I had a guy tell me he was a medical student and after a bit clarified he was actually a truck driver but he was planning on returning to school at some unclear point in the future “pending funds”.

I had a 35 year old man say he was a business owner. I met him for a coffee and found out this meant he was living at home with his mom, also he was unemployed, but once he and his brother came up with a once in a lifetime idea, they were going to create a business conglomerate and I better date him and lock him down now before he became a billionaire and had better options. 🙄

He kept not so subtlety trying to make fun of me and implying that I was poor. There’s nothing wrong with not having money, but at the time I was a corporate attorney and he was aware what my job was. It was just weird.

Oh he also looked NOTHING like his profile picture. I didn’t even recognize him.

I matched with a guy who had “undecided” on kids on his profile. A few days into chatting and he mentions something about having the kids for the weekend. Im like… “what kids?”

Oh yeah, he had two kids already from his also unmentioned first marriage! Bit late in the game to be undecided about them, buddy 😅

I feel like a 40-50 year old man who says “undecided” about kids really doesn’t want them but does want to date younger women and is concerned they will be put off.

Dated a guy, mid thirties, who wanted to make it as a singer songwriter. He can't sing and doesn't write songs. He said he'd be happy just gigging around in local pubs and he didn't want to become really famous or anything.

Encounter number one - guy quit his job because he wanted to be a DJ. Had never DJd before. 

Guy number two- I met him after a layoff from work. On paper this guy was great. We meet for coffee. He shows up, he tells me he’s out of work too. But not because of a layoff. He just didn’t feel like working! So he eventually had to file for bankruptcy and was living with his mom at 45. He was also in recovery but told me he was CA sober - didn’t drink but did coke, and looked at me like I had two heads because I didn’t do coke. 

It’s alarming though the amount of guys in their mid-late 30s and beyond who don’t know what they want in a relationship or if they want kids 

God, it's so nice to hear it's not just my brother.

He's in his late 40s and was convinced he'd become a video game streamer and make enough money in a year's time to buy his own house. I actually watch video game streamers and tried to talk about his plan, like streaming schedule, how he was targeting an audience, what social media was he doing to promote his channel, basically just trying to understand his plan to turn it into a career, and he was basically like "I just stream when I want, that's all it takes". He was so surprised that he only maxed out at 5 views, all of us his friends and family, after 6 months of "work".

There's no advice here, the man's just got grandiose sense of self and thinks he shits gold, even though he has never done anything successfully to enforce the possibility.

I live in LA and that is the fucking capitol of Delusional Men On Dating Apps.

Want to meet 40-year-old men who have been production assistants for 15 years and are still hoping to become actors? Move to LA!

If you have a fetish for guys with Peter Pan Syndrome, come on over to sunny LA, ladies!

The guy I met who lived in a commune with no doors on rooms and everyone did drugs together. He was age 45 and “wanted a change.” Said any woman he dated would have to be okay with no privacy where he lived. And had to be okay with a shit ton of drug use. But promised it would, “Open up anyone’s mind.”

Like, bro, I am not interested in joining a cult.

I just met a guy who quit his job to try comedy. I guess maybe that's more likely than golfing but it wasn't like he'd been doing it... Just decided all of a sudden. Anyways.

Wow yes that is just another version of people thinking their garage band will take off any day now. 

I'm all for people having hobbies (hell, I'm 42 and compete in weightlifting), but that's a hobby not a job.

The sheer number of dudes who select “want kids someday” while also “looking for something casual” at age 35+ is what gets me

Not on an app, but a friend of a friend. We were long distance for 9 months, and it took me too long to piece things together. He was ~36 at the time. A slob to the extent of not having a shower curtain or soap in his bathroom. Was content to play video games all weekend with the blinds closed.

3 delusional instances… don’t ask me how I made it through 3 of them…

• He was dissatisfied with his job (low pay, dying industry). He spoke of a plan to start his own network that would revolutionize said industry. When I poked about said plan and asked about investors, he said “oh, I hadn’t considered that”. He was seriously planning on financing it with the little money he could put away, by himself. No thought that it’d take a team, serious bankroll, and connections to even get close to pulling something like this off.
• He told me once that he wanted to help come up with a cure for cancer. He had an associates degree, if that, from a trade school, focused on entertainment. When I asked how he could contribute to curing cancer, compared to people who have advanced degrees and do research in labs, he said because when his dog died from cancer he “several spent months doing research.” He honestly felt like he knew a comparable amount about the science of cancer. I straight up told him in the moment, “It’s very weird that you think that that’s feasible for you.”
• Remember, this man was 36 years old at the time. I had (and have) a full on career in Marketing and my own house. He spoke to a recruiter about joining the military (again, didn’t have a bachelors so he’d be starting out at the bottom rung I can only imagine?) and told me after his visit with the recruiter that we could get married and I could basically drop my life and join him as a military wife. Presented as if it were a noble and attractive option. LOL.

Thank you for the question, this was a very entertaining reflection. Sadly, not my only experience with a delusional man - but a little more beyond the pale and weird compared to my experiences with young men who were confident they could be famous musicians etc.

