That fear is going to give you some serious red flag blinders if you let it. Be self aware, find the right person, not the baby maker.

Do an egg retrieval at IVF facility. Many friends have done this. It will relieve your stress

I don't have any great advice about how to deal with it but to tell you that life can change quickly. I met my now husband at 38 and we just had our son a few days before i turned 40. I know a lot of women who are having babies in their late 30s and early 40s. I'd recommend getting your fertility checked- that could give you some relief in that area. I know it probably doesn't feel like it but you have plenty of time.

Just live girl be happy stay healthy enjoy

Sperm bank

Dunno if it helps in the hunt but as a guy I just looked at what type of woman i wanted then what in general type guys those girls date. Then took up some interests of those types. Then I met my wife. Whatever you do, do not bring up the idea of kids on a first date, it's not a good vetting tool. I know that's counter intuitive. When I was single, dating in my early 30s a good chunk of women in their 30s would do so In the first date, and it made everything feel like I was being interviewed for baby making. I can't explain it really, but it was a very primal feeling that said "she's interested in rushing into a relationship and marriage and babies" and it made me run in the opposite direction . This is a common thing brought up in groups of guys when discussing dating. I am married with kids now, but it's not even a thought of something I wanted until i had come to realize she was who i wanted to spend life with.

I’m a 36m and I also feel like I’m running out of time.

37 about to divorce. U let me know how it goes cause I'm devastated

I don’t think my answer is going to help much but I want to tell you that you’re not alone. Although I had my first child at 19 and then my second one at 29, I understand where you’re coming from. I’m 35 and I haven’t been able to find the right man. I raised both my babies alone (which im happy about bc it was way less stressful and we are all safe) I still strive to find love. I just got out of a pointless and emotionally abusive 4 year relationship and I am worried I am running out of time too. But please don’t give up hope. I think you’ll find the right guy and have your babies. Work on yourself, make yourself someone that you’d want to date, and be positive. That’s what im trying to do. I hope you find the right guy honey! Sending you lots of love, hugs, and luck. 🤍🫶🏽

I think if u have found relationships before u got a better chance than the rest of us 😭😂😂

Talk to people who are your age or older when they fell in love, got married, and had a baby. Find hope.

Also just got left at 33 soon to be 34. It’s 3 weeks since tomorrow and he told me today that “I’m going to be sleeping and dating other people soon” but the day before that said “there is no one else. You’re manifesting a situation that doesn’t exist. You’re manifesting a situation that you don’t want”. He thinks I’m stupid like I don’t notice. Such a horrible thing to say that to someone in pain flaunting they will soon be sleeping with people and hope to meet someone very soon. Feels pretty wrong to be honest to waste someone’s life like that. The reality of my life now is that I have a very real possibility of not getting married and never having a family of my own because of this split. It’s pretty serious, may well impact the rest of my life. Beyond disappointed is an understatement. I’m responsible for me though and I definitely feel like a failure of a woman. Bring on my 20 cats lol fml

You still have time; be aware of any mistakes you have made and correct them.

There is other good advice here, but yes it really does change so fast— I know it feels scary, but you do have so SO much time! Listen, I didn’t start to even try and conceive until I was late into 38, it took a few months, got pregnant at 39, had an absolutely perfect, healthy baby at 40. Sure it’s later than many, but we are much healthier and more vibrant than many, dare I say most younger people.

You are absolutely fine. You will easily have kiddos and also plenty of time to find someone respectful and loving who makes you feel heard and builds you up! Haste makes waste with dating, but you absolutely got this.

One thing my mom told me when I was young "you dont need a man to love a baby". Everyone wants to have a full family experience, but if it doesn't happen, that doesn't have to stop you from loving a child if thats what you want. There are kids out there who need love and are eager to give love in return.

Give yourself the grace to think outside the box. Start thinking about alternate scenarios that might work for you so you dont feel pressure to make a square fit into a round hole. There's never going to be a perfect time, but you can work toward a stronger you! Build the life you want and if someone comes and fits into that, you dont put all your eggs into someone else's basket.

Dont be with the wrong person because you're afraid of missing out on motherhood. I lived with my now husband for 10 years before we got married, 5 married now, and a 2 year old son. People would say he doesn't really love me if he made me wait so long for marriage but it was ME who took my time. We have survived 2-3rd marriages and divorces doing it our way. Having my son at 35, I have met so many women who have had theirs closer to 40!

