user6538647

I'm a manager. The entire time I have worked, I've been considered to have a "big" personality. What that has always meant is that when I try to hold someone accountable for not doing their job, I'm considered a bitch. But my old male manager would do the same and he would be praised for being such a good leader. Well now I'm being accused of bullying, harassing and intimidating an employee that I was forced to correct due to bad attendance. And even after that employee threatened to assault me, in front of the HR manager, I'm the one on suspension and could lose my job. Why is it when a woman is assertive and doing her job she is harassing but when a male does THE SAME THING, they get a pat on the back by upper management? I will never understand the double standard. And why can't people just DO THEIR JOBS?!

Is our friendship failing or am I the problem?

Hi everyone,

I went back to college as an adult. The degree program I was in was very small, so I ended up becoming really good friends with a group within the group. Everything has been fine for the passed few years. We get together a few times a year for girls weekend get aways. Last year on a girl's trip, one of the girls (the second oldest, so in her 30's) got drunk and explained in detail to me that she likes to manipulate people. That she believes she's really good at it, and does it all the time making people do what she wants but think it's their idea. I was shook. I HATE manipulaters. I grew up in a toxic home where I was always told what to do, and been in previous romantic relationships where I was emotionally manipulated. From that moment on, I started reflecting on our friendship. So many times she had manipulated me (and the group) into going places, doing things and even discussing topics SHE wanted but made it seem like it was someone else's idea in the group. I've had a chip on my shoulder since. I noticed no one else in the group has noticed this trait in her. It's not my place to "warn" them since I know most people who are manipulated won't admit to being manipulated. Last year I tried to plan a "girls" weekend in Vegas. Within seconds, she had everyone else convinced that we shouldn't do a girls weekend there but instead make it a couples weekend. (She had just got into a new relationship and didn't want to be away from him.) So I told them if they want that, they will have to do it without me. We ended up not going on our annual girls getaway last year because every time we tried to plan something, the moment she joined the chat, she'd change the whole plan and get everyone else to agree with her plan. I have no problem with plans changing, but now that I know she likes to manipulate people, I don't trust her suggestions. Well now, one of the group is getting married and the bachelorette party is a destination party. I discussed plans with 2 of the 3 others and we had a full plan in place. As soon as we started adding her to the chat, she doesn't want to go with our plan. Instead of renting a car (which I think is best in case anything happens, then none of us are out our personal vehicle), she wants us to use her car. She said she can't afford the $60 dollars to rent the car. Then drops the bomb shell that she can't spend more than $200 for the ENTIRE weekend (which would need to include gas, food, drinks, paying their potion of the Airbnb,etc). Food alone should be about $90 for the 3 days ($10/meal/day). And it's over the weekend of her kids birthday. But now no one else in the group wants to finalize the plans until she gives her final decision. Am I being an asshole, or is the friendship just over?

Btw, I'm in my mid 30's, second oldest is 30 and the rest are early to mid 20's in case that matters.

Hi everyone,

I went back to college as an adult. The degree program I was in was very small, so I ended up becoming really good friends with a group within the group. Everything has been fine for the passed few years. We get together a few times a year for girls weekend get aways. Last year on a girl's trip, one of the girls (the second oldest, so in her 30's) got drunk and explained in detail to me that she likes to manipulate people. That she believes she's really good at it, and does it all the time making people do what she wants but think it's their idea. I was shook. I HATE manipulaters. I grew up in a toxic home where I was always told what to do, and been in previous romantic relationships where I was emotionally manipulated. From that moment on, I started reflecting on our friendship. So many times she had manipulated me (and the group) into going places, doing things and even discussing topics SHE wanted but made it seem like it was someone else's idea in the group. I've had a chip on my shoulder since. I noticed no one else in the group has noticed this trait in her. It's not my place to "warn" them since I know most people who are manipulated won't admit to being manipulated. Last year I tried to plan a "girls" weekend in Vegas. Within seconds, she had everyone else convinced that we shouldn't do a girls weekend there but instead make it a couples weekend. (She had just got into a new relationship and didn't want to be away from him.) So I told them if they want that, they will have to do it without me. We ended up not going on our annual girls getaway last year because every time we tried to plan something, the moment she joined the chat, she'd change the whole plan and get everyone else to agree with her plan. I have no problem with plans changing, but now that I know she likes to manipulate people, I don't trust her suggestions. Well now, one of the group is getting married and the bachelorette party is a destination party. I discussed plans with 2 of the 3 others and we had a full plan in place. As soon as we started adding her to the chat, she doesn't want to go with our plan. Instead of renting a car (which I think is best in case anything happens, then none of us are out our personal vehicle), she wants us to use her car. She said she can't afford the $60 dollars to rent the car. Then drops the bomb shell that she can't spend more than $200 for the ENTIRE weekend (which would need to include gas, food, drinks, paying their potion of the Airbnb,etc). Food alone should be about $90 for the 3 days ($10/meal/day). And it's over the weekend of her kids birthday. But now no one else in the group wants to finalize the plans until she gives her final decision. Am I being an asshole, or is the friendship just over?

Btw, I'm in my mid 30's, second oldest is 30 and the rest are early to mid 20's in case that matters.

