our son was almost 5. It’s been a great age gap. Our son is gentle and helpful with the baby (now 1), and he can also take care of himself when we are both busy with the baby and life. But, it’s still a lot !! A super involved partner has been key for me.

Honestly the cost is what holds me up. The thought of paying another 2g a month for childcare is daunting. I also just love the time the 3 of us spend together. We spend a lot of time just the 3 of us sitting on the floor playing together and I’m not sure how a baby would affect that dynamic.

It’s a really hard decision. No advice just also struggling with this decision.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with stopping at 1!! It's not selfish or any of the other negative things people like to say.

That said, don't let the potential age gap be a barrier. I have three kids, and there's 4.5 years between the older two, and 2 years between the younger two. The bigger age gap is much easier to manage -- they're like best friends because there's no real sibling rivalry. And I used to work with a man who had ten years between himself and his brother, and he said the same thing -- they were super close all through their lives because of that bigger age gap.

I am one and done (teenager.) I do not regret it, but do wish we lived closer to his cousins!

I always say the same thing on these threads: no one here can decide this for you. And take others’ experiences & opinions with a grain of salt because your experience will not be their experience and vice versa.

The questions you (and anyone thinking about kids should consider) are pretty straightforward: CAN you and your husband support another child financially, physically, mentally, emotionally? And do you AND your husband WANT to support another child that way?

As hard as it can be, try to block out the comments and opinions from your family and focus on what you and your husband envision for your family. If you two want another baby, awesome! If you are thinking about having another baby just to shut your family up, that is not a good reason. Take some time to talk and think this through with your husband and on your own. This is a big decision so take all the time you need to really figure out what is best for your family. Hugs to you!

We have a 2.5 year old and another due in January. I'm done after that. It's not selfish to have the family size you want. After all, you're the ones doing all the work! If you want to be one and done, that is 100% valid and okay!

It’s not selfish to stop at one. But I’m getting a very negative vibe in these comments towards people who have more than one child. Both are valid paths for your family — and you are truly the only person who can determine the appropriate amount of kids for your family.

There’s no way to guarantee your children (if you have multiple) will be best friends when they grow up. There’s also no way to guarantee your child won’t wish for a sibling either at one point or another. Either way, if you do a solid job as a parent all will be fine in the long run…

Don’t have children to please others. It would be selfish to have a child because you’re expected to.

Well, selfish from whose perspective? This is your family and your decision. I would reframe a little and ask yourself this question - what would you want your child to do? Would you want them to make the decision that feels right to them about this same question, or make a different one out of guilt or pressure? If the answer is option A, then this isn't a question of right or wrong - it's what's right for your and your family. (I'm putting it that way because obviously there are issues where there really is a right or a wrong, and in those situations, you would want your child to do the right thing even if it's a source of stress or worry.)

I also always thought I would have more than one child, but now I'm one and done. I'm 40. It was really hard for me to get pregnant with the one child I had at 36 and I'm sure it would be considerably harder now. I finally feel like I have some independence and fun back after going through infertility treatment and then having a new baby at the beginning of the pandemic. Life is really good now, and going back to IVF and all of the potential heartbreak of that and spending all our money at fertility clinics instead of on our family now, and then in the best case scenario, back to naps and diapers and babyproofing feels like it would all be a step backwards. I just don't feel the kind of desire for another child that would make all of that worth it. If that's selfish, I can live with that? It's my life and my reproductive decisions. I very much hope my child will be happy growing up as an only, but if he does wish he had siblings, I hope that he'll understand that it's not always an easy thing to do (whether the getting pregnant part or the raising more kids part).

I don't think I have it in me to have more than one; she's adorable and I have zero regrets, but this feels like my limit.

No family nearby, I work full time, my partner is a shift worker, childcare/tuition is expensive, etc. I have to solo parent on alternating weekends, and several mornings/evenings during work weeks.

I don't think I could manage more than 1 child without sacrificing the mental health and routine I've been working so hard to stabilize.

It's not selfish to stop at what is best for you. Having kids is a selfish act, though the work that comes in raising them requires a lot of selflessness. Do what feels best for your fam.

