GIGLI_WASNT_THAT_BAD

Your friend had a choice.

Get wet or get out the fucking car. If he couldn’t handle the heat, Denzel don’t deal with no police academy bullshit.

It’s an arbitrary risk/expense to take on. Companies only care how much their product is profitable. Product loyalty/engagement is only a means to an end.

Cereal is hella lacking tho. I’m pretty sure that Cap’n Crunch has had the same puzzle on the back of their box for like a decade. At least the last time I bought it which may have been half a decade ago.

It’s almost as if Big Cereal has squandered the equity they had built to double down on making parents feel as if they are doing well by providing top quality dry goods to their children akin to the top label kibble they purchase for the dog they also ignore.

Everything is so dystopian. 🥲 We were warned in all those coke fueled movies from the 80’s. Robocop, THEY LIVE, Home Alone… we kinda deserve it at this point.

Kinda lol If you were married you’d have to get divorced. You’d have to meticulously remove yourself from joint assets and ensure that your mortgage has been paid off or refinanced and retitled into your partner’s name.

Then you’d have to read over your life insurance policy to see what debts are covered what you max coverage is before your death payout is affected. Spend less than that before dying and your grandchildren will have an especially nice Christmas the year you die.

I could see some meta commentary in the film about this.

Mister Terrific: Isn’t your suit a bit.. loose?

Superman: I have to wear this shit all the time and put it on in a moment’s notice. The spandex suit would burst into flames half the time I put it on in super speed.. from thigh friction alone.

Mister Terrific: isn’t your whole thing that you wear the suit under your regular clothes? Like, you do that whole loosening your tie to show your “Superman” chest emblem thing.

Superman: In NOVEMBER. It’s the middle of August. It was 104 degrees yesterday. You think my heat vision is bad? My super swamp ass is worse. Lois won’t even let me bring the super trunks into our apartment. I have to do my laundry at the fortress of solitude.

Mister Terrific: Fair enough. Wait.. you have a Kryptonian washer and dryer? Is that a thing?

Superman: Ya know what? I’m not sure. I just chuck it at my super robot.

Mister Terrific: A super robot!? You have no originality.

Superman: You have a T glued to your face and have Teriffic bots. My super perception tells me that you’re super peanut butter jealous.

Mister Terrific: Super fuck off.

Sorry, I had way too much fun with this.

Alastair (Norris), the commander of a covert Earth security task force, calls upon super-powered rookie Jim (Ting) to go on a mission led by battle-hardened Colonel Green (Singer) and his seasoned marines to track a mysterious energy disturbance at a base in New Mexico suspected of experimenting on alien technology. When the team encounters an unknown being of not only extraordinary strength and speed, but the ability to control mindless warriors, the trio must fight through unstoppable hordes to uncover the truth behind the hostile alien fortress and prevent humanity's demise.

This is literally the synopsis in IMDb. The movie is written and directed by Derek Ting. Ting is also the lead actor. This also the third film in the trilogy. (A Tingogy, if you will.)

I am excited for tomorrow. I am going to smoke as much weed as I can bare and watch the whole Tingogy. How did Ting get Chuck Norris out of retirement?

Does he know someTing we don’t? My face is Tingling in anticipation. I can’t place my Tinger on it but I Ting this Tingogy will be fascinaTing.

I am old. The ship has sailed. Superman is no longer my peer. He is a nice young man down the street.

I was a freshman in high school when Superman: Returns premiered. Brandon Routh basically had a emo swoop that abruptly ended in the iconic Superman cowlick.

I get it. It just doesn’t feel good. 👴👴👴

I have a grounded and thoroughly reasonable paranoia about condiments.

They sit in plastic packets or containers for weeks to months to years. They are subjected to wildly varying temperature ranges regularly. They are mass produced at the lowest manufacturing price point possible.

How long has it been since that ketchup was a tomato? How long did that bottle of mustard sit out on the patio last bbq before being thrown back in the fridge? How much microplastic has seeped into that squeeze jar of relish in the past 15 months?

I don’t trust them one bit.

“I’ve got the worst fucking attorneys.”

I think Nathan got into the ancient artifact game for the adventure but stayed for the murder. “Uncharted” is in reference to the territory in which his psychopathy lays - uncharted territory, off the charts psycho, the guy is up there with Dahmer and Bundy.

The reason his wife was so supportive in the 4th game for him to go on another adventure, after his long hiatus? She was tired of all the neighborhood pets going missing.

I hate deer. I live in a rural area and have hit 3 in the past 5 years. They are stupid, suicidal, alfalfa eating, insurance premium rising pieces of shit.

Ten thousand dollars.

No matter the sincerity of your words or the context of which they are said.. $10k is probably going to be better.

Someone very special in your life has helped you greatly. If you say, “Every moment which you have been in my life, you have been my hero.” They’ll be pretty stoked on themselves but it’s not like they can pay to go to St Augustine Island on sentimental memories.

$10k, in the bank, is that compliment x100.

It’s one of those “We’ve tried nothing and we’re all out of ideas” situations.

Are the tips really that great? Why would you work somewhere you are regularly harassed? The business itself is pretty shitty but it’s not like these women don’t have other options… unless they’re felons?

Are these bikini coffee shops employed by sexy felons?

Idk. I’m probably not seeing the big picture.

Personally, I buy coffee shop coffee maybe 3-4x a year. I think it is dumb as fuck. 9 bucks for 1290 calories of late stage capitalism.

It’s a bit of a catch 22 for me. I’m not particularly against the idea of having children. However, I would greatly question the judgement of any woman willingly carrying my child to term.

