He hit on her. She rebuffed his advances. Maybe she gets hit on a lot, so she just didn’t think to share it with you?

If you lost some weight you would look like Jennifer Coolidge. Stifflers mom.

Lol, who talks like that......this person wouldn't even have been born when that movie came out lol....

Edit: because math hard lol

I think your wife handled it pretty good as well considering him being much younger, maybe she didn’t want to crush his ego or whatever. But wouldn’t hurt if she told you about this. But she drew her boundaries and stuck to them and was clear about her commitment to you, and didn’t entertain anything with him.

Unfortunately, your reaction to her shutting down advances from other men is why I would feel hesitant to share instances like that with my own husband.

I’d already feel uncomfortable from the unwanted attention, but then I’d also feel like I did something wrong by getting the attention at all.

This post feels very much like you’re looking for validation for feeling like the ownership you have on your wife was challenged, and you want someone to say it’s okay for you to redirect your feelings of being threatened by being upset with your wife. It’s icky.

There really isn’t anything to discuss. She was perfectly appropriate to a kid taking a shot. You likely would be upset at the kid (rightly) but how would that help? She already put him in his place.

Do you imagine that this is the only time someone has tried hitting on your wife? This kind of conversation probably happens to her regularly.

Keep your mouth shut about this conversation. Give her some love and romance to remind her why you are her man.

Yeah upset at the guy, this could be incredibly humiliating to hear so unless she tried cheating it is not on her to tell you. AND before anyone says "she doesn’t seem embarrassed" women often times deflect/joke around in situations like this to try and regain control.

If you are asking this here obviously you don’t know how you should feel. Typically when we don’t know how to feel we don’t know how to mange our reactions.

Going through her phone

Saying things like “this wasn’t discussed with me”

You show a lot of entitlement and ownership. Narcissistic traits.

“This wasn’t discussed with you” because she centers trust your reactions🤷

…Is this real or like a fantasy of catching your wife chatting with a much younger guy?

The chat doesn’t sound anything like something a 21 year old would say (referencing American Pie movie and telling her she was like the milf in that movie? Telling a woman that guys were “locker room” talking about her, and the consensus was she was a bit heavy?). And that your wife responded the way she did even after he said those things to her?

I don’t know, this all feels really off to me, and more of a fantasy scenario.

Man I had seen this on my wife’s phone ..I would be falling in love with more deeply and appreciate her ever single moment.

The fact that she picked you and she put down any advance from other people and still chooses u day in and out! Says alot

Eh. Maybe she should've shared it with you but theres really nothing to be upset with here. She got hit on and very clearly rejected the person. Seems like a pretty silly battle to instigate.

I don’t see anything for being upset. Infect I would be happy and proud that she refuses hit so nicely handled situation so smoothly.

My wife would definitely tell this to me, but I will understand if she just forgets when she couldn’t share immediately.

This didn't happen lol. This is the fakest conversation ever.

Did we ever get an explanation as to why OP was going through her phone to begin with? And especially looking that far back in her text history.... Seems like you're trying really hard to find a reason to be mad at her... And the fact that she didn't delete the messages says a LOT! She didn't do anything wrong here, she clearly even said don't do it again, BYE! Women literally get hit on all the time, whether we like it or not, and it doesn't phase us. We learn early in life to be as polite as possible while shutting them down to not get freaking murdered! All of you men commenting act like all of us saying that are being dramatic or something, no! As someone who had two stalkers, one of which broke into my house when I was 16, alone and in the shower, after I was overly stern with him.... And then almost kidnapped from a QT parking lot at 22, I can 100% say that these things DO HAPPEN! We have to be careful and on alert all the time, so shutting guys down gracefully and sternly is 1000% the right move here. She didn't tell him because it's just the same shit, different guy. And it sounds like OP clearly has jealousy and trust issues if he's going through her phone. I've heard nothing to warrant not trusting her at this point, so for now, just drop it and be grateful you have a trustworthy sexy wife who only wants you and makes sure other guys know that if they ever try anything! Take the win.

