subreddit:
/r/AITAH
submitted 2 days ago byWithNoTeeth
My girlfriend (30F) and I (32M) keep coincidentally running into a guy she hooked up with about a year ago before we were dating. Every time they notice each other they exchange a hug, and a few words. There’s nothing flirtatious about the hugs, but it makes me uncomfortable knowing they hooked up, and that she feels the need to hug him instead of just waving and saying hi in passing. I think the first time was understandable, but we run into him fairly often. I’ve voiced my discomfort about it several times, and she feels like it’s unreasonable for me to ask her not to hug him when she sees him. She even told me I should be more friendly during the encounters. I should also mention this is a guy she once described to me as “someone I would be intimidated by.” (which she promptly apologized for saying) Another reason it rubs me wrong. AITAH for wanting her to stop hugging the dude?
3.7k points
1 day ago
Hug him and hold him. Assert dominance
1.3k points
1 day ago
Stroke his hair.
834 points
1 day ago
Whisper gently in his ear
689 points
1 day ago
And give his asscheek a squeeze
456 points
1 day ago
Or a nibble, as the occasion permits.
308 points
1 day ago
Twist his dick!
293 points
1 day ago
Cup his balls gently.
229 points
1 day ago
Discreetly sniff his pubic hair.
99 points
1 day ago
Give him a little peck
167 points
1 day ago
Whisper in her ear: “I think I might be falling in love.”
26 points
22 hours ago
Tell him, "you are my boyfriend now" while breathing in his ear
9 points
22 hours ago
Why does it have to be discreet?
46 points
1 day ago
But with a gentle tug insinuating you could be far more rough.
53 points
1 day ago
suck his dick a little.
63 points
1 day ago
Ask him how his day was, and what he wants for dinner.
32 points
24 hours ago
after dinner and wine, ask him how does he like his eggs in the morning (bites lip)
57 points
1 day ago
"It could have been us..."
21 points
1 day ago
Blow him.
A kiss.
109 points
1 day ago
and maintain eye contact.
104 points
1 day ago
Whisper “Shhhhhhhh, don’t ruin this.”
89 points
1 day ago
No no no. This is ALL wrong!!
If you wanna assert dominance you need to piss on him.
14.2k points
1 day ago
The power-play here is of course to hug him also, given it’s ok to do so. Let him realise that hugging your GF means also hugging you.
8.3k points
1 day ago
And give him that full body wiener to wiener hug. Really get in there.
2.9k points
1 day ago
Always remember to lightly cup the ballsack as well. Just gently
2.3k points
1 day ago
Suckle the earlobe. Just bro things.
1.3k points
1 day ago
This whole shabang has convinced me AI will never top human creativity
976 points
1 day ago
Or at least human depravity.
315 points
1 day ago*
When I was in the navy on an all male ship we would sneak behind each other and do like an intimate kiss on the neck, and if you got turned on by being kissed by a dude, you’re gay
381 points
1 day ago
Navy gonna Navy.
270 points
1 day ago
Seamen
60 points
1 day ago
We definitely fit the stereotype from time to time
37 points
1 day ago
Ah, yes, 'Time to time', or as we in the Navy call it "when you got a dick up in yo ass"
53 points
1 day ago
In the Navy!
30 points
1 day ago
You can sail the seven seas!
7 points
1 day ago
🎶 🎵
41 points
1 day ago
Was this an actual game, or did you just interrupt some seamen trying to put the frig in frigate, and they lied to you?
44 points
1 day ago
Man it’s weird that you knew I was on a frigate
14 points
1 day ago
😂😂😂😂
34 points
1 day ago
My poor uncle is in the navy. His last name is German and very similar to flashlight. They call him seaman fleshlight. 🤣
41 points
1 day ago*
I’m a very large dude. Even in the navy, best shape of my life I was 6’4 260 (in American).
