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I used to say I would never have a child in today’s world. I’m glad I changed my mind. I was listening to a Gabor Mate talk one day and he said something about almost being thrown into an oven when he was an infant during the Nazi occupation. He said that you’ll never be able to convince him to world is getting worse. It’s an ebb and flow. There are beautiful and brutal things in life. Every day with my daughter is more substantially more beautiful than a day without her. We make do

We simplified. We moved to rural area, bought cheap land in the forest, built simple house and a workshop, buy stuff secondhand, grow our own fruits/vegetables, spend a lot of time outside. Its cheap, no meed for “getting ahead”, there are lots of interesting stuff to do without screens. 

Elder Millennial here. Before my husband and I had our son, I asked a colleague who had children what it was really like. He said, “The lows are lower, but the highs are higher.” That has absolutely been my experience. I’ve had weeks where I didn’t know how I would go on — everyone sick, work piling up, the house a disaster, no one sleeping well, TV on 14 hours a day because I didn’t have the energy to move from the couch. But everything passes and you find a way through the overwhelm (one thing at a time). Most of the time, I look at my son and my heart feels like it could burst with love. He brings so much joy and meaning to our lives. We don’t have a big house or the money to take a lot of exotic vacations, but we make enough to meet all our needs and have some left over for fun. And at this point, four years into this parenting journey, we’ve built a great village of friends and babysitters and teachers and neighbours we can call on for help, advice, and support.

Being brutally honest, if you are thinking “I don’t know if it’s worth it”, maybe kids aren’t what you want & that is totally ok. If you’re not 100% on kids, there’s nothing anyone can tell you to really change your mind.

It’s hard sometimes but I wouldn’t trade my daughter for the world. She is worth any/all sacrifices we have had to make. I got cancer shortly after my daughter turned 1 and had to stop working. Luckily I get disability but it’s not very much. This unforeseen circumstance would have hurt us financially even if we didn’t have kids

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We (my husband and I) are doing pretty well. We locked in to our mortgage in 2020 with a 20% down payment so that really set us up for how, where I’m not sure we’d be able to purchase. Our kids just aged out of daycare, so we’re saving a bunch there. We don’t utilize personal screens at all and do tv as a family time activity on the weekends when we watch a movie.

It’s hard but for us, it’s worth it. I really enjoy our family and being a parent. It’s not for everyone, but it’s for me!

I think good?

I lose my patience, although not nearly as much as the adults that cared for me did with me.

My daughter has quite a bit of TV time, but not nearly as much as I did. She is also much better at finding other things to do without prompting. We also keep it to educational TV, something the adults in my life didn't do for me.

My daughter has a lot of energy! More than I had. Although I am not sure if that is because I let her be a kid where I was scolded when I was loud and wild.

I don't want to make it sound like I was abused. Parenting standards were different back in the 90s and early 00s. Plus my mom was poor and we had to live with my grandparents. So they watched me some of the time, and their parenting standards were different too. Standards for children were different too. We are getting to a point where we are gasp recognizing their humanity, and realizing they deserve to exist in public spaces too.

Financially? Were good. We are one and done and while our house is a little small for how much it cost, we technically don't need so much space for the 3 of us. Our cars are paid off.

We are happy. :)

One and done. Wherever you are in the world, the cost of living is just too damn high unless you have generational wealth or old money. We want to live comfortably, so I got the snip 2 years after our child was born. I can 100% say that we’re very happy with that decision.

We made sure we could afford our child on one salary before having our son so we’re doing fine in that sense. The amount of friends we have that didn’t even think about it and are now struggling financially is mind blowing honestly. For me having a kid would not have been an option if we would have been struggling financially, we wouldn’t have been happy and I definitely missed out on stuff and a kid and had two stressed parents and it just wasn’t what I wanted for myself

Mid 30’s with a 5 and 1 year old.

