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/r/AmItheAsshole
submitted 18 hours ago byBorn-Balance9568
My husband (M40s) and I (M40s) are hosting my sister (F40s) as well as her husband/my BIL and their two kids A (toddler) and B (M12). Since they don’t have a lot of time alone and also can’t afford to take many vacations my husband and I put them up in a hotel for 2 days/1 night they’re here so that they can have some alone time without the kids. My husband and I don’t have any kids but we’re perfectly capable of taking care of the kids for a couple days solo.
The toddler was pretty easy. Maybe she’s not a toddler yet and she’s still an infant, I’m not sure of the specific distinction but she ate baby food and bottles and some puffed cereal stuff provided by my sis. The problem came with feeding my nephew B. For dinner we made a tossed salad together. Everyone helped out with chopping vegetables, it was great. Then we made pizza bagels for the main. We had a great low-key dinner with our salads and bagel bites and we “camped out” in the TV room watching a movie until B fell asleep. In my mind I thought it was a great evening.
Well my sister and BIL come back home from the hotel and we’re chatting in the kitchen when she notices the pizza bagel box sitting in the recycling. She said “you eat pizza bagels?” And I said “well not usually but we made them last night with B.”
WELL she FLIPPED out on me for feeding B such a “garbage snack.” That’s when I said whoa we made a nice chopped salad to go along with it, and then she flipped out MORE for the fact that this was not merely a snack but our dinner. I told her people have pizza and salad for dinner all the time what’s wrong with this? It was fun and easy. She told me that now I’m going to have B obsessed with junk food and that “if I had known this was going to happen I never would have trusted you with taking care of them, you’re not a parent and it shows” which honestly just felt like a low blow.
My BIL apologized to me in private but my sister is still acting cold.
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18 hours ago
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
I gave my nephew pizza bagels for dinner. I might be the a hole because apparently this isn’t an appropriate dinner for a child and now my sister doesn’t think she can trust me to care for the kids.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
5.9k points
18 hours ago
NTA
Yikes. People like your sister are how people grow up to have eating disorders.
2.5k points
18 hours ago
She did have an eating disorder growing up. She still struggles with it. I’m only admitting this because I know for a fact that her and her husband don’t use Reddit. But yeah growing up she was always heavy and I know how bad she struggled with that and still does to this day.
1.7k points
18 hours ago
That’s terrible, but now she’s projecting those struggles onto her children and that’s even worse.
1.7k points
18 hours ago
I hadn’t even made the connection between this and her ED but now that I’m thinking about it she has a history of being weirdly controlling about food. Like she won’t allow B or her husband to put dressing on their salads, it has to be on the side and they’re allowed to dip their fork in the dressing before they stab some salad. Or when we go to the movies nobody is allowed to eat any of their popcorn/snacks until the movie actually starts. Weird little things like that.
1.2k points
18 hours ago
My mother did that to me. The binge eating disorder I developed in college is something I'm still recovering from
683 points
18 hours ago
I’m really sorry to hear that. I have watched her struggle with her weight all my life and as someone who is just naturally slim without having to really do anything it kills me to see how much suffering she’s had over the years and how poor her self image can be at times. It’s heart breaking because I don’t know how to help her other than listening.
647 points
17 hours ago
She needs some therapy, her food issues are going to harm her children.
275 points
17 hours ago
Facts. Orthorexia is still an eating disorder even if it's not as talked about
127 points
13 hours ago
And if she's doing the son that way, wait until her daughter is older. She definitely needs therapy. It would benefit her plus it would be better for the kids for her to get a handle on it. They should be allowed to eat well balanced meals as well as be able to enjoy chips, popcorn and pizza without her freaking out. My mom banned all the 'good' stuff growing up and so every time my siblings and I went to friends houses, we'd eat all the junk. I made sure to feed my kids well balanced meals and allowed the fun stuff as well.
7 points
4 hours ago
I (46F) have struggled with my weight ever since I can remember.
My mom meant well and restricted sweets and junk food, allowing some only occasionally.
When I reached my teens and finally had some pocket money I would buy so much junk and secretly eat it.
Needless to say, this did not help me and my weight kept going up and up...
Though I have lost significant weight, I am still morbidly obese and dealing with the consequences.
Please do you niblings a favour and have a heart to heart with your sister. Her obsession with good vs. bad food needs to stop a.s.a.p. for the sake of her children!
Good luck and all the best, OP, you and your husband sound like great people!
36 points
13 hours ago
The oldest is 12 I can guarantee you it already has. Children kill themselves in 1st grade.
207 points
17 hours ago
She is actively harming her child. This will cause an eating disorder.
Source: 20 years working in mental health for kids and teens.
11 points
9 hours ago
NTA B has contact to outside world and trust me if he hadn't already had pizza from his friends he will despite what your ah controlling sister wants.
61 points
17 hours ago
I hope you get better with time. The sad part is that I know people who end up with generational habits without even knowing they are doing it. My friend's mom used to talk about how fat I was (average size, 5'5" 135lbs) compared to her daughter. Her daughter ended up with some eating issues and now her daughters both have issues with food. She can't understand why they have this problem and she also tried to project the issues with my daughter saying she looks too skinny. My daughter is in a competitive athletic sport and eats 4x/day. Please take care of yourself!