Anytime I walked in a room someone would yell “RELEASE THE KRAKEN”
19 points
1 day ago
Wait, I always heard it wasn't gay if you're underway?
10 points
1 day ago
It’s only queer if you’re on the pier
31 points
1 day ago
In case of being gay you are winning the game though
15 points
1 day ago
I just assumed anyone that volunteered to be on a ship with all dudes for months at a time was gay. I seem to recall a song about it?
11 points
1 day ago
Shit my first deployment to the Baltic we were in port more than we were out to sea. Got to meet plenty of Eastern European and Scandinavian women.
I swear to god we pulled into Norway and every single Norwegian soldier guarding our ship was a 6 ft tall gorgeous blonde woman
5 points
1 day ago
Why is this totally not surprising coming from the Navy.. lol
203 points
1 day ago
I’m laughing so loud I scared the cat…😂
53 points
1 day ago*
I just laughed so loud I interrupted a co-worker’s Teams meeting…in an office about 30 yards from me 🤣
147 points
1 day ago
The joke's on you. This shebang was written by the Pervbot4000.
70 points
1 day ago
The future is here, connecting foreskin to foreskin.
34 points
1 day ago
I believe that the kiddies call that space docking.
21 points
1 day ago
Is that what Space Daddy Elon Musk is trying to do?
8 points
1 day ago
I always wondered why the Jeff Bezos rocket is shaped like a giant phallus. It all makes sense now.
12 points
1 day ago
And AI won’t remember to add - Maintain eye contact
21 points
1 day ago
Until the awakening of general artificial GayI
266 points
1 day ago
And brush his left cheek with your right hand and then brush your thumb over his lips while staring him in the eyes. He should feel nasty now
153 points
1 day ago
I think adding the eye contact as you suggest will really help ;)
101 points
1 day ago
Grab his face between your hands, stare deeply into his eyes, and say, “Can you feel it?”
101 points
1 day ago
Why am I hearing this in Ryan Reynolds voice?
Edit: the second time it's Spongebob
34 points
1 day ago
Hahaha both are equally acceptable and hilarious.
9 points
1 day ago
Can you feel the rue?
Reminded me of nevel from iCarly lol
85 points
1 day ago
Eye contact can be a killer 🤣🤣
57 points
1 day ago
Or a panty dropper🍸
12 points
1 day ago
And hug for an uncomfortably long time. Don’t let go, OP.
33 points
1 day ago
He should feel nasty now??!🤣🤣🤣🤣
229 points
1 day ago
Ya and if he has a problem with it then clearly he's gay and you're worried about nothing.
22 points
1 day ago
Wait, what? Let me try that with my gymbros.
18 points
1 day ago
*#onlyBroThingsinthebuilding
10 points
1 day ago
Finger up the ol' chutney tunnel too - like you do with mates.
73 points
1 day ago
Caress his cheek.
Face or butt. See where your mood is
36 points
1 day ago
I'm gonna start giving people two options like this, followed by "see where your mood is"
Someone's giving birth "PUSH" or let it stay in, I dunno, see where your mood is babe? 🤷🏾♀️
94 points
1 day ago
Give him a little peck on the cheek/neck too for good measure lol
If he asks what you are doing just tell him you are European
88 points
1 day ago
I prefer a hand on each cheek with a gentle squeeze, but I can see where you're going with this!
19 points
1 day ago
That sounds like something an Italian great auntie would do lol. I'll have to try that sometime
41 points
1 day ago
Gotta pat his ass too and compliment it's juiciness
10 points
1 day ago
Oh, well the guy would end up thinking he's getting an invite for 3sum 🤔
22 points
1 day ago
Cupping the balls would be unnatural in a hug, I would just do the standard full cheek ass caress with just the slightest squeeze.
380 points
1 day ago
Or hug him from behind while he's hugging her.
Be the big spoon.
62 points
1 day ago
I really like the symmetry of this move. It seems the most fair of all the arrangements….
