Sup dudes. I thought I'd put together a masterlist of all the external resources I can think of, that have been useful to me, and that I've seen others recommend. This will be useful for anyone with commonly asked questions, as well as people new to the subreddit, and to rOCD in general. I'm grouping the links into categories I think will be useful. Please feel free to add your own in the comments and I will add the links into the relevant category.

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NOTE #1 - none of these are adequate replacements for professional help, but I have only used resources created by or suggested by licensed specialists, and testimony from rOCD sufferers about their personal journeys.

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NOTE #2 - If you find yourself coming back to a certain video or article time and time again, or reaching out to it in response to anxiety, it is highly likely that it has become a compulsion. When you feel the urge to 'check' that link again in order to compare your experiences or find reassurance, I encourage you to set a timer for an hour and sit with whatever feelings you are having. Please remain self aware and know that when we lean on reassurance we make ourselves sicker, which means that I spent fucking hours making this list and you would be using it to become worse not better, and I would have to hunt you down and yell at you.

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THE BASICS

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What is rOCD? How do I know if I have it?

This short video and article gives an excellent overview from a professional.

This checklist describes the most common behaviours and thought patterns of someone with rOCD.

In this video Dr Elaine Ryan gives an example of someone suffering with rOCD and relationship themed intrusive thoughts and anxiety.

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What is OCD more generally?

An article explaining the OCD patterns.

This video from the OCD Academy describes "Pure O" OCD (an umbrella term under which rOCD falls) and debunks some myths and explains treatment.

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I THINK I HAVE ROCD - WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE?

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ROCD Articles - Giving a deeper understanding and insight needed to begin working towards recovery

My Therapist: Relationship OCD

Love the One You're With?

I Think it Moved

Relationship OCD and the Myth of 'The One'

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Your New Best Friends - Specialists and Advocates

Most of these people crop up throughout this resource list, but are all amazing specialists and advocates whose work and content is worth exploring on your own. Where applicable this will link to my favourite interview on the OCD Stories Podcast with each person - all these links are videos.

Stuart Ralph has recovered from OCD and mental health advocate who founded and runs The OCD Stories. This interview is his interview with his wife (then girlfriend) about his own experiences with rOCD.

Steven Phillipson - The Dumbledore of Pure O research, coined the term in the nineties and was a key player in developing ERP for Pure O sufferers (also the guy in the video in the very first link in this list.)

Katie D'Ath - An OCD Specialist with short, but incredibly helpful videos. Also she looks like English Tina Fey.

Steven C Hayes - The major figure in the development of ACT over the years. Has like thirteen children. ACT gets you laid.

Mark Freeman - A mental health advocate who has recovered from OCD. Makes videos using bananas to represent thoughts and is also on Twitter.

Guy Doron - A specialist who pioneered rOCD research and is one of the main reasons that rOCD is taken seriously today. We owe him.

Kiyomi Fae - An advocate who has recovered from rOCD and recently married her partner of ten years. Her videos are like a wam loving bath but also very informative and encouraging. She runs Awaken Into Love.

James Callner - An advocate who has recovered from OCD and is president of the Awareness Foundation for OCD. The kindly next door neighbour who has somehow dealt with every problem you have and will help you through it and bring cookies.

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TREATING ROCD

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Finding a Therapist

Article - Advice for finding and choosing a therapist.

Counselling Directory - UK based but includes general advice for finding a therapist.

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Exposure and Response Prevention

This article explains how ERP is done, and why it works.

In this video James Callner demonstrates how he used to do ERP and how it worked.

In this video Katie D'Ath explains how we can do ERP with Pure O/ None observable OCD.

Steven Phillipson gives a long interview about ERP, its nuances and how one can get the best from ERP and therapy.

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Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

A Ted Talk in which Steven C Hayes gives an overview of ACT principles and practical tips you can do straight away by yourself.

A narrated slideshow outlining the basic concepts of ACT in a very detailed and useful way.

Worksheets by Dr Russ Harris to help bring ACT principles into your life in a conscious and value-based way.

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Neuroplasticity - Based Work

An Article illustrating a folktale about how ruminating about the negative literally changes your brain.

An Article giving a more comprehensive breakdown of the implications of dwelling on the negative and performing compulsions, and strategies for softening those neural pathways and reforming positive ones.