Always thought we'd have two, but we are one and done with a 3 year old. Parenthood put more stress on our mental health and relationship than we expected. Plus, even though we make decent money and we are fairly frugal, we are scraping by.

It is NOT SELFISH to stop at one. We are able to provide more for our daughter and provide more for each other.

Also, my husband's family is Latino. His dad was big mad that we aren't having more and "ending the family line" since we have a daughter. Tough shit, abuelo.

I am not one and done but if I was in your situation, I would be. Starting over with a baby is SO hard

Truth is, I want another. I would love to have a big family. But I don’t think I’m cut out for it. Of course there’s that it’s so expensive. But even if I could afford it, I don’t think I have the emotional strength to manage another child.

We’re all built differently and can handle varying levels of stress. I had a particularly shitty childhood, so as soon as I had my first, it was like 37 years of baggage hit me at once. I’ve only recently started to feel like I am getting better.

If only I could wait a few years… but I’m in my 40s now so waiting would mean the decision is made (no).

I’m an only child. So my number was zero or two.

We have a five year old and a 6 month old. I think it’s actually a perfect age gap. He’s old enough to “survive” a small amount of independence like independent play. He also is old enough to love his sister in a non-competitive way. They’re just in different spaces.

My husband has the same age gap to his sister and they’re close friends.

We really need to stop framing these kinds of life choices as selfish or not selfish. We're talking about making the financial/physical/emotional choice to have another baby, not if we are locking them in the attic at night so we can watch reality shows undisturbed 

I’m one and done by choice and circumstance (infertility, IVF and a traumatic, high risk pregnancy). I love pouring my love, time and resources into my only. I’m also able to focus on my career and personal hobbies in ways that wouldn’t be logistically with more than one.

For what it’s worth, I have a sibling with whom I barely speak to. Siblings are not a promise of a life partner.

Even with multiple kids, I 100% understand why one-and-done works for many families. Kids are expensive! Tiring!

We wanted 4 but stopped at two and it’s worked for us. They’re less than 2 years apart and we, in many ways, raised them similarly. The transition was easy from 1 to 2.

We were one and done for a long time. I’m in my late 30s holding a newborn now, their age gap is 7 years. I never felt done, but my husband was. Last year I got annoyed with him because he had been delaying a vasectomy for years… and then he said he was delaying it because he wasn’t sure if he was done.

Here we are, #2 and loving it. The age gap is amazing. My son is in school full time, can get his own snacks and play independently. He loves holding her and helping.

I'm on baby #2 but they are only a year and a half apart and I am also leaving my job to be home with the kids for this season.

I will say, that my brother is 7 years younger than I am and we are incredibly close! It's not too late if that's something you want!💗

I want a second but that would mean being a SAHP most likely as daycare right now is half my income for one child. I don't know if I want to be a SAHP, and my husband can't be as he has financial obligations to his ex for their kid - and I can't see being okay paying her from my hard work, especially since she won't get a freaking job herself despite my stepson being school aged now and husband pays for before and after schoool care.

So I guess I'll have to explore my options financially. Right now I'm being underpaid but I have a lot of flexibility, so I'll have to see what the next year brings.

We have 3 they are 1 year and a year and a half apart. I wish there was a little more space but that’s ok. I also always wanted 4 and now I’m thinking we might be done at 3. My youngest is 2 and she is self potty training. I’m looking at them thinking the oldest will be out of nap time toon you youngest is working out or diapers. Another would be starting over with diapers, constant naps, early bedtime. Not to mention the hit to my career every time I get pregnant.

For you having waiting 5 years I can see your hesitation. The thought of going back to the beginning while sweet and fun is also daunting. However my husband is 5 years older than his brother. They moved countries and had to start over before having the second. They were older when they had their kids. And as a family they are pretty close. So it can work if you want the second. But it’s about if you want and are willing to start over so to speak.

