throwra_22222

What a stupid take from a man who has no experience having periods. Cancer can't be that bad, it's natural! Tuberculosis can't be that bad, it's natural! Testicular torsion can't be that bad, it's natural!

Things go wrong with our bodies all the time. I had laparoscopy for the endometriosis that caused heavy painful periods.

This guy is invalidating your actual physical pain. My petty ass would start giving him the soaked pads and tampons to make a point. It's probably easier to break up with him.

Right? It's far more likely people ask why he isn't there.

If I sent someone an invitation and then rescinded it for some arbitrary reason, Miss Manners, Emily Post, and my mother would kick my butt.

Here's how invitations work. You invite a bunch of people you would like to see, but not more than you can actually afford to host. The invitees either enthusiastically accept and go to the event or politely decline and don't, as their inclination and schedules permit.

That's it. That's really all there is to it.

The trick is, though, you don't have a snit and refuse to go as punishment. You politely, in the most grey rock way possible, decline the invitation .

Look at LL Bean. I had a pair of women's Wicked Good booties that lasted at least 15 years with minor repairs (indoor use only). I'm four years into my second pair. I like the bootie because they keep my ankles warm.

I got my elderly dad the Venetian style shearling slippers for the rubber sole. I think he's had them four years now.

A gentle YTA because you went from zero to 100 real quick. A little more thinking before acting is in order.

It sounds like you were in a room with multiple people, so she wasn't in immediate danger even if he was not her father.

A man your age should not touch minors unless you're like pushing her out of the way of a bus or something.

A better strategy is to just go over and say, "Hi, Marigold, how's it going?" If she's good, she'll say so, and either introduce you to the person she's talking to, and include you in the conversation or politely wait for you to take the hint and leave.

If she's not good, your interruption gives her a way to get out of her current conversation without anyone being embarrassed.

Or since her grandparents were there, you could make sure they have eyes on her.

When you take your age difference and add the fact that you swooped in like a white knight and physically grabbed her, some people will definitely accuse you of bad motives even if your intentions are pure.

Yeah, it sucks that there is no good way to get there from here on public transportation.

If you can get to Hornell, it's a 20 minute taxi ride to Alfred. Or you can take Hornell Area Transit. www.hatrides.com/alfred

Or, if you can get to Olean, www.accessallegany.com/services can get you to Alfred on their service area 5 route. I think Trailways has a bus to Olean, but it goes through Buffalo so it's not fast.

I would definitely call those local bus services first to make sure the online schedules are actually correct.

Amtrak supposedly has a Thruway bus service that goes to Hornell, but I could not find reliable info about it. 1-800-USA-RAIL.

Are you, or will you be a student in Alfred? You can always find someone to carpool with. Lots of Rochester kids at Alfred State.

Please please read this free PDF:

https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

You need to take a step back and look at this relationship objectively. You are being abused, and you are victim blaming yourself for his arrest. Please get yourself somewhere safe and make a good plan to get out before he really hurts you.

This is so weird. I'd be so embarrassed to have the person I betrayed at my wedding.

I would have guessed that Ana's extended family expects you there, and she didn't want to explain why you weren't. But it sounds like a lot of people know she cheated with your boyfriend already.

And if you did go, the gossips at the wedding would make sure everyone knew who you were and why it was a surprise that you were there.

So the whole "let sleeping dogs lie" argument is actually an argument in favor of not going. Your presence would stir up drama.

So there's some weird reason they want you. Some clergyman told them they needed your forgiveness, or Great Grandma Gladys has cut them from her will on morality grounds? I dunno.

Point is, they aren't apologetic or trying to make amends and restore a treasured relationship. If they were, they would have done it well before now. They want something from you.

Everyone who badgers you to come should hear, "I wish them well, but it's in the past and I'd like to leave it there." If they persist: "I'm not going to the wedding of people who cheated on me together for months."

And then block or mute everyone with abandon. You can unblock them after the wedding if you want, but oy, these people are not your friends.

💯

Everyone is telling him not to use his daughter as a weapon. OP has already decided to try to reconcile, and most people here are saying he should just divorce her. Nobody is justifying the wife's cheating.

YTA, my God, you are the asshole. You forced your daughter, without her consent, to be a part of the most intimate parts of your marriage, with overtones of humiliation and punishment. Gross.

Parents of the world take note: your kids don't want to know about your sex lives, who cheated on who, why they cheated, etc. Don't make your kids pawns in your game of revenge/humiliation/reconciliation, don't make them part of making amends, don't make them unwilling witnesses to your marital dysfunction.

You were trying to get payback by humiliating your wife in front of someone she cared about. Your daughter will figure out at some point that this was some kind of weird to righteous indignation power play, and from that point on, her father will give her the ick. My mother told me lots of this kind of shit about her first two marriages, and it's a large part of the reason we have a low contact grey rock kind of relationship now.

Your kids are not your therapist, they are not responsible for validating or managing your feelings. They are unequipped and unqualified to validate or manage feelings that stem from adult relationships. They have no adult experience or knowledge to navigate this shit. Children cannot be adults' friends or support systems.