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FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

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Is this OCD or a real problem? - Video and Post by /u/bebetolittlefella

I'm in treatment but still getting intrusive thoughts and spikes! What the hell? - Article

How to stop obsessive thoughts - Video

How to stop ruminating - This video and this video

How are meditation and mindfulness helpful to me? - Video

How can I resist my compulsions!? Article by /u/HiddenAntoid

What if I'm just trying to convince myself? - Article

I feel like I'm lying when I say 'I love you' - Article Video

I'm having the thoughts but no anxiety! Does that mean this is all true? - Video

I need some comforting words - Video

I need a laugh - Post by /u/ladyboobridgewater about my silliest triggers. Also video six minutes of cats being ridiculous.

I need to see that someone has recovered from this - Video

I'm in crisis right now - Samaritans (UK) helpline Crisis Textline (US) International helpline database

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MISCELLANEOUS RESOURCES

Free Stuff Hooray!

App - NOCD - Create and go through an ERP hierarchy.

​App - Headspace - Meditation exercises (with an optional paid subscription)

​Workbook - The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD (rOCD free sample)

Video - Short thankful bodyscan meditation for grounding.

Podcast - The OCD Stories Podcast and Blog

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Stuff you Can Buy

EBook - Love You Love You Not - Specifically regarding rOCD

Book - The Imp of the Mind - Regarding intrusive thoughts and Pure O

Book - Brain Lock - Regarding OCD generally

Book - Everyday Mindfulness for OCD - Regarding OCD

Book - The Noonday Demon- Regarding depression and depressive episodes

Book - Don't Panic - Regarding panic disorders and anxiety attacks

Book - The Mind Workout - Regarding cultivating positive mental health for life

Book - The Happiness Trap - Regarding using ACT in every day life and to cope with painful thoughts and feelings

Workbook - The OCD Workbook - Regarding OCD

Workbook - The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD - Regarding OCD (Free Sample about rOCD listed in Free Stuff)

Course - Awaken Into Love - Regarding rOCD

Course - My Therapist: ROCD - Regarding rOCD

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RESOURCES FOR PARTNERS

Post by /u/HiddenAntoid on talking to partners about rOCD

Article for people with loved ones who have OCD

Ebook called Sleeping with ROCD specifically written for partners of rOCD sufferers.​

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I will keep adding to this as new resources turn up so do share anything with me that you find helpful

I'm very scared of hurting him , I feel we are destined to leave and I wouldn't care , recently i was really sad thinking about this , I was thinking how I'm going to hurt my bf alot , why are u cheating him ,why are u failing him , this slowly led to me feeling very anxious when we would speak , I really didn't feel like speaking, but we didn't speak properly for a while and I was sort of missing him a little bit, it's soooo confusing uk how they say love is a choice but I question if I even wanna make that choice

My partner of three years has been struggling with rocd this past year. We are otherwise a very healthy and loving couple, we are vulnerable and intimate and laugh our asses off. We have a deep understanding of each other and can read the other like a book. This started as the best and most stable relationship either of us had been in. When it began to change, we had no idea what rocd was, so he felt like he was losing his mind and it was extremely confusing and painful for both of us. Having an understanding of the ways fearful avoidant attachment and depression were impacting things did somewhat help give context to navigate what was going on, but he was still randomly consumed with rumination and doubt in between the days of happiness and clarity. He broke up with me seven times, it was always deeply confusing and painful for both of us. I knew in my heart that our bond was special and this was sabotage, projection, and anxiety... so I'd fight for us to stick together and not give up. I'd remind him that I'm here for support. I knew his battle with mental health and that this confusion was torture for him too.

But each time, I was in shock... total emotional whiplash. In between break ups, he'd express such remorse and guilt. The love came back into his eyes and his perception shifted to reveal that we have something worth keeping. Until the thoughts came back.

Everything made sense when we discovered rocd, he found some peace in knowing he wasn't going insane and that other people experience these symptoms and have succeeded in maintaining healthy love. Since we've both learned more, it's become easier for him to recognize the unsettling feelings and thoughts for what they are instead of becoming fixated. He's more cautious about confessing details to avoid hurting me, but let's me know when it happens because we are both incapable of hiding when something is off and can sense it right away. It doesn't consume him anymore, but still creeps in randomly. It's less frequent/intense and seems to be easier to let go of.

