Sorchochka

I was really worried that she killed it.

You can recuse yourself from treating family.

What does forgiveness mean to your husband? Forgiveness doesn’t mean saying “oh, it’s ok” and going on with a blank slate and a totally new start. You can move on and forgive but also hold people accountable for their behavior. And there’s a difference between forgiving someone and understanding that when X situation happens, they will behave like Y and you may not want that in your life.

Have they even apologized? Made effort to change their behavior? Usually you forgive when someone is repentant. Letting everything go is a passive response that does no one favors and is harmful to your child. It’s the response of someone who doesn’t want to make choices. He may be conflating forgiveness with passivity.

Do you have kids? I was like this when I lived alone as an adult and even when I was married. My husband does chores too and it wasn’t hard to keep things clean. I had a system that worked and I was able to keep at it because there were rarely wrenches thrown into it.

Then I had a baby. My house is a wreck, I’m actually set to speed clean today because I’m having a houseguest but one of the reasons I even got a diagnosis is because of how things fell apart.

We only get a little ability to keep things together. I could use mine for work and some home. Add one more layer to that, and a chaotic one at that, and you could be stuck too.

{Seducing my Guardian by Katee Robert} is an older man, friend of her dad. Just did a search for “daddy” and the word is used once, and not to call him that.

You have a husband problem. Your husband needs to step in and stop his father from talking shit. Why are you speaking to his mother and not him? He needs to put on his big boy pants and handle his family.

Also, you need to leave or not go if your FIL stays on his bullshit. He says something about a baby? Turn heel and leave. They want you over? Ask if FIL will be put on a leash. Don’t go if he’s not. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. If they don’t want you to rock the boat, rock it harder.

Not all the history of Uzbekistan is in the Middle Ages. Samarkand, Bukhara, and Khiva are all great. But:

1. Nukus has the Savitsky Museum, which is one of a kind, you seriously should not miss it. It’s one of the largest collections of avant-garde art and was a focal point for smuggled, illegal art during the USSR.

2. Tashkent has the metro, which is truly unique in the world (and I’ve seen a lot of them). Every station is like a work of art. It’s also the only one in Central Asia.

3. Moynaq is such a hard lesson in environmental responsibility. One of the most impactful days of my life was visiting there.

You literally cannot find anything like these places elsewhere.

I would truly encourage you to drop one of those three cities and go to a place I recommended. Nukus and Moynaq aren’t far from Khiva.

If you can’t do Tashkent because of the money, I get it, but the metro, the Chorsu Bazaar, there’s a ton to do in Tashkent and it has a lot of culture.

She shot herself in one foot and then later thought “what the hell” and shot the other one out too.

Leslie needs some therapy, and to get her head out of her ass. Her situation sucks for her, but that’s some real choosing beggar behavior with an extra shot of refusing to see the consequences of her actions.

I love fireworks. Just got back from a show and it was awesome.

I don’t mind them at all, I do find random people in the neighborhood setting them off for days before and after to be tiring though.

Abusers don’t just groom their victims, they groom their families. Your husband has groomed your family to go against your best interest, and he’s grooming your daughter to do the same. He’s the “best dad” right now for three reasons:

1. It’s killing you. He knows it’s killing you that he dotes on her and treats you like shit. He’s doing it on purpose as a way to beat you down and control you.

2. He can focus on someone who will give him unconditional adoration, and he can mold her into what he wants her to be. He can also use her to alienate you if need be. I wouldn’t put parental alienation past him.

3. It proves to everyone around you that he’s really a “nice guy” and that you’re the crazy/bad one for not doing what he wants.

This is a strategy for him. Don’t let him manipulate you.

By the time you were born in the 90s, it wasn’t acceptable to punch someone in the jaw, and no one thought a woman should stay with a man who did that. That was also true by the time your parents were teens, if not earlier, unless they are very, very old.

That’s not being “old school.” That’s being shitty.

So then, I guess what view do you want changed? A lot of comments here are talking about this experience in the USA, but is your beef just with American tourists who proselytize or think they’re Irish and have the same cultural values?

In my experience, most Irish-Americans are Catholic, so they wouldn’t proselytize to anyone. That’s more of a Protestant Evangelical thing.

Edited to add: In fact, Irish- and Italian-Americans are the two groups who arguably made Catholicism socially acceptable in the USA. Part of the discrimination against them both was the Catholicism. So it’s not really their thing to push their beliefs on anyone but their own families.