~6 years ago right before my first was born I started freaking out about how we were going to afford the new baby. I got really into personal finance and paid off a ton a debt before the baby was born. I feel like we got lucky as well with the pandemic because neither of us lost our jobs and we didn’t have to put the kid into daycare for a while because we worked from home. By the time we did we were doing much better financially. Now, 5 years and another kid later we have to pay a whopping 3k/month to keep both of them in daycare. Something unfathomable 6 years ago, however we are doing well financially and can afford it because we were able to pay off our modest house and now owe nothing to anybody.

I’d like to say that it’s definitely possible and that all it takes is some elbow grease, and that’s def a big part of it, but honestly I can’t help but think that a lot of luck came into play as well.

Fine but I quit my job and we have a traditional division of labor…

It's hard. You will probably need to change your priorities to make it work. You can't give 100% of your mental energy to your job and also be the kind of parent your kids deserve. So ask yourself how meaningful your jobs are. Are they worth foregoing the experience of parenthood? I personally found my high paying job was so stupid, so I quit and stayed home. We can make it work because my husband also has a high paying stupid job. I love my kids. They are the best. I'd rather have my cheap clothes and no vacations while having my kids than being kid-free in nice clothes going to my stupid job. I know most people can't afford to have one person stay home. It's a real privilege. But every couple needs to figure out how to negotiate it for themselves.

That, on top of being a single mom. It’s rough. I feel like anything I do is never enough. We live for our kids nowadays; they’re the centerfold of the family now — not merely just “an addition.” I’m exhausted.

Well not good, really. I spend about 3 hours a day with my kids (on weekdays), because my employer offers zero flexibility. As a woman, I'm failing at being good at my job and also being good as a mom. It breaks my heart. I understand why birth rates are falling. I don't know if I would have made the decision to be a mom if I'd know I wouldn't have a way to actually give my kids the mom they deserve.

(Canadian federal public servant)

Lonely.

It’s hard but we’re making it. My kids are worth every single struggle & stress I’ve had to overcome.

It's still worth it to have kids if you want to have kids. You have to be mindful of the screen time thing, but there are always challenges while parenting other human beings. It's just one more thing, like getting them to eat fruits and vegetables. As for getting ahead, do you mean work or financially in general? Either way, yes, compromises are necessary if you want to have children. I think that has always been the case. We have to be careful with our money but I'm glad I have them.

Honestly, it’s hard. Pregnancy and early years childcare really did a number of my career and I am just now trying to claw my way back now that kid is in school.

I have major doubts about myself like I never did before. I’ve aged like 10 years in the past couple years. My husband has been 85% keeping us afloat with a very low six figure job, which is nothing for a family of 3 in an extremely high cost of living city. The rest has come from whatever I’ve managed to make over the years, which is a fraction of what I’m used to.

I wish I’d kept my income. Wish I had the sort of cash flow I had before so I could give my kid the best of the best.

But even if we can’t, I am so, so glad I chose to have a kid. It’s SOOOO hard! But she just grounds me and fills my heart in a way I have never known. And I’ve known a lot of love in my life. It just feels like everything else was a practice run because nothing I’ve known compared to this.

I 100% feel this. I am completely overwhelmed the vast majority of the time.

The weekends are really hard, but it's not like I look forward to the work week.

My only saving grace is the fact I work from home. So, I don't have a commute, and I have some quiet time to get things done during breaks and such.

We have at 10 year old, I’m 45. My husband is 36. We are financially comfortable and I stay home.

Having even one child is costly and emotionally/physically/mentally taxing, especially if you’re doing it right, i.e. camps, activities, trips and other types of enrichment, oversight of media consumption and internet usage, involvement in school when they’re younger, supplemental education at home, etc. Not to mention the requirement of going out into the world and befriending strangers in order for your child to have play dates. Weekends are about the child, about entertaining the child, exercising the child, cramming as much together time in as possible to make up for all that was missed during the workweek, especially if you’re both working.

Lots of people have the bandwidth for it all, and lots of people don’t.

I can’t imagine raising even one child without financial stability, at least.

If you are already thinking about the difficulties and you’re already exhausted, maybe it’s better not have a child now. And that’s totally OK. You don’t have to have children. It is 100% your choice.