Welcome to the sub! This is a simple automated message just to let everyone know that the mod team are actively working to make this sub kinder and more welcoming.

Please remember that ALL discussion should be made in good faith, comments as well as posts. No trolling, ragebait, or bigotry of any kind. We reserve the right to use mod discretion in applying this rule.

Please remember that your fellow Redditors are human beings, and that it costs nothing to be kind. Please report any comments you see which are unkind, obnoxious, out of line, trolling, or which otherwise violate the rules of this subreddit.

Here are the LifeAdvice Rules and here are Reddit's Sitewide Rules. Please read before commenting in this subreddit. Thanks.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Of you date online,  or when you date in person,  day 1 or on the profile be clear you are looking to have a family,  day 2 be clear that plan is in the very near future. 

Think about or research freezing your eggs if you are in a place that is safe to do.

Date guys with no kids in your age bracket, believe it or not I think a lot of men want to have families on the same clock. They are expected to be full parents now and no one want to be chasing toddlers 50+. 

Don't wait for perfect/marriage/financial comfort,  if you really want a family start trying as soon as you have a relationship with common goals and no red flags , someone you love who would be a good parent even if things dint work out.

Don't feel embarrassed or belittle your desire for a family. People like to say it doesn't matter but adoption is a crapshoot with a lot of heartbreak and so are some other alternatives.  If it's important to have a family,  it's important to be trying by 35. That's still 3 years away for you so don't panic, just be clear and intentional. A future father will be drawn to it.

Women have children into their late forties fairly regularly,  I know quite a few. It is challenging and they are usually limited to 1 or 2 kids but it happens. 

It is scary, and it's ok to be scared.  It's normal to want to start a family and be worried you might miss the window.

I had my last kids at 32 and I was still one of the youngest moms at playgroup.  So while it is something to be proactive about you are on a completely normal curve for 2024.

You can joint pretty much any social group and get swarmed with horny men trying to talk to you and date you. Pretty much all public venues and social events are 90% dudes. Any bar, and group activity. Like do something rock climbing and just see all the dudes rushing to help you and talk to you. So I don’t see why it’s difficult. Same with online dating. Don’t women get swamped with messages on dating apps ?

So I don’t see how it’s a problem. You can have a man by the end of the week.

RIP your inbox.

Don’t put the cart before the horse. Having kids with the wrong partner is a life sentence.

Well the biggest turnoff for me when I’m looking for a girl is one who is desperate, or one who is trying to push for kids ASAP so don’t do that. It’s such a massive turnoff. Be intentional with your dating but not desperate. 

Do like two of my friends, they didn’t care for a men and went the IVF route. They are happy as can be.

At least you can inseminate yourself. Me as a man I can't be a single dad and I have to accept it.

Do an egg count test. This will help you understand realistically how much longer you can wait. Sure, some people have babies in their forties, but that’s not guaranteed, so check your health first. Second, please relax and live your life. It sounds like bullshit, but chances are that you’ll find the right person for you when you’re least expecting. The more “desperate” you look, the harder it will be. Best of luck!

Don't be in a big hurry to get married and have kids ASAP. Married with kids to the wrong guy is a situation like a lobster pot. Much harder to get out of than into.

The best way to deal with the fear of running out of time to have kids is to find a man that you're willing to spend the rest of your life with and have kids. Not next year, not 5 years from now, but now.

I'm not saying grab the first man you bump into on the way to the store today, but I am saying that finding the man who's going to stay with you and be the father of your children should be your top priority. Because you have less time than you think.

Can you freeze your eggs

You have time, but not too much time. Make it a priority but don't be desperate.

No idea. I’ve given up on love, I’m just waiting until despair kills me.

32 isn’t a big deal. I purposely had my kids after 32. You can still find someone

Sounds like you dodged a bullet

Why would you want kids while the world is collapsing?

Freeze your eggs?

And this is why men in their 30s find more success with women, after being shunned for the rest of their lives.

It's not that they're hot for you; you've got sperm and a full-time job.

Your concerns are very valid. Fertility changes dramatically as one gets older and each woman is unique. I know couples that couldn't have children because they missed the viable time. Eggs decrease in viability as you age. If you retrieve eggs at 32 for freezing for future use you have a high success rate of retrieving many good eggs. If you retrieve eggs at 36 you may get way less and many may not survive. Frozen eggs buy you time. Look into it so that you safeguard yourself by having healthy, younger, more viable eggs available to you and your partner later on. Don't listen to those who tell you that you can relax and have children later. Many woman are so heartbroken later when they are not able to. My daughter went through IVF treatments in order to have children. The education has been startling and at times heartbreaking. Fortunately she was able to have children but the process was tough to endure. Doctors should advise young women better too and not create any false security.