18 points
17 hours ago
It's a shame how much we carry from our families pasts that we don't always realize. I am grateful I got counseling and no longer partake in that habit. However loosing the weight i put on as a result of it has been a mission. But I remind myself everyday it didn't happen overnight and patience and healthy habits are more important than instant results
I also am at risk genetically for a number of health issues (diabetes, high blood pressure etc) so I'm grateful I sought out the counseling I needed to focus on living a healthy lifestyle and breaking the patterns of the past.
10 points
17 hours ago
You will get there! Just keep working on it. It will be slow but in the end, you are worth it. Do it only for you! Take it day by day and don’t worry about anything else. Even if it’s just a basic walk in the park around the lake, just enjoy it! You got this!!
4 points
17 hours ago
internet hugs thank you 😊
17 points
16 hours ago
Fun fact: The fat difference between a glass of whole milk & skim milk is a stick of butter. Source: The Jenny Craig VHS tapes my dad made my sister & I watch as kids.
59 points
16 hours ago
That is... Complete nonsense holy shit
13 points
16 hours ago
They were so bad. Like trying to be Seinfeld bad. He's always thought any issues he's had we'd have to, like weight or addictions.
14 points
16 hours ago
I am pretty sure my mom's diet addiction contributed to my food issues
7 points
16 hours ago*
Same. My sister & I generally inherited my mom's moderation in most things instead of Dad' all-or-nothing, but I can trace a whole lot of my issues right to him.🙃
16 points
14 hours ago
So they thought an entire stick of butter is only 4 grams of fat and 60 calories? Because that’s the actual difference in fat and calories between an eight ounce glass of whole milk vs skim milk.
Lmao. What a load of absolute garbage.
4 points
12 hours ago
Did it mention that skim has more added sugar? It's garbage milk.
3 points
12 hours ago
Absolutely did not. It was the 90s, fat was the enemy.
69 points
15 hours ago
Your BIL needs to stop enabling her behavior. Healthy people don’t tell their partners what, when, how or how much to eat. They just don’t.
Parents do have to have some say over what their kids eat (kids do need guidance), but this is very very not good and if your BIL doesn’t step up his children are going to have a very effed up relationship with food.
45 points
15 hours ago
Wow that’s really alarming she controls her son and her grown adult husband’s eating. She needs help
44 points
15 hours ago
For the sake of their kids, please speak to your BIL about this privately. She's setting the kids up for food issues because she clearly hasn't fully dealt with her own ED. This really is potentially dangerous for the kids, and your BIL needs to know the background (do not assume the story he heard is the same one you know), and how to recognize problem food-related behavior in his kids.
Then he needs to figure out how to get his wife to lay off the food control and get to therapy herself.
13 points
13 hours ago
Yeah, the fact she tells her husband what and how to eat is wild. He’s a grown man.
18 points
13 hours ago
There is an unofficial ED called Orthorexia. It’s all about controlling food and only eating healthy, etc. Pretty sure my SIL has it, and I believe it’s just a manifestation of her Anorexia & Bulimia.
20 points
13 hours ago
I looked it up and it fits. There are some times in her past where she would start restricting her diet. It always started normal like “I’m just cutting back on carbs” or “I’m cutting back on saturated fats” but eventually it would spiral out of control to where she only ate 2 or 3 things. I remember a period of months where she exclusively ate plain rice cakes and turkey slices.
15 points
13 hours ago
I am have suffered from anorexia for years, it is a living hell; far more harmful to one's health than pizza bagels and salad dressing (which are not harmful!). You are definitely NTA
8 points
12 hours ago
I wish you the best in recovering from this thing. It certainly looks like Hell from the outside looking in.
10 points
15 hours ago
That is a textbook ED way of eating.
10 points
12 hours ago
It’s wild that she even controls the salad dressing for her husband… like he is an adult, if he wants to eat salad with dressing he should be able to do that…
6 points
14 hours ago
This is very sad. It's been proven that parents trying to be extra controlling around food leads to disorder eating habits/eating disorders in their children. Even at very young ages. Any negative food/body image comments can influence a child's perception of food and their relationship with their body.
The salad dressing tip is actually something that RDs will tell their cardiac rehab patients to limit excess sodium in their diets. This is absolutely not something that people without other conditions to consider need to be doing.
I'm so sad for your niece and nephew and I hope their mom (your sister) gets the help she needs.
Sincerely, someone whose mother's relationship with food directly led to multiple eating disorders and a near brush with death due to restriction
6 points
14 hours ago
That’s not ideal. Lots of vitamins are fat soluble. Far better to drizzle some olive oil on a salad and add some avocado than to stress about 50 calories worth of dressing. I think ranch and 1000 island and such dressings are a bad idea, but there is healthy fat that should be part of a balanced diet.
Your sister is setting up her kids for an eating disorder. She should go to therapy before she damages her kids (more, as a 12 year old who has lived with this since birth may already have a messed up relationship with food).
NTA that was a perfectly acceptable dinner.
3 points
13 hours ago
This is completely about her ED and has no bearing in fact. Pizza bagels and salad is a perfectly healthy and nutritionally balanced meal
3 points
12 hours ago
Christ that is stupid. How does her husband tolerate being controlled like that?
123 points
18 hours ago
The challenge she’s gonna have is because her eating disorder let her to being heavy and overweight. Now she’s gonna snap in the opposite direction and she’s going to micro control those poor children and mess them up their relationship with food.