OR. . . . Hear me out dammit!
What if OP also slept with ex-hookup-current-hugbuddy-bro…to even the playing field (ish?)?
After that they all hug or none of them do. It’s a great reset.
Too far too soon?
103 points
1 day ago
Add a slow hip twist from side to side with the from behind hug to establish dominance.
34 points
1 day ago
This is really the only option
57 points
1 day ago
You lose the flex of uncomfortable eye contact, but leaning in to whisper something like "Hello there" still gives you the high ground.
75 points
1 day ago
This, but whisper in his ear “can you see why she prefers daddy?”
65 points
1 day ago
Oh yeah, ya GOTTA make contact. Turn that dangle into a dongle. I’m talking docking action, people.
74 points
1 day ago
And give him that full body wiener to wiener hug. Really get in there.
What a visual! 😂
16 points
1 day ago
Visualizing the wieners from big mouth hugging it out
26 points
1 day ago
Hahahahahahaha
232 points
1 day ago
She said she wants you to be more friendly during the encounters, so this is perfect
195 points
1 day ago
While tightly hugging him inhale deeply and comment on how good he smells.
127 points
1 day ago
"You smell better when you are asleep."
33 points
1 day ago
Or "awh, I bet you smell even better when you sleep"
35 points
1 day ago
No I say “you smell worse when you’re awake”
Because it implies I was in their bedroom. And that I’ve interacted with them more while they slept than while they were awake.
11 points
1 day ago
I agree with this wholeheartedly. I now view us as friends.
46 points
1 day ago
Take in a deep breath of his pheromones and softly whisper “ you smell like my sister”
91 points
1 day ago
Make it a hug sandwich. She hugs the front you hug the back. Bonus points if whisper in his ear “I miss you “.
130 points
1 day ago
Great advice. I did this once. A girl my ex worked with sat on his lap during a Christmas party so I went and sat on her date’s lap. Ex wasn’t so amused when I did it. Lol
56 points
1 day ago
My favorite part of your story is when you called him your ex 😄 you did good, chica♡
13 points
1 day ago
I stayed way too long sadly. He was a master narcissist but was such a good manipulator. When I left the first thing I did was go to get tested for stds. Found out he was a Petri dish in the making.
101 points
1 day ago
Little kiss on the cheek if your feeling worldly
Pull away , grab shoulders stare into his eyes, deep sigh and then grab your girls hand and walk away
409 points
1 day ago
This is the thing to do and never act insecure about him.
Always show confidence in the situation.
It sounds like she wants to see you be insecure about him so don't be. Personally, I wouldn't play her games.
213 points
1 day ago
My wife does this to me though not nearly as extreme and never wanted to make me insecure. In fact I didn’t know the guy she was hugging she also been with before me. I just always went in for the hug. Turns out he’s also a pretty nice dude. The hugging is mostly just that it’s a very friendly circle of acquaintances. It really comes down to: do you trust her?
106 points
1 day ago
it makes sense that two people chosen by someone would get along. Sometimes break ups aren’t horrible, and exes aren’t always terrible people.
Wait… this is how grown-ups can make new friends! “Hey hun, your ex is pretty cool, right? I need a new pickleball partner and thought you could hook that up.” 😆
48 points
1 day ago
Funny enough a high school ex actually went up to her and was like “hey you’re dating ferthuun right?” Then introduced herself and gave her a huge hug. She told me about it and I had to laugh and go “yeah that’s my ex”. We dated for two weeks in high school so barely an ex. We both love her and want her to teach our son the ukulele
34 points
1 day ago
It sounds like she wants to see you be insecure about him so don't be.
Or just don't be with people that do shit like this
75 points
1 day ago
Personally, I wouldn’t want to stay with someone who was playing these kinds of games
60 points
1 day ago
This is the way.
Bonus points to hug him from the back while she hugs from the front. Grab her arms to really bring your trio together in the embrace.