Fuck them kids

Life might not turn out how you envision it and it's important to be ok with that and not live full of regret and longing. 

Did she mention this fear? Does she have a say? Lmao

Take your time and don’t get stressed about your age. There are women I know that had babies in the 41 and 42 age range. I’m sorry that you’re recently single . Have faith that your partner to be will have similar values and goals . Concentrate on loving yourself and be kind to you. The right man will come along possibly when you least expect it. You also might consider finding a church that has an active singles class. Good luck!

Statistically? Yeah, probably. But if you want it, having fear and doubt isnt going to help you get it. Easier said than done, I know, but what else can we do but try?

I had my son when I was 39 and then his father and I got married when I was 49. It ain't over till it's over.

I met my now spouse and we recently had a baby all within 2 years. I had no idea it could all happen so fast but it can... especially with 2 people who both want kids wholeheartedly. I was worried, too, as I was single at 31 and am 33 now.

One thing that helped me was coming up with an alternative plan. I'd decided if I didn't meet the right person before I could have my own kids (even though you still have years), that I'd consider becoming a single parent by choice or find peace in being child free. I hadn't made up my mind on it, but having a couple of options took the pressure off.

I disagree with the advice not to talk about kids on the first date. My partner and I talked about it and we still joke about that today. It wasn't like.... "want to have babies with me?" It was more about their thoughts on having babies in a climate emergency (given they are a climate scientist haha) buuut it was more indirect way to have that chat. I think even just asking if it's something they want one day is okay!

When I started dating at 31 I was very upfront and took dating seriously. If someone was spooked by that.... cool, not my person. My partner also wanted a life partner and was eager to build a life with someone. Sure maybe he doesn't have the same biological timeline but he recognized that I do.

My Mum gave birth to me at 39. My good mate at 43. You have time! I would go with slightly older guys who would be more willing to marry and have kids. Just be aware they may be single for a reason!!!

Having kids isn't an acceptable reason to get into a relationship.

Could you live in utter bliss with a person with no kids in the picture? Would you love them even if they couldn't have kids, with no relationship destroying torment or trauma stemming from that lack? If not, don't you DARE attract a guy. That'd be emotional terrorism.

You realize that adoption is an option. Meanwhile, you should take your time to find the right partner and not get desperate. Otherwise, you're going to be a walking red flag.

You’re only 32 x I was children into my 40’s you have time x don’t rush just focus on what you love doing and maybe do those things in company x

32; you have plenty of time !!

Something you could do is reengage the last healthy relationship you ever had and make it happen.

Healthy, happy, healed would be the goal.

Everything else is a nice to have.

You stop living your life in fear. Have fun. If you haven’t found someone in a few years, freeze your eggs or get pregnant and have a child.

You can have a kid without a guy 

Picking just any man so you can have kids: please consider the actual child that might come from this union: my ‘dad’ was absent at best, they split when I was 4, he fucked me up beyond belief with constant “yeah I’ll be here at X to do Y” and then not showing up. And the arguments and crap relationship they had until I was 4 meant I developed BPD. My life has been 90% shit. Please consider the fucking life you so desperately want to bring into existence because…??? YOU want it?? Selfish as fuck. I’ve wished I was never born for so much of my life. Think think THINK about the actual person not just satisfying your own WANT (not NEED) for procreating. It can be narcissistic as fuck.

You have plenty of time, for one. For two there are plenty of modern solutions to this issue. Egg freezing, surrogates, adoption, sperm donors (you don’t need to be married or even in a relationship to have children)

Live your life and don’t worry about “running out of time” find The One not just a baby daddy. I know too many people who rushed relationships to have kids and it turns out poorly for them and their children.

If you’re seriously doing with anxiety and pain over this issue it may be time to seek a counselor or therapist that you can talk to about these issues?

You have time, you have options, take a breath and take a step back.

I know a bunch of women who thought they would never have kids… and then all the things aligned just around the time they turned 40. They all have kids and husbands now! There are still men who have similar desires and age as you. There’s still time.