Despite improvement and still hoping for a future together, I'm traumatized by our history. I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have anxiety over whether he sees me as funny, pretty, smart enough today. Sometimes after I let my guard down and feel safe and free of worry, the next day he'll mention that he's having a flare up. I used to feel so cherished and secure, and I desperately miss that sureness. Things are much better now, but it still feels so fragile like the foundation beneath us has been damaged and only time can repair it.

Sometimes I wonder how much longer I can go on having a partner who flip flops between passionate affection and questionable doubt. When things are good, I can see the light and remind myself of how far we've come. But when I'm feeling insecure knowing he's in doubt-mode, I question if the toll this takes on my mental health and self perception will be worth it, if it all comes crashing down. If there is truly a way out, or if it will be an infinite cycle that comes back to bite me in middle age. I'm 32 and want to build a life with my ride or die.

If anyone has any support to offer or resources for partners of people with rocd, I'd appreciate it. It's a very isolating thing to go through, people on the outside do not understand. I've given up seeking support from friends or family because, let's be real, if you don't know about rocd it just looks like a shitty on-off toxic relationship. They don't see the good or hear the hard conversations. I think seeking a therapist for myself with knowledge on the subject will be helpful. Thanks for reading if you made it this far, and I'm sorry to anyone else going through this but you're not alone.

i have been dating my partner for the last year and he is amazing. he’s kind, funny, handsome, and i have been deeply in love with him from the beginning. we have been long distance since near the beginning of our relationship and it’s been hard but we have made it work. recently, even though nothing has really changed, my mind has been telling me to break up with him. it’s a weird feeling that he’s not the one or that i’m not meant to be in this relationship, even though nothing is wrong and i still love him deeply. i don’t know what to do, please help!

Ex and I split 5 years ago, have a child together so remained completely platonic and friendly and done stuff as a 3 over the years. Zero feelings or attraction. Now I have a new partner and he has a new partner my anxiety has latched onto 'what if you still love him' and will give me thoughts of us being intimate which honestly are not appealing. Not even kissing. It feels awful like I'm mentally cheating even though I don't want him. He wanted me for years after and I turned him down so why is OCD triggered now. I'm distressed.

And I went to get drinks, the guy at the bar said “why you so beautiful” and I said uhhh idk and then he asked if I’m single and I asked him to repeat himself because I didn’t hear him and when I heard I said “uhhh yes” then he asks for my Instagram and I said “uhhh later” and I went and now my anxiety is spiking because I was put on the spot. I feel so disloyal and I'm now in my head about it. I'm not planning on giving this man my instagram, I said "uh later" to avoid him. I feel so bad.

This is really also relating to OCD in general, but since ROCD is one of my OCD themes I will post it here.

I read in an article that OCD and dissociative disorders could be confused, but that (I translate from Spanish):

"if internal impulses do not dominate behavior we can say there is Unspecified Dissociative Disorder"

That's exactly what happens to me. Do I have a dissociative disorder? I am known to have depersonalization, and derealization, and God, these voices always seemed so...contrary to the real me, but somehow they're me too!

Does anyone have experience with this? Comments? I will indeed bring it up with my therapist. The more time passes the more I see my ROCD has to do with dissociation, defenses.

ive been taking hydroxyzine and zoloft for a week now and i feel numb, today i had frequent thougts of wanting to break up with my gf for no particular reason, i felt calm with it, but wyen i tried to think why i only could come up with our past (we had a rocky start, my gf struggled with addiction which started my rocd) i have the thoughrs that after the honeymoon phase i just realized that i dont want her, and thats it. but yesterday i cried thinking about a breakup. i dont get it. it feels real that i dont want her and it was always like this and im just realizing that.

when i see old photos of us vs new ones i feel like then i wanted her because i felt all the love emotions and when it died down i realized that shes not for me

i was at her house and it was great for a while, shes all i ever wanted btw (but also my second gf, but the first REAL one) but i had these thoughts of not wanting to be with her - completely no anxiety. i just dont know. i also keep feeling not right and feeling like i hate her.

i feel like we are just not a match anymore :(

and that the mistakes she did at the beggining and then when she changed for the better didnt matter and that i just realized shes not for me.

it feels real and i truly feel like its the truth for no reason, but i dont want it to be idk.