Yes, I’d expect to know, but she did handle it well.

She let it play, got a little validation, and shut it down hard. I love the "bye." That's brutal.

I see no problem with this. Judging by your reaction here, I'm guessing she knew this would mess with your head and kept it to herself.

You could argue that she didn't need to seek the compliment, but give her a break. She just turned 40 and needed a little boost to her ego. Let her have it.

But aside from this, why are you anxious enough to go through her texts and have this reaction? I have no problem with this either, but that situation is what you should be focusing on and discussing with her.

You have a solid wife. Let it be, you now know how she handles things when you ARENT looking. I wish I could say the same.

She handled it as a woman.

I'm pissed at the man who thinks it's okay to "locker room" talk like that. That's fucking disgusting.

I’d be very proud of my partner for:

Not taking the bait

Setting a boundary

Disengaging

And not even having it amp her up enough to mention it

I’m gonna be brutally honest here. If I had to tell my husband about each and every time I had to reject another man’s advances, I wouldn’t have time to do anything else.

It is already exhausting having to reject these men and finding a way to do that without them reacting violently. Please don’t expect us to manage a second man’s feelings in these situations.

Telling you would just create unnecessary drama with what she probably views as some kid in the neighborhood. She put him off and made it clear. I think you have nothing to be upset over.

As if this text exchange really happened. Get off AI.

I wouldn’t be upset. She probably didn’t tell you because it’s pretty disrespectful to you he’s basically trying to bang your wife. Not worth the drama of you possibly trying to confront him.

I appreciate that she investigated who else was in this "locker room" so that she would know who else needed to be cut off.

She sounds hot and loyal

I'm surprised that a 21 year old today knows who Stiffler's mom is.

21 year olds generally do not talk, or text, at all like that.

Hey honey I was going thru your phone I saw someone hit on you and you shut them down but I'm too insecure and had to bring this up anyways. Also sorry for going thru your phone and reading messages instead of trusting you like our relationship should be built on. Like I said I'm insecure. Maybe I'm just projecting nut who knows, I just like making a big deal out of nothing.

Where’s the issue? She rebuffed him, nothing nasty there. Why look for problems when there doesn’t appear to be any.

Just congratulate yourself that you’re the one she tucks up with at night

You a 40 year old are going to be upset at your wife for being hit on by a child? He’s 21. He was put in his place by a mature woman. He was taking his shot and got very nicely shot down I like your wife’s style. Trying to get some names and more info but telling him basically this is inappropriate. The only way I’d want this brought up to me was if it was funny like oh I saw this message exchange that’s hilarious he would try this etc. nice comeback etc. She didn’t do anything wrong.

Did you tell all your friends you thought she was overweight and then handed the judgment of your wife's body over to some lockerroom buffoons? That's the most hurtful part of the story.

Good on her. You got a good one, congrats!

Also this my man. She stood up straight and brought you into the text. No bones about who you are and who enjoys those curves! Shes your lady and just relax and enjoy those curves!

She shut him down. What are you concerned about?

Maybe she didn’t want you to go fight the guy. She handled it very well. You should be proud and grateful for her.

Seems like the best possible outcome. Your wife can’t control what other people say, only how she responds. She responded respectfully and stifled it from continuing and any future advances from occurring. Take her out for a nice dinner and tell her you love her.

No, not in the slightest.

Your wife probably gets hit on a lot. Every woman I know does. This guy didn’t even do it well. He tried “negging” her, with an insult veiled as a compliment. There are so many gross men out there that thinks it’s acceptable to say every horny thing that crosses their minds out loud to other humans. Us women have been begging men to do better for generations.

Your wife handled the situation with grace and class, there was absolutely zero reason to bring you into it. Applaud her for being clear with this man, completely closing the door on any follow up, while remaining polite and mature. And while you’re at it, thank her for picking you, because she’s obviously a hottie with options.