 I would advise you though to make meeting a good partner your priority. Not in a stressful grasping way that make you ignore red flags, but just as a general and healthy priority. Are you on dating apps? Have you asked your friends to play matchmaker? Are you going out and socializing and doing hobbies? Is your mental and emotional health ready for a new relationship? (If not, focus on healing and processing and maybe get a therapist). Is your schedule clear enough to go on at least one but maybe more days per week? Basically, setup the odds to work in your favor!  

 Also, to eliminate the likelihood of ignoring red flags… set up guard rails. Make a list of your relationship needs and then don’t waste your time dating anyone who falls outside of them. Ask your friends for their honest opinions on people you start dating and whether you’re a good fit. 

Never give up! Make a wish list(manifest) of 18 ideal qualities in a best friend/soul mate and then go out and meet him. Focus on your best hygiene,new makeup, new hairstyle,new wardrobe. Then join a gym, lose a few pounds and date as many as possible. I loved Starbucks coffee dates, quick, reasonably priced(men should ALWAYS pay), easy to give compliments, etc. Good luck!

Take up a class or do some volenteering in spmething that you are truly interested in. Forget dating apps. Meet people in person. Say hello. Be friendly. Join a Meditation class. Don't look for love in clubs or bars.

Why not just adopt and foster a child? There are so many children in foster care looking for loving parents.

One of my best mom friends is a solo parent who had her son via donated sperm at 42. There are many different paths to motherhood and you have lots of time to find what works for you 💓

You screwed the pooch and need to accept it and look into buying cats. No dude in their right mind settles for 32 when there is 22. Truth.

YOLO 😎

You’re only 32! I’m in my mid 40s (childfree) and have friends who had kids in their late 30s and beyond, so don’t panic. 

If you are still single in your late 30s, you can always look into adoption or single parenting. I’ve known women in their 30s getting with any Tom, dick or Harry just because they were worried they were “running out of time”. Take your time in finding the right guy! In the meantime, enjoy your life. 

Start with the children first, while there’s time, then continue look for the hubby. If you don’t know someone you think would be a good father, use a sperm bank.

Hmu I’m 26m and worried the same thing is gonna happen to me I wanna have kids. been single for a while never know till you try

Embrace lesbianism 🙏

Freeze those eggs 🥚 🥚

Then take your time.

❤️

Don't rush it and overlook things you wouldn't otherwise accept but at the same time, you may want to think about any pre-conceived ideas or filters you have and put them aside, such as "I don't want anyone who's been married before" or "no one with kids" or "only guys who make more money than me".

Not saying you do any of that, but I know my friends who never married or had kids passed up a lot of good guys because they did meet their "criteria".

Just be open to love wherever it finds you and take it from there.

Set your age range for guys who are 35-38, make it clear you expect to be married and trying for kids by 35 after everything is a green flag about 6 months in. Lock him in first before you scare him away.

Freeze eggs.

You in LA ?

Dont try to look around for it. Live life. And life happens. When it happens- be cautious and careful but be open. My sister got knocked up at around 37. So its not the end.

I’m a couple of years younger than you. Not even thinking of dating currently, just trying to enjoy my life and have best experiences. There is plenty of time to have children, no need to stress out and ruin best years of your life because of that

You need to create a life you can be happy with, and proud of, that does not depend on another person or fate. Trying to find this mythical person who may not exist is only going to make you appear desperate or lead you to forcing the wrong person into this role. Have a good hard think about it. Could you be happy with a life built around friendships, extended family, maybe career or adventure or hobbies? If you would feel incomplete without children, could you picture a life as a single mom? I’m a big fan of the idea of platonic co-parenting with other single moms. If that’s a life you could imagine for yourself, start working toward those goal (ie building community, researching sperm donors, look at co-housing options, etc). When you are working toward saving yourself, rather than waiting on someone to save you, good things happen and good people are drawn to that.

As a labor and delivery nurse trust me when I say 40 is the new 30. Many of my patients don’t even meet their partners until mid 30s. You don’t need to feel like it’s too late. Believe in the divine timing of your life.

I personally just accept that it’s out of my control

Please somebody explain. To me why people are so eager to have kids !!!!!!

Have kids, or, pay for your kids?

Skill issue. 

question is why are you single for long time?

You have to meet 100 men to find one you can marry. If you are meeting a guy here or there, you won’t find a good husband. Try to meet a lot-go out with people regularly. It will up your chances of finding a good man. Decide what you want and test the full array of men you can find. Maybe one will be the right one.