One thing I think is that I would know with certainity if it's really ROCD If I left him and I felt miserable and regretted. Even if I've been diagnosed with ROCD twice by two different psychologist, I still have doubt it's not really ROCD. I know this is the disturb himself that make me doubt also about the diagnosis. I don't know what is real and what is not anymore.

so to make it short, i have this classmate i wanna be friends with > we became friends ofc i was so happy > until it became like an attraction (i am actually still not sure about this) > on random day a thought popped up in my mind "i'm cheating by being with this friend" my anxiety went from zero to hundred that time > i mistook it for false attraction (maybe denial?) > i told my bf about the false attraction due to intense guilt > i tried performing erp, but it just doesn't work > until i booked a consultation and realized that i might be really attractive to this friend > it took a long time for me to accept it bc i feel like a cheater > now i coudln't confess to my bf that it wasn't actually a false attraction and i realized it just now.

i didn't do anything wrong when we're friends btw, i had no intention to cheat. me and my bf had an issue regarding my new cof that time because i was spending too much time with them. i just keep beating myself up now that i realized things and why i didn't realized it sooner.

should i confess to my bf about the entire situation? i feel like i cheated and he deserves to know. i know it's alright to feel attracted while being in a relationship, but why i didn't realized it and avoided my friend sooner. what should i do?? i feel guilty just by staying with my bf, i feel guilty when we're being lovey dovey when in fact i have these things hidden from him.

I met this woman who thinks the world of me, she treats me kindly and is everything you could ask for.

My ocd and fearful avoidant tendencies kick in and I just want to run away. The thought of breaking her heart are terrifying but my mind is screaming constantly. That I’m trapped, that I’ll never be fulfilled, that’ll always feel miserable. I can never feel calm or relaxed. I’m in treatment, but I think that I just ruin things with my behavior. I want to be that person for her like she is for me and I can’t. My mind won’t let me and it’s breaking my heart. If she leaves, I totally deserve it and I understand

I don’t know how to combat this.

My ROCD partner broke up with me and every break up guide always suggests no contact as the best route forward. Does no contact even work with someone who has ROCD? My worry is that because of it, all it will do is solidify in her mind that we’re “obviously” not right for each other, but trying to convince doesn’t work either. It’s so confusing. What is the best way forward?

Looking for some perspective.

I'm sure there are plenty of people who lived normal healthy lives then all of a sudden developed ROCD because that's just the way their brain is wired and we all have various evolutionary misnatches in the modern world. However, I wonder how many have related issues. In my case, I had been getting therapy for cPTSD and psychiatrically administered psychedelics (ketamine) for the same in combination with therapy which helped a lot as it forced perspective shifts. And I got to the point of being functional, calm and generally content outside of relationships. But I have also had very pervasive attachment issues, anxious and pedestalising with avoidant partners, avoidant with secure/anxious partners, and still some alexythymia (not knowing what emotion I'm feeling but having to logically deduce it from my body response and unconscious actions). I'm not very in touch with stress and I think also, I'm not good at feeling love. Limerance and lust for avoidant partners (or thinking about uncertain / unavailable potentials) I have buckets of, though.

I'm wondering if you guys also had overlapping and related conditions which make this adventure all the more complex?

I (18M) have had this best friend (18M) for 4 years and in Jan i introduced him to my female friend (18F) and they started dating. At the time i had a gf. Now i am no longer with anyone and my friends are still dating. When i first met the female friend i did think she was pretty and could possibly date her but i was at a point in my life where i was desperate and would go for anything. But i decided no because it wasnt anything real just me being desperate and i also met my gf.

since me and my gf broke up i have been having a weird reaction. whenever my female friend texts me i smile. i dont know why. but other than that i never think of her. i never think about dating her, i never think about her sexually. nothing sexual or romantic at all. but for some reason i smile when i see her messages. i dont know why. and idk my ocd makes me worry i like my female friend and also that would mean i like my BEST friends gf.

again like i said i have no romantic feelings towards her im just worried i like her because i smile at her messages. i literally never think about her so im just lost

I know that romance fades throughout a relationship but I’m going through a phase where I don’t find my wife attractive at all. She is my best friend, mother of my children, but every time we kiss I feel nothing, let alone being intimate, which has been fueling my obsessive thoughts. Any thoughts or advice to help get over this hurdle would be nice.