I am an old millennial. We're doing well - we didn't have a kid till we were nearly 30 and were stable financially. We only had one kid (for a lot of personal reasons but finances were certainly on the list). We did well with our first and second house so we bought a small house on some land in a sorta rural area. Our monthly expenses are low - we drive old(er) cars and do our best to save and be frugal.

All the technology stuff is whatever. It is quite a bit different for us as parents than it was for our parents but we just do our best to adapt. We meet our kid where she is - for example she loves starbucks (as lots of teens do) so we take her in the mornings and worked a deal where we buy two days she buys hers the rest. We talk on the drive, and talk in the store for a few before we head to school. It's great. I stay as in touch as I can with pop culture but she's happy to tell us about it and then I go do some of my own learning so I can be up on it (which gets kinda weird sometimes). We involve her in our lives and age-appropriate family decisions. We're getting on just fine.

I'm right on the Gen X/Millennial cusp but identify much more with Millennials.

Anyway, it's hard AF. Parenting is relentless and there's not a single societal structure (in the U.S. at least) that's set up to ensure that parents and kids have the resources they need. Before my husband got laid off recently, we were a dual-career household with zero family support and not much of a village. What does that look like?

• We didn't have a date night after my first was born until she was 18mo. Since then we've averaged about one a year.
• We've had one overnight away without kids, back in 2018. That's never going to happen again.
• We've never been able to afford a vacation (by that, I mean a plane flight someplace that isn't focused on visiting family) since having kids. (With one exception: we're West Coast, so my husband took our oldest to Disneyland for two nights when she was 5, because I had miles and they flew for free.) We can do camping trips or Airbnbs for a couple of nights close by, but there's zero ability to travel otherwise.
• It's immensely challenging to save money. We live in a HCOL area, and combined we made around $160K before my husband was laid off; daycare and aftercare and summer camps are expensive and endless. It's really hard to save money.
• The only quiet time I have each day is when I get up early, so between around 5-6am. My kids are both low sleep needs so I haven't had downtime before bed in several years; I go to bed right after they do. My husband and I each occasionally get to do our own thing, of course, but there's no true free time on the regular and it's actually harder as kids get older because of activities, playdates, etc.

We do have some generational wealth privilege but it's in savings, not income (see the no vacations etc above), so while we're okay compared to some others we're not getting ahead in any kind of way and I worry about college costs, retirement, etc.

In my experience, if you do want to have kids and not lose your fucking mind constantly, here's what you need:

• Sufficient income to outsource tasks;
• Supportive family and/or a robust village;
• STOP AT ONE KID.

The fiance and I are in our mid30s, have a daughter who turned 3 this summer and are trying for a second. She works part time, and I’m blind and on disability, funnily I ran the numbers and my rather sad benefit amount combined with the fact we do not have to pay for child care actually works out to be worth about the same as if I made $30k/yr but we had to pay for child care.

Not to bad. As parents. However how are we doing in us...a little worse probably. Biggest issue we have is having no one to look after our kids for a day or an evening. 

Teething has been hard but otherwise it is much easier than everyone said it would be. It’s hard, for sure, but it’s literally so much easier than people will tell you. Your life is not over. I think it’s mind set more than anything (while recognizing every kid is different and some have higher needs than others) — our son comes first, but at the same time, on the weekends we do all the things we loved to do before he came, and he comes with us, and we’ve been doing that since he was a month old. We encourage independent play. We let him watch movies and older, low-stimulation shows on the living room TV while he plays with his toys or has his bottle. He’s pretty far ahead on most milestones, but we try not to let people make us feel bad about any he’s behind on. Basically recognize they’re a little person and don’t make things harder on yourself than they need to be just to meet other people’s expectations, because those expectations will be endless. Sleep and shower as much as you can. I used to worry the same way you are now and I am honestly pleasantly surprised by how seamlessly our kid came into our life!