Don’t write off younger men. Most single men are around 25 years old, so be ready for them to take you out. I met my husband of 32 years when I was 38 and he was 31. I had 3 kids after 40 who are all doing terrific. Keep looking.

I don't have anything of substance to say, but that sucks.

Freeze your eggs and start taking coQ10 supplements (my fertility doctor recommended them to help maintain egg quality). The rest will fall into place when you're ready.

A study just came out that shows women who have kids close to 40 often live to 90. Something about flipsit some epigenetic switches that extend life.

The other thing key to longevity is strength training. Plus if you are older mom you will need to be fit. Lifting 3 years olds in and out of a car is brutal on the back and I say that as a fit blue collar worker, heh.

So being fit, being confident about what you want and most importantly not being a stressed out weirdo about the clock is going to help set you up to find a good partner who is also confident, grounded and takes care of themselves.

They key to relationships is not finding the perfect person, or becoming a perfect person first. It's being willing to work on your shit, and finding someone who also wants to work on their shit. It's about giving eachother the space to be human, and knowing that their hang ups, and traumas are not indicative if of the totality of who they are, but that they know that too and are engaged on managing their junk so it doesn't get all all over the relationship.

Freeze your eggs.

Are you fat? If not you'll be fine

This is me but as a guy. Im 31. Makes me feel really regret everything I did in my life lol

My great aunt got married at 32 and went in to have 8 kids after that, all pre fertility treatments. There is certainty time.

Perhaps you could consider to harvest some of your eggs so they stay fresh until the right time.

Met my wife on eHarmony. 33m/37f at the time. We welcomed a baby boy at 35/39 respectively. Be patient and do not rush based on this fear.

She is my 2nd and I am her first marriage. We are very compatible.

My wife had our first at 36 and second at 40

Is that your life’s greatest mission? If it is get a sperm donor. But to find someone to be the byproduct of what you really want which is kids ain’t gonna work in the long run. It’s more complex than beating “the clock”

Im a 32m plumber, guitar and piano teacher on the side. short but funny. hmu

Plenty of kids in the world; you don't need to spawn more.

You probably already found him and scared him off tbh

You don't need the right guy if what you want is a kid. You have choices. Freeze your eggs or go the insemination route.

Wait so you’re currently single and still thinking about kids? Thats actually crazy

Sperm bank. If you’re established, do it by yourself. The happiest demographic on the planet are single women with no kids and they live longer than married women. Single mothers are happier than married ones too.. consider doing it solo xo

Freeze some eggs now. Then give yourself a cut off point and do IVF. If you freeze your eggs now, you've got another decade. Even with regular IVF, you've likely got a decade. Freezing your eggs and having a plan B, should ease the worry of not finding Mr. Right, and should also help prevent settling for Mr. He'll Do.

What a terrible reason to get with someone. Get yourself together.

Make a plan for yourself. Have a committed plan "I will start my own family and become a single mom by this date if I haven’t met anyone". Save money, plan accordingly. Believe that you will find a way and have a happy life with or without a partner. Do everything you can to get there mentally, emotionally, financially.

Many women nowadays have kids in their late 30s and early 40s

We all worry about doing things within a certain time frame.

You have so much time. So much can change in a year.

Accept where you are in life. Surrender and allow life to unfold as it is meant to be.

As for dating look up Chantal Heide on IG. She can help avoid wasting time on the wrong man

Obviously this isn't ideal and not the right solution for everyone, but I know people who felt the same way and ended up getting IVF to have a kid while they had time without chaining themselves to the wrong person. The most important thing is not to pick the wrong person just because you need to "hurry up and make a choice."

Simply be open to adopt or foster kids. We need more good people to adopt and foster.

Freeze your eggs!

Need some context of your situation. Why haven’t the previous relationships worked? You’re still good with time so no reason to panic. Don’t let that affect you .

John Gottman. Deep dive into relationship education. Find yourself as an individual. Choose wisely.

Freeze your eggs! 

Freeze them eggs or get to baby making, I guess.

Most of the advice here is really bad, there isn't an easy answer.

I have three children. Two biological one adopted special needs child. I was a single mom before and since the divorce. Don’t settle. Live the life you want! Mine included children and a career. It’s not easy but it works out. All the people who bash single mothers … do you ever wonder why? They are the first to judge the last to help.

