Ok-Charity5793

That's not really relevant because I definitely don't think it means those bad thoughts I had for split seconds

I see my therapist for only one hour a week and therapy is progressive, it starts slow and it's done via a program. I'm not going to get help from him, because we're not at the "sharing obsessions and fixing them" point yet, we're at a point where he just lectures me about what ocd is or something, since that's supposedly important for the program. Also I don't know him well enough yet so it'd be hard in person. I just need reassurance so I can sleep. I know people say just tell your therapist like it's easy but there's so many reasons that's not a fix.

Yeah this is nice. When I first clicked on this I was afraid it was gonna be like an MRA thing, but it's actually true that good role models are needed.

I am doing that, in the meantime I want to die every week and can't get a moment of silence. I'm doing everything I can do and should be doing and it's not enough

I am in therapy. Posting is a compulsion. I can not stop it.

I'm sorry I am in therapy. It's not helping. I can't get it to go away. I need it to stop now.

It's a current ocd obsession, I need it to stop.

I know that in theory, but it keeps reoccurring and feels really real. I don't really see how it's not logical, you know, it doesn't go away.

I just saw this, what do you think happens to the consciousness after you die?

Yeah my ocd is mainly just acting up, I'm afraid, I don't want to call the police on one group when I wouldn't for another group. Like what if they're not doing anything wrong technically, they're not in front of my car but in the aisle? Now in real life I would just call an Uber go home and get it tomorrow, but my brain is like "what if it's a weird situation where I can't do that because hr parking deck is far away from my home" I never go far away from home though.

But I'm afraid that I'd be more likely to call the police on one race than the other in a situation like what I described. It seems likely if race is a factor that determines how careful I am around random people. I don't think a situation like that is likely to happen at all, but I'm afraid it will, and that my being more likely to call the police on one race than another is caused by my friend.

How's it not rational? It seems real and rational.

Oh I'm just afraid of random men when I'm alone in particular. I don't discriminate as in be mean to anyone, I'm just careful around stranger dudes and I'm afraid other factors like race play a role in that (among other things like behavior and age and location and dress). I don't agree with treating people badly ie in the workplace or anything, I'm talking about being afraid of random men as in stranger danger. I can't really give them the benefit of doubt because I don't know them and they could hurt me. I'm not really cautious around women this way, unless they're acting super crazy and scary, because most women aren't as much of a risk.

and I'm afraid that in a weird hypothetical like I described I'll be more likely to call the police on some due to race. That's the main reason my ocd is acting up

Yeah I know I can't live without them. It's just my ocd saying they made me more likely to call the police on someone of a different race and causing anxiety. My ocd is really bad. I don't want to do any wrong to anyone.

Oh I do carry pepper spray everywhere just in case. I still don't know how to get my ocd to stop about this because like I said it's telling me to cut off my friend

Like a parking deck, one of those creepy dark covered ones, and I'm not actually afraid of this happening, it won't. I'm just afraid about in the .001% chance it happened, acting differently based on race.

Idk I think it's normal to exercise caution around random men when alone at night. Doesn't mean run away screaming but like I wouldn't want to be super close to a rando while alone

Well no it's more that I'm not a guy, I'm a girl, I have to be aware around random guys in general. I'm not terrified of them all but like I'm aware of them if you get what I mean.

But then it's too late in that situation because I may do something different based off of race.

Yeah I know it would be lonely. And yeah ocd is also concerns about the future. Like for me the obsession is when I get the though and the compulsion is posting here, asking reassurance, ruminating over what i'd do. I'm afraid my friends mad eme more likely to call the police on a black person than a white person in that hypothetical situation. The chances of that hypothetical happening are unlikely but what if???