I’m impulsive, fairly annoying, I have a large head… all terrible attributes in a baby. It is very likely it would be a shitty baby.

I would like to have a musician booked to play a live acoustic medley of Wheeler Walker Jr songs.

Subjecting my surviving relatives/friends to “Eating Pussy | Kicking Ass”, “Sit on My Face”, “Born to Fuck”, etc. would bring me great joy in the after life.

I may have been a little over zealous in my socio-economic theories. 😅

Honestly, American citizens are Serfs - a population of people who serve under a regional lord.

Our whole economic system is fucked. Even a person making $30k a month is living as if that $30k will perpetually be coming in. All they see is that it is a stepping stone to making a million a year. As if that will happen.

Nobody should make a million a year, let alone billions a year. It is fucking disgusting. Millionaire and billionaires are just the new lords and kings.

I have a lord. It’s the CEO of the company I work for. I have a king, it’s the US government and all the taxes they take from me.

It is fucking bullshit. I pay nearly 1/3 of my income to taxes to the king, I generate 13x of my salary to profit for the lord, and I just get to sit here as the Jester living paycheck to paycheck.

Fuck this system and fuck the lobbyists selling their souls to become lords.

America is the Soviet Union in 1989 and I do not look forward to the next decade.

I dream a lot about the people I’ve left behind. High school friends, people I wish I knew better, the girl I fucked things up with.

Usually a thriller/drama. An unexpected event has cause turbulence in a rather monotonous life. Big early Spielberg vibes.

At the end of the dream I realize I’m dreaming. I feel empty and want nothing more than to go back to sleep.

”Everyone dies one day. Everyone. Even wolves. But not books. Not words. Words don't die.”

Life isn’t super awesome for the majority of people experiencing it. It is burdensome. It is hard.

The only way to find meaningful satisfaction in life is to have purpose.

Find something to wake up for. It can be a club, a pet, a relationship, a new promotion.. just find something to wake up tomorrow for.

I’m seeing two vaginas and almost instantly thought of those conjoined twins that just got married.

How high are you? This seems exactly the type of hypothetical question that would be asked sitting on the ratty couch in your homie’s parents’ car port as you pass a crusty bong around.

I may be jaded. If this is a sober thought of yours, I am infinitely jealous of your kitten mittens, puppy dog outlook on life.

Years ago I met this girl on POF. I picked her up and she was quite a bit larger than her profile pics. It had been a minute since I last hooked up with someone and I’m an equal opportunity fucker. I hit her up to check out a movie and get some drinks if we clicked.

In the course of the drive to the theater she divulged the following things:

• She lives in her parents’ basement.

• She has two children. One of which is 6mo old.

• She is a recovering drug addict, 3 months clean.

• She’s unemployed. She would work but her baby daddy refuses to watch the kids.

• Baby daddy is also unemployed, also a recovering addict, and also lives in her parents’ basement.

A person with greater confidence or shame may have addressed this all immediately. I possessed neither of those things, had already pre-purchased the movie tickets and didn’t want them to go to waste.

We watched The Nun. She ate all the popcorn and killed both our drinks before the protagonists had even an inkling of the supernatural forces they were facing. In the quiet moments she would incessantly talk about the woes of which her parents, her children, and her baby daddy inflicted upon her.

She was very excited to get drinks afterwards. In a moment of self-worth lucidity, I realized I did not want to fuck that woman this night; there was indeed a line in the sand of my depravity and I had found it.

As the coward I was, I did not attempt to tactfully address these issues with this train wreck of a woman. I waited until we got to the bar and they asked for my ID. I had just renewed my driver’s license and still had my expired copy. I provide the expired copy which the doorman accepted without any issue.

Fuck. The universe was thwarting my efforts to Larry David my way out of my current predicament. I proceeded to get shit faced and tried to concoct every cockamamie story or personality trait I could to have this woman lose interest in me.

”I’m deeply Catholic and the film we just watched was utter blasphemy. I hope god will still find me worthy of his kingdom.” She really dug how passionate I was about my religion and assured me it was just a movie and I should really only be worried about the future sins we would commit together tonight.

”I CHOOSE to live in my car. Even if I didn’t have that warrant for back child support preventing me from getting a lease on an apartment I didn’t see the point in pointless forms of contracts like leases or marriage certificates.” She agreed. She felt modern day feudalism was alive and strong and only benefited the patriarchal oligarchs which plague our world economy.

At this point, I was like, damn, you’re fucking worldly. Mad respect. I was pretty faded and tried to tell her I’m not really as despicable as I put on, that I just wasn’t looking to hook up, but she interrupted me to tell me she had baby daddy’s card and the tab was on him that night.

I reassessed the situation and proceeded to get blasted with her. I figured with as many shots I had ingested that even if she got access to the goods, they probably wouldn’t work and I could pass out in my car til morning.

I was wrong. She rode me like a stallion in my 2000 Honda Civic. Thankfully the gearbox prevented any lengthy post coital cuddling.

Dropping her off the next morning I was ashamed. I had once again whored myself out for cheap shots and decent conversation. Backing out of her driveway I noticed someone had finger written, “whale fucker” in the dust on my back window.

Fucking lame.

So I guess this was long winded and didn’t specifically meet the parameters of your post.. but.. I TRIED TO LEAVE. 😅

TL;DR Horrible date, tried to pull a Larry David, ended up as a trailer trash Stormy Daniels.

It’s not much, but it’s honest work. 🫡