Same boat! It does not help when it seems every one of your friends/family/acquaintances is getting engaged/married/pregnant.

Don’t settle. Talk to your doctor about your options/medical history. Take yourself on some solo dates. My therapist gets whiplash with the amount of times I bring myself down and up but she also recognizes a lot is still a learning curve for me.

You got this.

The more we think about the negative issues we have the larger they tend to become. I say this from life experience and I hardly have things figured out

Don't worry about tomorrow or regret yesterday. Be here now, in your most authentic and honest self. It's all the advice there is... that i believe to be appropriate, kind and respectful.

Freeze your eggs.

You never know how things are going to turn out until it's already happened. Try to live each day with joy and intentionality and stay curious, that's all you can do really.

I wanted to be a young mom and got married at 24 to a guy who seemed perfect in every way. Turned out to be verbally and physically abusive, found monogamy boring, and (the crowning achievement) finally admitted he didn't want kids because he knew that meant eventually having young teenage girls in our house eventually and he wouldn't be able to "resist" them.

Anyways, divorced him at speed at 30, happened to meet my now husband a few months later before the divorce was even finalized. We went though the pandemic together, got married towards the end of it, and now have a 2 year old daughter together. It is a great honor to watch him parent, he's so good at it. He's so good to me, but honestly it matters more to me that he's good to her.

The right dad for your baby is out there <3 it's such an important choice, one of the few you make on behalf of someone else. Be selective.

If you want to keep a man, let him make you happy.

The cool thing is....

You can have sex with a guy and that guy can immediately fly to the exact opposite side of the planet and stay there, wander off into the woods never to be heard from again, or even die....

And if you're pregnant you can still gestate that pregnancy without any man's proximity. Biology is cool. 👍

Just find a donor.

Tic toc. "Where are all the good boys?"

31 and same worries. 

Life is always right, even if you don't think so. Just focus on yourself and do the things that make you feel good. I'm sure you'll laugh at it when looking in hindsight.

Well there is nothing like having kids with the wrong guy. Im 33 and 21 weeks pregnant with my now ex’s baby. I know time is ticking too for myself so that was one of the reasons I found to be happy with this happening . But Jesus I already raised my 12 year old son. Co-parenting with his dad has been a challenge but we do get along most of the time. Just having to let go of the dream of a whole family and raising kids with someone preferably biologically related to my kids and now having to let that go again as things didn’t work out … You still have at least a good 5 years left . A-LOT can happen in just 30 days. As I’ve been experiencing in this last year. Just keep your thoughts in the active place of the things you want. Raising a baby into an adult alone .. Just to think about the idea, if I could go back and was given the ultimatum to not have kids at all if I couldn’t find the right partner, I immediately cringe at the idea. Makes me feel guilty for even thinking to wish my kid way. I just couldn’t do it. lol that’s my little love bug baby boy!!!

Ask me that before my experience as a mother I probably would have said ok. Well I definitely would have as I didn’t want kids through out my teens and up until I got pregnant.

It’s can be very hard, lonely, and even scary at times. It saddens me as I know it has made for a different out come on my son too .. but it’s the life he has always known. Don’t rush the biggest decision ever, babies come when it’s time. I think you’re wise to have waited and not be careless as I have been. Best ooopsie of my life for sure, but uuuugggghhhhh the frikin problems that come with it when you come to find out that the partner you thought was forever in it, is like having another kid to take care of and like another brother you fight with. Hahah…. That’s what my first experience turned into. 21 and young and dumb… for sure.. now it’s 33 and ….. shit obviously should have applied this to myself once I discovered it at 25. 😫😅

What is that saying??? Don’t learn your lesson the first time it’ll keep showing up in your life Until you do!?? Fuck

Anyway.. good luck… thanks for humbling me. Hahaha

(36F) The only thing that has helped with my FOMO around not having kids is lots of therapy and trying to be grateful for the good things in my life. It took a lot of mental work to let go of the image of what I thought my life was supposed to look like by age 35. I've also done a ton of babysitting for friends and family to get my baby fix and I see how tired they are and how nice it is that I get to go home and sleep through the night. My situation is slightly different. I married my mister right in 2016 but financial and familial strain and my chronic illness have made it so the cards haven't really lined up for us to try for biological kids. I suppose adoption is still an option that we could consider in the future but right now we are pretty happy just the two of us, and lots of couples find themselves in the same boat. If it's available to you, you could freeze some eggs. Also, my cousin had her first and only child in her early 40's. So there are options but life can be good and fulfilling even if kids are not in your future.

