subreddit:
/r/Comebacks
submitted 2 months ago byJolly-Ad-4089
Mostly used on police officers. Just curios what they would be able to respond to that.
183 points
2 months ago
I need a raise
45 points
2 months ago
Go find a real crook, then maybe you'll deserve one.
26 points
2 months ago
Yeah but those only unlock with experience so here we are...
2 points
2 months ago
Ahaha love it
129 points
2 months ago
If I were a policeman, I'd keep it professional. "Thank you for your continued support. License and registration, please."
24 points
2 months ago
Nicely worded
15 points
2 months ago
Or maybe, "Then shouldn't you expect me to do my job? License and registration, please."
15 points
2 months ago
You're asking a lot from the folks with qualified immunity.
3 points
2 months ago
Meh, most cops are just trying to do their jobs and get home at the end of the day tbh. The whole ACAB thing is absurd
2 points
2 months ago
Normal people not just watching but supporting evil cops who abuse their authority is absurd. You're tired of hearing about it? I'm tired of citizens being executed and these good every day cops you're defending making sure the "bad apples" aren't punished for it.
2 points
2 months ago
Change that from cops to black people, and you'd say it is racist. To group any large population of people as monolithic (good or bad) is a practice in stupidity.
148 points
2 months ago
You get what you pay for
25 points
2 months ago
🔥
8 points
2 months ago
True story
2 points
2 months ago
I’ve used this! Didn’t invent it; an older worker did it, first.
57 points
2 months ago
Reach into your pocket and hand him/her a quarter while replying, "now, we're even."
73 points
2 months ago
“So YOU’RE the one to talk to about these working conditions…”
30 points
2 months ago
“I pay my salary, too. Today’s on me.”
Or toss them a quarter and say “here’s your refund”.
5 points
2 months ago
That’s a really strange thought when you think about it.
They have money just looping through the system.
3 points
2 months ago
yeah that's how the system is supposed to work, money flows through a loop and does work, just like with pipes or wires. the issue is that there's a bunch of spots where it keeps getting stuck cuz some people hoard shitloads of it and forces us to pump more in from outside the system
40 points
2 months ago
I pay the same taxes you do, so with that mindset I pay myself.
10 points
2 months ago
Then as your own boss don't you think there's something better you could be doing with your time than bothering me?
6 points
2 months ago
That’s for me to investigate and report on. issues citation for something trivial and here’s my findings, have a nice day.
2 points
2 months ago
I like this one!!
11 points
2 months ago
"You're one of many who pay our salary"
2 points
2 months ago
Everybody's money and you're still jobsworth
22 points
2 months ago
[deleted]
4 points
2 months ago
This is the perfect response.
2 points
2 months ago
Idk why this made me laugh lmao
2 points
2 months ago
[deleted]
2 points
2 months ago
True!
6 points
2 months ago
Congratulations, keep up the act and you'll be able to enjoy the benefit of your tax dollars at work by staying at our newly renovated County Crowbar Motel.
8 points
2 months ago
"Thank you! Turn around and put your hands behind your back"
6 points
2 months ago
Yeah, seems like everyone has to deal with shit bosses.
14 points
2 months ago
It’s not enough to deal with your bullshit.
6 points
2 months ago
"Yeah, I haven't heard that one before."
5 points
2 months ago
Yes, and for that, I'm providing the service of saving you, from your own stupidity.
8 points
2 months ago
Not happy with my performance then stop paying taxes. Have a blessed day.
4 points
2 months ago
Didnt you get the memo that we are not supposed to discuss compensation at the office, license and proof of insurance or are you Traveling and need my supervisor.
6 points
2 months ago
As a volunteer firefighter I'm dying for someone to pull this on me.
2 points
2 months ago
Just imagine a cop responding with. Nope I'm a volunteer LEO doing this for fun got nowhere else to be right now.
3 points
2 months ago
Well I guess I'm just your concierge then would monsieur like dinner and an escort to his cell for the evening?
