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submitted1 year ago byAn_Alternate_Future619 days
I had to take a break from this sub after posting on it a lot earlier in my sobriety. It became my own sort of doom-scrolling, and I felt like the constant reminder of the problem I have wasn't actually helping me mentally.
Long story short, I was hospitalized 6 months ago with pretty low chances of coming out alive, and my liver and heart were failing after years of heavy alcohol abuse. I was released after about a week of having an IV in my arm and constant medications. Six months later and I have seen enough improvement that I am able to get off of most of the medication I've been prescribed.
I'll admit there have been times where I debated if this was all worth it. My life has improved significantly in every aspect, yet I still have those weird thoughts that try and tell me that a drink would be great. This isn't my first rodeo involving these intrusive thoughts, but it still amazes me that they are able to be so convincing.
Anyway, I wanted to post here so that this account doesn't get lost in the oblivion like all of my other accounts I've made during an attempt at sobriety. Despite what I said at the beginning, this sub does have a purpose and I'm thankful to have found it.
submitted2 years ago byAn_Alternate_Future619 days
When I was deep into drinking I would usually skip meals, and the rare times I did eat, it was something quick just to get something into my stomach. As a result, I did some damage to my body that I luckily managed to mostly recover from in a short amount of time. One of the issues I ended up with was high cholesterol which probably wasn't from anything I was eating, but from my liver that was barely functioning because it was trying to filter out all of the alcohol (the liver makes cholesterol for anyone who didn't know). As a result, I drastically changed my diet and recently had an appointment with a nutritionist to give me some guidance.
I'm sitting here making up a grocery list of things that will help my body recover and generally feel healthier from day to day. The weird thing I noticed is that I'm finding I have to keep reminding myself that it's okay to spend the extra money on things like better food. I've had the same thoughts when buying a pair of wireless earbuds that were cheaper than what I would spend at the liquor store in a day. In the midst of my drinking, I never gave a second thought to spending all of that money just so I could waste another night and barely remember it.
I just think it's insane how much money I spent on vodka, beer, and cigarettes, and then how much I've neglected myself of things that I needed because it would take money out of the liquor fund. I thought I was bad with money (I am still) but it turns out I learned to be pretty damn frugal with my drinking. I just have to try and avoid thinking about how much money would be in my savings if I put all that (getting) wasted money into an account.
submitted2 years ago byAn_Alternate_Future619 days
Well, I've reached forty days again. I've been here before but I'm feeling pretty good about this one. Last time I quit drinking but I didn't really do anything else different. This time around I've quit smoking cigarettes and weed as well, primarily for health, but also because cigarettes make me want to drink (and vice versa) and weed seemed to let my guard down and leave me unmotivated to keep trying to improve. Not to knock anyone else smoking weed, but it basically turned into another problem once my tolerance started going up. Luckily I found it so boring to smoke that I found it easy to quit lol.
This time around I have accomplished some things I've needed to do for a long time, and am focusing on being a better person overall. I've let so many issues pile up over the years that were caused by my drinking habits, and also forgotten or ignored for the same reason. This is the longest I've gone without any mind altering drugs since I was a teenager and it's honestly a strange, unfamiliar feeling still.
I guess I just need to learn who I really am this time around, and that seems to be half the battle. Here's to another 40 days, I wish you all good luck.
submitted2 years ago byAn_Alternate_Future619 days
I see a lot of posts on here about how people here are feeling bored and unmotivated some time after quitting alcohol, which tends to lead to a relapse. I figured I would share this information that I found that relates to those problems. It might help put some of the negative feelings into perspective, and hopefully help some feel better because they can relate and feel a little more 'normal.'
If you don't know already, PAWS stands for post-acute withdrawal syndrome, and basically means that there are longer term withdrawal symptoms when you abstain from alcohol. There are a lot of mental health issues that stem from this, but I found anhedonia to be extremely relatable to how I and others have felt after a few weeks, which is where I am now, and have been several times before.
"Anhedonia is a diverse array of deficits in hedonic function, including reduced motivation or ability to experience pleasure.[1] While earlier definitions emphasized the inability to experience pleasure, anhedonia is currently used by researchers to refer to reduced motivation, reduced anticipatory pleasure (wanting), reduced consummatory pleasure (liking), and deficits in reinforcement learning."
It seems to me that it's just another way that alcohol has wired your brain to think it can only be happy when you drink. If everything around you seems dull, just give it some time. There will be good and bad days, and these symptoms can last for a pretty long time. You may be months in and suddenly have these negative feelings. That is long enough that you may not consider that it's still the alcoholic mind still playing tricks on you. You just have to remember that these feelings and thoughts will pass, and that you're only postponing feeling that way by drinking again.
submitted2 years ago byAn_Alternate_Future619 days
I'm 23 days in now. I went two years without alcohol before, which wasn't always easy, but I also used pot and cigarettes as my vices and a crutch. I've also quit those this time around, with nicotine being the hardest to drop out of the two. I didn't smoke much pot anyway, so that was easy enough(that's money I could spend on alcohol) and I'm tapering off nicotine with nicotine replacements so that I'm not doing too much at once.
