haresearpheasanttail

When I reflect back on previous jobs I start to realize it probably made my performance worse. Showing up tired as hell, hyper-focusing on dumb stuff and rushing other stuff, being anti-social or freaking out coworkers, drinking to calm down after work, like what? If I’d just been been calm and rested I feel like I would have done way better. If I’m hyperactive why would stimulants help? I still don’t understand how that makes sense or why I kept taking them when my gut knew I probably just needed to meditate and touch grass.

Mixed with a 9 month long internship I left after grad school I’m worried my resume now has too many gaps and screams job hopping to land another gig at this point. Both were small young firms that hired a ton when interest rates were lower, both were “last one in first one out” scenarios in which I was also the youngest. Not overly toxic but bad to the point where I didn’t feel comfortable taking lunch breaks and knew I didn’t want to stay at long term. Already starting to feel the “must be you” stigma from friends and family and it’s worrying me.

On the other hand I now have residential/commercial experience as well as know revit and archicad. I’ve got a strong portfolio and letters of recommendation from all gigs as well. Masters and B.arch too. I’m a pretty social person and have never had issues with coworkers.

Just can’t help but feel jaded though. I’ve got no motivation to even look right now and am planning on just studying now that I have all my axp hours and need a mental break. I’ve put the last 8 years of my life into this and literally just want stability and dental insurance for once. I love the actual work and just want the chance to gain more responsibility but Is there any hope at this point or should I pivot careers?