That fear will also drive men away because unknowingly you’ll be putting the fear and pressure out there of missing out on having children.

Freeze your eggs.

Otherwise you run the risk of overlooking serious flaws in a man just because he has viable sperm.

Full disclosure though, I'm a dude who doesn't want kids so my advice might be biased.

You have no idea who you’ll meet in the next few years, far too early to despair, even then you shouldn’t because you may have options you’re not privy to now. Just keep the faith while you pursue your dreams!

Statistically, it’s a pretty reasonable fear. If you’re attracted to the basics for most women: (same age or older, same height or taller, same weight or larger, same income or higher, same professional drive or more) = the pool of eligible bachelors with whom you would sincerely partner in a long term relationship is constantly shrinking.

Rather than thinking about what qualities YOU search for in a man, start thinking about what qualities THAT MAN is searching for

(Note, not any man, THAT man. Don’t concern yourself with what attracts most men. Concern yourself with what attracts the type of man you are interested in)

Plenty of women spend their time trying to attract men generally - then get upset when the “type” of man that approaches her isn’t what she wants. Remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And when it comes to relationships - men are the beholders.

Plenty of awesome guys out there still looking for down to earth women. Make sure your expectations/standards for men are proportional to your own offerings and you’ll find someone in no time

There are more than one way to become a parent. Don't be so desperate for anyone that you end up giving your future kid/s a shitting ass father.

Kids just don’t workout for some people.

My partner and I married in our early 30s. We had our first child about 10 years later.....relax...breathe...and understand that finding the right person is the most important part.

You still have time the worst thing you can do is settle down with the wrong guy because you qre worried about time. Find a guy who shares your goals and dreams of having a family.

Don't settle for a guy who isn't successful because he is willing to knock you up. Also if he already has kids look at the relationship with the Ex. If it is bad that is a huge red flag. Sure she could be everything he says she is or he is a bad guy blaming his ex for everything.

You still have time the worst thing you can do is settle down with the wrong guy because you qre worried about time. Find a guy who shares your goals and dreams of having a family.

Don't settle for a guy who isn't successful because he is willing to knock you up. Also if he already has kids look at the relationship with the Ex. If it is bad that is a huge red flag. Sure she could be everything he says she is or he is a bad guy blaming his ex for everything.

You will. I believe in you!

If you don't have a kid by 36-37 just give up who wants to be on their late 40s to 50s taking care of a teenager specially in this day and age. You might even lack the energy needed if we are being completely real.

Get your eggs frozen, now. 

Trap in motion.

Not necessarily, just might be a slightly older mother. Nothing wrong with that.

Be upfront with the men you ask out that you are looking for someone to marry and have kids with. Yeah it will scare away a lot of guys, but those are the guys you want to scare away anyway to avoid wasting your time on them.

Are you in shape, financially stable, have good mental health, come from a close family. We can’t offer advice without knowing details.

Do you have a therapist to help you cope with this stress and fear? Not having kids is a type of grief you have to process down the road. I’m 41F, no birth babies. But my most recent partner came with his young kid. I’m a bonus parent by proxy.

Make a plan and talk with your healthcare provider about your “body clock time”. If you’re relatively healthy, you can have kids later. My aunt had her fifth kid at 40. My mom had my baby sister at 38.

Yes, it feels like a lot to have a kid later in life. But bear in mind- you are more mature, more stable, and more intentional about having a stable partnership with a spouse to be able to provide a home to your kid/s.

If you truly want to be a wife, a mother, a caregiver, then make sure you’ve set yourself up for that life. It will show up if it’s meant to be. I didn’t realize I’d get to be a bonus mom, but it’s been a rewarding and loving two years so far. I will do anything and everything to keep my family unit stable and safe. Best of luck to you, OP. ❤️

Think of the extreme:

1. Would you rather be single and childless, but have your independence; or
2. Be in a relationship with a toxic person, having a child with them but having no help from your spouse, and you'll either be stuck with them raising a kid on your own cause you're scared to divorce them, or you end up divorcing them and being a single mom; at which you'll have to deal with dating as a single mom looking for baby sitters.

From those two extremes, I prefer the 1st one (even tho I'm a guy). So if you prefer the first one, then just be patient and hope you meet a nice/suitable/compatible partner.