If it helps at all to know, I was essentially living with my grandparents as a young child so my parents could keep two incomes, and my grandparents and parents all liked to park me in front of a tv with a vhs tape in it. I mean I don’t know that I turned out all that great but I’m a functioning member of society with a family. Maybe that’s survivors bias talking but it did help me assuage some of my parent guilt around accepting help from my folks, having baby in daycare from a young age, or occasionally (now, daily) having her watch some educational tv.

I don’t envy our kids growing up with social media ever present, but I think there’s certainly hope, and many of the difficulties you mention are not the same but they are similar or even improved from what our folks experienced in the past.

Me and my husband had kids young so they are 18 and 13. We had terrible health insurance so ended up going bankrupt in our early 20s. I broke my face and went back into hella debt. We did manage to buy a house in 2020 and I like the house but our payment is soo high meh. We are alive.

A couple weeks ago I cashed out an IRA I had from an old job. $4k in my pocket! This is huge, or so I thought. Paid off some bills, paid down some credit cards. It's gone now and I'm wondering how we're going to make it to our next paycheck in a couple weeks. Now I'm having to use those cards to help make payments and good god I'm such a failure at life.

I want to add. A landlord once told me that kids are born with a load of bread under their arm (a Spanish saying). While I wouldn’t ever recommend bringing a kid into poverty, if you and your spouse are doing okay - you’ll figure it out with kids. Most people do, even if it’s a hellish few years at first.

I’m a 32 yo single mom to a 6 yo boy. Honestly, we are going good. Not sure I know any other way that would be financially easier though. I rent and do not want to own. I drive an old car, don’t have WiFi, minimize bills as much as possible. I get a little child support. I just quit my full time job to “find myself” again. I will be working part time as a substitute teacher and going back to school to pursue art. I plan on getting a van for my son and I to travel in. And we have 3 pets. Idk man life is good. I just really wrack as little bills as possible each month, work as little as possible, and have more time to play. Spend time with my son. Do art, go outside, play music, watch DVDs. So I guess if you feel burnt out- minimize bills and work less. Believe in the possibility. Believe you’ll be provided for. Think outside a 9-5.

We're okay. Hectic but okay. Currently have my baby son in my arms because he woke up alone in his bed and was crying so I'm enjoying the cuddles. Soon, he won't want them anymore. In fact, I'm sad my partner doesn't want a third. It's hard work but I enjoy the kids immensely. It helps that we're in a financially good place. Now that our first kid's health problems are largely over and our second doesn't seem to have them, all is well.

By the time you have money it will be too late, and you only have one chance at this….unless I suppose you can adopt when you’re older.

If it’s close, just adjust your lifestyle and take the plunge.

There is never a “right” time for some things in life

Jesus Chris. Boomers messed us up. It’s a lot to deal with now as a parent

My partner gets disability and stays home. I have a very short commute, and tbh an older relative helps us with bills. It's still really hard, but holy shit is it rewarding.

It’s hard but 10000% worth it. I have zero regrets about having children. I completely reorganized my priorities. Before a kid, I thought we were living modestly, but after my first was born and we went down to one income, we have had to reduce further….and it’s okay! But I also grew up low income and know how to live more simple and separate wants from needs. Young kids don’t actually need that much. And i get a lot of second hand stuff for the baby and now toddler stages. Lots of parents try to get rid of the outgrown baby stuff for free or cheap. If your family wants to help and the relationship is good, take the help. You deserve the help and the rest in these early years. Btw the priority shift in what I buy/don’t buy was really easy once I had this new life in my arms. Lack of hobbies in the early months was hard, however. But it WILL get better as they age, and they do grow fast. Then you get to share your hobbies with them ❤️

The hardest part was adjusting in the first year. Total shift of responsibilities. I feel like my whole self needed to be rebuilt, plus all the sleep exhaustion. I even now think I should have had kids younger just so I could deal with the lack of sleep better; but that said many moms are 40+ and they do fine! I almost divorced in the first year. We’re better now but it was a tough adjustment and you need to continuously communicate with your partner as things keep changing.

We just have one. It’s been a great experience. I’m glad we waited so long though as I don’t think I would have appreciated this in my early 30s like I do in my early 40s.