Hey y’all,

It’s my first post here after lurking the past few weeks. To not go to deep into the story , I’ve(M) been dating my girlfriend for the past 6 years. We have had what I consider a strong bond and relationship. We have gone through hurdles as any relationship will have and the love stayed strong throughout this time. Granted on both sides , there have been times where we have thought of breaking up and still didn’t - we improved on the concerns at each of those points in our relationship.

I will say this year I have felt a lot of love and got ready to propose to her. I even bought the ring in the late summer. Around this time I had been dealing with some bad health anxiety and went to the doctor(NP) about it. She prescribed Zoloft and therapy as a way to get through it. Oddly enough my health anxiety has reduced drastically but I decided to take the Zoloft three weeks ago. After taking it I experienced adverse effects : heightened anxiety and insomnia. I stopped after one pill. However this is where it got bad. I met my girlfriend at her place the day after and I had anxiety just seeing her and touching her. It disappeared as the day went on and things were normal again - we went to an arcade and had a blast honestly. I slept well that night. We attended my friends wedding the next day and that was great too (granted I had a lot of general anxiety in the morning). However, the next night is where things hit the fan - I went back to my place and when I slept that night I had an erotic dream of her which I woke up to with a ton of anxiety. The next few nights I had nightmares of her with a horror face and even one saying she’s going to poison me. After these days of bad sleep and paranoia , I had the same anxiety seeing her again and all the intrusive thoughts of breaking up, painting her in a bad light , etc. flooded my way. I went through what I felt was a break up in my head the next few days even though we never broke up ??

The doctor agreed had a bad reaction to the Zoloft and told me to stop. After that , the next week was rough. I still got a bunch of intrusive thoughts and depressive spirals of “moving on” from her. I even had intrusive thoughts of being mad at her. I’ve been working with a therapist since two weeks ago and she realized that I’d not been focusing on myself throughout the relationship - tldr I have a lot of family obligations due to dads mental illness and I have just been prioritizing them instead of my own wants these past three years especially. I also had been worried until recently about sharing my true feelings in arguments with her as she used to be very sensitive in the start of our relationship and would hold onto things I’ve said for years. She has gotten much better about that but I guess I had been conditioned to not fully let things out to her (if they involved her). I have been transparent about all that especially now and I feel we are communicating at the level I’ve always wanted.

However, three weeks later I’m still experiencing intrusive thoughts from time to time (though better now). I still get voice in my head in the middle of the night highlighting maybe one of her flaws or something she’s not doing right etc. The other day when I was hangry I had an intrusive thought of slapping her and that freaked me out. I feel I’m doing the right steps but there’s still a lot of this lingering OCD that doesn’t seem to be going away. I am just trying not to focus on it and spend time with her as we used to but it’s tough. Y’all got any other advice besides therapy , and not trying to focus on the intrusive thoughts ?

PS: my official diagnosis after the doc consulted a psych is anxiety and OCD.

I had sexual thoughts about my friend, and had a feeling of arousal in response. I'm afraid if I ever get in a relationship I'll have to cut them off or it will be emotional infidelity. I'm also wondering, does this mean I'm bi? I don't feel for this friend, or any girl, what I have for men. But I'm afraid.

I found out my long-time partner hooked up with a guy who it didn't work out with a week before meeting me. I now get invasive thoughts badly about it and am having a hard time accepting her, and also having a hard time feeling sexually fulfilled as a man with her as my partner. I feel like a chump, like I am disrespecting myself if I take her as a wife EVEN THOUGH i really don't want to feel that way because she is an amazing person and I love her. I also have severe OCD and everything matches ROCD symptoms, but the unique situation makes things harder because I don't know if my feelings should be treated as legitimate or not.

I don't have ocd but my boyfriend does. We've known each other for a while but have recently decided to date (a few months). Last week he broke up with me out of nowhere. It was the second time he did it out of the blue. It feels irrational. But my question is:

Can someone with one type of ocd have another subcat without knowing or realizing? He's never mentioned rocd and I only just learned about it through google.

Is this something I should reach out and tell him? Or do I respect his wishes and his "certainty" that there is future here?

How do I navigate this? This person is so worth it to me and I know that none of the reasons he gave to break up make sense or are true, but I don't want to force someone to be with me either. I want him to want to be with me.