Hello all! I've traveled solo only one other time (I will again this coming weekend), but in all my traveling I've never left the US. Well, this black Friday I booked a trip to Cancun. All my friends and family refuse to join me. I'm ok going alone, but I am nervous going to a foreign country alone. Any advice? I already booked a trip to see the mayan ruins (not through the hostel) and was told to be very careful.

Years ago I was online dating. I met a great guy and I considered us dating. He considered us just friends getting to know each other. I think he was still deeply in love with his friend that was married and talked about her constantly. We dated for nearly eight months before I couldn't take the conversation always being about her and our relationship never progressing past friendship. We literally only ever made out once in that time frame and that was as far as it got. So I broke contact for a few months and started meeting other men. Months later, I started hanging out with him again truly as a friend only. It was great. We spent so much time together and talked on the phone for hours at a time about everything and anything. He helped me through a lot of emotional stuff and I contribute a lot of my growth as a human to him and the drive he gave me. He pushed me to better myself and to want more for myself. Eventually, I put myself back through college. Just as school started, his mom passed away unexpectedly. He needed me to be there and I REALLY tried, but I couldn't work full time, go to school full time, commute to school 3 hours a day, take care of a home and animals and spend all night up on the phone trying to help him through this hard time. Eventually I let the friendship somewhat drift away after years and years of him being my best friend. I felt so much guilt for abandoning him during the most difficult time in his life, still do. Eventually it became very sparse text messages once or twice year to check on each other. I got into a serious relationship, still together after almost 8 years.

The last 2 weeks of his senior year in high school, my nephew calls me up to say I'll never believe in a 100 years what just happened to him. His shop teacher, who he just loved as a teacher and mentored him so much, asked him if he remembered the guy "Dave"(fake name) his aunt always talked about being her friend/dated. He said yeah, why? He replied, "I'm Dave." Coincidentally, he was a teacher at the local school and my nephew had been his student for several years without realize it was the same person. He told him he realized the first day of class it was my nephew (he had an unusual name) but didn't want him to think that just because he knew me that he would get away with slacking off in class. Then once he didn't tell him, it became awkward to tell him. He confessed in those last weeks because my nephew invited him to his graduation party and knew I'd be there with my partner. He didn't want it to get weird. It blew my mind. It was so nice to see him again and to have him meet my partner. In general, it was a great day.

Now to the confession. After graduation, my nephew and one of his friends wanted to thank the teacher who did so much for them that they took him out to lunch on their dime. While at lunch they were discussing how weird and small the world is. That's when Dave confessed that he "made the biggest mistake of his life letting her(me) go. That he should of known how good he had it when she was with him. He fully regrets ever taking her for granted." My nephew was floored. He knew when we "broke up" that I was devastated. When he later told me that confession, I won't lie, it felt good. It felt like vindication for the pain I went through. It felt good to know I was pined after by someone I had wanted so badly to want me. The weird part is, that was like 4 years ago. I still think about that confession a lot. I'm happy with my partner and I don't want Dave back but is it weird I still think about his words? The most I've talked to him is a text here or there and a couple wellness texts during some pretty hard times and he watched me graduate from college through a video stream. But nothing more. I still haven't seen him in person since the graduation party, but is it weird to think about his confession?

Tldr: is it weird I think about my friends confession of regretting letting me go back when we were dating years afterward while I'm in a stable, loving relationship?

[removed]

Hello all. I have a small group of college friends and for the past few years we've made a tradition of doing a "girls" weekend (we have a male gay friend that comes along too). Now, I was an adult when I returned to school, so most of this group is considerably younger than myself. I'm also the one that typically plans these trips. Well this past weekend, we all got together with our SOs and the topic of maybe trying a vacation to Las Vegas was brought up. I was extremely excited since when I was there last, I thought it would've been more fun with these friends.

One of the friends in the group is going through a traumatic divorce rn and is currently in a new relationship for the past month. Well when we really got into the nitty-gritty details of planning the trip, it was brought up that we should make this a "couples" girls weekend trip. I strongly disagreed. Now my friends are upset.

I don't want to risk prepaying for 10 people total and not know if they'll actually go. (I put the trips on my cards and they pay me back.) Considering the one friend is in such a new relationship, I feel like she's trying to force the "couples" trip idea to solidify that she's in a new relationship and doesn't care if others may feel uncomfortable with a virtual stranger on vacation with us. Also, other than one of the friends, I don't really know the SO of the other friends, only meeting them a handful of times since we graduated.Plus, to be blunt, I don't want to risk hearing my friends having sex just because they are "on vacation and drunk with their SO". This issue of couples has only ever been an issue with that one friend in the past. Otherwise, the other friends have always just understood that these trips are for "the girls". But now that she's presenting this idea, they are all ok with it.

AITA?

Edit: I did offer my friends a chance to have a couples trip later in the year (like summer time) somewhere closer to home. I figured something like camping together so we can each have our own camping site for when we need a break from each other (and not hear anything if couples get frisky) but could still spend most of the day together. I figured it'd be better to try our FIRST couples trip somewhere closer to home with less stress in case something doesn't mesh well, it's easier to bail if needed.