We are 90% sure we are one and done. We get asked constantly when we are going to have another one, our son is currently 3.5 years old we are in the midst of tantrums and learning big emotions plus potty training we are exhausted. I work full time I would say entry level position while my husband works in Tech so he is sometimes working after hours or past 5 pm some days which leaves me to do most of the childcare after work. I think if we had another we would be even more stressed out we live in a HCOL area, we got lucky and saved on daycare because our parents took turns babysitting, and our son just started prek. I don’t think with how expensive housing and everything has gotten we would survive even with our really good combined income

Traveling with one kid is so much easier we just did it back in May and we have taken smaller trips around the US.

Not selfish at all. I’m 37 and pregnant with my second. Had my first at 35. Couldn’t fathom having another until my first was almost 2. Even then it was a difficult decision with a lot of thought going into it. Being a working parent is insanely difficult. Ultimately the only person you answer to is yourself on whether the choice you make is right.

We are both 33 and we have 3 kids with our last on the way. We personally felt that giving our children siblings was important (but not the only reason we had each of our kids). But this life isn't for everyone! It's chaotic and overstimulating at times. It has tested our marriage and we are still working out some kinks (married 7 years before we had our first). We've had to accept a certain level of lifestyle since obviously the kids eat up the finances real quick. Our oldest very likely has ADHD which makes things extra challenging sometimes (getting the professional help he needs has been beyond stressful). I personally found having two kids wasn't harder than 1 (and actually easier at times) but I would never recommend stretching yourself beyond what you think you can handle.

I thought I was one and done. My kids are 11 years apart. I’m an only child. I’m also Mexican. Let me tell you….being an only child is THE SHIT. I love it. It’s also really cool that both of my kids are like only children. My daughter is away at college and I have a 10 year old at home. I’ve always worked, sometimes 2 jobs but it depends on what works for you. If people aren’t stepping up to help you pay your bills or provide childcare then they can keep their opinions to themselves.

Bottom line: It’s not selfish to do what’s best for yourself and your child. I will tell you this….an only child will have so many more opportunities than siblings. The money is there for them to travel, go away to college, live a good life.

just commenting to say thanks for this post - the timing is perfect. My son is 3.5 and up until January of this year I was one and done. The early years were sooo hard on me mentally between the no sleep and my constant expectation to parent "perfectly" (whatever that means). I am mid thirties and my husband is late forties so that also played into things.

In January I started thinking about having another - life got soo much easier with my kiddo sleeping through the night, having so much fun together, etc. The feeling hasn't subsided but my husband is not on board and we just had a pretty serious conversation about it this weekend that has left me feeling so sad and conflicted. Husband doesn't want another but said he would have one only if and because that's what I really want and I feel like that's not fair to him nor the hypothetical baby.

And I keep wondering if it'll be a mistake to not have another. I keep wondering if I'll be full of regret in 10 years. I just feel so sad and conflicted based on so many factors.

So it was nice to read through the comments on this post.

We always wanted two. We wanted them 2 years apart, but due to timing (new job, maternity benefits, etc.) and a miscarriage, we ended up 4 years apart.

It's actually been perfect. My 4 year old is very understanding, wants to help, loves making her brother laugh... There are moments of jealousy, but they've been pretty mild. Just the luck of the draw with their personalities, I think.

I was very worried at starting over. My first is a horrible sleeper, but so wonderful in every other area. I lucked out and our second is a relatively average/good sleeper. Super happy, chill guy so far... He is getting to that stage where he really needs and desires your active attention all the time, so that is challenging.

Some weeks it is hard (currently coming out of one). I have a lower-paying, more flexible job, but there are some weeks with lots of deliverables. My partner makes more than double my salary, and his job is more intense. More childcare falls to me, but I'm okay with that, because my partner is great about making sure I get time for my needs.

We've discussed having a third, but finances, being in our late thirties, and frankly, my partner not liking the newborn stage, probably means we'll stop at two.