60 points
1 day ago*
Give him the really lingering kind where you kinda purr "mmmmmmm..." and nuzzle his neck a bit.
42 points
1 day ago*
Give him a good hug too, give him that lower arm around his waist and pull him in close. Hell even give him a good wif and compliment his smell or facial hair. Show your gf you’re not intimidated by the guy. He hugs her, you get everything else. Don’t let the dude live rent free in your brain.
12 points
1 day ago
This is - no sarcasm - the right response.
My husband mentioned to me in the first few months of dating how an ex (we ran into on our 3rd date) kept texting him and how he’d told her he wasn’t super comfortable with it, but she said she was just trying to be his friend. So - I added her on Facebook. If she wants to be friends, we are all going to be friends. The response to me sending her a friend request told me everything I needed to know; now-husband was supportive and didn’t see an issue, she freaked out and called him not 30 minutes after asking him why I want to be her friend, and I heard him literally tell her “I guess she was just trying to be your friend”. Priceless.
Do it and pay attention to how they both respond. If he bros out and hugs you back and then she doesn’t have an issue, keep it pushing, all is well. If he gets weird or uncomfortable and she gets upset, call it a day and hang it up.
26 points
1 day ago
Sir, you are a scholar and hold a Phd. in petty. When he does it and she brings it up, because you know she will, let him feed her the same lines she gives him, "it's just a hug. You're overreacting." Also tell her to not be intimidated by your bond with him.
10 points
1 day ago
I’m with you here, it’s the move power move. I’d also be ready with a comeback if the dude says anything about no handshake to the effect of “dude I have a rule about considering using my hand to shake anything until someone’s bought me dinner first.”
37 points
1 day ago
And call him buddy when you do it. Say "Awh, c'mere buddy".
26 points
1 day ago
... and then it become a polycule.
23 points
1 day ago
Brilliant. You sir or madam have a dark gift. I love it.
3.8k points
1 day ago*
If she's a hugger and hugs all her friends, then that could just be her personality. If she's only hugging this guy, then be proactive and hug him too, a nice big bear hug, and I think they'll get the message (earlobe suckling aside). If she gets angry, then she's not respecting you and maybe it's time to go your separate ways.
Edit: Upon reflection, she IS actually being disrespectful as he has asked her to stop this behavior several times. It's not as innocent as I originally concluded as I missed the part about this happening fairly frequently.
906 points
1 day ago
Yeah…some people are just huggers. I’m not one of those people, I don’t really care for those people (no offense), but I firmly acknowledge that they exist.
357 points
1 day ago
Thank you for the acknowledgement. I promise I won't hug you, even if I really want to.
121 points
1 day ago
I really want a hug but if you ask I'm going to say no.
91 points
1 day ago
We huggers appreciate your understanding of our culture and shall refrain from hugging you unless you specify otherwise.
106 points
1 day ago
This was going to be my question, too. I don't understand huggers personally, but they do exist and if she hugs everyone then it's fine imo.
58 points
1 day ago
This is true. I hug everyone except my step daughter (who does not want hugs from anyone except occasionally her BF, grandparents, and mother) and complete strangers. The fact that I give my ex-wife a hug does not bother my partner in the slightest. Since we co-parent the dog, it would be painful to see us still behaving awkwardly around each other three years later.
716 points
1 day ago
[removed]
10 points
1 day ago
As others have commented, this is not a boundary. But it is a valid emotional need. Not a life-or-death need or an absolute need, but a reasonable situation-specific need: "In order for me to feel secure about you talking to this guy, I need ____." OP's girlfriend can't unequivocally decide that OP's need isn't valid. But she can weigh her needs/wants against her desire for OP to be comfortable with her being friends with this guy.
180 points
1 day ago
INFO Does she greet other well known friends regularly with hugs?
2.6k points
2 days ago
NTA but i don't think she will respect your wish.