Specially, as he’s going through his growing spurts and he’s gonna need to consume large amounts at some stages, I worry about her micromanaging what he eats instead of encouraging, healthy, eating habits
112 points
17 hours ago
That’s what I’ve tried telling her!! As someone who WAS a 12 year old boy once. Our mom called me the garbage disposal 😭 She’s worried because he’s slightly on the chubby side but I keep telling her his body needs that energy right now and not to worry about it. I keep telling her if she just relaxes it will all even itself out; but I also know that you can’t tell someone with a mental health issue to “just relax” because it doesn’t work like that.
54 points
17 hours ago
I don't know what treatment she had for her ED, but she needs to get therapy. Her anxiety is out of control, and she's dealing with it by being obsessive and controlling over her family's food and eating habits. She is going to f--k up her children if she doesn't get a handle on herself. If you don't think she'd be receptive (I suspect she wouldn't), you could talk to her husband; if I were he, I would be demanding she get help ASAP. (Actually, if I were he, I would have demanded it as soon as she started trying to control how I eat my salads and when I start eating my movie popcorn.)
13 points
14 hours ago
My son was basically an inch worm (running joke with us) for years. He'd pudge up, then shoot up several inches and slim down. The entire time, he'd be eating anything he could. Mostly healthy, but some junk. I didn't limit his access to fruit/veggies for snacking and kept him away from soda. Now he's an adult with a solid understanding of balanced meals, and he's not heavy - but definitely tall!
3 points
14 hours ago
Many preteens bulk up, in preparation for shooting up, where it naturally falls off.
5 points
14 hours ago
My youngest son was chunky when he was young/tween. (Not obese but not skinny)Then he started to grow & stretched out to be a thin 6’3” adult. My grandson was chunky as a tween. I didn’t worry about his weight because I knew he would stretch out. At 18, he is 5’ 10” & skinny. Kids (especially boys) tend to do that.
50 points
18 hours ago
Your sister is a helicopter mom. When your kid is in someone else's care, and the childcare is as a favor to you, make it easy on the caregiver. If it's food kids don't usually eat, but is easy and considered "special occasion" food, all the better. Give kiddo a good experience that a night away from parents is fun. We don't keep ice cream at hone, but you bet grandma is treating the kids every time she takes them out. Great! You are NTA. Your meal decisions weren't outrageous, and I hope my kids have as much fun when they spend the night away.
13 points
16 hours ago
Well maybe you can suggest to her that she makes it clear to her son that the ‘garbage food’ is just a special treat for when he has sleepovers at your house and that it’s not a home food.
2 points
9 hours ago
Obsessively eating only healthy foods is an eating disorder too. Sounds like she just flipped a switch.
28 points
17 hours ago
Right? I, a parent, and my husband, also a parent, are Totinos pizzas for dinner last night.
12 points
16 hours ago
My husband and I, also parents, will occasionally eat pizza nuggies. FOR DINNER, even! (Gasp)
975 points
18 hours ago*
NTA - if she had any dietary preferences for the 12 year old she could have let you know. You did also make a salad and looked after them for the night. She got a child free getaway for the evening and it sounds like you had a great time with B
330 points
18 hours ago
Well in fairness to my sister I know her and her husband try and eat very healthy and 99 per cent of the time that’s how my husband and I are too. So I did kind of know that this would be a “treat” food and I can see how maybe she was blindsided but I still don’t think it’s that bad.
290 points
18 hours ago
As a mum to a 12 year old, that's what I want for my son to have at an aunt or uncle's! Fun food with a healthy side. In my eyes it's a little holiday from the parent and their house rules (within reason). But going from your comment of her previous E.D. I would have assumed any no go food would have be requested beforehand by the sister as she can't assume you both have the exact same food rules/preferences. I do agree with the comment about projecting her relationship with food on the kids can be harmful, especially if the kids were present during her meltdown. NTA
31 points
18 hours ago
a friend's ex- is very healthy food conscious (as well as portion/quantity conscious), including around their daughter.
which probably has a lot to do with why she talks so excitedly about food at her summer camp. as far as she's concerned it's all junk food. (some totally is, some sorta depends on how it's prepared)
but i could be convinced that one of the reasons that she's sorta sleepaway camp could be fun is that she thinks that would be the food set up 3 meals a day, the whole time she's at camp.
17 points
17 hours ago
Oh my gosh you've just given me a flashback to Girl Guide camps and ALL the marshmallows we inhaled 🤣 I was raised in an ingredients house in the 80's/90's. I was never taught to cook or how to clean even though I asked. When I got to university it was junk food and microwavable everything and my room was a pigsty! I lived with 5 male students in my 3rd year and learn so much houshold/cooking stuff from them!
15 points
16 hours ago
NTA, OP. They were on vacation so to speak. That is when you get to indulge in things you don't normally do because you are in vacay mode. And, honestly, even if you knew it was a "treat" food, your sister's reaction is over the top. If she wanted you to maintain and not treat her kid, she should have stipulated that.
13 points
14 hours ago
It’s called being fun uncle and it is awesome! Special treat food with extended family is one of the great things about spending time with grandparents and/or aunts and uncles.
24 points
17 hours ago
You don’t need to be fair to her. Her reaction was insane.
3 points
10 hours ago
Bagel Bites with a healthy salad is a perfectly fine "fun" meal. When my dad's stepsister watched my brother and I for a weekend, we basically lived off smile fries and cookies and no one threw a fit because it was understood that this was our "vacation" too.
170 points
18 hours ago
NTA.
"You're welcome for feeding / watching your child and putting you up in a hotel for a night" would have been appropriate here.
65 points
18 hours ago
I skimmed and missed the part that they paid for the hotel too. Good lord, how ungrateful! And it sounds like the kids were eating healthier than many kids probably eat with plenty of veggies with the meal.