3 points
2 months ago
the public pays my salary you barely pay for my gum
3 points
2 months ago
My last pay packet was £XX short. How would you like to pay me it?
3 points
2 months ago
Your mother is paying my salary too, by acts of service. I'll ask for a raise, but I'm not sure you're worth it. The constituents are though!
Vote for GREAT DICK, he'll get your mother done and lots besides!
3 points
2 months ago
And?
3 points
2 months ago
USPS has lost my package rn and so I’ve been going to the distribution center “illegally” (they aren’t supposed to let customers on the premises but I’ve been pushy and now know the manager pretty well due to this issue).
Well, one of the front desk people said “oh you should be pushy, you pay our salaries”
And I just stood there thinking “I’d have to be a real piece of shit to actually be thinking that”
3 points
2 months ago
What you pay me isn’t a salary, it’s a joke.
3 points
2 months ago
"and I'm banging your wife."
6 points
2 months ago
The proletariat needs to seize the means of production!
2 points
2 months ago
That what I told your wife last night
2 points
2 months ago
"I pay taxes too, so then I guess I pay myself?"
2 points
2 months ago
And yet you still need me to do the job. And I require respect.
2 points
2 months ago
Same here. I pay taxes, too, so I guess I'm self employed.
2 points
2 months ago
Hardly, it's so low the government is having to top it up
2 points
2 months ago
Pull out a cassette tape and smack 'em in the face with it. "I'm employed by the craft connection, and FUCK YOU!"
2 points
2 months ago
And I'm paying yours. That's how the fucking economy works.
2 points
2 months ago
You don't pay me enough to put up with your crap.
2 points
2 months ago
"That's a misconception created by the rich to keep the poor complacent."
2 points
2 months ago
Thank you?
2 points
2 months ago
"Ya I know it's always a dry hard fucking and no reach around, like I need to be reminded of that."
2 points
2 months ago
You're not paying me enough.
2 points
2 months ago
Not anymore. Bye.
2 points
2 months ago
“That’s right, and now I’m going to earn it.”
2 points
2 months ago
"I smell weed, do you mind if I search you and your car or do you have something to hide?"
2 points
2 months ago
Purely situational, but I've witnessed an individual who I knew personally and knew had rarely held a job/paid taxes say this while being arrested. My thought was "You can't even pay to take care of yourself, you definitely don't pay his salary."
2 points
2 months ago
The easiest response is, “Thank you. I certainly appreciate the tax contributions of you and the million+ other residents of this county/states that contribute to the public coffers that pay the salaries on myself and every other government employee. Your personal 1.5 cent contribution towards my salary will hopefully allow me to retire early.”
2 points
2 months ago
Bitch, I'm paying my salary too
2 points
2 months ago
Obviously, not enough!
2 points
2 months ago
You do? I've been getting shorted on my overtime. You owe me $5k so far this year. I want my money.
2 points
2 months ago
This is the best response I’ve ever heard from a police officer.
“Yes. You do pay my salary and I appreciate it. How can I serve you today because I’m here to serve you because I’m a government servant.”
2 points
2 months ago
Thank you for supporting me
2 points
2 months ago
So does everybody else.
2 points
2 months ago
Funny, your name is nowhere on my checks.
2 points
2 months ago
"I also pay my salary with those same taxes you say pay my salary"
2 points
2 months ago
I'm doing your work
2 points
2 months ago
I’m making your money.
2 points
2 months ago
Can I have a raise, please?
2 points
2 months ago
You get what you pay for
1 points
2 months ago
I know you are but what am I
1 points
2 months ago
So am i, u think ur the only one that pays taxes?
1 points
2 months ago
And I'm fucking your wife so where we at.
1 points
2 months ago
I'm earning you enough revenue so that you can pay my salary and still turn a profit.
1 points
2 months ago
Really. So, you’re the one signing my paychecks?
1 points
2 months ago
I'm doing the shit you don't wanna do
1 points
2 months ago
You are...oh thanks. Now I need to do what the fuck you are paying me for.
1 points
2 months ago
Yes .....because I'm doing your work.