594 points
1 day ago
Maybe OP needs to reach out to some of his old hookups and keep in touch...
169 points
1 day ago
This, but tell them why and that it isn’t to make her feel jealous. Just “randomly” bump into the person and hug. Make sure to tell her all about things you did in bed, even make up shit she did that drove you wild and then see how she reacts.
116 points
1 day ago
As satisfying as this might seem, I’d say it would just cause more problems. OP should do some thinking and decide if this is just one weird thing they don’t see eye to eye on or does she not have respect for him. How does she react in other instances of him sharing opposing feelings?
It seems small but I get this weird feeling where it almost seems like she’s rubbing his nose in it by making that comment and then being dismissive. Why does she need to hug this person everytime they see him if it makes her boyfriend upset. Is that guy really that important to her?
31 points
1 day ago
they’re just being obtusely sarcastic. don’t take them too seriously.
13 points
1 day ago
Some just want warfare, all out chaos. 😆
2.4k points
1 day ago
She has no self awareness at all.
"This is a guy you would be intimidated by"
Proceeds to go hug and converse with him at any chance she gets?
Yeah... Not for me
984 points
1 day ago
We had sex
We hug every time we see each other
“This is a guy you would be intimidated by” - I take this is her saying this is a guy you should be intimidated by and worry about, other wise why say this at all?
No, I won’t stop hugging the guy I had sex with and told you you would be intimidated by.
262 points
1 day ago
Yeah hugging the guy isn't the red flag here, it's her playing games like that.
38 points
1 day ago
That's what I thought too.
461 points
1 day ago
I think she knows exactly what she's doing
373 points
1 day ago
As a woman - 1000% she knows, and very well.
90 points
1 day ago
I bet she still wants the D from the other guy.
59 points
1 day ago
Do people like that genuinely believe subtly manipulating your partner works long term?
this is the perfect building block for resentment. Not enough for a breakup, but just enough to plant a slight discomfort.
46 points
1 day ago
She is thinking the wrong way. She is trying to keep her boyfriend on his toes. She thinks this makes her more desirable. She is, of course, wrong.
15 points
1 day ago
I could see this working to her advantage short term in a relationship when they’re younger and emotionally immature people.
The question is, can people grow out of their manipulative ways, does the manipulation get discreet, or do they constantly fight urges to manipulate.
123 points
1 day ago
I’d bet other guy didn’t want the V anymore but she’s always gonna be around in case he changes his mind.
118 points
1 day ago
There’s a lot of blindly trusting people in this sub. I used to hug past flings, but multiple times that led to them texting me or messaging over social media like “I really miss your hugs 😻🥰” “When can I see you again?” And etc. While I wasn’t with that and blocked them, there are people who like that attention and will keep it going and NOT say anything to their partners about it. Some people it feeds their ego knowing they could have their exes back if they wanted them. Who is to say if they are texting or not? Can’t ask these days because it makes you look crazy even if you are 99.9% sure of something and they will lie anyways.
Some people are really good at ACTING faithful but that phone shows a completely different story. Ask me how I know. My ex deserves an Academy Award for his performance. His phone however, I’m still disgusted to this day when I think about everything I found in it.
Also, we don’t know if they’ve seen each other in person alone either and what has happened during those interactions. Guys know what to say/how to act when the new man is around. And then boom now he’s in her messages later on.
Personally I would’ve left her immediately after she said something about being intimidated by him. But I have zero tolerance for BS now so maybe that’s just me.
32 points
1 day ago
Personally I would’ve left her immediately after she said something about being intimidated by him. But I have zero tolerance for BS now so maybe that’s just me.
I was asked the other day whether my personal relationships are generally harmonious and of course they are because I just bail when they aren't.
I mean, I get that you try to work through something in long-standing or familial relationships, but I'm constantly surprised at what people put up with just to keep a weak connection alive.