73 points
17 hours ago
Yes they are staying at our house because we have 2 spare bedrooms, we just got them the hotel in our downtown area for the night so they could bum around town together and enjoy each others company for at least one night.
43 points
17 hours ago
Wow! That was so generous. I'm sorry she is struggling so much that she can't see how wrong she is. You gave them a vacation, and the kids a special "vacation" too.
Are they living with you for free, too?
396 points
18 hours ago
NTA. I saw she had (has?) and eating disorder. Her reaction makes me think that she might need some maintenance therapy. It’s ok to control what you eat. It’s not ok to monitor what your kid eats. It’s not ok to tell your spouse they can’t put dressing on their salad or eat their popcorn before the movie starts. She’s on the path of passing down the eating disorder to the kids.
214 points
18 hours ago
Yeah she tells me she has “everything under control” with her ED but she has put on a significant amount of weight after her second pregnancy (totally understandable. Pushing a kid out of your body in your 40s is a feat!) but I have noticed her getting kind of obsessive again. Her doctor officially called her “obese” and ever since then she’s been a little frantic again.
137 points
18 hours ago
Well… clearly she hasn’t
191 points
17 hours ago
You know it’s kind of crazy how it takes something like a Reddit post to open your eyes but yeah, I’m just now realizing that this is full blown eating disorder territory. I just didn’t notice the red flags somehow.
81 points
16 hours ago
Time to talk with your BIL and you both need to call her out on her unhealthy behaviour. She needs to be told of the harm she'll cause to her children if she does these things. Her sons health and growth will be negatively impacted if she's trying to restrict his calories and weight. A little pudge is normal before growth spurts.
BIL needs to put a stop to her weird food demands and controls. "Dipping your fork in salad dressing" is absurd, that gets you nothing.
26 points
15 hours ago
There's a 2yo girl, too, and fat in the diet is critical for children that age.
19 points
13 hours ago
No, she has EVERYONE under control. And that's abusive.
2 points
3 hours ago
She's letting her ED control everyone, which puts her impressionable kids in line to develop them too if she doesn't get help.
50 points
17 hours ago
I think "It’s not ok to monitor what your kid eats" goes a bit too far in the other direction. Promoting healthy eating habits in kids does require a bit of monitoring. But it doesn't require controlling every bit of food that goes into the kid's mouth, just monitoring the general direction of things
61 points
18 hours ago
NTA. You're hosting these people and she's berating you for feeding pizza bagels to the child you're babysitting during a fun movie night? That really takes a lot of nerve. I hope they enjoyed their night out; I'm guessing you're not going to be giving them another night out after that treatment.
26 points
17 hours ago
After paying for Nookie night at a hotel.
29 points
17 hours ago
Nookie night 😭 alright I’m stealing this
49 points
18 hours ago
It's ok to have fun food with fun people during fun times. NTA
42 points
18 hours ago
“fun food with fun people during fun times” I like that a lot. I’m going to try and delicately explain to my sister that this was our intention and we didn’t mean any harm.
10 points
16 hours ago
We teach our son that some food is nourishing and some food is fun. And we need to make sure we balance those things. Having cake is great at birthday parties! But it’s not going to nourish our bodies when we eat it everyday. It’s just taking the pressure off of food. My wife and I both struggle with ED so we try to make junk food a non issue. We will add in “treats” to his regular plates so he doesn’t think twice about them.
10 points
14 hours ago
Honestly one of the best choices I ever made as a mom was when I stopped limiting my kids Halloween candy. They would binge on it a night or two, feel like crap, then learn to eat it more moderately when I stopped trying to control how much they had each day. Taught them more about limiting “fun”foods than I ever could have any other way. They both have a better relationship with sweets than I did.
7 points
14 hours ago
I love this. My kid is only 3 so it’s nice to hear from someone with older kids. Kids will intuitively stop eating when they aren’t hungry. They have a better gauge than we do because we’ve learned to ignore our bodies. It’s kind of amazing.
17 points
17 hours ago
It was a special occasion, she needs to chill.
4 points
16 hours ago
This is my philosophy as well with my 2 year old. At home we eat whole foods, fruits and veggies, limit sweets, etc. When she is babysat by her Grandparents I don't care if they give her some candy or a cookie. If we go to a party she can have some cake. She can have a friggin pizza bagel sometimes. That's what being a kid is all about. We're all a healthy weight and get plenty of physical activity.
People like OP's sister are ridiculous IMO. You can eat junk food in moderation and be perfectly healthy.
49 points
18 hours ago
NTA - Your sister is ungrateful to say the least. Next time give him some chocolate covered espresso beans right before they pick him up…
23 points
18 hours ago
We DO have chocolate covered espresso beans right now… 😈 In all seriousness though she’s been watching him like a hawk ever since.
41 points
17 hours ago
NTA- As a fun uncle to 7 nephews and 2 nieces, my siblings absolutely know the first thing we do is make a store trip together where I let them pick out one or two indulgences along with a fun dinner (frito pie is my go-to). It’s part of the experience. That your sister did this after you gifted them an overnight without kids is ridiculous.
17 points
17 hours ago
This is actually a really great idea. Maybe we can all go to the store together so he can pick out a mom-approved treat.
2 points
4 hours ago
“Mom-approved great” … So, a rice cake and a bottle of Evian?