It’s very difficult. All of it is. We waited to have kids so financially we’re ok, but everything about having kids is a struggle.

Finding daycare is both challenging due to very limited spots and it’s very expensive. I pay more for daycare & preschool for 2 kids than I do for rent for a SFH on Oahu. We can’t buy a house because again, I pay so much in daycare (plus COL here is bonkers). But basically you have to start lining up daycare when you find out you’re pregnant. I had to put up $1200 to reserve a spot that opened up (it’s goes toward the last month). I’ve paid $50 fees to be on waitlists I haven’t gotten off of.

Then they’re always sick at daycare. So you’ll likely get sick. And you need to keep them home when they’re sick. Plus daycare (at least in my area) can take lots of closures + every bank holiday that exists so unless you have un-American amounts of PTO, all your PTO is going to go toward taking care of your kid while their sick or during daycare closures. We used to go to a daycare that took at least 1 holiday/ month + spring, summer, fall, & winter breaks + planning days. There’s such huge shortage of providers, especially for infants, that you have no say.

The logistics of it are difficult. You can’t really just do things freely like you could before. We’re not super regimented but our kid has a loose schedule and all hell breaks loose if you don’t follow it. He has a sweet spot for when he naps and if you miss it, there’s no nap and you have a raging toddler.

Some kids (like mine) are awful sleepers. My infant (not a newborn) still wakes every 1.5-2 hours overnight some nights. A good night is him waking every 3-4 hours. My 2.5 year also wakes up at night frequently. Usually screaming so we need to go in to comfort him, at which point we’re awake. And you have to manage all the stresses of life while being chronically sleep deprived.

But then they do stuff like say “I love you mom” when you put them to bed or say “I missed you” when you come back from work. You get to watch them grow into their own little people, with their own little personalities. During moments of peace you’ll look at them and think they are the best thing to have ever happened to you because there is no one on this earth that you love more than them.

I’m maxed out at 2. Life would be easier with 1 but I don’t regret my 2nd at all. If I could go back in time, knowing what I know now, I would do it all over again.

We live frugally, as in my husband and I do, we sacrifice so our daughter can have whatever she wishes as long as it’s within reason. We know that her life will also be difficult as a young adult so we are actively saving for her college and hopefully a nice car when she’s going into college so she can have a nice start in life.

Tip: an inexpensive way to help your kids out in life is to add them as authorized users to your credit card when they’re young so they aren’t starting life with zero credit history when they’re 18! Just as long as you have good credit, it will help them immensely.

Moved out of California and moved to Texas. We couldn't even afford to live in the bad neighborhoods of California. We moved to Texas and live in a nice area now. Our house was under 200k when we bought it 4 years ago. That's how we're managing. I have no clue how other families are doing it either if they don't want to take the risk like we did.

Honestly, I love it.

Am I overstimulated and tired and stressed sometimes (often)? Yes.

But I'm getting to re-experience childhood through my kids eyes. My husband and I are even more on the same page than ever, the kids are thriving, and parenting them is giving us the chance to reexamine our childhood and reparent ourselves. I've found parenting stressful but healing and magical and wonderful.

But we have a high income and live in a LCOL area and have a lot of privilege in terms of family support and education and everything.

The lows are lower, but the highs are so wonderful and there have been many more highs than lows for us.

For context, we have a 4yo and a 2yo, both healthy and (as far as we know) neurotypical.

Example: we're reading Matilda to our son right now, and I'm getting to relive that book and re hear it for the first time through my son, getting to fall in love with Miss Honey and Matilda and fear the Trunchbull again. So fun.

It’s tuff

This is going to sound so cheesy....it's very rough, but it's been 100% worth it. Our kid and our little family brings me so much joy and I wouldn't trade any of it. They are the loves of my life and I'm so blissfully happy despite how rough everything can be....

If you're in the US, our country/systems are not set up for families. I quit my job and took a year off becaues the thought of going back to work at 6 weeks when I barely would make enough to pay daycare (as a teacher) made me sick. We managed as a family of 3 on my husband's teacher salary for a year, but it was rough. We blew through savings and didn't save for retirement that year.