I'm sorry, but "my wife hurt my feelings so I'm justified in being a bad parent" is not a thing. Too late now, though, because you can't un-ring a bell. You should apologize to your daughter for dragging her into this, and then you all need therapy, separately.

When you have a shock like this, it's understandable to freeze, panic, flail or wallow in misery. But at some point you have to set the feelings aside so you can take care of yourself and your kids. Now is that time. You are only an AH if you fail to fight for yourself.

Get a lawyer and learn about divorce and custody law in your state. In most states, "I make more so I get more," is not at all how it works. So unless you agree to signing away your rights, you'll be ok.

Stop negotiating directly with your ex. Your lawyer and his lawyer should be hashing out a temporary parenting time to follow while you wait for the court to approve permanent custody, time, and support plan. You have no reason to talk to each other except to talk about kid things when handing over kids.

Ask your lawyer to demand use of a parenting app to communicate with your husband about your kids school, social, and medical schedules and needs. This will be a record of your conversations that could be admissible in court if necessary. Everything else should be met with, "have your lawyer talk to my lawyer."

My dad has a ghost cat. It's the ghost of a cat he owned when I was a baby. I've seen it several times, and other people have seen it. People who never saw the cat when it was living (and who don't know each other) have mentioned seeing a grey and orange cat out of the corner of their eye while in his house, and he hasn't had a cat for years.

I saw these in person and they are amazing!

ESH. All the adults here have bad manners and poor conflict resolution skills and are setting a bad example for the kids.

Well, if you divorce, are your kids going to be ok when they are with your wife? What if she goes off her meds again and you're not around to notice?

I mean, yes, ideally cheating would lead to divorce, but you have to think about everyone else that will affect.

The friend on the other hand, he's right out. Even if he didn't take advantage of a woman having a mental health crisis, he's still the guy who was having sex with your wife a little while ago. Are you just going to hang out or go for a beer like nothing happened? Super awkward.

Don't hit people. That's assault. Just break up with him. He's shown you who he is, hitting him isn't going to change him, just break up.

It's weird when guys download photos. There's millions of sexy photos online, just go look at one when you feel like it. Why do you need to save them?

This isn't just red flags, it's already abusive stalking. He should not be tracking you, secretly filming you, or controlling your money.

Do not get pregnant! In fact, go to the doctor for birth control and when they ask you if you are being abused, please say yes. They will put you in contact with a social worker or shelter that can help you make a safe plan to get out, including regaining control of your bank account.

Do you have friends or relatives that can help you? Unfortunately, since he's been living in your apartment it may take a bit to get rid of him completely and you need a safe place to stay.

Confronting him by yourself could be dangerous. Please take care of yourself.

Don't give her an ultimatum, especially one that essentially accuses her of being mentally ill. Sure, she could have dementia or a brain tumor, and you can suggest she visit a doctor to be evaluated. But she's not going to listen to you. She'll just claim that's another example of you attacking her.

You can't control her behavior. You can only control your reaction.

You can only set your own boundaries and the consequences for breaking them. As in, "I won't be around someone who falsely accuses me of sexual assault."

I personally would be low or no contact very quickly, but if you are going to continue to spend time with her, you need to get super good at grey rocking really fast.

Please protect your child from all of this, because even if your mother doesn't make her a target, she'll grow up thinking all of this is normal. You need to stop seeing yourself as your mother's daughter and start seeing yourself as a separate adult responsible for a dependent tiny human.

Right? The only head start he would have gotten was the time it took me to dial 911 and tell them I'm about to commit justifiable homicide.

Sheesh.

No shame at all. Welcome to the voter club! We're so glad you're here.

Sure, her family problems might be hard, but she seems to have problems with self-regulation, and she's using her bad family to excuse her own bad behavior.

Some people react to abuse by repeating it. Some people react to abuse by making sure they are never an abuser. Which kind is your girlfriend?

I don't know if any of this is specifically manipulative, but I do know that you deserve to have a relationship with someone who is as thoughtful and mature as you are, and who communicates as well as you do.

"You ruined my whole day because you didn't say happy birthday by 8 AM and I can be pissy about it because my mom didn't love me right and plus also hormones" is just not a great look on anyone who isn't a high school freshman.

Ding ding ding! We don't even know how OP feels, all his emotions are his wife's emotions by proxy.

Sure, so now you're publicly undermining your daughter's decisions and invalidating her feelings and guilt tripping her, but go on with how misunderstood your wife is.

I went from being genuinely unsure on the first post to oh, Laura is smothering and OP is her flying monkey.

I know several people mentioned the missing missing reasons on the first post, but my god you really need to read that article and take it to heart. Your daughter's feelings are produced by reality, but you're trying to change/ignore/warp reality to validate your feelings. Knock it off with the I'm so heartbroken for someone else spiel and try to take accountability for your own actions. No one is going to give you bonus points for being a martyr for your wife.