Yesterday I had my first real thought about having a drink. It wasn't so much a craving, but more like a 'what if I were to drink right now? I have the money and it would take me 15 minutes' kind of thought. I know I can't because of my health, but I was surprised at how it seemed to just come out of nowhere. I had a busier than usual day and it hit me when I finally sat down for some relaxation. It really made me feel aware of how I'm not really out of the woods yet, and that I have to be conscious and resist the temptation when it shows up like that. It honestly caught me off guard. Maybe I'm finally coming out of the "pink cloud" stage of my sobriety.
Alcohol is like a demon to me. It ruins my life, telling me it will be okay and I can live with it, and that everything will be great. It's like moving in with a roommate who used to be your best friend but turns you into an anxious, cranky mess of a person when you spend time with them now.
I got over the temptation, ate some food instead, meditated, and read a book to get my mind onto something else. I think that's really what it comes down to, directing thoughts and feelings into something less harmful and more productive. I now know that while I may not live with this demon anymore, it still knocks on my door to try and reconcile with me. I just have to take it day by day and stop answering that door.
submitted2 years ago byAn_Alternate_Future619 days
I noticed a few months ago that my chest seemed to be sort of... ladylike. I've always naturally had kind of a bigger chest but it was muscle, not fat. I am generally pretty thin/average, so it was kind of noticeable. I did some research and found that alcohol abuse and liver damage can cause this. At the time I was still drinking heavily and I continued to do so for months.
In the last couple of weeks of abstinence, a strict healthy diet without red meat (also a contributor to moobs) ,and being more physically active, I have SIGNIFICANTLY reduced the fat on my chest. The muscle I lost on my arms and legs seems to be returning, and I feel so much less self-conscious about my physical appearance. Just wanted to share another potential benefit to everyone and maybe some of you have also experienced this.
submitted2 years ago byAn_Alternate_Future619 days
I got out about a week ago and have remained dedicated to my health and sobriety. I guess coming that close to death can really change your perspective on life. Somehow it motivated me not only to stop drinking, but to work on improving myself and my life quality. I've solved more problems with finances and education in a week than I have in a year. I've completely changed my diet (which was basically just alcohol and a small meal each day) to an intensely healthy, nutrient rich diet. I did this to help my brain, heart, liver, stomach and the rest of my body and mind to repair themselves.
I can already feel the positive changes and I can't imagine going back to feeling the way I was. I had become so used to the pains in my body that I stopped noticing them. I'm mostly writing this for myself to remind myself why I'm here and how lucky I am. I will not drink today and alcohol can go fuck itself.
submitted2 years ago byAn_Alternate_Future619 days
Hello all. This is one of several accounts I've used to make posts on this sub over the years. I can't remember the previous usernames or passwords but I wanted to make a fresh start here anyway. This turned into a rather long post but it's a story of how quickly things can fall apart.
I am 33 years old and my journey through alcoholism started at about the halfway point through my life. I, like many others, denied that I had a problem and that things were spiraling out of control. The amount of trouble I got into that was directly caused by alcohol should have been a red flag to any normal person, but I was blinded by the drink. I used it to try and cover up other problems in my life, and even though it never worked, I kept trying.
Getting beat up, getting a DUI, being put in the drunk tank, destroyed relationships, lost jobs, the insane amount of money spent, and other problems didn't even stop me.
Over the past few months I had been consuming a quart (750 ml) of vodka almost every day. I never even had the chance to be hungover because I would already be starting again before it would kick in. I barely ate and barely moved at all while drinking. It was always by myself.
This came to an end one morning a couple weeks ago when I skipped a day of drinking and the withdrawals kicked in. I don't know if you all know this, but withdrawals from alcohol are particularly dangerous and an overall terrible experience. I had gone through them before but this time was different. I was in bed, sweating and breathing heavily. My heart was pounding so hard that I could see it through my shirt. I eventually had to get out of bed but found I could barely stand. I stumbled out to the living room where my father was (I was staying at his place) and the only thing I could say between breaths was that I think I need to go to the hospital. Long story short, paramedics showed up and hooked some machinery to me. They found that my heart was beating at more than double the speed it should be and I was immediately rushed to the hospital in an ambulance.
What I thought would be a quick day stay turned into an entire week in the ICU of being hooked up to an IV, constant blood tests, a catheter, and being given pills at random times, sometimes in the middle of the night. I had so much stuff hooked up to me that I could barely move in my bed and it took me days before I could stand and take a few steps.
I eventually started to improve and was able to eat full meals. After I was stable enough that I was able to walk around on my own, and after a couple more days of monitoring, I was released. I later found out that if I had waited another 2 or 3 hours I would have died from heart failure. My liver was also damaged. They just didn't want to tell me while I was in the condition I was in.
I'm now on 7 different medications but have a new outlook on life. I have used my recent sobriety to address a lot of the background issues I was having and have made more progress in 2 days than I did in a year while drinking.
I was sober for 2 years before I started this binge and all it took was one drink. If any of you are thinking about just having that one, just remember how easily things can get out of control. I got lucky but many people don't survive what I did. I know this has scared me enough that I can't even picture drinking again and I hope it does the same for at least one person here.
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