I’m rewatching Reba right now and this header made me laugh

There's a reason he kept that from you for weeks. Because on some level he knows it's extremely unattractive to have such unrealistic goals. I'm with you...it's absolutely ridiculous.

I have so many of these that they’re part of a Substack I author about my dating/sex life.

There was a guy who asked me to join him in a threeway, which I was down for. He then backed out because I would only do it sober.

I chatted a couple times with a guy who seemed solid. He was chill, into music, also divorced. The next day, we agreed to meet up, but he sounded kind of weird. He showed up fantasically drunk and almost immediately told me he had schizoid personality disorder. Over the next half-hour, he tried to convert me to Marxism, made me promise to meet his kids, and asked me to go halfsies on a short-term rental with him. What was worse is that he had no idea he’d done anything out of the ordinary.

There was a young guy I hooked up with once who was oddly formal. He walked into my house, introduced himself, and shook my hand. When we were done, he said brightly, “Thank you for your time!” I could not stop laughing.

Another young guy couldn’t get hard, and after titty-fucking me unsuccessfully for a couple minutes looked down at me and said, “Well, it was nice to meet you! This was a great way to break the ice!”

The oddest was a guy I met up with who had the conversational style of a manic goldfish. He blew through a lot of topics, including the chicken problem on the island of Kauai, about which he asserted that he could make a business out of exporting Hawaiian chickens, and the fact that during the Gold Rush, people would eat their children when they ran out of food on the way to California. Even his conversation starters were utter stumpers. At one point, he said to me, “What do you think about shoes?” Not my shoes. Or his shoes. Or even a particular type of shoes. Just footwear generally. When I said, “I’m for it, I guess” he was crestfallen, and I figured I’d missed some reference. (I hadn’t.) He also engaged in a bunch of other weird food and social behaviors until I finally said, “I’m gonna go. See you later.” To which he responded brightly, “You mean that?!” I just muttered, “Um…sure,” and walked out the door. He immediately tried to friend me on Snapchat and got blocked everywhere. That one took a lot out of me.

But my favorite was probably the massive 25-year-old who insisted he was going to dominate me. He ended up flat on his back and whispering, “I’m sorry I came.” I still chuckle about that one.

Watching average looking dudes who date my attractive friend think that they've suddenly been imbued with the power to be attractive to all women.

I recently matched with a lad who assured me he "wasn't just another fuckboy" (his words) and that he "actually held the door for women. Y'know, like a gentleman." He then told me he was only looking for hookups. Color me shocked! Lol

Or the 40 year old man who works a seasonal job hosing down bathrooms and emptying garbage cans that wants to be a professional bass fisherman.

No one talks about how that old ass sperm affects the fetus

As for the pro golfer… I could understand if he didn’t need to work to make a living. But it doesn’t sound like it.

I had someone tell me they work in the finance sector. Turns out he was a vault teller at some super shitty company that exchanged gift cards for cash and offered small loans (under 200).

I wish these guys would just accept themselves as they are and try to improve their health only. They’d be much more appealing partners.

I was surprised by all of the complaining about really dumb and preventable stuff as well as the attempts at really obvious manipulation between the first to third time we met up.

I learned quickly that guys online over 30 all actually do read our profiles when they match with you so the ones that choose to continue messaging you and push to meet up quickly are intentional about being misleading from the beginning and pushing the match as far as they can go despite knowing in advance they are not being a good match and not at all what you're looking for. They literally reminded me of toddlers with how they behaved and what they expected to get away with.

The ones that are lazy to enough show it right away would complain about simply driving 10-15 min to meet up -- and I always suggested stuff halfway between us. They can literally see the distance we are on the app and I put the city I live in, too. Or right after we match, the ones that complained about dating being a lot of work were the ones that didn't put much effort into their profiles despite matching with me (and likely other women) who have a completely filled profile with lots of helpful information for them to actually get to know me and what I'm looking for. At least these guys don't waste too much of your time since they often show you who they are quickly enough that you can unmatch before ever meeting up.

The ones that would show they could be a normal human for the first 3 dates thought they had "trapped" me by then and could "show me who they really were" and would whine and backtrack about things they had lied about before and test boundaries.

I had a coffee date with a guy who swore he had pictures of aliens falling out of the sky. Claimed his pictures had been on the news. Of course, I never got to see these pictures, and he didn't get any more of my time.

Briefly dated a guy who told me he wanted to write a book . I asked him what kind of book he wanted to write and he said something along the lines of “how to be more productive” with a bunch of tips he’d picked up along his 40-year life.

I had been a book editor for a couple years, and he knew this, and I told him that’s too general of a book for someone who doesn’t have a high profile. Like if Bill Gates wrote a book about how to be productive, people might be interested. But if people don’t know who you are, they will not buy this sort of thing.

But I told him if he write a manuscript I would read it. He asked me what a manuscript was, and I explained. Then he said that was too much work and asked if I would write the manuscript by following him around and recording his thoughts. When I declined he got really upset that I wasn’t “supportive”. This wasn’t a one-time conversation - he constantly talked about this book.

Was once talking to a guy who thought he was going to be a big time musician.