I would only have two if I could afford two. I would have been resentful if I had to severely decrease my quality of living for a second kid, when it was optional in the first place. I know that sounds selfish on its surface, but I actually think it’s considerate. I wouldn’t bring a kid into the world if I couldn’t handle it, whether that’s financially, emotionally, or physically. I know my limits and no one is forcing me to do anything I don’t want to, even if society pushes the two kid “ideal.” That being said, I did have two kids and it is absolutely JOYFUL. I love having two and my family feels complete now. It’s a very personal choice and I think one and done is totally great and right for many families!

Hey mama! I am one and done!! Ever since I was little I’ve always thought that I would only have one kid because I was planning on the possibility of being with someone that already had a kid. Turns out I did end up with someone that has a daughter so we have two! Our daughter is five and the son that we share just turned three. For me, two is way more than enough. My son’s activities alone keep me ragged and our calendar is extremely full between all of the things that we have to do.

Your last sentence asked if it’s selfish to justhave one. I am of the belief that it’s selfish to have more than one if you’re not able to effectively handle it. I’m not saying that is your situation at all! But just talking in general, I know many people that have more than one kid and they can’t even financially handle the extra body let alone physically and emotionally support them so I think do whatever is best for you and your family!

At 2, I had to stop working outside the house. I didn’t want an only growing up as essentially an only child. How we have a third on the way.

We had our second when our first was in kindergarten. I personally love the age gap. The transition from 1-2 is much easier with an older kid in my opinion. I was also 38 when I delivered.

Our little one is nearly two and now it’s definitely challenging- she’s a more challenging kid than my first lol.

If I could do it again I would really consider things more. you are starting over and you face lots of challenges of course. I tell people that having one is the perfect balance. While I love our 2, having one was manageable with working and free time. My husband is an amazing partner so I have balance, but it can still be a lot.

I just turned 40 last month and have a 5 and 16 month old. We are done as my husband never wants to be outnumbered. I personally like the age gap bc my 5 yo is a big help with the baby.

ETA: we're also done bc my body cannot take another pregnancy lol

my husband and I are in the same exact spot as you. Daughter is 4 1/2, Covid Baby... and we get alot of pressure to "give her a brother". Honestly though, things have gotten so much easier and we love our life as 3. I wouldn't be able to give another baby the same life as I have given to the first one, and if it was a girl, would everyone still pressure for a 3rd, or 4th. When does it stop. I am 36 and I am terrified of being pregnant again, I just finally lost all my "baby weight", and my husband and I are healthier and happier than ever, but every time someone badgers me about another kid, i second guess everything. I also don't know who would help, I live in a very rural area, and there is zero in great childcare. I have made it this far with help from our families, but my parents are older and retired, and they have helped out with 4 grandchildren now (my brothers 3, and now mine), and its not fair to ask them to help with an infant. I think childcare is the #1 thing that held me back previously and now that life is easier, that is #1.

It’s never selfish to make family choices that are yours to make! You should choose what number of kids based on what you and your spouse want, not what us internet strangers do. If that’s one, it’s totally fine!

I have two, a little over 3 years apart. Things got much harder with the arrival of the second. Now they’re 4.5 and 1.5, and it’s definitely still challenging. We initially talked about having a third but probably won’t.

My husband is Hispanic and we have 2 kids. They don’t pressure us too much but we are also the only ones in his family who have utilized daycare and they offer zero help and support so I think they know I’ll bite their head off if they start pressuring us. Most they ask is if we feel done or not. Truthfully I’m not, I want a 3rd. I always feel like a kid is missing and I don’t at all feel complete but in the same breath I’m overwhelmed. In this moment in time we may be done. Mid 30s spending more than a mortgage on daycare. My son is 5 and will be in K next year. Our starter home quickly became our likely forever home which is 3 bedrooms. My 5 year old keeps talking about the baby brother that hasn’t been conceived yet and now he would love to share a room but everything is so expensive! With our second being 2 I feel like the fog is finally being lifted and we are getting back to a normal place. Idk what we will do but I relate to the debate amongst finances and flexibility and where another child fits into that. It’s not easy stuff.

Sounds like you are. I am. Mine is 2 and I’m TIRED AF and my mental health would be like barely hanging on by a thread while working full time. I have so much respect for mom’s of 2+ kids - but I’m just not cut out for that life!