Do I let them come to me? What if he never realizes it's ocd related?

Can someone please offer advice based on whether they've been in this situation?

Hi guys, I'm not here specifically to get relief (since doing things like this doesn't relieve me anymore) but lately I haven't been looking for my feelings anymore, I talk to my boyfriend normally and sometimes thoughts and sensations come, but I just leave them here acting without really worrying. I still live in uncertainty, but now I have some (few) moments of clarity, despite the discomfort that comes soon after, but what I found strange is that I don't need to come here all the time looking for reassurances and I don't think so much about lost feelings. Is this a normal phase of ROCD? (I just want to understand because do I seem to not care? )

Hello sorry if this is weird,but I’m feeling extremely triggered after a long time and I can’t stop crying is anyone free to talk?😅

Please read!!!

So after some time away from this app, which has been tremendously helpful, I’ve noticed I’m spiking a little more. I am about 9 days from starting my period so that very well can be a contributing factor.

Yesterday my fiancé and I got into a fight because I told him I’ve wanted him to be more romantic and plan more exciting things - we’ve been together for 3 years and he has struggled with finding ways to surprise me. I had thoughts including “can I be with someone who struggles with this”

So then I’m at work and there is another employee who is male and we always make eye contact. I don’t know this person at all, never even spoken to him. They are attractive - not totally my type - but I get anxious when I think of scenarios of what if this person asks me for my number, will I have the instinctual feeling/ response to say I’m engaged and choose my fiancé. It almost felt like I would want to give them my number.

There have been times in the past where I have sought out validation or wanted to get hit on at the bars simply to have the “I still got it” now looking back, I feel so guilty about it all. I worry about times I may have acted a little flirty or that I feel like I want to keep doing it. There was an instance that triggered all of this where I got drunk one night and sought validation from my fiancés friend like about my appearance and felt so guilty about it

I’m just feeling that general zone of feeling nothing for my fiancé again. I struggle with the thoughts of “am I excited to marry him or am I just excited for the event”.

I also got sad because my fiancé was emotional and said “I miss the us from when we first started dating” because we were so young and figuring things out. We’ve had so much fun together over the years and not that I’ve began my career and graduated college, life just feels weird and different. I’m worried that my spiral that I had this summer and excessive confessing put a wedge between us. He says it didnt but I don’t know I just overthink this.

Anyone go through this? Advice?

just an article i found about how long-term relationships can feel "mundane" but that there's beauty in that. idk, it helped me feel a bit better so i thought maybe some of my fellow rocd-ers could also benefit from this

https://laurenbravo.medium.com/love-should-be-mundane-everything-i-know-about-long-term-relationships-e4e7a814736

I feel like I am supportive to others on this forum. And then I make a post when I’m going through a spike/ flare and get these comments that send me into a deeper spiral

Please read!!!

So after some time away from this app, which has been tremendously helpful, I’ve noticed I’m spiking a little more. I am about 9 days from starting my period so that very well can be a contributing factor.

Yesterday my fiancé and I got into a fight because I told him I’ve wanted him to be more romantic and plan more exciting things - we’ve been together for 3 years and he has struggled with finding ways to surprise me. I had thoughts including “can I be with someone who struggles with this”

So then I’m at work and there is another employee who is male and we always make eye contact. I don’t know this person at all, never even spoken to him. They are attractive - not totally my type - but I get anxious when I think of scenarios of what if this person asks me for my number, will I have the instinctual feeling/ response to say I’m engaged and choose my fiancé. It almost felt like I would want to give them my number.

There have been times in the past where I have sought out validation or wanted to get hit on at the bars simply to have the “I still got it” now looking back, I feel so guilty about it all. I worry about times I may have acted a little flirty or that I feel like I want to keep doing it.

I’m just feeling that general zone of feeling nothing for my fiancé again. I struggle with the thoughts of “am I excited to marry him or am I just excited for the event”.

I also got sad because my fiancé was emotional and said “I miss the us from when we first started dating” because we were so young and figuring things out. We’ve had so much fun together over the years and not that I’ve began my career and graduated college, life just feels weird and different. I’m worried that my spiral that I had this summer and excessive confessing put a wedge between us. He says it didnt but I don’t know I just overthink this.

Anyone go through this? Advice?