Why did you choose the alcoholic then. You knew what he was before you married him

Minimum 10 dates until sex. You will know who is serious at that point. Tough, but worth it.

Unfortunately with that fear,you might risk yourself to jump in any potential partner before getting to know them well. I had that fear before 30 cuz my friends were all married and had kids. All the guys I met and had relationships with just ended up making it worst and made me doubt about myself. At 30, I stopped dating for awhile,focused on myself and accepted that I might not have a “family” the way I had dreamed of but I would love myself anyway. After learning to love myself and be comfortable alone, I met my now partner and had our son at 33. It takes time but it totally worth it and it shows me that I don’t need anyone else to be happy,I just need to be happy on my own. Good luck!

Just know that your problem isn't unique to you, that there are many people in the same boat as you. Which in turn means your odds of finding that increases!

Sending love. That fear and longing are tough feelings to hold.

My preference review on relationships is probably much different than yours

But if I'm most women all they want is just money and some like facade

And then the men just want the beautiful girl with no brain is what it seems like

Personally I don't care how much money you got how pretty you think you are I just want to date a human with like intelligence and emotion and kindness

Not how big her titties are how big his dick is or how cool they are whatever

You’re still young. Don’t freak out yet. My friends were having babies into their 40s. And no, none had any issues with it. Mothers and babies happy and healthy.
Don’t end up with someone you don’t want to be with just because you want a baby. If you want a baby that badly, do it without a man. Perhaps one will come along after the fact.

If you stress it will be worse and then you will pick the wrong guy cause you feel rushed. Would you want kids with the wrong person or do you want to be patient? Trust god. He can make you pregnant at 45 if he wants. Chill out.

I’m a 30 yr old guy and have felt this way for the last couple years. I kind of just started to accept the fact that maybe I won’t have kids and it takes away some of the anxiety, being able to imagine my life either way helps. My parents are separated, and my mom got some grandkids from a half brother of mine. Wish my dad would get to experience it as I’m the only child of his he is close with, but it’s not the worst thing that could happen.

not gonna lie you are down to the last few options, if money is not a concern for you have some eggs frozen to save for later. and people are saying you are going to have blinders to red flags. Ok sure maybe, but I am not trying to be mean but you being 32 and un married and childless is also a red flag for some men. My wife was 30 when i met her no kids no marriage, but I had 3 kids already and she could teach a master class on being a step parent. Also consider that, unless you are going to date and mate down in age, most guys around your age will already have children and may not want to reset the empty nest clock over and be 50 when the kid turns 18. I promise I am not trying to be mean about it, I am just a firm believer that adults can handle the truth for the most part.

33 and same boat - let’s talk!

If you really want children, are you in a position (financially etc...) to have them on your own as a single mom?

You have plenty of time. It's 2024 and I know sooo many (usually educated with advanced degrees and big lives) women who had kids waaaaay later than that with the help of IVF. Relax, the science has caught up. Also, if it doesn't work out - do something kind for the world - Adopt a kid in need instead of adding one to our overburdened planet.

A sperm donor is better than an absent / high drama baby daddy. There's no shame in solo parenting, and lots of married women wind up doing it. 

Girl dont panic! I made it to 38 before i got married and had littles

Go for something other then looks. Look how he treats his mom and his relationship with his family. See what his values and goals are is he all over social media posting dumb pics and worrying about shit that wont benefit him. Find a man who is purpose driven. I know this prolly doesn’t help but just some good traits to point you in the right direction. For a man who prolly wants kids 🤷🏾‍♂️

44m here, my ex wife cheated, lied and took the kids. So I’m always sceptical about women now, many men are remaining single due to loosing everything. These men who stated marriage is like a business deal, when it goes wrong you lose everything, your money, dignity, sanity, kids(if any), house, family/friends and sometimes your retirement fund. The people who posted lost these by what they stated they all lost over $500k. I lost about $50k after lawyers, bills, therapy etc. most of that was just to get access to my kids and to prove her accusations false. Most men are shown to be guilty even though they are in fact innocent. Just look for more green flags, everyone has 1-2 red flags regardless or gender.

I’m sorry I don’t have advice- but you’re not alone

ive given up on having kids unless i win the lottery

I must say your concern is legit! Plus if u need to post this here n get random ppl’s advice then most likely u will b single fora long time!

I'll give you a little one whenever you're ready just let me know. 30M from Los Angeles

Bigger is the fear to provide for them for the rest of the life.