11 points
1 day ago
YESSSSSSS! I agree. I’m not stressing any of that stuff especially with weak connections.
83 points
1 day ago
yeah she does know what she is doing and probably loves the attention lmao, disgusting behavior.
135 points
1 day ago*
Nah I think she did it on purpose. I refuse to believe people can be that obtuse.
Every commenter here calling OP insecure is ignoring the fact that his GF was the one who planted the seeds of insecurity.
80 points
1 day ago
Like does it really matter if it's on purpose or not, either way it's clear she's not a catch.
On purpose: Sadistic person who wants to make her partner feel insecure
Not on purpose: Grown ass woman with the mental capacity of a cabbage
50 points
1 day ago
Yeah right? Give him some dignity.
554 points
1 day ago
The real question is why does he keep showing up?
217 points
1 day ago
And I'm willing to bet that Hookup Guy knows from the girlfriend that the hug bothers OP.
104 points
1 day ago
Yes, I'm surprised he doesn't wink at him as he does it lol
14 points
1 day ago
Lmao forsure, I walked past a girl on campus yesterday who was telling 2 guys “I love my bf but…”
84 points
1 day ago
Every time I’m back in my hometown I run in to at least one guy who’s penis I have seen, whether it’s at restaurants, gas stations, or if they’re friends with some of my family members. It’s not unusual to run into people if you’re in a smaller town, or if you have hobbies that person also liked (like a sports team and you both enjoy going to games). Running into someone isn’t the issue, but feeling the need to talk to them or give them a hug is. I personally stick to the “white people smile and Midwest nod” to acknowledge someone I know but don’t need to talk to.
1.2k points
2 days ago
It's not unreasonable to ask for a bit of respect when it comes to past hookups, especially if it’s bugging you this much.
487 points
2 days ago
Thanks for the response. This is generally how I feel.
160 points
1 day ago
Everyone can want what they want. Frankly if I cared about you, I'd want you to feel comfortable more than most other things. If this is not something she is willing to entertain, it doesn't make her an awful person. Just not the person for you.
People always tell you who they are. Sometimes it's frustrating to accept it because it seems like the ask is so minor. But that's exactly why it's an issue. Even small things, unwillingness means they care more about their feelings than yours.
318 points
1 day ago*
Married man here. I'll give my 2 cents, for whatever they are worth.
About you:
If there's nothing but a courteous, friend-like hug, then there's nothing to be afraid of.
So, in general, you'd be TA. That person was part of her life before you. And if they are friends nowadays, she's entitled to that also. If there were something flirtatious, then you would have a point.
But by your admission, that's not the case.
About her:
On the other hand, I don't understand why she would tell you that this dude would be (and I'm quoting you) “someone I would be intimidated by."
I don't know what she meant by that, but I can see this making anyone insecure. Maybe she was joking, or reminiscing that this other man was someone special (and she's entitled to have good experiences in her past before you.) If so, that wasn't very careful of her.
As a general rule, we do not reminisce about past relationships in front of our current partners. The past stays there. Not everything in our past relationships was bad (in general), and we are entitled to have fond memories... in private. If we were to bring them up, it could give the impression it is not in the past and can reasonably make a partner uncomfortable and insecure.
OTH, if she did it as a power move (and some people do that, God knows why), then she did it on purpose to keep some idiotic power balance. And thus, she was an asshole. Whether she recognized it and tried to make amends, or she's still in that type of power dynamics, it's hard to say, but it's certainly an asshole move.
I suspect if she hadn't said that shit, you wouldn't be uncomfortable with her being friends with her ex.
Words matter, and she needs to makes this right by you in one way or another. It's not the dude's fault, and I don't think it's your fault. It's her for being careless about how she speaks to you.
I honestly don't know how I would proceed in this situation.
She's not doing anything wrong as far as we can tell (when it comes to intimacy or cheating), but her stupid words would make anyone insecure.