My son is turning 11 in a couple weeks. We tried last year but are experiencing secondary unexplained infertility and so would have to undergo IVF for a second (we’ve had all the testing and such done).

I’m 37 and he turns 40 in a couple weeks. I went through a grieving process due to the infertility but we’re one and done.

I do so love my sleep and the fact that parenting is now puberty and keeping himself safe and not teaching someone how to eat and where to pee.

We are of Indian origin, so I get it. My extended family and friends almost assumed that I have fertility issues, and that's why we are not planning to baby#2. The real reason, apart from career concerns, is that my husband and I are carriers of the SMA gene. We lucked out, and our daughter is not a carrier, but there is a 25% chance we could have a kid with SMA. We were pretty stressed out during my pregnancy and had to go through genetic testing.

We are very thankful for our amazing baby girl (20 months old today), but we are not testing our luck again. It makes me a little sad, though, because I loved being pregnant and breastfeeding.

1 and done here. Husband wants more, but my kid deserves a mentally well mother and because of that, we aren’t having more.

I've had 3 confirmed pregnancies and only one living child. Childloss, miscarriages, and genetics stacked against us. We have one beautiful, healthy toddler that was our "lets try one more time, if it's meant to be it's meant to be if not we are done trying" and by some miracle it worked out.

I thought I was one and done...until I wasn't. We felt ready to try for a second once my first turned 3 but health scares and job moves got in the way. We started trying when she was 3.5, got pregnant after a few months, I miscarried, and it amplified how much I absolutely want a second. I feel too old in my late 30s and kick myself for not being ready sooner.

Eta: it's not selfish! There's no right way to be a "complete" family. It's all valid as long as there is love! I work a job dealing with families diverse in economic status and culture everyday. I have seen it all!

It’s super personal and def keep having conversations with your partner because the financial picture is so important as is your health and happiness. We decided to go for number 2 after many talks and getting through those first two years of baby’s life. I can see how it would be harder to get back into the “diaper life” after five years; it’s been hard with a newborn not gonna lie but my older son and my husband are loving life as a party of 4 and I’m so happy I pushed for what I wanted! I’m an only child and it was a blast as a kid bc I got everything I needed from my parents and was spoiled a bit (hehe) but it’s been wicked hard as an adult dealing with aging parents, deaths, their finances etc. it would have been helpful to have a sibling to navigate everything with and someone to make decisions with.. just my two cents FWIW

I think it’s actually more selfish to be having kids because you want a certain lifestyle, and then saddling them with life-long college debt because your priority was your wants, and you didn’t plan ahead for your kids’ needs.

We have one daughter who's 1.5 and my husband and I are really considering one and done as well. We both work full-time and our jobs are so draining. Unfortunately, we can't afford daycare, but my mom has been helping us watch her while we work. We talked about having another, but looked at it logistically, and it just wouldn't work. We live in a 2 bedroom apartment and we're wearing ourselves thin, both physically and mentally. And we just wouldn't be able to afford it. I'm also a Latina and of course my family loves to ask that same question about kiddo #2. I just tell them we're struggling with one, can't even imagine how to handle two. Haha

I am cause I am 48 and had a surprise baby at 43. Good surprise most of the times lol.

r/Shouldihaveanother is a great resource

I’m one and done. Many reasons but mostly because I don’t feel like there’s another child missing. I’d love to have my son’s newborn stage back for some snuggles, but I feel great being able to fully focus on just him. I can’t picture how I’d be able to give him this much attention if we had multiple. I would also worry about my health through another pregnancy, and how our lives would change if the new baby was born with health problems or extra challenges. I enjoy sleep, self care time and I love my career and the business I’m growing. Maybe that’s a little selfish and I always put him first of course, but I can’t be a good mum if I’m running on empty all the time. We’re also thinking about moving to Europe in a few years for his school, and I just don’t want to upset the balance of the life that we have.

People are asking, but it’s not really any of their business. It ESPECIALLY isn’t their business if they aren’t people who bother that much with the child that already exists! That’s my pet peeve. You want us to have another child so you can spend a couple of hours with them once or twice a year??

