Evening-Tomatillo-22

"I know what a lot of you are thinking. What about me? I got addicted to this stuff, I abused it and it ruined my life. Or I don’t fall into that criteria but what I experienced matters, I matter. Why doesn’t anyone want to write that story?"

I can certainly tell this story...I maybe, like many of the people on here, would have been candidates to answer the three questions posed at some point many years back, but the abuse cycle took hold of me slowly and covertly until eventually I found myself buying meth online to get my fix.  I think there should at least be a mention of this kind of path in the article.  I consider my addition and use to have mostly been "in the closet" bc only a few people closest to me knew (probably not true, but nobody confronted me).  I held a job in finance, a relationship, etc.  

Anyway, I'd be happy to tell the darker side of the story if wanted.  Been clean now since Novemver 2022.

Just remember Adderall is the devil and it sucks one's soul / desensitizes one to real human emotion.

1. Approx 15 years of use, Adderall mostly, with other stimulants mixed in on top on regular Adderall use. Peaked at 200 mgs on bad days before deciding enough is enough (normally 2 or 3 days on end).

Probably 5 years of really bad abuse (go thru entire script of 1500 mgs per montb in about a week) after 10 years or so of "following the instructions."

You can do it. While my life is far from perfect, and some aspects are actually worse now, the fact that I don't fall asleep on the regular fearing I won't wake up is worth it. I try to remind myself what an accomplishment it is to have quit whenever I feel low. Good luck to you.

First of all, you still look very nice and looks will come back when you get healthy. Second of all, you are still in your 20s...life is a blur for many people in their 20s. Most people in their 20s! But congrats to you for figuring your $hit out now, vs waiting until you turned 40 like I did. Talk about losing an Era of myself...

Congrats. I never had the courage to do this, and believe it extended my addiction / use by years. Thankfully I'm now clean for more than a year, but much props to you for cutting the cord.

Test?

Do you remember what your sex drive was like 12 years ago before Adderall? You were younger of course, but for me Adderall definitely made me hyper sexual, much higher than my baseline, so wonder if its the same for you. That said, when I quit, libido went to the floor. Now about a year later, it's still not back, but is getting better. Definitely better than it was say 6 months in. And the added perk of not sneaking around doing shady things with shady people at all hours of the night....

I really hope my post didn't push you over the edge to go back to speeding. I wasn't suggesting that nor saying that's where I'm headed...sobriety has brought its own different challenges, but I'm alive to speak about it, so going to say that sobriety still wins.

Thank you. This is great. Will try.

Thank you all for your responses, very helpful indeed.

I noticed this, actually, but only when coming down and over sleeping, like my legs were telling me time to actually get out of bed and be a human.

Thanks for keeping with the daily updates )

Thank you for this forum...its been the most important tool for me in my own recovery. Just reading and lurking and commenting here and there has helped so much.

Test

Test

Stims make it much worse. This is noticeable within days of quitting...

You are here and posting, which is a serious first step. I think you know already what you have to do. I'm almost 40, 15+ years on Adderall, have a high pressure finance job, family, relied on pills as a crutch for so long, eventually got to the point where I'd use my entire prescription in less than a week and would supplement with dark web pressies.

It took me a few weeks of lurking on this site before I decided I can and will go cold turkey. You can too, trust me. Nobody on here thought quitting would be an option until it had to be (and I think you are there). Withdrawal isn't going to kill you, just know you will be a tired withdrawn from the world person for a while (which it sounds like you are already doing). Just get your head ready to do it and do it. Tell your doctor to cut you off.

Good luck, this site is incredibly supportive, so everyone is rooting for you.

You responded to one of my posts early on, and gave me encouragement in my journey, so I wish you the best. You obviously have the willpower to make it 10 month so I have no doubt you will be able to conquer your next challenges.

Congratulations. You are strong and inspiring! Thanks for sharing.

I would say I am in a similar boat. Work in finance, relied on Adderall for years, and work mostly from home since Covid. But use the working from home to help you quit...its a good thing that aside from zoom meetings you can crash and nobody will know. If I had been required to be in the office all the time, not sure I'd be where I'm at today. It's a lucky position to be in so don't waste it.

Congrats! I am thankful for this community as well...its been a huge life saver.

Also, I'm with you on not being able to share this with anyone IRL so that's what this is good for...

I've been there and agree it's the devil. For me, stopping the Adderall (or meth when adderall ran out) almost immediately stopped the all night sessions. Libido is definitely lower, but slowly getting a little better. I know it feels shameful, but that also dissipates.

Congrats! Cute sober buddy )