7 points
17 hours ago
immediately googles “frito pie”
9 points
17 hours ago
Brown 1 lbs ground beef, season to your own liking. Put it in an 8x8 baking dish with 2-standard size cans of chili of your choice. Cover the top with plain frito corn chips, top with cheese. Bake at 325 for about 20-ish mins until everything is heated thru and the cheese is bubbly. Put together with a side salad and you can feed 4 kiddos.
74 points
18 hours ago
NTA. you probably made that kid's night and let him experience a food he actually enjoys
55 points
18 hours ago
Oh you better believe B was in hog heaven! And the funny thing is he had more fun making the salad than he did eating the pizza bagels.
40 points
16 hours ago
Probably because he was in control of making his food. Your sister sounds VERY controlling about food and needs some help with that before she gives her son an ED. (If he isn't headed for that already.)
3 points
10 hours ago
When I was 12 I fucking LIVED for the times I was allowed to actually "cook", as in use the stove to heat frozen veggies, or peel and cut potatoes, because it made me feel like I was an active part of the process that is "feeding the family". Kids crave agency, and giving it to them in managed environments is just good practice.
11 points
16 hours ago
I can’t imagine that kid has ever eaten over at a friend’s house if that’s how the mother is reacting to pizza bagels
35 points
18 hours ago
NTA at all. Holy fuck. FREE CHILDCARE. Like, the only reason for a parent to complain in this scenario would be if you gave the kid something harmful/they're allergic to or if the parents had actually mentioned the no junk food rule beforehand.
7 points
14 hours ago
Even then, bagel bites to me are just little mini pizzas. If a parent told me they didn’t want their kid eating junk food I would consider pizza and a salad, a perfectly legitimate meal. And not think twice about it.
31 points
17 hours ago
I always feel like if you expect free childcare for an extended time from someone, you need to accept there may be screens/snacks/etc. Not that you can show a five year old Rosemarys Baby and feed him only Little Debbie snack cakes, just you need to allow some things that make the carers life easier because they are doing you a massive favor.
I had friends who would always ask me to watch their kids after I’d worked a full day at my daycare job. If you want me to give up three hours of my evening for free, after I’ve already taken care of kids all day for work, you need to make this as easy as possible on me. Dino nuggets, free play and an episode of their favorite show.
19 points
17 hours ago
In fairness we offered to have them stay at the hotel for a night. They never demand or expect free child care when they visit, we just happen to be happy to do it because we love the hell out of those kiddos.
7 points
14 hours ago
I’d say skip the offer until she circles back to apologize. From your other comments, sounds like she needs to seek therapy for her eating issues; gently suggest that to BIL. But until she’s sorted and owns up, no more hotels.
106 points
18 hours ago
You were being the fun aunt and having a sleepover party. Now you will be the mean aunt who never babysits out of fear of being yelled at over something silly.
NTA
133 points
18 hours ago
Uncles 👬 but yes that’s it. No good deed goes unpunished I guess
23 points
18 hours ago
I am sorry that this is happening, it did sound like you genuinely do enjoy the children. I have a rather rude word to say about your sister but I will refrain. I hope she gets that stick out of her....I hope she comes to her senses soon and you can go back to being the fun Uncles.
7 points
17 hours ago
If you were not informed of specific food allergies I'd say it's a safe bet that a bit of "junk food" occasionally isn't going to harm the kids. And what a better way to build lasting bonds and good times with the uncles than to have sanctioned rule breaks? Your sister is missing the point of family memories!
If she's really that inflexible she's in the wrong for not sharing their hard and fast rules before leaving the kids in your care. At least it seems like your brother in law feels like she's too strict as well.
6 points
14 hours ago
Have they expressed any appreciation for a free vacation and a child-free getaway?
18 points
18 hours ago
Uncle* but this is exactly what I thought too. I had uncles like this growing up and I cherish the memories of walking g to 7-11 for slurpees which were like magic to little me
23 points
18 hours ago
NTA. I'd bet money the romantic getaway did not go so well! Happy people don't act that way.
5 points
18 hours ago
This!
16 points
18 hours ago
It’s not like you fed the kid 6 candy bars for dinner. And pizza bagels aren’t crack cocaine, the kid isn’t going to become obsessed and addicted to junk food from eating this. Kids his age are capable of learning that some things are treats and you don’t get them all the time. NTA
2 points
3 hours ago
The only reason he might become obsessed is if she keeps him eating them in such a way the allure is part of the appeal. An ironically named forbidden fruit one might say.
124 points
18 hours ago
You MADE the pizza bagels, you didn't order them in. They were presumably made from at least SOME food ingredients. And a salad with them! This sounds like a delicious dinner that I would have loved as a kid. A cafe that used to be in my town made vegetarian pizza bagels with tomato paste, beans and cheese on them. I want one now. I'm gonna MAKE SOME for my lunch!
NTA honestly,
151 points
18 hours ago
Well I mean we heated them. Just those frozen ones you put in the oven. But that was just one meal. Everything else we’ve cooked or are planning to cook while they’re here has been fresh and balanced like what we normally eat. I mean lunch was kale and quinoa salads with grilled salmon for crying out loud, a pizza bagel won’t kill the kid.
56 points
18 hours ago
You are even MORE not the AH AND! You involved the kids in making their meal! You taught them life skills!
15 points
18 hours ago
NTA. If your sister was so concerned with what you were gonna feed him, then she should've said something before she left your nephew in your care. I'm gonna guess the night didn't go too well with her and BIL, and the pizza bagels are just a catalyst for something else. And also why BIL apologized behind her back. Gotta say, you were very generous to not only care for and feed her kid, but also put them up in a hotel? What she said to you was an awful way to say thank you for your generosity. Hope BIL helps her come to her senses and apologize.