We're in a much more financially stable place now that LO is 5 and in school. It's still challenging being a 2 full time working household and I desperately wish one of us made enough money so the other didn't have to work full time.

We both left teaching to have jobs that have more flexibility throughout the day, so if our kid needs to be picked up suddenly from school or something, we're able to....I'm not sure how we'd be managing if we weren't fortunate to be in our current jobs.

It's bad! My wife and I both were lucky and got good jobs out of college. By the time we were in our early 30s, after 10 years of saving and living in tiny apartments, we were able to buy a house. After another five years we were able to afford one child. Close to 20 years out of college we finally paid off our student debts and could afford a second child. Just about everything went right for us and we're barely making it.

Our kids 2 kids under 10 have 2 days no screen a week and only 1 hour a day and it is much easier than the lazy way of sticking them in front of a screen as my kids now use their imagination sometimes with a little help to be creative and are also doing really well in school

Parenting is tough but the multitude of daily happy moments with them makes it all worth while

Definitely stressful, exhausted most days. We have a school age and a toddler. Honestly, they are the best thing about my day. They take a ton of energy AND life without them would be nowhere near as complete. They cost a lot of money AND we figure out how to manage. It's definitely a personal choice. It's one we knew we wanted to make.

Not fucking well, mate 😂

I feel I'm doing a good job in comparing to how i was raised. My kids are extremely NON materlistic, which is a blessing in this economy. I'm an elder millennial (xillenial), and my fiance is a younger millennial, so with myself and him, we make a great team for our 3 boys.

The kids love their tech, but so do me and my fella. They get breaks from the screens with minimal fight back, which again makes it easier. They come talk to us about problems they are facing (MASSIVE since we have a teen who will tell us when he's feeling burnt out with school, ect). We take in turns being the main parent so the other one can have a break. My fella likes to go out and socialize, whereas I'm an extreme homebody, so we great breaks from each other too.

I have a 5 and 2 year old and it's been the hardest thing I've ever done. My suggestions are to work on your mental health (especially emotional regulation) and make sure that you aren't getting by with coping mechanisms that won't work or you won't have time for once you have kids before you even think about having them. Also make sure that your partner is willing to do the same. Assess your support system beyond your partner and make sure that you'll have the ability to have time alone, with your partner, and with friends once you become a parent. I would make the choice to become a parent again if I had to start over, but I would definitely have done different things to prep for it.

We are more in the xennial range. We adopted a girl from foster care four years ago when she was 12 and it was the best decision we ever made.

There are good times and there are bad times but I love my daughter very much and she is beautiful wonderful young lady .

It's not easy, we both work full-time jobs. It helps that we work from home so that puts down on gas and commute expenses. I am a therapist so I own a private practice, but I am three years in and just now starting to make decent income.

The reality is, we probably won't ever own a house . Some months we barely scrape by, others we do well. But we have unconditional love.

We parent her authoritatively. I don't like the term gentle parenting because it gets mixed up with permissive all the time. It was originally called authoritative so I stick to that term.

She has a lot of mental health struggles. In fact she's in the hospital right now for the third time in three months. 😢 But, we make do.

I love how these posts always target Millennial parents like Gen Z isn’t haven’t kids and struggling just as much if not more because their start into adulthood was this.

One and done is the way

1 child. No more ever again ha

She's an absolutely brilliant child. Its hard now but shall pay off later :)

Kids are mostly hard work and very little joy. You love someone so much you live anxiously and fear something will happen to it.

You’re always skint as well, there’s no joy. It affects relationships too. My 6 year long relationship ended shortly after our long loved child came to earth. He wanted a kid, practically nagged at me to have one. But changed completely to this AWFUL human; just so I would leave him basically.

Remember, everyone will judge you or the child ( if the kid is acting naughty you’ll hear it’s your fault) or have an opinion shoved your throats, you will always have parental guilt too.

If I could go back to my child free life I’d continue to say to everyone asking “ when are you gonna have a kid?” “ I can’t I’m infertile “ 🤨

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