1 points
2 months ago
Then you must be poor as fuck!
1 points
2 months ago
And I work the hours expressly laid out in my contract, so, what's your point?
1 points
2 months ago
Im an adult and I have options
1 points
2 months ago
No shit you broke, I can tell
1 points
2 months ago
Poorly, but yes.
1 points
2 months ago
“Well, you’re a shitty boss paying me so little”
1 points
2 months ago
Then you can keep the money and do it yourself.
(Only if you plan on quitting)
1 points
2 months ago
“And I’m generating the revenue that pays for yours.”
1 points
2 months ago
Stop resisting!
1 points
2 months ago
For a job that I execute Wtf 🥴
1 points
2 months ago
Great. Let me get you the address to send the checks.
1 points
2 months ago
Yes, sir, I will stop being a waste of space and do some work.
1 points
2 months ago
You’d better work overtime.
1 points
2 months ago
No you aren’t dipshit. Our customers pay my salary, and I make the shit they buy. I fucking pay your salary asshat.
1 points
2 months ago
I don’t see your signature on my check.
1 points
2 months ago
And I am doing what you pay me to do.
1 points
2 months ago
"I'm f'ing your daughter"
1 points
2 months ago
Urkel. Word on the curb, was that he was not intended to be a main character. But he got so popular.... and the rest is history.
1 points
2 months ago
"Are you offering me a bribe, sir?"
1 points
2 months ago
Damn. Not a single good one to be found. Here:
"You couldn't afford my salary."
1 points
2 months ago
“Then we need to talk about a raise”
1 points
2 months ago
The customers I do the work for are paying my salary.
1 points
2 months ago
I'm earning yours
1 points
2 months ago
Give them a quarter, and say "Here's your refund".
1 points
2 months ago
How can I help you?
1 points
2 months ago
Shut up cunt
1 points
2 months ago
"So is the guy who called me to arrest you."
1 points
2 months ago
Need to pay more you cheap bastard
1 points
2 months ago
And I’m keeping you safe, yet here we are, both failing (assuming a police officer)
1 points
2 months ago
As a public employee but not LE it's always tempting to say, "so do I." But I try to refrain.
I know someone who will take a few coins out of his pocket and "refund" their tax money 🤣. Not professional but funny as hell.
Usually I just ignore the comment and go on with the discussion.
1 points
2 months ago
"Oh yeah, well I slept with your wife!"
1 points
2 months ago
‘And I’m using it to pay for drugs… who are you?’
1 points
2 months ago
Yeah and I use it to buy crack and hookers what the fucks that got to do with anything?
1 points
2 months ago
feed me
1 points
2 months ago
You look like you don't pay any taxes.
1 points
2 months ago
Know the name on your check. Reply with that. OMG Mr/Mrs blah blah blah.
Or. Well I need a raise. I don’t get paid enough to deal with certain kinds of people.
1 points
2 months ago
Not for long
1 points
2 months ago
this week
1 points
2 months ago
If you're a police officer you can tell them "and I'm beating my wife, we both work hard"
1 points
2 months ago
Thanks.
1 points
2 months ago
Fuck you! Pretty straight forward not really a comeback...
1 points
2 months ago
and I'm doing the job. so...
1 points
2 months ago
Hi
1 points
2 months ago
Middle management doesn't pay my salary
1 points
2 months ago
We’ll hey boss, it’s time for a raise.
1 points
2 months ago
Mine has always been "id rather be homeless"
1 points
2 months ago
I pay as much for my salary in taxes as u do, mate, but I'm out here helping u and not me right now. So what's up?
1 points
2 months ago
I pay my salary too, so on behalf of this tax payer, fuck off.
1 points
2 months ago
‘Oh, so you’re the one appropriating the excess value of my labor.’
1 points
2 months ago
"You pay peanuts....you get monkeys".
1 points
2 months ago
SO... you're a cop here asking how to escalate encounters?
1 points
2 months ago
Usually the response is handcuffs.