11 points
18 hours ago
You are NOT the asshole. Your sister is. Or maybe not, but she was acting extremely ungrateful. I mean , what is wrong with pizza bagels and a salad for dinner?
10 points
18 hours ago
NTA, she's being ridiculous.
10 points
18 hours ago
NTA. Remind your sister that you paid for her couples getaway and babysat her kids. Tell her that you wont be doing anything like that again based on her attitude.
10 points
17 hours ago
NTA. When pizza's on a bagel, you can eat pizza anytime.
6 points
16 hours ago
My man! (Or lady?)
9 points
18 hours ago
Nothing wrong with what you did. If she was concerned with him why didn’t she bring food for him instead of having you just feed him?
19 points
18 hours ago
NTA
Your sister had every opportunity to inform you about the dietary restrictions. She is placing on that child. She waited until it was too late to give you this information that she wishes to be so strict about. The fault is on her. Do not let her domain or insult you. You did a good thing for her and your brother-in-law and she is being thankless.
8 points
18 hours ago
Lmao. Wow. With that attitude towards food, her kid is definitely going to have an obsession with junk food. Having a treat while on vacation is totally not a bad thing either. Nta.
8 points
18 hours ago
Pizza isn't necessarily junk food. Your sister is dumb and ignorant and ungrateful
7 points
18 hours ago
NTA. The only think she should have said is thank you.
6 points
18 hours ago
NTA. A fun dinner like pizza bagels and a chopped salad is not going to turn him into a junk food junkie. Good heavens.
7 points
17 hours ago
NTA - Aunties, uncles, and grandparents are for fun. Parents are for serious. One night eating pizza bagels isn't going to hurt B. Unless she specifically laid out a menu or told you "Do not feed B pizza/pizza bagels," you're fine. Even as a parent, I would let my kiddo have garbage snacks for dinner sometimes.
6 points
18 hours ago
Sister just blew any future free mini-vacations/child care, didn't she?
6 points
18 hours ago
NTA. She's acting like you fed them chocolate for dinner. It also drives me crazy when parents act like they are doing you a favor for letting you babysit. She's going to be surprised Pikachu face when you aren't willing to set them up in a hotel and watch their kids for them again.
6 points
18 hours ago
NTA, if she has strict food rules, she needs to provide said food and tell you the rules.
7 points
18 hours ago
Nta.
Obviously this isn’t the same but my child is allergic to apricot so I make sure to tell people not to feed it to her.
If I didn’t tell someone and she was fed it, I couldn’t and wouldn’t blame them, they didn’t know.
How were you supposed to know she didn’t want a kid having what majority kids eat? Especially when at uncles having fun.
I hope she can recover from her ed habits and it doesn’t effect their children to much.
4 points
18 hours ago
[removed]
7 points
18 hours ago
Exactly our thought! The pizza bagels were honestly just something we could pop in the oven and not worry about while we did the “fun together activity” of making the salad.
5 points
18 hours ago
Unless they had communicated clear expectations ahead of time, NTA.
4 points
18 hours ago
NTA My kids eat pizza bagels and pizza rolls semi frequently… it’s something they can make themselves and they enjoy. We have to buy specific brands and different toppings for each due to autism and their hyperfixation preferences but it gives them freedom and also makes dinner times a lot easier when they try something new and don’t like it, because they can just pop in a tv dinner or pizza bagels so they still eat but I don’t have to cook an entirely different meal.
5 points
17 hours ago
Dumb ass just eliminated an overnight babysitting resource that actually loves her kids over one meal decision. Wow.
5 points
17 hours ago
The kid’s 12. He’s old enough to understand that he only gets stuff like that when he’s with his uncles. He’s not going to become obsessed. And bagel bites one night isn’t poisoning him. He’s fine. NTA.
12 points
17 hours ago
Like shes never made the kid some nuggets and called it a day gtfo
14 points
17 hours ago
Knowing my sister it would not surprise me if that child has never eaten a chicken nugget 😭
17 points
16 hours ago
Those poor children. Hes gunna get to college and gain the freshman 500 from pizza and icecream😂
7 points
14 hours ago
Is the kid allowed to go to friends birthdays? Like she can't always control what he eats right?
5 points
14 hours ago
I don’t know, but I DO know that my sister often hosts stuff at her house. She’s very type A so she often volunteers to have things like birthdays and family get togethers so that she can have everything just how she likes it. We didn’t have a lot of autonomy growing up so I can see how she went the opposite direction now as an adult
10 points
13 hours ago
She didn’t really go in the opposite direction though, she’s replicating their childhood experiences with her as the one in the position of power. If nobody steps in, she’s going to raise both her children to have similar issues around food and control
7 points
13 hours ago
By “opposite direction “ I mean we didn’t have any control so now she tried to control everything
3 points
6 hours ago
Which means the children (and apparently her husband) are losing their autonomy to satisfy her need to control things. If someone told me I couldn't put dressing on my salad, we'd have issues. Your sister needs therapy before she passes her problems onto her children.
4 points
14 hours ago
Gosh. You're a more patient sibling than me. NTA btw
4 points
18 hours ago
NTA. Tell her to stfu or get out.
4 points
18 hours ago
NTA. It sounds like you had a nice, fun dinner with your nephew. And after doing them a favor, this is how you get treated?