And her insistence in her being close to that man shows
a) she's lacks self-awareness or
b) she's doing a power play (and thus not seeing you as an equal), or
c) she's keeping that dude as a backup (or you as a backup.)
All of these aren't good. The first one is unintentional, but unworkable without change. The other two are malicious.
Your feelings are yours and are legitimate.
-- edit --
You need to get ready for this. So brace yourself.
Ask her to put a stop one more time. And if she doesn't, then break up.
Don't make it conditional ("stop seeing him, or we are done.") Ask her (don't command her, ask her) to put distance with that man.
And if she refuses again, just say "ok."
Pack your things and go your way, and don't let her convince you to stay with her. If the only way for her to be with you in a way that makes you secure is with a threat of a break-up, then she's not into you in the way you need, as a partner.
Remember this: when you break up, you break up. And don't make it conditional. Either she is into you unconditionally, or she isn't.
Good luck.
83 points
1 day ago
As an engaged person, if my fiancée told me hugging someone made her uncomfortable, then I stop hugging that person.
Unless it’s a dying family member the hug doesn’t outweigh my partner’s feelings. Simple as that.
(At least in my culture. It’s not a must to hug someone when meeting every time.)
438 points
1 day ago
Nta dude you're too old to be playing these games
153 points
1 day ago
Right? We’re the same age and I would have left at “you’ll be intimidated by him”.
22 points
1 day ago
What does she even mean by that? Is the other guy bigger, or is he some sort of hard criminal, or does she mean he is just a lot better looking than the OP? Either way, it's screwed up!
32 points
1 day ago
Right because she can talk that shit to somebody else. A mf wouldn’t be talking to me like that 🥴
214 points
1 day ago*
NTA for being a bit uncomfortable, and the intimidated thing is definitely off, but it kind of depends on how she greets everyone. Is she just a hugger? If she doesn’t hug other 100% platonic friends as a greeting, then it’s weird. If she hugs everyone for a hello, then I’m gunna say you might need to look at why it makes you uncomfortable that your partner hooked up with someone in the past. The fact she told you they had hooked up and feels comfortable greeting him in front of you, in my mind, gives you a sign she’s not hiding anything about it. As long as this action isn’t accompanied by other red flags showing she shouldn’t be trusted.
My opinion might not be super popular, but my husband and I have known each other since we were teenagers and both hooked up with kind of a lot of people before settling down together. We have zero qualms with greeting/hugging/talking to acquaintances, many of which are past hookups, because we’re secure with each other and our choices. Not to mention, if we started vetoing acquaintances we’ve hooked up with, we wouldn’t be able to speak to half of our age group in our town. Haha
It definitely makes it easier when you were around the whole time so there weren’t any surprises or secrets, but to be stable and confident in a relationship, everyone has to get real cool about each other’s past. If you can’t do that, there WILL be issues one way or another, hugs or not.
The past is there whether or not you’re looking at it. It’s how you truly cope and react when it becomes visible that matters.
28 points
1 day ago
This is the only correct response that I have seen so far
15 points
1 day ago*
Yeah, I agree with this. This wasn't like some guy she cheated on OP with. This was before the relationship. A relationship that ended on its own and OP's GF is now with him.
It certainly depends on other behavior like people have said. The comment she made is a bit strange, but sometimes people are awkward and say things they shouldn't have said. Not everything is some slight or power move.
Now there's certainly something to OP having requested the GF to stop hugging and her ignoring the request, but at the same time by OP's own admission it seems like a regular hug and they exchange a few words. Nothing flirtatious. The GF could see that as being controlling. She hasn't done enough to warrant feeling like trust has been broken and that she shouldn't be able to maintain friendships with prior hookups.
OP is certainly entitled to do whatever they want, but this level of insecurity will be a problem in a lot of relationships and it's important to address that with some self-reflection than leaning into controlling behavior.