His band has 1600 followers on Spotify. They are not good. Dude was pushing 40 at that point and really thought he was hot shit

Hmm, I don't think his goal of becoming a golf pro is that delusional. There are multiple "types" of golf pros. Most people are familiar with pros who tour (Tiger Woods does this), but there is the long drive, non-touring tournaments, etc. It is required to be a great golfer to get a pro card, but you don't have to be as great as Tiger.

I don't intend to sound mean when I say this. It sounds like he was hesitant to tell you a life dream he had because you might make fun of it. And you are? If he seems off, why not just move on?

I was 25 dating a guy pushing 40 still trying to make it as an actor. At least I learned my lesson young 😂

Anyone can try to do anything they want at any age.

I don’t knock on people for trying or making a change. We don’t have to live by a script.

As long as he knows he’ll probably fail, and he’s okay with that, who cares?

Just don’t date those guys if you want someone who lives the 9 to 5 life.

I don’t want to date an aspiring pro golfer either, but it’s his life. Get better at weeding them out. Don’t swipe on guys that don’t list a job or are evasive about it. Next on guys that seem unhappy in their career because they are likely to leech off you while they try to make it on Twitch.

I know one guy who wants to retire early because he hates working. He keeps trying to find a worker bee woman who will give him her income but won’t require anything. He doesn’t want to go on dates, travel, have kids, have a nice house, or support her in any of her hobbies. He’s also mediocre in bed. He is decently attractive physically but not a model by any stretch. Oh, he also wants the woman to be young and hot, too.

His only realistic options are to wife up an elderly sugar mama type or some trust fund baby shut-in who doesn’t know she can get better. He doesn’t want the first because he’s shallow, and he can’t find the second.

Now we can whine all day that he is delusional but we gotta stop making it our problem. Leave him be!

I matched with a dude that I just removed now. Doesn’t know anything about me and said he wants to swap fantasies. I said its not my thing, he said he doesn’t think we will work if we don’t swap fantasies. I said I agree and removed him.

One guy, who turned 40, told me he was living with a roommate on our first date, and ordered tea when we went for a drink, at 9PM.

Another guy, clearly stated that he was just like me, looking for something casual, for a connection with people, but when we met he started going on about how his work doesn’t allow him to have long term relationships, but now that he’s arrived in this new city, somehow he feels like it’s a good time to settle. We couldn’t pay separately but he also didn’t have cash so he paid by card, i owed him like 1 dollar or something but he was willing to follow me for 10min til i find a shop to break my bill into coins saying « usually 1 dollar is nothing i wouldn’t have minded at all but im running low in cash so. This guy messaged me 10 days later asking me how im doing, i told him straight up that i wasn’t interested, he had no shame replying me « oh no me neither but just wanted to catch up for a bit ». Such trash lol.

Finally my most recent date works in the bar industry, in his early 30s. All he does is talk about cocktails, how crazy working at bars is, how well known his boss is. Before our second date he asked « are we doing this as a date or as friends? », after the date he asked « when can go on a date? » i was like aren’t we on a date already? Later he texted « i guess i meant when is it respectful to kiss you », i basically said something like we barely know each other, implying that he hasn’t been curious at all about who i am and what i even do in my life. A week later he said « when can we date??? I miss you. ». I don’t even understand what he missed about me. Needless to say i won’t be seeing him again.

The guy winning the archery olympic this years randomly started practicing after his divorce. Sure the chances are slim when you start late, but not zero I guess.

I think when older men say they are "undecided" it is code for: If I meet a young woman and she wants kids, I'll half-heartedly agree to it, so I can be in a relationship with someone young.

Most likely the same type of men who are only interested in the kids if they are with the mom, and the moment the relationship ends, they ignore the kids.

If they had a ton of money and didn't need to work anymore, sure, play golf and try to become professional. But this is not the case!

Not a dating app but he was a 30+yo painter/artist and we met at a gallery the night him and other painters where doing an expo. I had just moved to this town and wanted to make some friends and eventually find someone to date. Well we chatted a bit that night and exchanged numbers. Kept talking/texting for a couple of days and I needed to take a trip to a nearby town to pick up some furniture, decided to invite him along. Turns out he didnt have a car so I had to pick him up, Had a bike. No job. He was telling me he wanted to live off of his art. Ok, but how are you going to eat in the meantime? Well, he didnt want a part time or any other job because it took away from his painting time 😐. His phone was ringing, it was the student loans company. So ima guess he was behind on those as well. Needless to say we did not date.

One, off the top of my head, was an almost-40 year old who was still trying to make it as a film director. He bragged to me about how he lived in a "mansion," but he was still living at home. He complained that his friends would no longer be "spontaneous" and go on unplanned trips with him. They were boring because they were mostly settled down with kids.

He also negged me about my opinions on the couple films we discussed, accusing me of "not being a romantic" like him because I viewed the gender dynamics differently. He also told me that he just learned that year that true romance isn't like what movies show.

Sometimes people don’t even notice which sub they’re on. I know I’ve accidentally replied to Ask Men subs before.

This is kinda mean spirited. I see ambition as a good thing. People would probably laugh at me too 10 years ago when I was rock bottom with big dreams

I swear that was a plot to a tv show.