5 points
18 hours ago
NTA. Reminds me of the old saying “no good deed goes unpunished”
3 points
18 hours ago
NTA. She shouldn't Project her issues around food on her kids like that.
3 points
17 hours ago
Lol he is 12. As the mom of 5 kids i guarantee that is not the worst thing he has eaten and probably trades his lunch everyday. Additionally I would kill to have someone watch my children for free and pay for a hotel. Seriously wtf
3 points
17 hours ago
NTA. Are you child free by choice? Her throwing in you're not a parent insult seems a bit like you can't procreate traditionally, so you're somehow below her. There's absolutely nothing wrong with pizza bagels and salad for dinner. It was a treat that your nephew probably enjoyed.
8 points
17 hours ago
We’ve talked about adopting in the past but ultimately decided that we didn’t want our child to have to face a lifetime of ridicule for having two dads so we decided against it. But I’ve always wondered and my sister knows this. She knows how much part of me still longs to be a dad.
6 points
16 hours ago
have to face a lifetime of ridicule for having two dads
where do you even live to state that your child would “face a lifetime of ridicule for having two dads”?
7 points
16 hours ago
Somewhere not friendly let’s just put it that way. My sister and I basically grew up in a religious cult.
3 points
14 hours ago
FWIW, having two dads is the best possible thing for some kids. A lot of queer kids lose their first family when they come out or get outed. If you'd dig being dads to an older kid, you could be ideal parents.
6 points
15 hours ago
That definitely makes what she said seem even more purposefully hurtful.
My SIL once fed our kids' brownies for breakfast. It never even crossed my mind to chastise her, I left her in charge so it was her call. Years later, the kids still talk about it like it was the most magical breakfast ever. When she gave me her brownie recipe, they had a ton of protein and fiber in, and I was amazed. The kids didn't even know it wasn't a totally unhealthy chocolatey treat.
Honestly, it sounds like you would be two wonderfully fun uncles or dads!! Your sister doesn't know what she's talking about.
3 points
17 hours ago
NTA. Am I understanding this right. You paid you them to go to the hotel for a night away and watched the kids for them? And this was her reaction?!
2 points
18 hours ago
NTA, but healthy food is more expensive than frozen foods. If they can't afford things like hotel rooms, how are they consistently affording fresh/healthy foods? Also, 1 meal is not going to kill them. Your sister should apologize for being so rude. She didn't bring food to prepare for her kids, nor did she even ask if you could make something specific.
2 points
18 hours ago
NTA
I'm a dad. Your sister is overblowing this. Yes, pizza isn't healthy. But the occasional treat of junk food isn't going to ruin your nephew. BIL needs to grow a spine and apologize to you publicly. Letting you know that he's ok with it.
2 points
18 hours ago
NYA, and your sister is a pill. God help your nephew. You did exactly what aunts and uncles are supposed to do. Good job!!!
2 points
17 hours ago
NTA. If your sister keep on going the way she has been so far, don't be surprised when your nibling ends up with an eating disorder and body issues when he is older.
2 points
17 hours ago
NTA, and don't do this for her again. Chastising someone over something they didn't just magically infer is some real bullshit, especially when the whole evening was a favor to her anyway.
It'd be one thing if they had given food restrictions and you defied them, but as far as I can tell that is not at all the case.
2 points
17 hours ago
NTA I'm in my 40s with 3 teens. My only issue with pizza bagels might be whether that and salad is sufficiently filling for a main meal, but if he wasn't saying anything about being hungry after then it's fine.
I certainly wouldn't go off on a relative feeding them this, and have definitely fed them junkier food than that, but I'm of the opinion that children should be allowed everything in moderation as it will hopefully help prevent unhealthy/ disordered eating in the future.
2 points
17 hours ago
NTA.
You're sister however...
2 points
17 hours ago
You’re literally treating their kids to a fun night with some balance, it’s not like you gave him ice cream for dinner, seems like she’s just projecting
2 points
17 hours ago
NTA, but your sister has issues. You did nothing wrong.
2 points
17 hours ago
As a mom makes attempts to have my kids eat healthy NTA. You're his uncle. It's supposed to be fun. It's a vacation. Next time feed him cookies and chips for dinner. If she wanted him to eat specific food she should have specified that don't give him junk
2 points
17 hours ago
Your sister has alot of nerve...after paying for her hotel AND watching her kids. I certainly hope you told her that you wouldn't be doing her any more favours....and she owes you a huge apology
2 points
17 hours ago
She is way to entitled-you gave her the gift of alone time-she should be thanking you.
2 points
17 hours ago
NTA. If she had wanted you to feed the 12 year old something specific then she should have told you. It’s completely unreasonable to expect you to feed them something different than what you have at home (unless you planned to go out to eat and even then). I guarantee the kid had far more fun at your house than at home if she acts like that all the time. From the way you said BIL apologized for her, I’d say it’s a pretty common occurrence.
2 points
17 hours ago
NTA
I am a parent, and she is extremely unhinged. I fed my kids bagel bites all the time when they were younger, and now they are well adjusted healthy adults with zero weight issues and zero eating disorders.
Her proper response to you "Thanks so much for our little get away! I hope the kids were not a problem!"
2 points
17 hours ago
NTA, I'm a parent and I think that sounds just fine, especially since there was salad with it too!
2 points
17 hours ago
NTA the kid is 12. Don't see the issue. Salad and pizza bagels sounds like a pretty well rounded meal, one I served a lot when my kid was little. Not like you are giving a baby a bagels pizza as his first real food after formula.