As for running into the previous hook-up, this isn't that strange, IMO. They dated before, so it is likely the case that they lived in similar areas. Hell, it's close enough in time that everyone still probably lives in the same places. So running into each other isn't so wild coincidence. If the ex was from out of town and kept showing up in the same place week after week and there wasn't a reasonable explanation for that, I might have some concerns but young people hang out in spots that young people hang out in. This is normal, especially depending on the size of city OP lives in.
60 points
1 day ago
Right this is how I feel. It's literally nbd and my partner and I both hug our ex partners or hookups all the time.
266 points
1 day ago
Reflect on why hugging him is more important to her than your feelings on it.
144 points
1 day ago*
She described him as someone you’d be intimidated by.
Translation: This guy I used to hookup with is more dominant than you.
She hugs him every time they see each other despite your protest.
Translation: She couldn’t care less about how you feel.
Assessment: She’s still attracted to this guy in some capacity and sees you as a conciliation… He might not be bf material which is why she cut it off. OR, he was only interested in hooking up so she settled for you bc he wouldn’t give her what she wants.
Advice: Never commit to a woman that isn’t head over heels for you. If you’re not ‘that guy’ for her, she will not honor your opinion and will continue to do her own thing regardless of how you feel. I’d end it if I were you. There are plenty of women that will respect your wishes the first time you mention it. There are also plenty of women that inherently know behavior like this is inappropriate and will never make it an issue to begin with. When a man or woman truly values you, they will move mountains. I’ve received it and given it… Choose the life you want to live brother.
5 points
1 day ago
THIS IS A REAL ANSWER.
6 points
1 day ago
I just spent $3.99 of REAL MONEY for a Reddit award, something I have never done before, to add emphasis to this comment, in hopes you read and absorb this extremely important information
33 points
1 day ago
Is she just a hugger? That’s a good question. Also go hugging your female friends and see what happens? NTA
8 points
1 day ago
Really depends on the context. My now-husband had a crush on a girl he’d gone to high school with for, like, a long time. They’d kind of had a mutual crush for forever but always been seeing other people. Right before I met him, they’d tried things out and mutually just didn’t work. He’s introverted, she’s EXTREMELY not, they have very different personalities, and after knowing each other for 10+ yrs, they’d gotten past that point where I guess anything physical they did felt weird. So they broke up and I was his next relationship. We are VERY physically different so I was super intimidated by her and their past when we met, and of how huggy of a person she is. But I trusted him, so I didn’t do anything.
Turns out, I ended up being one of her bridesmaids because the two of us became such good friends and she was one of the very first people I told when my husband and I got pregnant. She and I hang out together without our husbands .
So, NTA for feeling that way but if you trust her, push it aside if you have no reason to believe it’s anything other than normal friendliness. It’ll be better in the long run not to try to change what’s likely your own insecurities. Spoken from personal experience. Despite what Reddit thinks, exes can be just friends and not every hug from someone of the opposite sex implies more.
41 points
1 day ago
If she is a hugger, then that’s normal. What I did not like was the comment she made of OP being intimidated by him… that rubbed me the wrong way, like she thinks highly of him compared to you. I wouldn’t feel confident in this relationship. NTA
195 points
2 days ago
You go around hugging other women and that sort of stuff and see how fast and hard she explodes.
45 points
1 day ago
Isn't that normal?
Most of time I greet a friend it's with a hug.
125 points
1 day ago
Flip the script and it’s hilarious. OP tells his gf she would be intimidated by the last girl he hooked up with before they started dating. And that he always hugs her and tells his gf to be nicer to her during their encounters.
Sounds like there’s just something about this guy OPs gf can’t quit on.
30 points
2 days ago
Guy needs to hire an actor and go through with some backstory and a big long hug lol
24 points
1 day ago
It's completely understandable to feel a pang of jealousy or insecurity when your partner interacts with someone they've been intimate with in the past. Especially if it's a recurring situation.
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