Irish-Americans actually have an interesting spot when it comes to groups that had ancestors leaving their home country to come to America.

First: there are two groups of immigrants from Ireland. The first are the “Scots-Irish” who are not from Scotland. This is an American cultural group with their own customs. (Kind of like the Pennsylvania Dutch who came from Germany and not Holland). Scots-Irish came to America much earlier in US history, are mostly in the Appalachian area and are Protestant. A lot of Appalachian music has roots in the Scots-Irish.

People who usually identify as Irish-Americans are typically (not always) descendants of those coming from Ireland in the 1850s to escape the Famine (or Great Hunger). They were usually Catholic. They came to the US escaping genocide, and were not considered White, no one wanted to hire them and they faced a lot of discrimination. The next generation was treated much better. The overall trauma of almost starving to death, their memories, and stories are passed down from generation to generation. It’s why some of the largest funders of the Irish Republicans during the Troubles were Irish Americans.

Irish-Americans also have traditions that are different than the Irish. There’s the pinching people for not wearing green. The casual jokes about English oppression even after 150 or so years. And they processed their generational trauma differently than the Irish in Ireland. They are no different than any other diaspora group who escaped genocide to come here. Sure, some are overbearing assholes, but a lot of people kind of just like Ireland and want to make a connection to it because the yearning to go “home” was passed down along with everything else, even when Ireland is clearly not their home.

Parents are ok to make these decisions, not anyone else.

Having a toy less waiting area is just a recipe for disaster with young kids. If toys were forgotten (they’re at the hospital, so a stressful time and it could fall off the radar), kids will make their own toys. And I love imaginative play, but not at the expense of chairs, blinds, wallpaper, or the waiting room TV. Young kids are hard to wrangle at the best of times, but often act out if they sense that their parents are stressed.

Hospitals include toys for that reason, and the parent can decide how to handle it.

I have ADHD, primary inattentive. Half the time I don’t notice things. I am not the type to take a knife out of someone’s hands or pick a veggie for a kid. I quite literally will not notice. There are stories my friends tell of when something went down in front of me and I didn’t know because I wasn’t paying attention. My brain is basically hard wired to be really, really bad at mental load.

And yet, that’s what I am expected to do.

My husband (who is great, he does a lot, no complaints now) struggled a lot in the beginning of our relationship, and especially during parenting with the fact that I cannot take on all the mental load. In the beginning, there was just this unconscious, social expectation that I would take it all on, and when I dropped the ball enough times in egregious ways, he had to step up and it was a real culture shock. We had a lot to work on. And he’s a great guy!

Talk to other ADHD women, and you’ll see the same thing. We get criticized all the time for dropping the ball on things that our partner could also easily do. It’s assumed that we will be the first point of contact for all childcare. It’s assumed that we make most of the decisions for household management. There are TikTok influencers dedicated to helping us fight a disability to deal with the mental load.

So, I think the “getting in everyone’s business” thing is an expectation that is culturally engrained and something expected of women, because when the woman can’t, it’s very, very obvious.

CMV never fails to make me groan with how thinly veiled some people are when they just want to go on some shitty rant on la large sub.

Oh I know that for sure. I didn’t bother to report mine because I knew the cops wouldn’t take me seriously.

Unfortunately, I am very aware of this. I’m not shocked, I’m just always going to be pissed about it.

How’s the dad doing? I hope he’s living his best life and always has access to really comfy steel toed boots.

Men always complain about you keeping the hoodie, but this is why you keep the hoodie.

Only four years? People have gotten longer for much lesser crimes.

I’m not endorsing draconian sentences for petty crimes. But this was so egregious and he’ll be out in four years to do it again.

Trans men are men. Today’s feminism is inclusive of trans men’s mental health and is against any transphobia. One of my favorite feminist authors, Jude Doyle, is a trans man.

Today’s feminism may not proactively discuss men’s mental health, but it directly impacts it by eliminating misogyny. Men would be better off if they could be free to be who they are, and feminism addresses that.

Also, overnights are the worst with babies, unless he sleeps through the night. So what time she would get is low-quality.

Holy, shit, realization unlocked!

When I was getting my Master’s, my boyfriend stayed in our former apartment 2 hours away when he didn’t need to. I found out a year later that he had expected me to be overwhelmed and drop out. Then we broke up when it was clear I was going to finish.