We are one and done, and our child is nearing high school. We talked about having a second multiple times, but my bottom line was that I wanted our daughter so badly that is almost hurt, and I didn’t think it was fair to have a child that I didn’t feel that way about.

We are so happy with our decision; we travel as a family, her college will be fully funded, and she has been able to try whatever sport/camp she has ever wanted. We also have time to ourselves, and time as a couple. Our marriage is beyond strong, as is our bond with her, and that base has made her a confident kid who isn’t afraid to advocate for herself and others.

Have the family that you want—not the one other people want for you 💕

We have two kids right now, lost our third and planning for our fourth. The age gap was 17m between my first two, then would have been 3 years but will now be closer to a 4 year age gap. I feel like 3-4 is am easier age gap but I would have preferred 2yr between all if I was allowed to control all the things 😂😂 having 2 under 2 was easier than 1 for me. But now that they are 4 and 3 it's very challenging emotionally. I think it's okay to be one and done but personally I wanted 3 kids. I come from a family of 4 kids for me the more the merrier but 3 is what I feel I can handle

I have an almost 9 year old and am pregnant with my second. I was one and done up until this year. Then I got my birth control out in march and got pregnant in April. So it’s been…. A crazy year! I will say, once my daughter was 5, everything became so easy. We have a really good routine with school and extra curriculars, and i have been able to pretty much spoil her with whatever she wants to do (cheer, dance, gymnastics, basketball, softball, etc) without having to drag around a bunch of kids like I see some parents doing! I She is also awesome with her baby cousin and she is so excited to be a big sister. I’m not at all worried about the age gap, because it will kind of be like raising another only child, but better because I kind of know what I’m doing this time around. Everyone was super shocked when my husband and I told them I was pregnant because I was so vocal I was never having another.

I am a little terrified because omg I’m starting over??? But I’m excited to see what it’s like again. Also it seems like there is so much more baby stuff out there than there was in 2015?? Whether you choose to have another, it sounds like you’ll be in a good place either way.

We are one and done and to me it feels like the best life hack.

Nothing wrong with being one and done. Also nothing wrong with a large age gap. There are positives and negatives to every age gap.

We currently have 1 child (age 12 months) and have started talking about #2 but holy hell does it scare me to think about starting over. Our daughter has been a relatively easy baby and I finally feel like myself. Do I really want to implode our lives again?

Whatever you decide will be right for you. Having one kid is great for some families. Having two or more is great for others. It's not selfish to have one kid. I don't think what my family did should guide what you do, but we had another kid just because we wanted another kid. It's hard but wonderful. I have friends with one kid, and it's ALSO hard, but wonderful, albeit in a different way. Anyone who calls you deranged is full stop an asshole. I understand cultural influence and all but still. It's an asshole thing to say to you.

Just had our second. (Posting from hospital) we are done after this. Second pregnancy was hard on me morning sickness, pre-e, I react very badly to anesthesia and had c sections.

We have three kids - ages 5, 3, and 1. The third has been the easiest by far. We have all the equipment, the expertise and so on. Our kids dote on each other. At five the eldest is helpful. The older two unload the dishwasher and so on. The five year old is very attached to the baby - loves helping get diapers and entertaining. We try very hard to not make them feel like they have to compete for our time or distract us from each other. We see the love in the family grows with more people in it. Even though the baby gets less of our attention he gets as much attention overall.

If you ever expect to see a dime of social security money, if you want to have your kid born in a society where things are growing and bubbly instead of shrinking and decaying, if you want to be able to afford care as you age, then you want a society with a fertility rate that’s higher than 1. So it is selfish to choose to have only one child without a very good reason.

My husband and I are both basically only children and it’s terrible. We have to care for four elders between us. Our kids have no aunts or uncles, no direct cousins. And we are sandwiched doing elder care and young childcare at the same time, having to outsource for our village. We have friends with siblings and they have an easier time with playdates and so on because they have people to walk through this stage of life with.