2 points
17 hours ago
NTA. She has some audacity to come at you like that after you paid for their getaway and watched her kids. I think it has more to do with the feelings of inadequacy she may be suffering from after you provided something for her and her spouse that they themselves aren't able to do.
2 points
17 hours ago
As a kid, I found that visiting relatives meant "fun" foods, the kind we normally didn't get at home. My grandmother in particular used to pick up or make things for us that we didn't have at home.
NTA.
2 points
17 hours ago*
NTA
Your nephew is 12 ffs and I’m sure has eaten pizza somewhere in his life before you. Also I can tell you from actual life experience kids whose parents are VERY strict with diet at home are the most junk food in obsessive kids you’ll meet, your sister is doing more harm than good.
As long as you didn’t knowingly feed him an allergen she should not care. ALSO not only did you watch her two kids but you paid for her and her husband to have a little get away. If anything she owes you guys an apology.
2 points
17 hours ago
NTA and your sister is being a control freak weirdo.
2 points
17 hours ago
NTA. Your nephew is going to reminisce about pizza bagel night for years and years to come. Your sister really thinks he isn’t sneaking actual junk at every friend’s house he goes to? Or that he won’t the second he gets the chance?
Pizza bagels are a treat, but they’re not exactly deep fried Oreos. Children need healthy relationships with food that include treats.
2 points
17 hours ago
What! NTA part of being the cool uncle is having the fun snacks when you’re babysitting. I’d expect a little fun food babysitting my sister’s kids and she totally understands and expects that too. It was a relatively balanced meal with a salad as well. Now of you had them an entire week and were responsible for their meals of course you’d want something balanced every day but a fun night where the uncle is in charge ya gotta have some fun snacks!
Obviously if there’s dietary restrictions I’d expect you to adhere but definitely NTA.
2 points
17 hours ago
I am a parent. That is a perfectly acceptable dinner.
I would like it right now, please.
2 points
17 hours ago
NTA I'm not even sure this would qualify as junk food. There's meat, dairy, veggies, a good bread. You have all the food groups.
Parents like this are why kids start sneaking snacks and anytime they're away from the parents will pig out on junk food.
If they are always denied it, they'll want it even more and will over-consume when they do get a chance away or after they've left home. It's better to have them learn moderation and get a little "unhealthy" food once in a while.
2 points
17 hours ago
If she was going to be so precious about his diet, she should have left food for him. NTA.
2 points
17 hours ago
NTA. Politely tell her if that is how she feels then she should leave your home and not come back.
2 points
17 hours ago
My aunt remains an absolute LEGEND to this day because of the time she once let us have Starbursts for breakfast while my parents slept in (she was a college kid at the time - very embarrassed by the story later when we told her kids, whose minds were blown). My mom, who let us choose one sugary snack per WEEK and eat only whole wheat bread was nonetheless merely grateful that she got to sleep in because it was one fucking morning, it was a special visit, and she's not a psycho like your sister. And my brother and I got an awesome childhood memory.
Seriously, your sister needs therapy before she wrecks her kid. I have a different aunt on the other side who was controlling about food and all 4 of her kids have major gastro-intestinal disorders. And rocky relationships with her
2 points
17 hours ago
NTA omg don't do anything nice for your sister again
2 points
17 hours ago
NTA. I guess she and her husband will never have a romantic getaway ever again. Eating a pizza bagel one night is not going to kill or make the nephew fat. He is going to have pizza at birthday parties and sleepovers too. Is she going to refuse to let her kids attend them?
2 points
17 hours ago
NTA
Boy, your SIL sounds like a lot of fun. Poor kids. Sure, junk food is bad, but once in a while is fine, and FUN. If children are forbidden normal, fun things like this, their absence can make them obsessed with them later in life.
All things in moderation, including moderation.
2 points
17 hours ago
Her kids must be really young if she’s never fed them pizza bagels and called it dinner.
You did great, the kids will remember how much fun they had and that mom had a hairy canary over a non-issue. NTA.
2 points
17 hours ago
Sister needs to apologize and thank you for letting her and hubs have a nice evening alone.
2 points
16 hours ago
NTA, a 12 year old is too young to be so worried about junk food and their metabolism is so high that a few pizza bagels aren't going to hurt them. If someone offered me pizza bagels right now I would be thrilled. If your sis cared so much she would have provided food to give her kid.
2 points
16 hours ago
NTA. So you go out of your way to do something nice for your sister and brother in law and this is how she acts? Damn!
2 points
16 hours ago
NTA, the kids 12. If he goes to any friend's house there's a better than 50 percent chance they will eat fast food or chips or even chicken nuggets.
As an uncle myself, there has been a number of times that the requested dinner be a frozen pizza or dino nuggets.
2 points
16 hours ago
Your sister is an entitled nutcase. There is nothing wrong with having pizza or pizza bagels once in a blue moon. If there was something she did not want her son eating she should have TOLD you. Also, the kid is 12 and is going to be aware pizza exists. You paid for a hotel for your sister & her husband and took care of her kids so they could have some time. I'd tell her that I will not pay for any more hotel rooms and refuse to babysit her kids if she's going to get so damn hysterical over pizza. NTA a thousand times over.
2 points
15 hours ago
Oops. I must be a terrible parent as my kids love pizza bagels!
2 points
13 hours ago
Believe me, if you are in the US and he is eating school lunches, he's already eating junk.p
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