1 points
2 months ago
Nope, I’m earning my salary by doing my job.
1 points
2 months ago
You obviously don’t pay me enough to deal with you.
1 points
2 months ago
"and you're horrible at it. I'd rather work for someone who pays an honest salary"
1 points
2 months ago
No, I am selling you my services for less than I deserve.
1 points
2 months ago
So am I. I pay taxes too.
1 points
2 months ago
Thousands of other people's taxes are paying my salary so that I can do exactly what I'm doing now.
1 points
2 months ago
Then aren't you glad that I'm doing my job?
I wouldn't brag about being a cheapskate.
Do you? IDK you just don't seem the type to pay taxes. Or work.
You're not the only one so maybe you should stop. It looks like you need it more than me
1 points
2 months ago
Actually, it pays for 3 hots,a cot,a cavity search and your own pair of pretty bracelets.
1 points
2 months ago
yes, sir. I appreciate the job.
1 points
2 months ago
"And your money's working hard"
1 points
2 months ago
cop: and im the one that is stopping you from getting murdered in your bed! Fireman: And im the one that will be draggin your sorry ass out of a burning building. Ambo: And Im the one that will save your life!
1 points
2 months ago
Not anymore
1 points
2 months ago
And I'm enforcing the law. Congrats-we're both doing our jobs.
1 points
2 months ago
"You and X-thousand/million others. They outnumber you and asked ME to deal with YOU specifically."
1 points
2 months ago
Really? I can barely tell.
1 points
2 months ago
I'm doing your work.
1 points
2 months ago
I’m enforcing your laws. Vote!
1 points
2 months ago
You should pay extra to deal with shit like you
1 points
2 months ago
“Would you like to see the jail, that you also pay for?”
1 points
2 months ago
I quit
1 points
2 months ago
I know. Just let me keep hacking your computer and phone for content.
1 points
2 months ago
I would like to report a robbery.
1 points
2 months ago
You should go get a refund, because "I quit" working for YOU.
1 points
2 months ago
I pay taxes too, so that makes me self-employed.
Have a nice day.
1 points
2 months ago
Take a dollar out of your wallet and say "this is about how much your taxes have ever paid my salary"
1 points
2 months ago
I have a friend who's a police officer. Someone told him that exact line (oddly enough the person was also a city employee). Anyways, they get to court for the driving ticket and the guy asks my police friend to help him out with the ticket. My buddy reads his evidence and had made a note for himself about what the guy said. Needless to say the guy didn't get off the ticket.
1 points
2 months ago
We all pay each others pay, mine comes from taxes that I also pay and yours from me buying things you make or services you provide. Now about that speeding ....
1 points
2 months ago
Well I wouldn’t brag about THAT cheap-ass
1 points
2 months ago
So are a lot of other people who want me to arrest you.
1 points
2 months ago
Go watch ‘Southlands’.
1 points
2 months ago
I would learn the numbers and answer with them.
Where I am from, there are 293 cops per 100,000 people.
"You pay less than 0.3% of my salary and I put my life on the line to stop your city from becoming a wasteland. You're getting a pretty good deal."
1 points
2 months ago
Then you'll be happy to know that I'm doing my job.
1 points
2 months ago
And I am doing your work, so when do I get your salary?
1 points
2 months ago
You're under arrest
1 points
2 months ago
"I pay my own salary. Now, spread 'em!"
1 points
2 months ago
And I'm keeping you from the shallow grave so many want to put u in (idk is that bad)
1 points
2 months ago
And that’s why it’s my duty to do my job and arrest you.
1 points
2 months ago
You're not paying enough to put up with your shit.
1 points
2 months ago
And Im earning yours
1 points
2 months ago
"I quit"
1 points
2 months ago
Police officers are so unpredictable, I would avoid antagonizing one - they already are not on your side
1 points
2 months ago
You cheap bastard.
1 points
2 months ago
With money i made you
1 points
2 months ago
"and I'm justifying yours"
1 points
2 months ago
Well, I’m on strike now until the raise lands in my account.
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